How do I pull my honey up so he can quit meth?

Well let me tell you there's not much you can do if he doesn't want to quit. That is a drug that seems to take over COMPLETELY. My husbands sits in a Michigan Prison because of his love affair with meth. ANd let me say he NEVER wanted to quit. Thank GOD he was arrested cuz that's what's changed his views on life. But he's still healing. ANd I still worry it will someday come back and take him away. I fought for years with my husband and his addiction. ANd he just couldn't hear me. NEVER give up. I didn't and NEVER ever will. He's worth fighting for and I vowed I'd win. Ya know I've been around a block or two and this has got to be the WORST drug on the streets. Next to herroine. Keep the faith but never lose sight of the truth. It's an EVIL drug. You ever want to talk PM me anytime. I know the fight all too well.

Stacy

My husband has been addicted to Meth for about 20 years. That is the reason he is in prison. It is the hardest drug to quit. All I can tell you is keep praying for your loved one and hope that someday they will get the message that the drug is ruining there life. I have stuck by my husband for 4 long years. Sometimes I ask myself Why do I stay? Plain and simple I love him. I truley believe that GOD put us together for a reason and he is my soul mate. I refuse to give up on him like everyone else in his life. I will pray for you and your loved one. GOD bless you. IM me anytime if you need to talk :) :)

That's the reason my boyfriend is locked up- METH!!! This is his third time for this drug related problem that has took him away. It is so additive its sad what they don't see how bad it the drug has them. We they are doing it they don't act as if you hear a word you say. There is a book about meth sorcery- know the truth and it really helped me understand what is really going on with them. I honestly hope and believe we can fight this problem they have, but they have to want to quit for them selves first. I'll always stand by him cause he has my heart. Goodluck and stay strong always. We can beat this!!

The most serious problem about this drug is MOST can function on it for a LONG time and NEVER ever see the damage it causes. There are things VERY important things that happened in my husbands life that he has NO recollection of. I DO and tell him of these things. Which in turn makes his stomach hurt. There are things he DOES remember and it literally eats him alive inside to know he did those things and thought those things. He really thought he was fine and he really didn't understand why the people around him (who truly loved him) thought there was a problem. NOW of course he sees what this has done to him and our family. I pray that this HARD time was the kicker of this addiction. I'm no idiot tho. I KNOW the pwoer this drug has over ones mind. It literally takes their beautiful personality and changes it to EVIL. I can NOT believe some of things he's done. At the same time I realize he was literally out of his mind. He is NOT that person in reality. ANd that's the sad part. He KNOWS his morals and standards. ANd he crossed those lines MANY times while getting high. I pray we find some recourse for this drug. Unfortunately this will be a lifelong battle for amny who come in contact with it. Or it will take them with it! This is the toughest battle I've ever fought in my life. I can ONLY imagine how tough it is for my husband. Right now it's his nemsis. But what happens when he comes home? WHat happens when it's put in front his face again? He lived this drug. It was his breakfast, lunch and dinner for weeks sometimes months on end. Then he'd have maybe a day or two of sleep then back at it again. The sad part is the GP is just now learning about this evil drug. ANd they truly think it's brand new. This things been out for decades. Almost like a dirty little secret. I'm glad we're being educated, I'm sad tho for the length of time our loved ones get for this drug. It's another one of those "AMericas freaked out let's lock them all away" Just like the crack phenomena (sp). I don't have any real answers here on how to battle this with your loved one. I only know by what I did. I loved him, I stuck by him. BUT I also let him go to do his thing. He was NO longer allowed to live this life in MY home. He had my love ALWAYS and my support. Just NOT my life in his hands anymore. We have to remember to NEVER take this personal as hard as it is. They just don't think like we do. They REALLY don't see the BIG picture. They really have NO comprehension of the damage it causes. And thus their decisions are irrational and spuratic. Hang in there and try to remain strong. Sometimes letting them go to figure it out is the best medicine. ANd I'm not saying walk away. Just let them be and let them know you LOVE them anyway.

