I just got a call from a friend that Joey made while he was in jail. He told me they took Joey to prison... this is really upsetting me and I didn't think it would... Patty :(

Patty,

It's okay to be upset. The day my husband went from county jail to prison was one of the toughest days of my life and I had 24 hours notice. It did not make it any easier and I don't think I have ever shed as many tears as I did that day(March 14, 2002).

It is a combination of things - not knowing, fear for his safety, and so on. Take it from me, soon you and he will be in a routine with letters, phone calls, and visits. And you will look back and see what a strong woman you are.

Your son will now start one of the toughest parts of being in prison, reception. I don't know how long his sentence is, but for at least the next 30 days he will not have privileges.

He will be on lockdown for about 23 hours a day, probably with another man in his cell. He will be feeling pretty bad about this time. So will you. He will not be able to call, but will probably be able to write a letter.

He will be evaluated and the decision will be made as to which prison he will be sent to serve his sentence. He will feel better in about a month because he will be so happy to get to mainline where he can go outside for excercise and get to the store.

A very good explanation of what it is like to be sent to prison is in the book, "You Got Nothin' Comin'" by Jimmy Lerner. You can get it at Amazon.com.

I hate this so much but I have to get through it... it's noy about me anyway... I feel so tired...

Reception is hard. The no contact by phone and no visiting. It's hard to get thru, but you can. We all did. Then, one day or night the phone will ring and it will be him. That's relief and happiness. Then, you get to work thru how to get approved to visit etc... You can write to him while he's in there. California must have a # you can call to find out where he's at. You'll also need his inmate number on the address when you label it---it goes right after his name. Then on the next line is the facility name and then the address. Hang in there!

Deb

Thank you...

JOEYSMOM, WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. SHERRON

Hi Patty,

Just wanted to tell you that I remember quite well that day that my son left the county jail. It made me feel so sick inside. So Many feeling... I felt like my whole world had crumbled. Hang in there and reach out when you need to vent or you need some support.

Take care,

Susan

Wow, you mean to tell me they notified you when they were moved? That's great at least you had a clue as to what was going on NOT HERE! They don't tell you sh*t. If it weren't for the dc website I still wouldn't know where my child was. He was tried as an adult so they say they treat them as adult they don't have to notifiy me when they move him and they say they do it for security reasons. He was moved from the county adult trustee pod (at 17yrs) to the reception center during the time of the 911 attack and at that time there was no viso. I was going nutz. I can't imagine what he went thru. Peace. cheryl

DEAREST PATTY

TIE A KNOT IN YOUR ROPE AND HANG ON CHILD.... I REALLY KNOW THE SICK IN THE STOMACH FEELING AND THE ACHING HEART.... I STILL GET THEM SOMETIMES, BUT, IT IS NOT AS BAD BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO COPE WITH THIS THING THAT HAPPENED.

MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU... TURN THIS OVER TO HIM AND HE WILL CARRY IT FOR YOU.. I DID AND HE HAS.

MY LOVE
DONNA

why do they do this to them???

I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THEIR REASONING OR WHY THEY FEEL THIS IS NECESSARY. SOMETIMES I WONDER HOW THEY CAN MORALLY CAUSE THE HEARTACHE AND PAIN THAT THEY DO, BUT, I ALSO KNOW THAT IN TIME IT WILL BE RECTIFIED. I KNOW THERE WILL BE A DAY OF RECONING FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US... I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT GOD WILL DEAL WITH THEM THEN..

MY LOVE

DONNA

Joey's mom,

I remember the day my friend was taken to prison VERY clearly...I was on the phone with him and suddenly I heard him saying "yes sir, yes sir, yes sir!" and then the phone said "specialized calling features are not allowed on this call" and it hung up. I had NO idea what was going on...I called someone else to see if they knew, I ran to the LASD inmate information site and nothing was there, about 10 minutes later his cellie called me and said they were taking him to prison. I was BAWLING to this guy I didn't know, he kept telling me "they took him quick this time" and "It's better this way, he'll do his time sooner!" then he ran and got my friend. He came back on the line and said it'll be ok. I believed him. Since then it's been hell since I can't get phone calls from him, but I do get to see him now. It's probably the hardest part when they go to prison.

