Now before I go on my rant here I do realize that some might think "well shes lucky hes NOT actually in prison" but please try to relate to this...when i got joe out of prison and a week later had go take him to this halfway house i was thinking "great, he will have a bed to lay in without all the worries of the restrictions and STUPID rules"....boy was i wrong....i live an hour and a half from there and i can only bring him things tommorrow (hes suppossed to only be there 7 weeks) but why would someone invent a rule like that it sounds crazy like a prison rule....i can not buy him cigs at the tobacco outlet where they are cheap i have to give him money, he has to fight almost 50 men to get in line for a 10 min phone call that i had to buy a calling card for him to call home with (phone has a timer).....they turned the phone on just before 5pm and at 6pm they are going to some outing wont be home till 9pm phones go off at 10 pm so by my calculations that is 6 ten min calls for 50 men! they told him that since he had no clothes they would get him some, hes still wearing my shoes and shirts, and some pants he grabbed from another guy that helped him there but has no clothes to speak of to date. visiting is CRAZY, we can visit from 130-430 every other saturday and i was in the middle of cooking a pot of homemade chili to take to him and he stopped me dead in my tracks and said "if i know you, you are planning on cooking me something DONT they wont allow you to bring food" I HAVE THREE KIDS THEY SCREAM FOR FOOD EVERY 30 MINS, how im suppossed to keep them in the heat with no food to munch on is beyond me but we are going to try. i get to drive up on wed night to go to a church they take the men to in town and i get to STAND with three kids and him the WHOLE hour cause there arent enough seats....we cant step outside to smoke or have a private conversation afterwards they have to be wisked away. if i were to drive on the property of the halfway house at any time other than visiting, and he doesnt IMMEDIATELY go in his dorm, he is kicked out and that means right back to prison. he has to abide all kinds of ridiculas (and trust me we have tried to find the reasoning) rules that dont affect me other than my wishing them not to do him that way after hes allready done his time.....but jsut that same old crap of how they make families feel confined to stupid rules is STILL happening to us. i know it may seem like im just not going to ever be happy no matter what but seriously this made me start thinking of the rest of you and what you might think of the glorious day when your loved one gets out....but if the state makes them go to a halfway house (which we inquired as to why he couldnt just come here and then figure out what his future holds , i still havent gotten a clear answer on that) you have this vision that you are free from STUPID rules and i just wanted to let yall know that its just as bad.....honestly the visit i have had with him the one time at church and the one i have information on for tommorrow has shown to be no different than a visiting yard at a prison....the ONLY differences are no gaurds, no bars, no dress code (which knowing me ill prolly piss someone off and make them invent one)...lol....im just really sick of this stuff and wish that they werent doing this to him, its just not what i had envisioned. Any thoughts?

oh and btw, no phone calls cept for on the weekend and they only have the phones on for like 4 hours in the evening and like i said tonight some of that time they arent even going to be there.....they havent sent him to work, doesnt look like he will do any work other than there on the property and make no money at it....and yall probably know just how finanically strained i am I NEED HIS HELP!!!

I know it's frustrating Ragland... just remember.... it is only temporary. It'll be over before you know it. Breathe, breathe, breathe....

Ragland,
I am convinced that they do not want them to succeed. Call me paranoid but I can't see it any other way. You have gone through worse and you can get through this too. I don't mean to minimize it or give you a pat answer to pacify you (haha as if I could) but you KNOW you are stronger than they are..........as Lysbeth said, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. Then kick some butt by being MORE than they expect you to be. You will not only have to kick some, but kiss some for now. But please know that I'll be on the sidelines with my cheerleading outfit on and pom poms waving around cheering for you guys. And trust me, that visual isn't all that pretty so be thankful that it's done via cyberspace and not for real. :-)
I'm supporting you even when you can't feel it or know it. As I know that tons of others here at PTO are doing the same.
********{hug}}}}}}
Care

Ragland if he's only going to be there 7 weeks you two can breeze this after waiting as long as you have then hopefully all this madness will be done with. Hang in there and it will be over before you two know it and you can move on. Just like Care said play by their stupid rules until then. Good Luck!

*nods*, well i just got home from the first on property visit, wasnt as bad as i thought we fished for 3 hours and thats one of our favorite family events so it went by a lil too fast.....but i did find out some things, since hes not going through the chemical dependancy part of it they are up in the air with how long he will stay there.....he could potentially come home now if the man there would just say so....no one but that guy has him there, after hes satisfied that joe needs to leave he can...so far he still hasnt been sent to work so his purpose there is useless, hes getting no classes, no work, just sits around while everyone else does their thing so maybe that guy is just giving joe some time to think about things and thats his plan, who knows....we did discuss something else while there and that is my desire to still help ex cons as i currently do with my regular job only he and i both want to see me home more with the kids and not have to get out all hours of the night (that sucks during school days)...and so we discussed getting into the biz of opening our own halfway house and doing it in a way thats not so restrictive to families....i have a 6 bedroom home out in the county, with a bit more room to build a garage or two to put more men in, right now i could potentially hold about 8 people and thats if i move the kids into the RV....(which they were tickled to think about), this whole family has allways done what they could for inmates and i think its time i do something i feel is calling my name BUT i know that asking the guy at rapha how to go about it wouldnt be a good idea cause you can tell hes all about money and would prolly worry that i would take some of his.....where would one start to find out about state funding (he gets paid for the first 7 weeks someone is there from the state) i just need to know where or who to call....anyway if any of you have any ideas let me know, cause im really fired up about this and would like to start like last year!

ragland it sounds like a good idea, but do you think they'd let you with kids on the property? i mean im sure some of these guys will be sex offenders and everything...

no, bill doesnt allow anyone on his property that has a murder charge or sex offense, he has a house right there on the property and they seem to do fine.....they keep the guys locked down in their dorms when they are there so you know every step they make.....in 7 yrs of doing this program btw , hes only had 2 go back to prison

well i just got off one of the ten min calls with joe and hes asked us to come up and go to church with him in the morning so i guess the kids and i will make the hour drive (relitively short compared to that drive to ventress) to go to church with him. each time i see him (hating to admit this to myself) i want him better for selfish reasons, so he can come home and be the family man i know him to be. the only thing that is hard is everytime i see him and have to drive away i do that ball my eyes out thing and its devistating on me.....i keep thinking the more times i make the drive the less the crying will happen. with gas as high as it is right now its really the only thing stopping me from driving to see him every chance i can, so far i have but i know that money wont hold up for long as buisness is extremely dead right now. i hope all of you are finding this weekend treating you well, the pool is almost clean which means what girls? oh and one guy...*giggle*.....means PARTY time....maybe we will get lucky and have joe here to wait on us hand and foot like royalty by the time i get everything in order!! *kisses and hugs*

ragland, ragland, ragland....hang in there!! I know He knows what a wonderful woman you are to go though all of this...Sounds to me like things are slowly but surely coming together for you too.....

GET THAT POOL CLEANED UP...I WANTA PARTY.....

YAY....i'm with Denise on this one....I wanna party!!! LOL

I do hope that Joe is home with you by then....not so he can wait on us (LOL)....but just so that he can be away from that place where he's at!!!!!!

huggs,
Selena