Stacy

Hey everyone,
I am still in my battle to quite meth. My hubby is in jail right now and facing alot of time. He, of course, was forced to quit due to being in there. i worry alot about when he ever he gets home but he has found his Higher Power (God) and if he was out, he would be going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings with me. I have been clean for 11 days now and it slowly gets better. My only suggestion is to go to Narcotics Anonymous Meetings. You'll be amazed at what these meetings will do for you, even if you don't say a thing. I've noticed that if i miss a meeting it affects me the next day. You can look online for a meeting near you. try NA.org. I started talking in the Yahoo NA chat room and found a guy that saved my life. He kept telling me over and over again to go to a meeting. I went to my first one and i was shocked at how i felt when i left. All you need is the desire to stop. Check out mothers against meth too, there is some info. on there about what that drugs does to your brain. And unfortunately, i am living proof that that happens. I have some holes in my brain, and have the beginning stages of Parkinson's disease. I've almost lost everything: children, home, car and most of all my life. You can show your significant other this info. and maybe, just maybe, with some prayer, it will ring in his head. I just stress to tell him, you really do lose everything, maybe not immediately, but it will be gradual, unless you are unlucky. Drugs use has three endings: death, institutions, and jail. My hubby is in jail but i was lucky enough not to follow. But being out here it is an extremely hard road to get off of meth. But it can be done, just got to go to a meeting. let me know how it goes. Take care everyone.

paniolos88.CONGRATULATIONS on your 11 days. To some that doesn't seem much, but to me it's a HUGE step!! Keep it up. Your brain will heal. Maybe not all the way but alot of the way. I KNOW many who are struggling to stay clean of this drug. Not an easy road at all. Please continue to take care of YOU! We are here for you! ;) And yes NA ROCKS! I loved going to those meetings. Just the simple support in itself help me tremendously.

Stacy

I'm sorry, you all. He didn't see me since April 29th until I saw him at a friend's 2 evenings ago on May 18th. He looked like a walking zombie, VERY thin like....ah, worse than the orange-haired guy in Scooby Doo and dark area under his eyes with a worse-than-stinky attitude. "F..." is now his favorite word. It disappoints me and my friend but he doesn't care. He's not in his mind. He's in his own little world. He doesn't eat at all and he had been awake for 9 days when I saw him recently on Tuesday, the 18th. He is with his girlfriend now, about 15-20 years older than him and she doesn't care AT ALL about him. She said that they're just together, nothing serious and it's his choice to be on drugs and her. It devastates me, because when he was in prison... he talked about being with me and be a good family man. Now, look at him? I asked him why? He said, "Well, I ain't raising your half-mexican kid! I'm white!" I was like, whoa.. what took control of your mind? I found it. It's METH. Dammit to hell! I'm so pissed off at the people who gave him all these things and meth. He KNOWS he DOESN'T need meth but still chooses to do it anyway! Why!? I don't even understand... Once he gets back on it, then he doesn't go up. I found out that the best time to talk to him while he's in his mind is when he wakes up from his 3-days' nap. Between that and the time he gets on it again. 10 days, 3 days, 1 hour sober, 10 days, 3 days, 1 hour sober, 10 days, 3 days... How can I break this cycle? It makes me REALLY REALLY REALLY SAD when I type this and I'm at work so I'm gonna go now.