We're all here for you though, and we'll continue to be no matter what :)

I called to see if I could get an address so I can write to Joey but I was told he wasn't in the computer yet and it would be at least a week before they could help me... this is going to be the longest week I have ever lived through...

BLESS YOUR HEART! JOEYSMOM, I KNOW THAT SICK FEELING YOU ARE HAVING RIGHT NOW AND I STILL HAVE IT. JUST TRY TO HANG IN THERE THATS ALL WE CAN DO. SHERRON

You can write to them can't you ????????/

of course,,,,, what unit is he at? what state and all that and i will go see if i can get the address for you.

I can see Joey in there thinking that I am forgetting about him and it hurts...

If you are in Northern California, your son is probably either at Deuel Vocational Institute in Tracy or San Quentin where they have reception centers. The only other one in the north is way up in Susanville at High Desert State Prison.

I know San Quentin sounds awful, but I don't think Deuel is much better. There's just no way to spin it, reception is a lousy experience.

He should be able to write you, though, and let you know where he is. You will probably get a letter from him soon. Unfortunately, you can't send him anything right now except mail if you know where he is.

My son was transferred from the San Joaquin County Jail in Stockton to Deuel. He was there 29 days, and then he was transferred to Sierra Conservation Center in Jamestown.

He was there for 125 days and then was thrown in Ad Seg (protectove custody) for 45 days because an employee at Jamestown knew the family of my son's friend who died in the drunk driving accident caused by my son. That is why my son is in prison.

He was then transferred to Folsom where he is on the Level I yard, which isn't even inside the big house. He's been in, or been down as they say, for almost a year now and doesn't have much longer to go.

I think a lot goes on in prison that he doesn't tell us about, but I think he has had it better than a lot of other prisoners. He is a Level I con, so he hasn't had it as rough as some of the higher security guys. He will be home at the end of January.

Joey is in High Desert...

Hi Joey'sMom, I'm Danial'sMom, and I know just how you feel. It's happened to all of us. It's one of the most awful things to go through. Start to write letters to Joey, lots of letters. You will start to get them from him soon, but they keep the mail from them for awhile. My son thought none of us cared about him because he wasn't getting our letters. When he did get them he got ten at one time. Just start writing and writing, and when he sends you his address mail them. These guys need to know that we love the heck out of them and want them home. We're all here for each other. Keep us informed about when you hear from your Joey.
God keep all of our sons safe.

I HAVE SOME EXTRA THANKSGIVIN CARDS , IF I GET A PM WITH INFO I WILL SEND , AND MAYBE I HAVE A FEW FRIENDS THAT SEND ALSO !

I WRITE OVER 40 SO , A CARD IS ALL I CAN DO !!

Joeysmom, I remember like it was yesterday what it feels like when they take them from county to prison. I can't even put into words the fear I felt. But it's going to be okay. This is a very tough time and when you hear from him once he's placed, that's probably going to be tough, too, but soon after that it will start getting better. It will never be totally better till he's home, but it does get livable and you get used to it to a greater extent. Many prayers and hugs for you and your son. Trust us that it really will be alright and that this too shall pass.

going from county is scary but sometimes being in prison is the lesser of the evils...at least there are regulations to follow and complaint centers that can be able to call if there is a problem...in county you just have to take what ever they say...your son will be ok....and soon it will be all over....take care and stay strong...

JOEYS MOM
I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN. I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT THE DAY THEY TAKE MY CHRIS TO PRISON.JUST READING ABOUT JOEY LEAVEING HAS MADE A SICK FELLING IN MY STOMACH. JUST KEEP FAITH THAT EVERY THING WILL BE O.K.
MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND JOEY.

