Hey everyone! I think we all agree that loving a lifer seperates us from the others in PTO.That is why it is so important to have our own forum! There are alot of aspects that we cannot relate to in the other forums. I for one get depressed if I read too many posts about someones Man coming home. I am happy for these women but part of me wants to cry. I know that in all likely hood my man will never walk into my home. I will never know what it is like picking him up from the bus station or the prison. I can't have a counter to count the days until he comes home. i can only count the days, months and years that he has been in prison. 20 years, 9 months and 21 days.
Does anyone else get depressed reading posts from the husbands/boyfriends forum?

As a gal from the husbands/boyfriends forum, just wanted to offer my support. I can imagine that must get heavy on your heart reading all the coming home posts. Please know that although I cant sympathize, I can offer my admiration for you gals in the lifer forum. I know I would never have the guts or resolve to stick with it like you do. You are so strong to stand by your men. God Bless You all.

I don't get depressed, but I sort of look at them like they're speaking another language... like they're from Mars or something!!! What is 'coming home'? huh???? Me no understand...

i try to see the humor where i can, and he does, too. Like I'm glad he'll never see my house, cause he's a neat freak and I'm a total slob! :D I'm not making light of what you're saying, but i guess that's how he and i deal with it all... one laugh at a time, when we can :) i think humor is the only way he's going to survive this.

I do get depressed sometimes when i wonder if he will forget what a tree or a flower looks like, especially at the prison he's in, where there's none of that. or never hugging him without a hundred people around. things like that... it IS hard.

I understand where you are coming from penwife. It might be both sad and exciting for others to read about these types of things. Although I have come to terms with My Baby Daddy's sentence, I know what I have to look forward to and I remain positive through it all. I find that it is just easy to take life 1day at a time to cope with our relationship. I don't usually get depressed here at PTO, I try to encourage others to stay focused and positive.

Keep your head up penwife!!!

Oh by the way qwerty, I have sent My Baby Daddy grass and flowers, leaves and dirt, so many other little things I know that he missed. Some he has received and others have been sent back. It's like a silent victory when he gets the lil gifts!!! =)

Spyda you are a real revolutionary!!! :D

LOL!!!! Spyda! I send Jerry a rock from Lake Erie once! It got in, and he said it was a sign form God that we were meant to be. He then made me a pendant from a rock for our anniversary. He actually engraved in the rock! Although last month i had real hard time with the Detroit Tigers Schedule of games. I had to send 3 on 3 seperate occasions, the last with a note requesting a CSJ-316 form to be sent to my house if its refused again! He got the last one, the other 2 are probably hanging on the wall of the mailroom! lol I also have a lock of his hair, and we both wear a button from his winter jacket on our necks. Its the little things ya know?

Thank-you 'leftherealone' for your blessings, they are indeed appreciated!

I don't usually have a hard time with the parole posts, sometimes its hard. I just dont go there cuz well...it simply dosent apply to us. 'me no understand' either! lol But like i said, sometimes are harder than others. I differ also because i 'chose' this life well after he was in prison. Four years after as a matter of fact. This also leaves little room for support form those outside PTO... "you chose to be in a relationship, you made your bed..." Blah, Blah, Blah.

Living the prison life depresses me at times. I get real burnt out with feeling like its all nothing but a fight. I feel real tired at times and take mini-vacations from it. The hardest thing for me is not being able to love him and take care of him like i want to. All in due time... we are all just doing time...

Dawn

I have the same situation as 2scorpios...only we are a scorpio and taurus (hehe)...WOW! I'm all giddy today for some reason....ANYWHO!!

I chose this life with Ronnie...he actually made me think about this for a LONG time, before I made the commitment, and he even now has his moments where he quizzes me, "are you sure this is where you want to be?" "Can you deal with having a husband that you may never make love to?" BLAH BLAH BLAH!!
When he says these things to me, I hear Charlie Brown's teacher talkin'...cuz there is absolutely no question about my love for him.

I do get depressed, and I can't say it's not often. But I ask God for patience and strength everyday...i never give up on my hope, that SOMEDAY, he COULD BE home!!

