I am having a problem and thought i would throw it out here to vent and get feedback. I cant seem to get a life that i am entirely happy with, without him here. In the meantime i am missing life. I could spend an entire day, and day after day, sitting here writing and writing letters, and not think twice. i did this for so long once that my kids had to remind me that i needed to get out of my room or i was gonna rot. We dont have many visits, he is over 500 miles away. All i have are my letters, and when i get less than 4 a week i feel like i have a irritating rash that i cant scratch.

I always feel so incomlete. How bout you? how many of ya are so effected with the situation in your everyday lives?

Dawn

Dawn, I feel you on your incompleteness. I feel very isolated & lonely. Empty comes to mind. Its very hard & I have found no answers yet. I have not adjusted well. It does not help that I have no support system other than PTO. My daughter is a grown young lady. So I try to not burden her as much because I am alone. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I feel like I will lose my mind. It seems to me though ( just a personal observation) that the more I reach out to him, the more he resents me. So.....it makes me wonder if I should just become very cold hearted. I could not fuction well though without visits. Which I do have. But no phone calls. Letters yes. Sorry. Try to focus on you & your children. Maybe. I just wish I could be more help. :)

My situation is a little different, because its my son. But I do have the same empty feeling. I avoid family get-togethers, its just to painful to be around my neices and nepews (this is my only child). I am also too content to remain at home. Things I used to enjoy hold no pleasure.

At work I am ok, but that is mostly because I have had the same job for over 11 years so i can function on "auto-pilot". I do resent when people try to question me about what is going on with my son. Apparently I can't discuss it isnt enough of an answer to satisfy their curiosity.

When we first got together I was writing everyday and sitting within earshot of the phone just in case he called. (Fifteen years ago)
I do not do that anymore. I think I do what I do regardless whether he was here or not.
I stay busy. I started web design as a hobby last summer. Before that I spent a lot of time doing home decorating. Or other crafts.

I prefer to think he may be home some day and I have to be prepared for him.
I also have to be a "fully functioning" human being.
He is always telling me to do whatever I want to do. Go. Do. Be a part of life.

:)

Dawn, I know exactly how you feel. I get so sad on some days. I write 4-5 letters a week, and maybe get 2 letters back in a week (if I'm lucky). Nothing holds appeal to me anymore. I stopped going to school (lost all motivation). I took a part-time job (so I can visit on weekends) and I dont talk to my family. I feel so isolated. My children go to Grandma's or friends and still I am at home. I feel that emptiness too when I'm not at the prison visiting. I dont even let my fiancee know how bad this is because I dont want him to stress. He would WANT me to get out there and do something. But I never did anything before meeting him. I'm a homebody...! But now I'm beginning to believe that depression is setting in. I was ok with my life before. Now everything has changed. I've changed...My entire life is so different. Sometimes I wish I didn't know about this kind of lifestyle...but here I am!...Yea, his incarceration is definitely hard on me...

Hello Dawn, and eveyone else.. in the funk.. i call it.. Some days are worser than others. "when i am trying to live life" and something joys me ( my son and his prom last fri nite) there is always the pain in my gut, heart and soul thats says wish brian was here, when i see the sun set, when i graduated, when i am happy, sad, everything.. Because i have a 12 step recovery program .. allready , I tend to use that method to ease my pain, and self talk myself.. I just let it ride now, when the depression sets in .. i let it.. then it passes' but sometimes it just feels like "life is nothing without him" .. in it.. but he is doing life.. so what do i do.. I could go on and on.. I know this i need him and he needs me.. and i just show up for life.. try to be kind,and good to yourself.. keep venting .. !!!
Let s talk pm me.! if you want too

"AS THEY SAY " .. ....HMMMM this too shall pass .. and then back again!!
Donna

Donna...Thanks so much for your sharing. I, too, have suffered from chronic depression for years. this month has been good cuz i have been planning a busy summer. I told myself that I will enjoy this summer, unlike last summer. I filled up every single weekend in may. Lately i have been angry, I say its him but its really the situation. He also has been in a real bad depressive funk as well, and i feel that beyond words from him. But all we can do is time... "One Day at a Time!"