Joeysmom,
I understand where you are. My son is in for the third time and will be paroled in feb of 05. What I can tell you is what is my opion. I think they lock them up to let them know they are the boss now and no matter what they were on the outside that is over and they are inside the wall now. Just hang in there visit here very often and talk. I did not find this site until my son was in 4 yrs . this time and it is a god send you feel the love and compassion here and the understanding. We are all here for you. We have all felt what you are feeling and it is not a good feeling when it is our babies inside that wall. Your son will write to you when he finds out the number and address. They usually give them pencil and paper and envelop for the first letter and to send you the paper to fill out for visiting rights.
If there is any thing I can help you with just let me know.
hugs, I feel you need the strength in that hug.
Dannysmom

Joey's Mom,

I remember the day you started this thread. I had only been here weeks before it. I remember I wondered at the time how I would feel when they took my son to prison from the county jail. They came for him that December 19. Just one week before Christmas. Like you, I was absolutely crushed.

That seems like so long ago ...

Let's have a better holiday season this year...

Joey's Mom,

It was 3 yrs 2 mos ago that my 'baby' was taken from us to jail after court, then the moving around to several locations without being told when or where until he could finally get a letter to us, then to a prison far away...10 hours drive one way. About 5 mos later my husband of 35 yrs was diagnosed terminal and given 6 months to live due to lymphoma non-hodgkins cancer. We faxed copies of the paperwork to the proper authorities and requested Lonnie be sent closer to home...within a month he was relocated without notice to the unit where he is today, 2 hrs drive one way from where we lived then. Since that time we have relocated to be nearer to our son and less travel time. Yes, my husband is alive and has outlived the doctor's diagnosis of 6 months by 2 years now....and without the routinely given chemo therapy. One of the most shocking times and devastating for me personally, beside the conviction, was when a box arrived from Lonnie. I was thrilled to receive it until I opened it....it contained all his clothing which he had on at the trial and it never occured to me that any of his things would be sent home. I felt as tho he had died and his remains has been sent without a note to me. I only share this because you may also receive such a package soon. I wept bitterly for days, finally pulled myself together and decided that the State sent home his clothing so that I can have them dry cleaned and ready for his release when he is exonnerated and free to make his first public media press release of all the wrong done, made right by God. Many blessings to you and your family, Betty

I know this thread is a little old, but I just wanted to add on a couple of thoughts. When I was sent from county to prison, it was a sudden move (at least to me) as well. But there is a logical answer. As much as I have problems with the prison system, the fact is they are not supposed to tell anyone outside of transfer about the shipping date. No parent is supposed to know anyway, for security measures. 99% of the parents may not ever think about it, but 1% could be thinking of breaking their loved one out of jail. I know this sounds like a movie but the fact is the has to be a secure reason and method to transferring inmates from jail to prison without you knowing. The public really does not have a right to know that, because it not only puts the officers in danger (for fear of some eloborate breakout) but also the inmate as well. Let's use one example. If an inmate was in jail for rape, and his actual shipping date was released to the public, who is to say that someone with a gun might be waiting for him outside, or somewhere in route to prison. Even if it was told to the parent, who is to say that the parent might tell someone else, and then the grapevine system happens. Simply put, as much as the parent wishes to know the exact day the inmate is leaving, that is not safe for the inmate or the officer. The lives of the inmate and the officer are dependent on secrecy of the inmate until he is placed in the care of the prison, so the victims don' get "mob justice". I know this is not fair, I understand what you are going through, with all the uncertainty, but it is better that way. I kinda hope I am making sense, as a former inmate, even we aren't told when we leave. We just find out moments before we leave.

Hi Joey's Mom I know just how you feel. My son just arrived in prison. He was in county for 6 months and all the while I knew he was going to prison but it didn't really impact me until he got to the reception center and the whole process began.... May I suggest that you start writing now just as if it were a diary maybe? Also consider that he very likely knows that you don't know where he is and that he cannot have mail, visits, etc and so though he is surely lonely I don't think he is feeling abandoned by you...My thoughts and prayers are with you both! My heart aches for you..hang in there MOM....Judy
OOps I just realized this was an old thread but my feelings are the same maybe it will be helpful to another MOM...