LOVE TO ALL!!
~Amber

Reading about other ladies' husbands/boyfriends coming home makes me feel GREAT, and SO SO SO happy for them! Michael and I made our choice knowingly; we discussed the fact that he would probably never be coming home; but he was my best bud long before he was my man, and I can't imagine life without him, without being as close to him as I possibly can. I DO get depressed at times, and scared of all these lame things (which I never EVER admit to him), such as him finding someone better, etc. Still, it's so worth it overall. I think we've both grown so much since we started this relationship; I know for a fact that our imaginations have! I'm happy to just keep sharing everything I can with him about my life (OUR life, actually), and knowing that I'm the luckiest person in the world to be with him. GAAAAAK!!!! What a bunch of mush, coming from a 50-year-old ex cop, huh???

hey WuzFuzz!!! An ex cop huh? Where you a CO or a police officer? It's all cool though!! I am happy to welcome you to our lifers forum and i hope to hear more from you!!! Take care!!

I'll say it. I get depressed when I hear others men are coming home. I'm happy for them but sad for me and us (lifers). I want to have something to look forward to. Even if it were 20 years from now, just something. Penwife you have ALL of my respect for the amout of years you have done this. I only hope and pray I'll have even an ounce of the strength you've had and continue to have.

Hey, Penwife (and the other ladies as well); I respect and admire you SO very much for the way you handle your situation, and the attitudes with which you address it all; no doubt, this is TOUGH. I'm so grateful to be a part of this group.

As to your question, I was a plain ol' street cop for over 20 years, civilian and military. I stopped prior to full burnout hitting (when you start prefacing thoughts with, "Well, back in the old days, we did/didn't......"). I'm an EMT now & love it, though it sure isn't as different as I thought it was going to be!

My life is a bit hectic at the moment (selling my house, moving a LONG way, etc.), but I'm going to make a point of having time to at least stop by here & read all of your posts. I DO get depressed, and feel isolated at times, and you all help so much (the ickiest thing is waking up at 0300, already thinking too much, worrying, etc., and having no constructive direction to go with it).

So anyway, thank you all (won't be the first or last time I say that, and MEAN it!!!); take care, stay safe & strong always!

Strange to see that it's all women in this group. At my end things are the other way around. Allthough I am pretty young (20) I can understand the feelings of you all in this group. I don't think it makes a difference wether you got a husband in prison or as in my case a mother. Nowadays I don't think of the situation every day (in a strange way you get used to it), but it was different a 4 years ago. I now sort of accepted the fact that she will never leave prison again, allthough that's very difficult. Well let's stay strong girls.

Welcome Danny!!! We were wondering if there were any men in this forum. Lets stay strong girls AND guys!!! Come visit anytime!!

hey WuzFuzz..don't stay gone too long and don't just read the posts..we want to hear from you as well. Take care!!Hey, Penwife (and the other ladies as well); I respect and admire you SO very much for the way you handle your situation, and the attitudes with which you address it all; no doubt, this is TOUGH. I'm so grateful to be a part of this group.

As to your question, I was a plain ol' street cop for over 20 years, civilian and military. I stopped prior to full burnout hitting (when you start prefacing thoughts with, "Well, back in the old days, we did/didn't......"). I'm an EMT now & love it, though it sure isn't as different as I thought it was going to be!

My life is a bit hectic at the moment (selling my house, moving a LONG way, etc.), but I'm going to make a point of having time to at least stop by here & read all of your posts. I DO get depressed, and feel isolated at times, and you all help so much (the ickiest thing is waking up at 0300, already thinking too much, worrying, etc., and having no constructive direction to go with it).