Dawn

Dawn, Remember what you said in my thread about Hope? Keep up your faith and take care of the children.. You do have a life it is just different. ( im not sure how else to put it) Stay healthy and strong for him and kids. keep smiling and Ill keep you in my thoughts.

Good luck 2scorpios with your summer projects. It is a good idea for us to keep busy, i go to school (my man 's idea he is always pushing) and work two jobs, and then i try to fit in fun! yoga, hanging out with a few close friends.. my son keeps me busy.. and i always look forward to the visits.. i too, am grateful for the extra time the butterflys in my stomach before he comes out.. i glow when seeing him! This sentence has forced us to really communicate(somedays better than others) and to really connect spritually.

Keep making those plans.. and keep talking and venting
Donna

I play that he loves me, he loves me not game in my head all the time. When I get a letter I'm on top of the world, then when the box is bare it just brings me down. It's a vicious cycle.

dawn...even tho i'm not in the same situation as you....((((((((HUGSSSSS))))))))) anyway !!

sande

Awww Sande, thanks so much for the hugs and for taking the time to reply. You made me smile!

I havent been obsessively writing, been angry lately...just for not having balance. Sometimes i wonder if i do this to myself just to punish myself.

"The Funk" We have a term around the house here, I'll say "I am just having a bad Jerry day" and everyone understands. Its easier to hang in the anger, but the reality is, it hurts, and hurts real bad. But hey, next month we get our phone calls again, that will help, its been a long 6 months. This week i though alot about the things that i am happy with in regards to being alone. Kinda nice not HAVING to talk to someone everyday, when ya dont feel like talking. When i was married last, we would just call and be on the phone wiht nothing to say. It was so irritating. I dont have to worry bout anothers reaction to anything i decided to get up and do, or what time i got home, or who i was with, or who was there, or what i did, or if i had sex! Put it this way, if he were home, i would have some MAJOR adjusting to do! lol

Dawn

I am having a problem and thought i would throw it out here to vent and get feedback. I cant seem to get a life that i am entirely happy with, without him here. In the meantime i am missing life. I could spend an entire day, and day after day, sitting here writing and writing letters, and not think twice. i did this for so long once that my kids had to remind me that i needed to get out of my room or i was gonna rot. We dont have many visits, he is over 500 miles away. All i have are my letters, and when i get less than 4 a week i feel like i have a irritating rash that i cant scratch.

I always feel so incomlete. How bout you? how many of ya are so effected with the situation in your everyday lives?

Dawn
Hi there Dawn, I understand many things that you are feeling. It's hard that he is away but you have to take it 1 day at a time. I haven't read this entire thread yet cuz I could relate more than I can explain. Sometimes it does feel like life is just passing by and you are missing something.

The current situation is our every day life so we have to find some way to cope with it. Cope with who we are? How we might have changed? What we plan on doing? Annnd all that other stuff. It's times like these that you write it down, explain how you might feel, what you are going through that help the most. I am sure many of us in the Lifer Forum can relate.

I am not trying to get personal but have you thought of counseling? I think that helps a great deal. Being able to comunicate with some1 that can listen, understand, give input without the negative judgement. Take care.

Spyda, i appreciate your personal comments. It kinda like if i didnt want them, I wouldnt have put it out there ya know? Counseling is not an option for me. No insurance and real life stuff. You are very right in the self reflection aspect though. I am going through a thing with my kids coming of age and just feel this mid-life thing happening. Your words of advise are one in the same that i often give others...and i will head them... ONE DAY A A TIME!

Dawn

Keep your head up and just take each day as it comes! =)

With or without insurance there are still options for counseling. Well, here in Michigan we have many Guidance Centers that will provide counseling at rates that you can afford. Many hospitals or doctors can send you a referral to these types of agencies. They have reasonable rates that are based on your income.

I am here if you wanna chat. I hope that helps. Take care.

LOL LOL LOL!
Welcome Back Kotter!!! Thanks for the smile today Spyda!
Hugs my friend!

Dawn

LOL LOL LOL!
Welcome Back Kotter!!! Thanks for the smile today Spyda!
Hugs my friend!

Dawn
:D Glad that I could make you smile!!!