OH MAN!

My son will be sentenced a week from today then moved to a reception area and I thought this well was going to be a good thing like at least moving foward now I am scared! He has been in a small county jail for almost 8 months had a cell to himself and he keeps calling me just to talk more than normal and I can tell he is nervous but now I am really getting upset can someone calm me down please!

WSF

Hi WSF, saw your message and I can almost feel your anxiety. No matter how much you prepare, it is nothing like the actual event. You can prepare for the worst, but when the worst comes, it is usually too overwhelming. But there might be a few reasons for that, maybe I can help. First, I assume this is the first time in prison for your loved one. I don't doubt he has a lot of uneasy feelings too; I bet he's seen all the tv shows and movies about how violent prison is, and it is scary. Add on to this the fact that he has had the fortune of a single cell. He leaves that area to a much more open area, full of inmates, none of whom he knows. He is afraid of what might happen, and he needs something reassuring to help him calm down. You are on the other side, not knowing how he is, what he is thinking, how he is doing, but you have some comfort in at least being able to hear him. But soon that will be taken away, and you know that time is coming. These things put together can cause a panic, no matter how hard you try to prepare. You have every reason to be afraid, but I gotta tell you, it is not all as it seems.

First off, moms tend to be overprotective anyway; it's their gift. If they aren't protecting their children, then they feel like they aren't doing their job :) . But you are doing exactly what you can, giving support. I assure you, this is far more than doing nothing. You know you son needs you in any way you can provide. This time it is just to hear you. But understand, it is not just to hear you, but he has to know that YOU are ok. I cannot stress enough how important it is for the parent, no matter how torn up they are, to be as confident and positive and supportive as possible, because the inmate feeds off that. He has got to know that mom will be ok. I am not saying that when you speak to him you act like you could care less, I am saying when you talk to him, be as upbeat as possible. It is ok to tell him you are worried and afraid, but the second you do that, follow up immediately with something positive. If you say, "son, you know I am worried sick about you", try to follow up with something like, "but you're a grown boy (or man) and I know you can take care of yourself, and you will be fine". Reassure him that you are there whenever he needs you, because he will need you. If he believes that mom will be ok, he can do his time a little easier. Think about this in the inverse; if he believed that you were not going to be well, how do you think he is going to make it himself? He would worry about you day and night, and can't do anything about it. That is far too much stress than he should bear. When you are stressed, what do you do to releive it? Go to a movie? Go shopping? Go jogging? Call a friend or loved one? Get a tub of ice cream and cake (mmm... ice cream and cake :) ? Keep in mind inmates can't do that; they have to wear that burden, and we all know that isn't good. He needs his spirits up, and you can help greatly be being supportive and as positive as you can.

His fear is mainly based on what he thinks about prison. Now, from NC I can tell you somethings, but every inmate is very different. Having said that, since we are all human beings, some of the same fears in an inmate in California are the same in an inmate in North Carolina. I don't know how much time he will do, or what level of custody he will go to, but some of the best advice I ever got from an inmate was to be yourself and respect everyone. By "everyone" I mean inmates. Of course you must respect officers too, but the lionshare of time is spent with other inmates. I cannot sugar-coat the reality that prison is difficult, and in some areas very difficult and violent, but that is not the norm. I very rarely saw fights in prison, but again I wasn't really looking for them either. But I have BEEN in a fight. But prison is not just 4 walls with a bunch of evil and violent men looking around for some fresh meat to rape or kill. Our society has looked at it that way because this is what Hollywood shows and many times our politicians talk about getting tough on crime (only during election years). Many of these false images come also from the prison themselves. They try to show the youth that prison is not a place you want to be, by showing the most violent and mean-looking inmates they can find, in a attempt to discourage youth from being bad. Kinda like a scary campfire story. But from a guy that has been there, some of those same guys that look mean are not so on the camp. Look, every inmate wants to do their time and go home, if they can. I met guys with life sentences and I met guys with small time while I was in prison; every guy has a story, and they all have regrets. I honestly don't think anyone WANTS to be in prison, but they are there, and you have to deal with the cards you have. I remember many days playing UNO in medium custody at Pasquotank in NC with guys with life sentences, and having fun. I remember talking with guys with 10, 20 or 30 years more time to do about sports. These guys are people too, and any one of them is capable of good conversations if they thought someone would listen. Prison is not the end of the world. It is not Disney Land, but it is not the end of the world. You have to believe that, and convey that to your son. That isn't easy; it's like me saying Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are disgusting. I can't bring myself to say that, but to someone else that hates it, I can see their point and won't argue. But we are talking about what he fears, and prison is clearly in the eye of the beholder.