So anyway, thank you all (won't be the first or last time I say that, and MEAN it!!!); take care, stay safe & strong always!

hey, Danny Europe!! Welcome to PTO!!! I am truly sorry about your Mother. Please keep in touch with us and if you ever need some 'motherly advice' and can't get to your own...please feel free to post here or PM me. I have two grown sons, 24 and 20 and so I am pretty experienced in that area! Take care!!Strange to see that it's all women in this group. At my end things are the other way around. Allthough I am pretty young (20) I can understand the feelings of you all in this group. I don't think it makes a difference wether you got a husband in prison or as in my case a mother. Nowadays I don't think of the situation every day (in a strange way you get used to it), but it was different a 4 years ago. I now sort of accepted the fact that she will never leave prison again, allthough that's very difficult. Well let's stay strong girls.

Penwife-
You are in my prayers, I hope you'll get the appeal. Keep us posted.

Well, I guess this is a good place to welcome Wuzfuzz and Danny! Do please stick around.

Danny, I'm also glad to have you, 'cause my lifer isn't my mate either (he's my friend), but all it says is "loving a lifer" so I'm here!

Thank you LORNA! We need all of the prayers we can get!!

Hello everyone, I am new to post here but on the same page, the lwop page of life. My man's been in 20 and I have known him for 4 yrs now. He is smart, funny, kind, loving, my best friend. I was outraged when I started talking to him at the fact that this wonderful guy will not be around for his grandkids and family. "let him go home" I silently screamed. I have dedicated myself to be this mans senses to the outside. Every visit I wish someone would invent one of those shrinky machines so I could haul him off in my pocket....ok, laugh with me my friends.....his letters make me laugh, his cards melt my heart, the sound of his voice on the phone sends me to other limits. I hope we can support each other in this thread. I don't talk about our relationship to many, just my closest friends know, some don't talk to me much anymore. But I am going to see my guy on Sat., hold hands, gaze lovingly into his eyes, walk around the visiting room with my arm in his and hang on for dear life for 5 hrs. Oh yeah, and eat junk out of the vending machines. Hopefully the cops will be cool that day, and the one thats a jerk is somewhere else......YOUR STANDING TOO CLOSE~!!!!!!.....O brother.....
ok, I have rambled enough, glad to meet you all, keep the faith
B-fly

Penwife, when is your appeal scheduled? I hope it goes wonderfully well. You certainly deserve that and more after 19 years!

Nice to meet you b-fly, I can relate to all of your "ramblings" so don't hold back !! Sometimes my mind just goes all wobbly when I think about the fact that my friend can't come out... doesn't matter if he deserved it or not, the mind just sometimes flips. Since they always search my trunk where I visit, it makes me wish I could stuff him in there, too.

Funny, I've had dreams where we just said goodbye and walked on out. :D

Hey b-fly, I'm kind of like a neighbor to you, I'm also in Sacramento county! And hello to everyone else. My fiance is currently serving a 29 to life sentence and I found my self looking for others that may be going what I'm going through, and then I found PTO :dance: . Just looking around at the other posts I can see how anyone could get a little depressed. Alot of their men are only in their for 10 months or 2 years , something short. Not that their time is any easier because their days are shorter. I dont know, I just kind of feel out of place. I can relate to some of the posts, but I still feel a little lost out their in the other forums, Maybe because I dont know any members yet? Who knows. But its nice to meet all of you ladies.

qwerty!! My husband just sent his appeal to the federal courts...we have no idea if they'll even hear it! My husband has been 'time barred 'from most of the good issues but we have one that we can use...hopefully they will go by the law!!! We are just hoping for a sentence reduction so my guy can have more housing options. If they would just give him a release date we would be happy even if it is 100 years from now!

itzmydestiny! Welcome to the lifers forum!!! I see that you like Gladys Knight too!!!

Hi itzmydestiny....and hello neighbor.....I get lost in the threads also, its nice to bond with others going thru this, and I love pto for the info I get, legal, political, emotional, etc. There is so much info here, it will take forever to fathom it all. I print stuff up and send it to my guy and his mom, they have been on this for 20 yrs now, and the wonders of the internet may open up a whole new world of info.

Look forward to being in this group.
B fly

Penwife: i agree. I see posts on PTO for woman of inmates wondering how we can stay with our men! Damn if THEY don't understand.........who does???

US!!!!

