Well, as I have posted here several times about my situation with Kevin. He was revoked last September for one year for a DUI. Okay, I payed Susan James $5,000 to represent him. Well, everytime I call her I have to go through her secretary like Ms. James is some kind of pope or president!!! I called today and all the secretary could tell me was we haven't heard anything back on the motions we filed. I get the run around every single time. I think for $5,000 I should have her cell phone and home number. But she refuses to give it to me!!!

Okay, so I called the parole board myself and tried to speak to Ms. Lenyo or Ms. Belser and both of the people that answered the phone were flat out rude to me. All they told me was on violent cases they were backlogged 14 to 16 months and that if he is scheduled to come up in September it will be months from then that he will actually come up. I stated that he is in the honor dorm and that he was out 2 years before his DUI happened and that the counselor at Kilby DID NOT reccomend him to go through SAP because he didn't have a history of alcohol or drug abuse. The person that answered the phone said that the honor dorm won't do any good for him to come up on time but that they will look at that when he does come up. I asked for an estimated time that he would come up and she said since they are so behind, there is no way he will come up in September, more like next September!!!

Why do they revoke someone for 1 year only to have them in there for 2 or 3 years? I know I have ranted on and on but this is my experience with the pain and torture and waiting. I can't continue to live this way. I can't pay my bills and have so much stress on me right now. I am sorry if I depressed anyone.

I feel for you and wish there was someway to e-mail the feds and beg these people to step in and take care of this mess!!!! Enough is enough...I'm like you I don't know how much more of this crap I can take either!

Kevs...breath girl friend.....breath

with the exception of hiring a lawyer we (kenny and I) been dealing with the same thing. I finally have gotten over the fact that we are still 6 months over due. and had high hopes that the second parole board would help catch things up but that hasn't happen either. They claim that they have reviewed ever non-violent offender and they are out of inmates that meet the critia. But no good news for violent offenders. Then they introduced HB539 in the legislature to help with the notification process and it looks like it will help after october but C. Dillard at the parole board answered my email tell me that it wouldn'y go into effect in time to help Kenny. Then we spotted that trash on the parole boards web site (articule 16) which seems to be BS because they are not using it yet...she said it would be used under emergencies only...Heck this is an emergency....

Well here we are 21 months for EOS date....so we have GIVEN UP and lost all faith in anything that the parole board says, does, writes, or anything else. We both refuse to allow them to PLAY with our lives any longer. We will and have been working toward Kennys ESO date and thats it...

I understand your feelings and my prayers are with both of you...Good Luck and please keep us posted..

(kenny is also in on a parole revoked due to a dirty urine test and has completed the SAP program successful...and was sent back for a year...heck it took him a year to get into a class...he'll be back 2 years in august)

kevslady.... my man's parole hearing is set for may 10th... and get this.... he was due to go up in NOV 2002.. they are way behind.. being in the honor dorm makes no difference to them... we are all hoping so much that the feds step in and let the guys that should be let go out... because once the adoc gets a hold of them, it doesnt seem to want to let go....

I do understand too your pain, although my man is not non violent he is a first timer with no priors and still got prison time, another frustration. We too paid a lawyer 5,00 and we too are about tapped too. he was denied parole cause he didn't take sap not ordered i know the feeling well. it was like reading our story. he is almost through with sap and i too emailed the board and was told he was reviewed and coming up soon. spoke to the person who schedules the hearings just to hear she cant find his name but it must be here somewhere if thats what you were told. i am so angry but i have turned this over to god and like you all hope something comes up soon. good luck

Hey ya'll, well I am at a point where I am going to have to write Kevin with the bad news and I honestly don't think that he can handle it. He is also in a prison that doesn't offer SAP if he were suppose to go through it. I believe that the counselor at Kilby should be held accountable for not reccomending it in the first place if that is what the parole board wanted him to do. I have never been through anything this painful in my life. We were together 7 months before he got locked up and now it's been a year since he was arrested by his parole officer. I find the memories so painful and yet fading because he has been gone so long. When I go see him it is like I am visiting another person- a look alike- and not actually the man that I loved out here. I know this sounds crazy but I feel that my love is slipping away by all of the stress of the past year. I wake up and think is this really what my life has beome? I applaude all of you who are strong and able to get through this and go on with your lives. I just don't think I am that strong a person because I have always been emotionally needy.
I didn't mean to upset any of you and I know all of you love your men and women in the prison system. I do love him but I just don't know if that is enough for me right now.

I wish each and every one of you the best in fighting and waiting for your loved ones.

girl dont feel bad i caved during the first two months of his second time, and left him before the third ( i knew it was coming).....my life cant handle a man behind bars, im not made of the same tough stuff some of these others are....none the less i think the world of them, and i sometimes wish i had it in me but when i hear things like what you are saying i dont really want my heart drug through all that so thats why i stay kept to myself other than to be his friend, when he gets out....who knows....miracles do happen and he may be able to win my trust again, but girl i feel so sorry for you if you ever need someone to talk to im here....