One thing you might want to do is share some posts from PTO to him. There are a lot of people here that would love to add a thread of encouragement to him. Personally, I think he will be ok, but that will not change your feelings the day he leaves. Kinda like when my older brother first left to go to the military. We saw him off, and the moment he was on that bus leaving, my mom cried. It wasn't like he was going to war (back then), and it wasn't like he would never come back, he was just leaving to go to another place for awhile. I know prison is a bit worse, but he is still coming back. Hang in there, he'll be ok.

Oh, you mentioned when they will take him away; don't be surprised if he goes earlier or later; they are not supposed to give exact times of inmate pickups for security reasons. I say that now so if you call and find out they took him a day or two ago, you will know why. They don't have to tell the parents either, because security comes first when it comes to prisons.

Masonik You always take time to help us here I thank you.

No this is not my sons first time at 17 he was charged as a adult did a yr in a min security prison here. BUT this time it is very different a little background drunk driving resulting in the death of a girlfiend of 12 yrs. I can't really say he is scared of going to prison honestally I am not sure he even cares about that at this time he is very depressed and I don't think his mind is back yet. For him I really think he is more afraid of getting out and having to go on with what has happened.

Now as for me thats another story I think sentencing will move us foward that is my hope of couse I see my child in pain thats what is hard for me and I worry about that far more than him being in prison and add to that he is 2 states away. I do know this during his 8 months in the county jail he has caused no problems asked for nothing from me or even the jailers which has caused concern even from the jailers about his level of deppression. Now let me tell you a little of what happened yesterday the parole officer who is making a reccomendation to the Judge called me! I did not expect it she did a interview with my son and she is also concerned about his deppression. BUT she did say that this is one of the first "prisoners" she has worked with who "get's it" meaning the depth of what has happened and he really has shown that he feels 100% responsible for his actions and she feels he has suffered greatly. OK this should be good right? She told me several things she is thinking of recomending to the judge one being possibly time served (knocked me over) OR sending him to prison for programs for his mental well being so I don't know what she will decide but let me tell you this. Of course I don't want my son to go to prison what mom does but at the same time I fear for him if he is not there at this time HOW crazy is that? It is very true that the loved ones do serve time right along with them and you are so right when you said I don't know what is in his mind. I do know I tend to try and imangine whats there and probably make it much worse than it is.

My son does "get it" which is good but at the same time he says he can't look at himself in a mirror anymore he has to find a way to live with this and to tell you the truth right now I think that is my biggest worry. I will always take your advice I know right now I have to be strong and upbeat for him but I might just take a little time out to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head now and then and eat cake under there LOTS of cake :) to cope!

I will have to deal with this just like everyone else I will survive it and look back on it fondly well.... not fondly lol I have lived my life been through my heartaches like others but this is by far the worst experiance of my life my emotions go from Livid anger at him to being so sad for him. Hate this!

Again thank you and yes I too believe whatever you have been through was for a reason and right here is the reason you can never know how much comfort you give to all of us and you are very grounded good at peeling me off the wall.