Chanda, I'm so sorry for you. Please be strong; go to Nar-Anon; try to find counseling; and decide to let go of this destructive relationship if that's what will save you, emotionally and physically. From all I can tell, loving a substance abuser is just as destructive as using; the only difference is that you're still functioning (barely!) while they're not. And they're in a false paradise while you're in a real hell. Don't delay; your own sanity is at stake. The comment about the half-Mexican child really irritated me (I assume he's responsible for the "white" half?). My daughter's Asian and the only way I can be sure she'll grown up "color-blind" is to keep her from hearing any prejudiced language. So far I've been lucky as she has a rainbow of friends. Please do the same cause you owe it to your little one. Take care. Peace! Ralph

My fiance has been out of prison for 5 months now. He has been addicted to meth for the past 15 years. He is doing rather well, but he does have his slip ups now and then. He says he hates meth and doesn't want to do it, but the cravings get the best of him and he ends up at a casino, and does meth and gambles away he small savings that he has in his bank account. We have talked about rehabs, but he has already been through two of them and he says that they don't even phase him. Is there any help? Is his life hopeless? He is having a great feeling of hopelessness because he wants to be better and rid his life of this drug, but he doesn't know how. I feel there must be a way, but I dont' know what it is. I have been pleading with God to help us. Does anyone have any insight or are we all in the same boat with no answers????

Wow Chanda, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Hate to say it but there isn't much you can do for him. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I could not help my fiancee no matter hom much I begged he still did it. That is why he is in prison now and serving five years. He got busted twice for meth and a agg dui and weapons misconduct. My fiancee was coming down off of a three day meth binge and fell asleep behind the wheel of a car and rolled the car. This drug has ripped our family apart. We all miss him very much and right now need him home. And our 5 month old has no daddy. And my two older children from my previous marriage are a wreck because of him being gone. I thought I could help him and thought my love and the love my older kids and the fact we were having a new baby would make him stop. But it wasn't enough. And now he writes me and tells me he thinks about going back on the drug. And he is taking a drug rehab class. I hope your friend can get help and gets a wake up call soon. I would hate to see him end up like my fiancee. I will keep both of you in my prayers. Christen I have no answers. I just keep showing my fiancee he does not need it and hope it sinks in and I am standing by him and of course prayer. I am trying to be hopeful. If you need to talk Chanda or just someone to listen I am here.

My boyfriend has been out of prison now for a week and he is doing soooo great it is unbelievable. He was a meth addict, meth cook, shot it up and did everything that went along with that lifestyle.. His whole life centered around getting high for many years... This last time in prison we met (actually met right before he got arrested) and he just said it was enough... He wants to stay clean soooo bad adn will do whatever it takes to stay that way. He knows that if he goes back to that lifestyle he can't be with me. We aren't living together, he is starting a 90 day program that covers treatment adn basically reintegrating back into "normal" life... He has been offered the crap already but has turned it down. I am so proud of him and we are having such a great time together that it is amazing... I actually ended things with him before he got out because of my fears of him going back to the meth.... but my heart truly loved him so we got back together... He is blessed right now that he doesn't have any cravings to use... but he is also learning to prepare himself for that time of when he does adn how he is going to deal with it. He lost alot, like many people do... It is a horrible horrible horrible drug.... You can't want it for them, they have to want to get clean. Good luck!

My fiance has been out of prison for 5 months now. He has been addicted to meth for the past 15 years. He is doing rather well, but he does have his slip ups now and then. He says he hates meth and doesn't want to do it, but the cravings get the best of him and he ends up at a casino, and does meth and gambles away he small savings that he has in his bank account. We have talked about rehabs, but he has already been through two of them and he says that they don't even phase him. Is there any help? Is his life hopeless? He is having a great feeling of hopelessness because he wants to be better and rid his life of this drug, but he doesn't know how. I feel there must be a way, but I dont' know what it is. I have been pleading with God to help us. Does anyone have any insight or are we all in the same boat with no answers????

Christen,
It sounds like both you and your fiance have a good head on your shoulders and could maybe use some "self guidance" of sorts. What I'm thinking of is a workbook I found on the LifeRing Secular Recovery website www.unhooked.com. The workbook is pretty substantial and a great deal for (I think) about $20 -- that's less than a quarter bag of meth costs, right?

Anyway, check out the site and I'd really recommend the workbook, its exercises will really make the two of you to think about your actions and consequences in ways you've never considered. If you're in an area where there are LifeRing meetings they can be a great support as well.

