I am curious to see what everyone has told their children. Have you told them where daddy/mommy is or not and if you have how much of the truth have you told?


I told my kids the total truth in terms they could understand...I told them that daddy made a bad choice and took someone else's money and now he had to go to jail to work to pay back the money. I reassured themt hat daddy was a good man eho made a mistake. Although I am glad I told them the truth I wish I had not told them that he took someone's money--I think that was a little too much info....

Amelia- I NEVER lie to my kids-no matter what the circumstances- Since my kids range in age from 5 to 17 I told them all the truth in an age appropriate fashion-Actually Ron and I told them together-
I know it is each individual's choice how they handle telling or not telling their kids about their parent being in prison, but I think it can be very detrimental to children to NOT tell them the truth. It can affect trust, security, esteem and all kinds of ongoing issues in their lives. I feel it is important to always be truthful with your children-even when you have done something wrong. It teaches them important principles of honesty, accountability, and responsibility. It also helps show our children that we are all imperfect human beings and will make mistakes, and that there are consequences for bad decisions. Most importantly, it shows them the power of unconditional love.

I won't vote, I don't have kids, but I can tell you that most people I have asked have not lied to their kids about where mommy or daddy is. Even the younger ones who might not understand what prison is, personally I feel it's better to tell them exactly where there parent is and then when they are old enough to grasp it, to sit down and explain it again.

I, like soul sliver, do ont have children so I won't vote. I do have a friend and her husband was doing a brief stint in prison. She told her daughter that "Daddy was away at work." The little girl (who was about 6) overheard the truth and was so hurt. She couldn't believe that her Mommy would lie to her. After she found out the truth (some 6 months after he was locked-up) they took the little girl to visit. Her first words to her Daddy - "Can I come and live with you in prison? All Mommy does is lie to me." The lying hurt everybody all the way around.

I believe that as soon as a child asks a certain question, it is ready for an honest answer.

My children depend on me being honest to them, I think it would hurt them if I lied or gloryfied anything.

My son knows because he was part of the charge.

MY CHILDREN ALSO KNOW WHERE THEIR FATHER IS.THEN AGAIN HES BEEN IN AND OUT FOR A MAJORITY OF THEIR LIVES.I TOO AGREE THAT WHEN THEY ASK,TELL THEM

I told Sierra that her dad was in school but of course this was when she was about 2 yrs old she is 5 about to be 6 jan 30 she now knows that her dad is in prison i didnt tell her someone else did and she asked me about it and of course i did confirm it.

I voted. I believe in honesty is alwasy the best policy. How ever, I do know some things are better not said. I will give an example. Becca's best friend's father sales drugs, I do not want my little girl over there in that inviroment. She would ask, i would tell her no. Her friend is allowed to come over here, but becca cant go over there. We did not want to tell becca all the details cause we were ot sure what all her firend knew of her father. So we simply told becca no, she could not go. Boy, did that ever get her madder then a dog. As she got older, we decided to tell Becca, but that was way later. Of course t his whole time her friend knew. I did not know that of course. When we sat becca down and told her, she looked at me, and said'" wow, momma, that is old news and she done told me that." well excuse me, i did not know,lol

Honesty is a character trait that I hope to pass on to my kids; yes, I've told them where my uncle is -- and actually, my daughter who's 9, knew before I did. It was her friend that accused my uncle of inappropriate touching, so my daughter was interviewed by the arresting detective -- first to make sure she was not a victim herself, then to see if she was a witness to anything. In both cases, the answer was no.

My uncle was considered a grandfather to both of my kids and very close to them; my uncle more-or-less raised me and never laid a finger on me ... a child psychologist who I took my kids to after his arrest told me my kids were okay as well. I have never hidden or lied about his arrest and subsequent incarceration from them.

The hardest thing for me is to be supportive of him, while abhoring what he did. I've heard a saying once of "Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner" ... that's so true.

I haven't told my kids where my boyfriend is and I don't plan on doing so. I don't feel that they need to know; it wouldn't help anything. It will come up when they're older, I'm sure, but not right now. They're 5 and 7, by the way.

Yes I've told my children. This has affected our entire family, and in order to get thru the kids pain and confusion, it had to be talked about. A good strong family is open and honest. The children are a part of a family, and they have a right to know and feel what they should. THe only way to work thru bad situations is to have open communication. Besides, how can I expect my children to be honest individuals if I lie to them?

Stacy

Yes, I told my kids the truth. They have known what was going on throughout the trial and all. My 8 year old will tell anyone in conversation without shame where his dad is and I don't try to stop him. Basically I don't care what the general public thinks. We have supportive friends and family. All four of my kids and grandson support him and eagerly await his return home. I'm thankful for a strong supportive family.

Even though our daughter is only 3 years old, she knows the truth. I told her when she first asked why she doesn't have a daddy like other kids do (that was around age 2). I'm not sure if she fully understands what prison is, but she asked me to show her the place where daddy is. So I went on the FL DOC site and showed her a picture of the prison where he's at and also took a "virtual tour" with her (they let you navigate around a prison complex, a cell, etc.).
About 6 months later, we went to a card store, to get a birthday card for a friend....I wouldn't have seen it, but my daughter pointed it out to me: they had a card with a sad looking frog behind bars (it was a "sorry, I couldn't make it in time...happy belated B-day" card); she pointed at that card and said "daddy". It broke my heart. But I'd rather be honest with her than lie to her.

