WHAT DID I DO WRONG (THIS IS A QUESTION AS MOTHERS, FATHER, LOVED ONES OF INMATES WE ASK OURSELVES MANY TIMES, AT LEAST I DO) I HAVE CRIED MANY A DAY AND NIGHT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I DID OR DID NOT DO FOR MY SON. BUT THEN I THOUGHT BACK WHEN HE WAS A SMALL LITTLE BOY AND I REMEMBERED I ALWAYS TOLD MY CHILDREN WHAT WAS RIGHT AND WRONG. I ALWAYS TAUGHT THEM WHEN THEY GREW OLDER IF IT DID NOT BELONG TO YOU THEN LEAVE IT ALONE OR DO NOT GO ON PROPERTY THAT DID NOT BELONG TO THEM. I ALSO TAUGHT THEM ABOUT DRUGS AND ALCOHOL, I WOULD ALWAYS BRING IN PAMPLETS ABOUT DRUGS AND SUCH, LAY THEM AROUND THE HOUSE, AND WHEN I TOLD THEM THAT A PROGRAM WAS COMING ON TV AND I WANTED THEM TO WATCH, THEY WOULD LAUGH AND SAY, IT MUST BE ABOUT DRUGS OR MAYBE DRINKING, YES IT WAS. SO IN ALL MY SOUL SEARCHING THAT I HAVE DONE THRU THESE YEARS BRINGING UP 3 SONS I HAVE CONVINCED MYSELF THAT I HAD NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG, THEY MADE THE CHOICE, BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG I DID THIS WITH THE HELP OF GOD. AND I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR MY CHILDREN WHEN THEY NEED MY HELP, I ALWAYS WILL HOLD MY HAND OUT TO HELP THEM UP NOT TO KNOCK THEM DOWN. IF I DONT WHO WILL???????
IRIST IRIS TAYLOR

Irist,
it is not alwasy the parents fault that our children get into some kind trouble. we tend to blame our self cause society and others tend to say" the partents should have done this or that" when that is not alwasy the case. our kids have a mind of their own once the are older, alwasy thinking they know what is best for themself. some kids simply get with the wrong crowd. it sounds like you done all that you could, i was just saying that once we can accpet the situation it becomes eaiser.. ( like accpeting my typing stinks :) )

if you ever need to talk, dont hesitate to call me, if you pm me i will be glad to give you my number, and please feel free to call any time to talk,,,your not alone

Reading your post broke my heart. I am a recovering addict and I am sure that in my active addiction my mother asked herself these same questions over and over. I can tell you that she did nothing wrong. My parents are still married after 37 years, we had a home, food, clothes, and a lot of love. Of all my siblings, I am the only one who has ever been addicted to drugs and we were raised in the same house with the same parents. What went wrong? I have no idea but I am an adult. Most, if not all, of my drug usage has been in my adult life and as an adult I have to take responsibility for my actions. My parents are not at fault for the bad decisions I have made.

My mother does not blame herself anymore for my addiction. This is what I told her and this is what I believe. If I had led a different life and had say - for instance - won a Nobel Prize (I'm reaching here) would she have taken the credit for it? She would have been proud but she would not have knocked me off the stage taking all the credit and glory for my Nobel Prize. The same theory is true for my addiction. She did not cause or force me to use drugs so she does not get the blame for it. It is all mine and it is me who deals with the consequences.

Do not blame yourself. I would reccomend checking into Al-Anon or Nar-Anon for the families of alcoholics or addicts. Even if your child is not an addict they can teach you how to love without carrying all of your loved one's baggage. Yes you can love him and support without inheriting his problems.

Welcome to PTO - this is a wonderful place for love and support. I am glad you are here.

IRIST
I would have to say you did do a good job with informing your 3 sons of what was right and what s wrong but as every mother knows your children are going to make there own choices thats how they learn from what they did wrong....
All though while I was growing up my parents did nto talk to us kids about drugs ,sex, right or wrong growing up with 7 brothers and 2 sisters I guess they figured we would learn from each other well they were wrong.

All you can do is inform your children whats right and wrong and to teach them the things that our parents always left out when we were growing up.
So I I love how you said that you would be there to leand them your hand when they fall to help them back up cause just like you say if we dont then who will offer them a hand.

The question to evaluate is:

How can, a mass murder and a minister, near the same age, come from the same family background?

The answer hasn't been found, but it has to do with the mind set, then the family background. At some point, a person will deside how they will handle, what has been presented to them during there younger years.

There is no way, of bring up a perfect child! When things go right, parent(s) can claim all they want, but the child is the one that did the deed, just as the one that went wrong!