Kevslady, I'm sorry you are going through this. if you need to talk, pm me. I've been living this life for 10 years now and i understand everything you are feeling.
((((hugs))))
sue

Come on Kev,you are strong enough to do this.Just think you already have a year behind you.So why throw away that year that you have stuck by his side.As you can see we pretty much all feel this way from time to time,God knows I do.I've wondered many times why did I put myself in this situation?But then I think about the way my life would be without Lee and I know I've just gotta stand by my man(as Loretta Lynn would say)Girl you have just gotta listen to your heart and it will tell you what to do.Just pick that head up and keep moving foward.As for the money deal I'm right there with you,I'm wondering right now"how am I gonna have the money I've gotta have by Friday"If you need me all you gotta do is PM me.

Hey Kev, Sorry Girl Wy Wife Has Only Been In Co. For 6 Weeks And Tutwiler 2days . But What We Went Thru B4 All This Was Like Being In Prison Itself. It Got To Us A Lot Of Times But We Stayed With Each Other Even Tho Sometimes We Both Would Say Whats The Use And Want To Give Up. I Stopped Her A Couple Of Times Trying To End It When It Would Get So Bad Now This. I Can Tell A Change In Her Allready And We Talked About It. She Told Me That She Had To Change Some To Be Able To Get Thru It. But Said She Would Never Allow Her Love For Me To Change Except To Get Even Stronger.maybe You Need To Ask Yourself If This Is Just Another One Those Times. Then Think About Your Memories Before All This. What It Was That Made You Fall In Love With Him And Let Him Know You Need To See That Charm Again. Everything Needs A Tuneup Occasionaly.pm Me Also If You Need To.

kev, you have some endless good advice here from everyone....you know you are not alone....joe allways said he would never go to jail and keep up a relationship on the outside cause it killed him to wonder if she was cheating and stuff (which ultimately he didnt mean)....well he kinda ran me out of his life the last time he went to jail cause if i wasnt here everytime he called id get the trillion questions about where i was who i was with and blah blah blah....i think ultimately your decision should fall on where you want to see you in the future....he did something that caused him to be where he is (too long of a story to go into but i stand firmly by the beilef that if joes family had meant as much to him as he did to us, he wouldnt have choose to commit another crime....it took a long time for the kids and i to accept the fact that we would never have done him that way and choose to leave him) and if hes a level headed person he couldnt blame you for not wanting to commit the next however long to being tied down to a relationship that has no one there to carry it out with....i know im the only person here to give you the "its ok" to back out...but i want you to know that it is....no matter what, no one can blame you if you choose not to carry the torch for him any longer....i have come to peace with my choice to let joe go....it doesnt mean i dont love him i know ill prolly never find anyone that i love as much as i do him....but there is a certain amount of peace that comes from not being the person waiting by the phone, or to worry endlessly about his wellbeing EVERY MIN OF EVERY DAY like i have before....my kids are so much more important to me that any man could ever be, and they saw what his incarcertation was doing to our lives....we would miss certain things just to be here and answer that phone...that kept my kids on hold and i vowed never to do that again....not to mention that they deserve their mom to be happy and i just never was thrilled to see myself in a ghost relationship...no matter what you choose girl, i know it will be the right choice for you ....again i just wanted you to know that its ok to not want this road...take it from me, none of my friends ever saw me not standing by him (allthough i still help him with things when i can) i dont live my every day for the pain that having a mate in prison can produce....call me weak, but you have to know it took alot of inner strength to walk away from it as it was all i knew

peace be with you girl

I am so sorry that you and Kevin are having to go through this, girl!! I hope everything gets better for you two. Ya'll are both in my thoughts and prayers. Also, if you need to talk...feel free to pm me...okay! Just keep ya head up and follow your heart.
Selena

I value each and every one of your advice. I want ya'll to know that. When this first happened I was told by his lawyer and parole officer that he probably wouldn't be revoked for a first DUI misdemeanor because the prisons are overcrowded. My life from the time he was arrested by his parole officer up until this point has been waiting, hearing certain things, hoping something would happen then to hear the bad news that I heard today. I can't stand this rollercoaster. And Kevin is always needing something. I have tried so hard to help him only to be sent another letter from him stating that he needs this or that. I am TIRED. I can't even mow my yard without breaking down and crying. I don't have gas money to go see him this Sunday and frankly, I am tired of spending the money on gas, food and the wear and tear on my car. My phone bill is outrageous and just recently I put my foot down and made him quit calling me so much unless it was an emergency or he had good news. I need him to help me with all of these bills that he promised before this happened. He says he cares but it's hard for me to believe when all I hear from him is about the new pair of sorts or sneakers that he wants/needs. In my opinion, he should get by on what little he can and forget about the extras. I didn't create this situation. I need to pay the house payment mean while he is worried about shoes and soap!!