Good luck.

Joe

girl let me tell you dont waste your time tryin to save your man no matter how much you love him... trust me im not sayin this to hurt you i have been though an exact situation. the drug has taken over your man an when this occurs unless he wants to take back his life he aint tryin to do nothing!!!!!

Christen, if he's only been out five months and still has "slip ups now and then" that's not good. A relapse is a relapse, there's nothing small about doing meth, so be careful you don't minimize it. See if there's an al-anon group near you. And the others are right, you sure can't fix him, only yourself and your reaction to him. Good luck hon

ChandMija, I know your pain SO well girl. I swear I can see you looking at him in complete amazement and disappointment of his behavior. I didnt understand either. I also was pregnant thru all this and when she was born, HE was out getting high. He had waited his hole life to have a baby and here he was out getting high instead. Our little girl is now 3 years old, she's never lived in a home with her Daddy. I went thru 1 year and a half ALL ALONE dying inside, trying to understand this all, trying to figure out a way to "fix" him. I thank GOD everyday he was finally busted. Prison is the ONLY thing that has saved his life. He now has 2 years 7 months CLEAN. He CHOOSES not to use today. I can't say he'll choose to stay clean forver, but I can say he's finally sees the BIG picture. Ha at least has a desire to stay clean now. I had to let him go first tho. I had to move away from him and try to pick the pieces of MY life up. For my kids sake. WE CAN"T FIX THEM. BUT we can fix ourselves. We can CHOOSE to make our lives better. I loved him thru it all. I supported him thru it all. Eventho we weren't together he knew he had my heart ALWAYS! I don't have the answers you are looking for, I only know what I had to do. He was making his own decisions, so I had to amke mine. He said ALOT of mean hateful things to me during that time. PLEASE try to not personalize this. I know my Husband has said, he was angry with me cuz I wouldn't let him get away with it. Yet he was disgusted with himself because he wasn't home taking care of business. THe best way to get those feelings out of his heart was to get high.

And they're in a false paradise while you're in a real hell. THis is EXACTLY what it was. COuldn't have said that better myself.

((((HUGS))))

Stacy

Nothing is totally hopeless, but what everyone else says is true. You can't do anything for them. They have to want it desperately for themselves. Not just be ashamed after they crash, not just be sorry for what they've done to loved ones, not just hate prison and not want to go back---they have to be utterly DESPERATE for their OWN sake that they want to make their life different. But that's not all----they also have to accept that the only way their life is going to change is to give up the drug and seek a program, then work that program faithfully till they get past it which can take years. Their recovery has to come first, and that often means not being in a committed relationship. They're in a fight for their very life and trying to be in a relationship distracts the focus from that, which can be fatal.

I've been sober 19 years, I lost my husband to heroin 4 years ago, my daughter is a meth addict but clean for 9 years now, my other daughter is sober several years----there's lots and lots of addiction in my extended family and of course, I've been closely in contact with alcoholics and addicts outside my family both inside and outside of recovery most of my life.

All you can do is take care of you and your children. You can't try to make it easier for him or it will make his addiction worse. You can't make him want recovery no matter what you do. You can't threaten, plead, beg--nothing. Just learn through Naranon how to live your life the best you can and in the long run, that's actually going to be what helps him more than anything, as odd as that sounds.

Great advice Toi! I have learned that as well in dealing with my boyfriend who is a heroin addict. His addiction is not always "active" so to speak, but it is always lying there- waiting. And all I can do is take care of ME. He has to want to be clean and stay clean for himself, not for me or anyone else. You will only end up hurting yourself if you try to figure out a way to help him- there really isn't one. Stay strong for YOU!