Penwife, I am sending lots of good thoughts your way on the appeal -- I know my guy would also be thrilled with any release date, WHENEVER!

Hey, nice to have newcomers in here, welcome everybody!!

I just wanted to say, I'm not married or don't have a boyfriend who's a lifer...but I commend you ladies (and the men who are here) for sticking with your S/O through being a lifer..it must be hard. But you guys are strong people, so that's why I support you all!
Keep on being awesome and stay strong!

I agree qwerty! It is awesome to see so many new people posting here in our little lifers forum !

I'm still in that hopeful stage. My Ralf has only been in for 2 years so far and we are still going through the appeal process. I still have faith that he will one day be a free man. But he is still doing life without right now. I live for the weekends when I can see him and be with him for 6 hours each day. For now that is my life but I wouldn't trade him for any other man on earth. I'm here for the duration however long that will be.

ellipanitz! You've got to keep the faith and also take care of yourself too. Resentment and frustration can occur rather quickly if you don't. I agree with you about not trading your guy in....I am stuck to my hubby like glue!!

Ellipanitz...hello and welcome. The hopeful stage is a great place to be, anything else is too painful! Thank you for joining us, I hope you receive the support you need.

Dawn

Yes I get depressed. After more than 18 years it is hard not too. We are up for it though. My honey just hit the 7 year countdown to parole.. even when things are bad ...they are looking up. I would like to say it gets easier...after all these years all I can say is just keep him a part of your world. Whatever his ups and downs. Hang in there. I seldom let him know I am down. I usually tell him rather that things are stressful and that we miss him but that just hearing his voice or reading his mail helps us travel the miles to him. End of this month we get a CV for 5 days with him the kids, his mom and grandma.. first time in two years we have had time alone together. YIPPEEE...

Shiningdrum.....Hey Girl Welcome to PTO!! I've been at this for 19 years and have life to go. I am usually an upbeat person and I take things in stride most of the time......the purpose of my thread was to point out the importance...at least for me.... to have a lifers forum so I may retreat to a safe place when I find it difficult to read one more post about someones man coming home. Don't get me wrong though...I am very happy for all of these women who do get the chance to reunite with their guys....sometimes it is best for my morale to come here and talk to women who are basically dealing with the same issues as me. Their Men having life sentences.

Hello Ladies, (and gentleman) - Last night I was talking to a very sweet person that I met here at PTO - she knows who she is - and I found something that I thought I would never find, acceptance and understanding. I confessed a lot of things to her last night, and much to my surprise she told me how common my feelings were and how i was not alone at all. It is funny that I would find your post today Penwife because I was just saying last night that I feel very out of place and jealous (although extremely happy for them) of the people who's days are short and the ones who have an out date period. I am in love with a man who is serving LWOP in Michigan. I will admit that there are times, although i would never do it, I just want to say, "Sheesh, at least he is coming home!" It is hard for me to read those posts and I have decided to just stay away from them. I will also confess that after reading all of your posts, that I am the newest newby that there is, only been dealing with this mess for about a year. I have commited my love to him and have promised him that whether he walks out on his own accord or if they carry (:cry: man it sucks to say that) him out I will be right there with him. I will not leave him, I will not abandon him and that is a commitment that only people who are serving life with their loved one can understand. I thank you for the opportunity to know all of you and for your patience and understanding. I sincerely thank you for your acceptance.

welcome to pto, betrayed...
although i do read the husband and boyfriends section of the forum, i too have chosen not to read the "coming home" threads.
i am NOT a jealous person, and like you have said...im so happy for them, but when i read them, it just makes me daydream toooo much. and it hurts like hell.
my boyfriend is also serving a LWOP sentence. ill be there with him to the end.
lots of people dont understand it, and thats okay with me. they arent me .. i have live my life and make MYSELF happy.
its all so confusing sometimes, but ... he makes me happy, sooo thats all that matters!
you will always find understanding here :)