He tells me he loves me but it has gone in one ear and out the other due to the stress of worrying about him and being mad at him. He had it made before this happened. He was working and he had me by his side. I just don't understand. I know he needs something in there to take his mind off of the terrible situation he has gotten himself into. But, to drag me down and make me struggle has made me second guess his true feelings for me.

I hope I didn't offend anyone. But has anybody else had somebody in there that just never was satisfied with what you did for them? According to Kevin, I'm not calling enough, writing enough, sending enough etc....I could be doing something to get him out sooner. He just doesn't realize that he is overly confident. That is what has gotten himself in this situation-AGAIN!

Well, I will drop this. I am glad that there is a place that I can come too where you all know what to say. Thanks guys!

girl you sooooooooooo just told my story from the last time joe was in ....that time he seemed to ask for money all the time, phone calls that added up to hundreds of dollars a month, the visits were costly and EXPECTED even if the kids and i wanted to go do something out of town....you have no idea how much they can survive without all that, heres the proof, he got to see when i took him back after he got out just how much his wanting of things cost this family as we were so far under i still dont think im recovered financially from the time before....he writes in his letters all the time about the guys in his dorm that are scamming their families out of money telling them they have nothing but actually they are doing quite well....he said it breaks his heart cause hes seen what that scam does to those families some will sell things of importance just to see the inmate have the thing they are NEEDING, when its all said and done the money isnt going neccassarily to the NEED they explained...but this time, he has zero money coming in (he runs a hustle, just as he would out here till he found work)...he has to work the inside of that place to get what he needs to survive, ive sent zero money in two years and neither has anyone else...i accepted calls for a few months till it caused me extreme financial stress and he understood and allthough he misses talking to me he writes to me and tells me how he knows its not neccassary to put that on me he knows he can survive wihtout it....he has NEVER gotten a pair of shoes out of me...and some might see me as a hardened selfish person....but girl i want you to know i begged him NOT to do this again, and when he fell off the boat 2 weeks later i didnt want to see him on the streets so i gave him 700 dollars to go rent a place (as i couldnt allow him to detox around the kids) and he took that money and went and hooked up with a prostitute....never spent it on getting hisself straight for his family...girl ive never spent one day in prison and do you know why? its not cause i dont want to break the law God only knows the number of times ive considered it for various reasons.....its cause i refuse to put my family through such meaningless crap! that to me shows im far from selfish....im so proud of you for facing the same crossroads i did a while back and still holding your own....you deserve to have shoes girl, you work, you pay your bills, you should get the shoes and when you decide that you are worth putting this effort into you will slowly become whole again, even without a mate....i am not trying to TELL you to end your relationship i just want you to see that you dont have to do this to you....i have friends that have mates in prison and they admit to me the same things you have just said yet they dont know how to walk away....they feel that if they do it is the worst, lowest thing you could do to a human, but please think back to the very thing that made this picture what it is....its not your actions or mine, we are merely the ones that would stand beside someone that stood beside us....example: i was an army wife for 7 yrs and he flew missions all over the world he was allways gone....sometimes for a year straight, WE LOVED IT...we made more money, it was allways time for me and the kids to do things together, and we allways remained faithful to one another....the reason it worked is due to the fact that i knew he was allways doing something positive for his family....when someone is away because of a noble reason you have no problem having the strength to pull through....but when you know in the back of your mind that your mate is away due to his/her choosing something over you...it will kill you...i refused to let it do me that way.....please know girl that if you need me to call you and talk to you in your time of need i will do so....i pray that Gods will be done in your life

Nicely said Ragland.Kev if he is always needing something tell him you also have needs.Such as you need a place to live,a car to ride in and they don't run on air,you need lights for your house,you need groceries and maybe just maybe when all that's taken care of YOU need nice things for yourself.It's not like he needs nice new shoes to walk around in jail or to wear just for work.Of course we all like to have nice things,but I don't believe that any of us here are the kind of people who have enough money that we don't have to worry about how we manage our money.I think he has a problem figuring out his priorities.Does he not realize what kind of problems you are facing since you are having to pay everything alone,since he couldn't stay out of trouble.Don't get me wrong I love Lee with all my heart,but he doesn't always need something.He gets his draws from camp and gives them to me,so I can pay the bills a little easier,and it's still hard.Girl I hope you get to see him soon,you really need to give him a wake up call.Whatever you decide we will back you on it 100%

I forgot to tell you I hope everything works out.And I made a goof in the other thread I was thinking he was in work release and was getting to work.But that just makes it worse,what in the he** does he need new shoes for?Men,you have to love them or we would kill them all.lol.