WSF

Hi again WSF, you mentioned some interesting things that I wanted to pull out. The nature of his charge and his current lodging. I don't know if that means anything, but to me it does raise an eyebrow. If I have your information correct, his charge is the result of DUI and the death of a long time friend. If that is true, then I can now understand the potential concern of him being in a cell. You see, when you are to yourself, every thought seems to echo louder and louder. If that thought is a discouraging one, you tend to hear that over and over, each time getting louder. I spent about 16 months in a single cell, and I had to fight those "demons" more than once; it is very possible to get serious depression because your mind isn't focused on anything else but a negative. In your son's case, he has to sit in a cell and think about the loss of a loved one, by his hand (directly or indirectly does not matter). He has to deal with that every waking minute of the day, and it can indeed be torture. I can understand now why there might have been concern about his mental state of mind. That's not to imply the extreme, that he has gone "off the deep end". A doctor would be concerned that a person having that much time to himself could easily slip into a serious depression.

However, I don't think this is the case with him. If no one has ever had any trouble with him, and he has held himself together, especially after several months, I think maybe he has gotten a hold on the situation. I am sure there is great remorse, as there should be, but if he has made it this far, I think he should be fine. Keep in mind remorse is one of the biggest things they look for in an inmate. They have to believe he is really sorry for what he has done if he is to get any consideration on time cuts, parole, security level or what have you. I think he is making good progress, at least that is what it appears to be. When he goes from his current lodgings, he will be surrounded by many other people. This actually might help a bit, because being around other people, even if they are inmates, might take his mind off the remorseful feelings he has. I don't imply that he forgets that this experience ever happened, but I do think he has to get control of it before it tears him apart. And from what I hear from you, I think he is doing a good job. Hopefully it will continue.

Yes 8 monts in a cell alone BUT thats what he wanted and they let him have it until a couple weeks ago the did move him to a more populated area I think to start getting him used to people. First they kept him there for a suicide watch but then kept him there cause well a grown man weeping in front of other prisoners might not be good and then he just got comfortable there. Right now he said he's ticked to see another guy sleeping in HIS cell. But he laughs about how wierd that is. I was told that he could come home next week or he could get the 10 yrs or anything in between. No one can say until we hear it from the judges own mouth. But I did find out the jailers/sherriff all wrote a letter on his behalf we did not ask for that. So I have calmed down and have just accepted the fact I will do whatever has to be done when the sentencing comes down. But if he comes home he is headed to a treatment facility pronto! The biggest problem is he is a adult and guess I can't make him but I am hoping he will play nice and do as his mom says! Thanks you really help alot way more than my own family.

wsf

well my dear we are all in the same boat here ;myself have 2 kids in prison; it busts your heart each time you leave the visiting area; and you got to be strong and hold it togather for them; try to not let em see you cry thats killing them too; and for the most part all inmates respect mama and are quick to cut someone off at the knees if thay become disrespectful in frount of mama; im glad you got the call a inmate called his mama and 3 wayed a call to me telling me when both my kids were moved; but god is our strenth and salvation we gotta hold on to him tight; in the very end hes all that matters and god promised if we be faithful to his word; he would save our house hold; to stay sane i gotta call that out every day knowing someday we will all be togather again in heaven some fine day; and they wont be no visitation to walk away from peace albajo ps donna good to see you in here i love ya and will call you later take care honey

:( I totally understand your feelings. I had an idea when Dusty was leaving for prison but the day he was taken, was so heartbreaking and upsetting to me too. I just stayed home from work and cried. I didn't think I would be so upset but I was also. I know it's hard but I think if you can think about it this way.......he is starting the process that will eventually bring him back home. Like many people say on here, it will bring him one day closer to coming home. So, I'm sending you a big hug via mail to let you know.....things are going to be ok. Pm me anytime you feel like talking, okay? Take care.
Love,
Sabrina :o ;)

Hi Joeysmom,

I Understand The Feelings You Are Having. Just Hang In There. Things Will Get Better. Soon You Will Be Able To Start Writing And Than You Will Get Your First Call. It Will Be Worth The Wait.

Joan