betrayed....I read your post to the other thread and it moved me to tears. I tried to PM you but i couldn't get out what I wanted to say. Just know that you are not alone and you do not deserve to be looked down upon by anyone just because of the man you are with.
I am here for you any time you need a friend. I still plan on doing that PM so be looking for it soon!
penwifeHello Ladies, (and gentleman) - Last night I was talking to a very sweet person that I met here at PTO - she knows who she is - and I found something that I thought I would never find, acceptance and understanding. I confessed a lot of things to her last night, and much to my surprise she told me how common my feelings were and how i was not alone at all. It is funny that I would find your post today Penwife because I was just saying last night that I feel very out of place and jealous (although extremely happy for them) of the people who's days are short and the ones who have an out date period. I am in love with a man who is serving LWOP in Michigan. I will admit that there are times, although i would never do it, I just want to say, "Sheesh, at least he is coming home!" It is hard for me to read those posts and I have decided to just stay away from them. I will also confess that after reading all of your posts, that I am the newest newby that there is, only been dealing with this mess for about a year. I have commited my love to him and have promised him that whether he walks out on his own accord or if they carry (:cry: man it sucks to say that) him out I will be right there with him. I will not leave him, I will not abandon him and that is a commitment that only people who are serving life with their loved one can understand. I thank you for the opportunity to know all of you and for your patience and understanding. I sincerely thank you for your acceptance.

Hey everyone! I think we all agree that loving a lifer seperates us from the others in PTO.That is why it is so important to have our own forum! There are alot of aspects that we cannot relate to in the other forums. I for one get depressed if I read too many posts about someones Man coming home. I am happy for these women but part of me wants to cry. I know that in all likely hood my man will never walk into my home. I will never know what it is like picking him up from the bus station or the prison. I can't have a counter to count the days until he comes home. i can only count the days, months and years that he has been in prison. 20 years, 9 months and 21 days.
Does anyone else get depressed reading posts from the husbands/boyfriends forum?
I get jealous a lot reading other posts ... when they have their counters and I can't. Then I get worse when they say they can't handle 3 years or a year when I've already handled 13 and have years and years to go. I hate that I feel like that but I can't help it sometimes. I guess that's why we have our own forum! :)

Hello,

I"m very glad to run up on this forum. I've been here for about four days...on PTO that is.
I've known my lifer for around 14 years. He was already there. I'll go and introduce myself in the right thread, but I just wanted to say that in my plundering around on this site...

I see those counters and I almost think to myself, "What the hell are they even here for?" I know I don't have that right. I know they go through hell every day, also. But...I am very, very glad to have this forum also.

Yall have got to be some very good, classy ladies (and gents)...I admire all of you too pieces. And, if you read my intro, you'll see why I said that.

Gushies to all of you,
Angel

Penwife,

I absolutely get depressed often when I am reading about others who are coming home. I know I will never see my son outside of a prison wall, ever. And that just breaks my heart. By the same token, given his history, I have to wonder if he isn't safer where he is. I can't believe I actually said that aloud (in print) - usually I say it in my head and then immediately think, "No one would ever understand that!"

[QUOTE=penwife]Hey everyone! I think we all agree that loving a lifer seperates us from the others in PTO.That is why it is so important to have our own forum! There are alot of aspects that we cannot relate to in the other forums. I for one get depressed if I read too many posts about someones Man coming home.

Hey Danny,

Your Mom, huh? I'm so sorry. Your Mom, my Son. *sigh* It's so odd, reading through all these different posts on so many different topics, trying to put myself emotionally in each of everyone's shoes. It's all about love, so it doesn't matter, right? You are young, but love knows no bounds. Work through what you need to work through, and love and respect yourself and your life, and give of yourself, what you can - to your Mom. I'm sooooo sorry though - must be harder to have a parent in prison. I don't know. Sometimes I think I've got it all figured out - that lasts for an hour or so! :p
Hugs!


Strange to see that it's all women in this group. At my end things are the other way around. Allthough I am pretty young (20) I can understand the feelings of you all in this group. I don't think it makes a difference wether you got a husband in prison or as in my case a mother. Nowadays I don't think of the situation every day (in a strange way you get used to it), but it was different a 4 years ago. I now sort of accepted the fact that she will never leave prison again, allthough that's very difficult. Well let's stay strong girls.