How can I forget him completely? I can't. He loves being on it and says that he doesn't want to use it but uses it anyway? I can't even frigging understand him!! I just lended him some money to bail a friend out and found out that friend isn't even in jail at all. I'm so devasted, angry, disappointed, and torn up inside me! I want to get that money back! Will and can I?? The only way for me to forget him and cease my problems is for him to die.

I'm a recovering meth addict. As of July 31st, I will have been clean 3 years. It takes something inside yourself to truly want that change...to crave being whole and healthy more than you crave the dope. I made that decision and never looked back, after binging on the stuff for the better part of 6 years. There's damage done - my teeth are bad, my hair is lifeless and straggly even after all this time, and the holes in my skin became ugly scars. Then there's the psychological aftermath which is in great part a biological abnormality....chronic depression, anxiety, and yeah, on occasions, I still find myself wishing for just one more hit. *sigh*

My beloved husband is in his 3rd year of an 8 1/2 to 13 stretch for manufacturing. I begged him to stop when I wanted to; he wasn't ready. We have kids, and I one day just woke up and said to myself, and to him, "I cannot put the kids through another second of paranoia, of sketched out parents, of this hell". I packed and left, praying that the abscence of his family would bring Eddy to the realization that this is SICK and INSANE!!!!!! It didn't work......Eddy was arrested several months after we left, 1st degree controlled substance crime. But I'm actually GRATEFUL this happened; had he not been taken out of that environment, I'm positive he'd be dead by now the rate he was going. But he was given the chance to clear up his head and now is making wonderful progress. He hasn't gone through his court mandated treatment yet, but he's got time to do that. He's coherent, he's rational, loving, intelligent, calm, clean, and the man I married once again. No, he's BETTER than that now, because back then he hadn't "gotten it" yet. Now, he has. And I couldn't be prouder of him :D OR of myself, for having come this far in the most difficult struggle I've ever had to go through. Meth is insidious, evil, and yes......you're in a false paradise while those who love you are in a very real hell watching you desintegrate into someone they don't even know anymore.

PEACE
Kim

Thank you Kim for you perspective. I've often said those very same words about my husband. "He just hasn't gotten it yet" I believe he has a heck of alot more grasp on reality now :D Congratulations on your your clean time. That is remarkable knowing what I know about this hideous drug. You really HAVE something to be proud of.

((((HUGS))))

Stacy

how you can help:

go to nar-anon for yourself
get a home group
get a sponsor

YOU CAN'T FIX HIM. if a person's own experience doesn't show them that their life needs to change: nothing will. namaste'

My husband is serving a 16 yr Fed sentence because of Meth. A very high price to pay for a 1st time non-violent drug offender. Sad thing is, he's been locked up for a year and now he nows just about everyway there is to cook dope. I didn't even stop once he got arrested. It got to where he was hallucinating every time he did a bump. It was a living hell. I can't tell you the countless nights I spent trying to prove to him that there wasn't anyone in the house. We even set up security cameras inside and watched the tapes so I could prove they werent there, and he would STILL see them lol. Of course, I was sleeping with all theses hundred men AND women in our house. It was a frigging nightmare. Or I was working for the Feds, out to get him, etc...One night it came to a head when he came after me with a baseball bat and I had a sword. thank God there were two people to pull us away from each other, or one might be dead. My husband is the most sweetest, loving, kind hearted person you could meet. But he almost lost his mind from all that. This is sick, but even last night when I was putting lotion on my feet and legs I noticed a nice plump vein and got a urge. It's a sick, sick, addiction that will never go away. I am clean, but I can say if you put it in front of me, I'd have a real hard time. I love my husband, he'd been off meth for 15 yrs before he fell off the wagon. About 5 yrs ago he got into cocaine for a brief time and I could not understand why he couldn't stop. Now, that I've walked in his shows, I understand the power of it. The guilt, hate, and self-loathing you feel towards yourself because you can see the pain it causes your loved ones and your life is falling apart, but it's got control over you. You hate yourself so much that you can't stop so you do more to feel better, then you hate yourself even more.......vicious cycle.