Hey there Ice queen, I am so glad that you found us ! Hopefully we can help ease the pain for you through understanding , support and advice. We are family here.

Hello Ladies, (and gentleman) - Last night I was talking to a very sweet person that I met here at PTO - she knows who she is - and I found something that I thought I would never find, acceptance and understanding. I confessed a lot of things to her last night, and much to my surprise she told me how common my feelings were and how i was not alone at all. It is funny that I would find your post today Penwife because I was just saying last night that I feel very out of place and jealous (although extremely happy for them) of the people who's days are short and the ones who have an out date period. I am in love with a man who is serving LWOP in Michigan. I will admit that there are times, although i would never do it, I just want to say, "Sheesh, at least he is coming home!" It is hard for me to read those posts and I have decided to just stay away from them. I will also confess that after reading all of your posts, that I am the newest newby that there is, only been dealing with this mess for about a year. I have commited my love to him and have promised him that whether he walks out on his own accord or if they carry (:cry: man it sucks to say that) him out I will be right there with him. I will not leave him, I will not abandon him and that is a commitment that only people who are serving life with their loved one can understand. I thank you for the opportunity to know all of you and for your patience and understanding. I sincerely thank you for your acceptance.
Hang in there lady! We are here!

Hi Ladies I Too Am A Lifer Lover I Do Kind Of Man When I See Someone Man Coming Home And I Know Drey May Never Come Home It Something I Have To Live With We Was Actually Friends For About 5 Years Before We Manage To Get Together I Believe He Will Walk Through That Door One Day

I'd like to think that my Man will come home to me one day. Hopefully he'll be able to do it when he still has some life left in him and can enjoy his freedom. I am not pinning my hope and dreams on it happening though.

I'm with Qwerty here in that I have a really good friend who is a lifer.


But I know what you mean about counters and posts saying 'can I cope with 9 months - 2 years....I have another 'pal who wont get out until 2014....which once seemed like a long time :shake: .

( Going to stop before I ramble)

Francesca

Yes i understand the feeling of missing a loved one soooo much and thinking you will probably never touch him again or feel the great feeling of him hugging you. Mine is down for 28 to life and is in the SHU so he is locked up 23 hrs a day. I havent seen him since 2001 and havent felt his touch since 1997. Its hard but what i feel really bad about is the fact that our daughter will never feel her daddy hug her or kiss her. She gets letters and puts her hand up to the glass buts thats it. I have to hug and kiss her for him! The other day she came to me crying saying that she misses her daddy. Hes been locked up since b4 she turned 2. I know some of you have heard my story b4 but I thank all of you for being so sweet cause it helps to communicate with you all so much. You understand and that matters soooooo much, so if you havent heard me say it b4 I say Thank you to all of you!

WOW !! It is harder for the younger ones as they haven't had the sense of fairness ripped from them as we have.
I've developed a tough skin and there is little one can do to hurt me......except by hurting my child......I hope my little daughter never feels too much pain because of where her Daddy is at. We have been so casual with her about it that it just seems normal to her.....but she has it pretty good for a kid....we spoil her to no end...everything she wants and then some. So i guess I am overcompensating for what she lacks and that is a Daddy who can tuck her in bed at night and take her to the Father/Daughter Dances.
I hope one day your daughter will feel the comfort of her Daddy hugging her. But for now it is good that she shows her love even if it has to be behing glass....
Stay strong Mary!!
penwife

Thank you so much Penswife!! Him being in prison is a "normal" part of our life too, but every once in a while she misses him alot. My daughter is very spoiled but doesnt act like it, shes a great kid! I also think that I do so much for her cause I dont want her to know she is any different than most kids. I want her to feel like the most special kid on the planet!!!Im so glad you are here on this site cause you are a wonderful caring person!!

Thank you Mary, I am glad that you are here as well and even more so now that I know you have a daughter and raise her like I do my own.
We can have wonderful conversations about our kids!!!!

Anytime penswife, just look me up

Thank you Mary, I am glad that you are here as well and even more so now that I know you have a daughter and raise her like I do my own.
We can have wonderful conversations about our kids!!!!:( I just got married to a lifer a week ago and we are trying to get our marriage consummated, but i am in cali and they took away family visits for lifers in 1996. Is there something that can be done so that we can bond together? Also does anyone know Ms.Clever. She knows everything.:)

They took away the over nights for WA too , but a few consistent lifer's have managed to get back in. I've noticed that a lot of states won't allow 'lifers' to have them......It seems like they just want family to go away and think of their 'lifer' loved ones as dead!!
Not going to happen, DOC!!

Yes I Wish They Would Give Lifers Family Visits That Would Make It More Better I Go Visit My Lifer This Coming Weekend And I'm So Nervous Wish Me Luck

Have a great visit mz aundrey, and don't be nervous....he's going to be so happy to see you!

Thanks Penwife I Don't Think Any Thing Can Ease Butterflies I Feel I'm So Excited He In Federal So It's Contact Visits With Is Great Because He Still In The Hole

I know how that 'hole' thing is...whew! I am glad that we are over it and can have regular contact visits! I hope he can get out of the hole soon!

Yes Penwife It So Hard All We Have Is Letters And Stuff Because He Gets One Phone Call He Has To Call His Family So It Hard For Me

That is so sad that you two can't talk on the phone.......what do they accomplish by not letting the inmates talk more often with their family and loved ones? Who else could turn a person around other than the families who care for these guys?
Let's face it...there is no desire for reabilatation in prisons.....it is all about punishment.

Thanks For Info

PW.. thanks for the hope. again.. i just posted a new thread on brian asking me to marry him.. i am soooo happy.. and i too feel they just want the lifers to "waste " away.. w/ no supports. in mass doc system LIFE MEANS LIFE.. altough i have the HOPE HE wll be home with me one blessed day.. I / WE NEED THE FAMILY VISITS in mass right now. ok .. i have my tantrum shoes on ..!!! @@ ugghhh i don't get it

Peace
Donna

Donna !!!! Yahooo!!! Your gettin married !?! I am getting off this thread and am going into yours!!

congrats donna i wish you the best

I do feel down at times. I wont ever be able to hug him again or cook for him, or make love to him. I feel happy for those girls who are lucky enough to have their man come home but yes I feel sad too. I just hope that those who do have that second chance make something of it and not waste it on another bad choice. This site is very helpful though.

starfish

i feel you and i personally think that you are 100% correct my lifer may never be able to prove himself because of one mistake he made when 16 i hope that one day he will come home but i hear for him if he don't

HI Thanks. I havent written for awhile, too busy with school. It IS important to have a lifers forum. Those of us waiting a few months or 3 or 4 years have it hard but waiting 30 plus or knowing your honey may never get out and doing the time right along side him is hell. We DO DO the time WITH HIM/HER. It seems to me that all I have done is wait. There have been hell years and great years and years that seemed he would not make it out alive. Now more than 20 years into it (I misquoted last time, it wasn't 18 I forgot the time incarcerated waiting for trial to be done,2 years in total for the arrest, arraignment, then the trial etc).

I hate that he is stolen from us. I hate that he had anything to do with the fact that he is not with us. I love him though and our family is strong. Both kids are solid and doing really well. I am in university and he is inside acting as a mentor and spirtual leader for his Native brotherhood. I cannot complain all things considered. Still I miss him and hate that they have moved him halfway across the country. There was an escape last year and our PFV was cancelled. (it was to happen 4 days after the escape when the institution was on lockdown). We are trying again this Christmas and now awaiting final approval. Wish us luck. Lina Shiningdrum

Best of luck to you Shiningdrum !

I just would like to tell all of you ladies out there who are in love with lifers, you are very strong women. I just married a lifer a month ago today and yes sometimes it may get depressing, but when the love is there for the both of you anything can happen. He has been in for 18 years and was convicted on circumstantial evidence. We are looking for a lawyer who will take his case pro bono but so far no luck. I am with all of you and my prayer are with you that one day all of our men will be free. So let us pray until something happens. Any of you ladies are welcome to pm me. I reply right away. If there are any ladies that have loved ones in Salinas Valley and live in the San Diego or Los Angeles area please pm me. I have no transportation to get up there anymore. Hang in there ladies:) :thumbsup:

deblovesmike!! Welcome to PTO! Im glad that you found us and I m sure you'll get the comfort and support you seek right here in our forum....My PM door is open to you any time!!
penwife

Hey everyone! I think we all agree that loving a lifer seperates us from the others in PTO.That is why it is so important to have our own forum! There are alot of aspects that we cannot relate to in the other forums. I for one get depressed if I read too many posts about someones Man coming home. I am happy for these women but part of me wants to cry. I know that in all likely hood my man will never walk into my home. I will never know what it is like picking him up from the bus station or the prison. I can't have a counter to count the days until he comes home. i can only count the days, months and years that he has been in prison. 20 years, 9 months and 21 days.
Does anyone else get depressed reading posts from the husbands/boyfriends forum? I'm not sure when this topic started. I am fairly new and still reading. I just wanted to say that I too am happy for those who have a loved one coming home but it does hurt and sometimes I feel guily for feeling bad. My man too is a lifer but will be eligible for parole one day and hopefully he will get it. Penswife, I am so sorry that you will not have that. But we all have each other to get through this and all of these new friends I have made here are a blessing!

Welcome MrsPhil! My guy is also life w/possiblity, which gives him hope, although in my state with its nasty politics we have to be realistic about the fact that he is unlikely to be paroled, so I do feel a lot in common with everyone here.

I don't know what I would do without my lifer lover pals here!

That's right qwerty...we're all in this together, and together we can stand strong and face our guys life sentences and move forward and live full lives while supporting our loved ones and each other.

WELCOME & CONGRADS Deb ..
Yes being involved and loving a lifer is a totally diffrent .. way of life.. doing time is tough enough.. and the daily struggles.. but I too try to take this one day at a time.. and I love my man..! unfortunetly he is facing lwop!! I try not to focus on that so much .. right now the focus is what to do for a transfer to make our lives a little more complete.. and as best as it can be. We have a very long road ahead of us, but I will continue to advocate for him to be the best he can.. in that situation.. this is very foreign for him.. and i just hope/believe/pray .. and hang on
Thank god this [B]lifers forum was born.. there was a time.. i was just lingering in here. with no where to go:)))))
Peace
Donna

Welcome MrsPhil! My guy is also life w/possiblity, which gives him hope, although in my state with its nasty politics we have to be realistic about the fact that he is unlikely to be paroled, so I do feel a lot in common with everyone here.

I don't know what I would do without my lifer lover pals here!

Qwerty, Thank you and I' will pray that both of us and all others someday know the feeling of our lifers coming home!

Wouldn't that be about the biggest blessing you could ever have? For your lifer to walk thru your front door and be home.
Makes me teary eyed just thinking about it!

pw

Dang, PW I try not to think about it... for one thing, I'll be REAL old if it happens... probably give him a big old kiss and fall over from a heart attack!

But you know, I think I'd die happy...him coming through that door would be such a sight to see!

qwerty....i let my mind wander over to the possibility of him coming home....i don't dwell on it, but it is a dream I allow myself to have every once in a while!

pw

He hasn't given up hope that he can get an appeal or his sentence reduced and I do be supportive, but I am realistic too and I know the odds. I do think about miracles happening and daydream about him coming home and time together, celebrating holidays, simple things. Sometimes it is hard to get my mind around his sentence and I have laid in bed and cried at the thought of him growing old in there and never getting out. I hate mistakes he made at such a young age have given him this sentence and I used to go on and on about regrets about mistakes I thought I made in my past, meeting him has really put my life in perspective. I stopped beating myself up for past bad judgement calls, cause of the impact of his.