I have told my daughter the truth since she started asking questions about her dad. I was only 3 months prego when he went in and so this is all she has known. She has no reason to be ashamed or her father or where he is. Just the other day this came up cause a little boy in her 1st grade class starting making fun of her saying HAHAHA your dads in prison. I told her to walk up to the boy tell him to shut his mouth and if continues to tell the teacher and if that dont work tell h im well Yeah but atleast my dad didn't get hit with the ugly stick!! heheh I could not resist. I WILL NOT TOLERATE kids teasing her and she will not sit idly by and let them do it.

Tereasa, I like your attitude about your daughter standing up for herself AND her dad! Tell her, way to go, girl! :)

It's good to see you here. I've been wondering how you've been doing lately.... Btw, this is Susanne (ProudGirl).

S :cuffs: J

Hey chickie!!! Glad to see you to sis! We are doing fine in the process of getting Casey moved to Missouri to finish his sentence. I got a letter from the warden last week saying that as soon as she got the paperwork from treatment she would approve it and send it on to RICHMOND DOC and then once they approve it it goes to MO for approval then hopefully he can be here by xmas. Keep your fingers crossed girlie! How are you and the little miss? I will talk to you soon and take care of yourself and the little one.

Tereasa

That would be so awesome! I'm having my fingers crossed. If it was easier, I'd even cross my toes. :D

Little S and I are doing good. Thanks for asking.
Jules is finally coming around, he even wants to come to Austria when he gets out and calls me Mrs. XXXXX, like he used to in the past. YAY!
I just typed another letter to him, usually I handwrite them, but this time it's 10 pages on my computer, and that would make it about 20 pages when I handwrite it. Plus it needs to go out tomorrow.

Well, keep in touch!

S :cuffs: J

i just found out my mom told me she said i was to young befor im 14 and i dont understad still i no hes there but why cant he get out like everyones elese does that mean he will die in jail

I knew my dad was in prison, but my little sisters thought he was in college. Our neighbors told them the truth during a heated arguement. It was sooo sad that they had to find out that way. I think I was in about 7th grade while my sisters were in 5th and 2nd grades. They were traumatized both by the fact that they found out from the neighbors, and that they had been lied to. I would definately tell the truth, regardless of how much it may hurt.

I, unlike everybody else, did not tell my children where their father is at. My children are 2 and 7 months, and my son, who is not his, is three. They all think their father is at work. They are too young to understand prison, they still have trouble knowing the difference between right and wrong. Their daddy will be home soon anyways, he'd only been gone 15 months, so why even trouble them. Some day when they are older and wonder why he isn't in any of the pictures then we will tell them together what he did wrong and that he took his punishment.

At first I didn't tell our children anything. Mainly because I really didn't know what was going on. Once he was sentenced is when I told them every thing. They know what he did was wrong and we are not upset with him.

I didnt tell our Son anything but he lived in another state. Up til the time he wanted to know more which was about 7 or 8 yrs old and then I told him. He is there because he made wrong choices.
Also we were about to visit within a few months. So, I really had no choice and no matter what the reason, I do feel that kids need to know of and who their parents are. Moms and Dads.

I waited until I found out all I could about what was going on before I told my 2. Then I told them the truth and now when they have a question they know I will tell them the truth. They both are not my husband's but they love him so much. They try to write letters and pictures and it helps both sides.
What burns me :mad: up is that his ex. wanted him to call and tell HIS 2 boys that he was too busy working so he could not come and get them for visits. She finally did tell them but it seems to me from what they say is that she put it across as his choice not to take care (http://www.adsrve.com/linkredirect.php?h=502,22515738,prisontalk.com,0) of his obligations. As if he didn't care enough about them. The boys are now mad at him, and they won't hardly say anything to him when she lets him call. which has only been twice. She has hung up the last 3 days so I don't believe she will let him have contact with the boys at all now til he gets out. It's killing him. I'm worried about them and about what will happen when he gets out and tries to talk to them. The truth would have so much easier. To lie makes the pain last longer and causes more pain for everyone. With my two it was over with quick and now we are healing together.

I didn't lie, I just didn't tell her. His last phone call she heard the recording and asked him where he was. She wasn't satisfied with N.C. He finally told her that he was in a place where bad people go. She said "daddy are you in jail?" when he said yes, she said okay, here is mommy.

Tatinee I agree with you.. I see most of you believe honesty is the best policy but sometimes the saying "what you don't know won't hurt you" really is on point. My gilrls are small and their Dad had" personal issues" that led him to his incarceration. He was never a bad father and he didn't hurt anyone else besides me & the girls when he got locked up and put away, but what he did was so minor he got time more based on his past record although "they" say that shouldn't matter on a new case it does. He was put in a minimum facility right away and got approved for casat in only 4 months of being in the system, and only a month right after he got sent to Upstate prison.He's been gone for almost ten months now and we'll be seeing him in a few days. I feel I did what was best for my children. I feel if one day my oldest asks more or want to know more he should try to explain it to her. Why make daddy look like an animal when he's only been a Super Hero to them? They are only babies. Now if you have older children, that's like still trying to tell them Santa does exist. They Know the truth regardless. If my oldest was to ever question me well then maybe I'll take a different approach, but I never took them there(Prison).. It was hard for us all but we made it somehow. As a couple, as two parents, you decide what's best for your babies. Not what people say or family members believe as a parent you know what is best for your baby. Peace*

When my kids were really young (like 3/4) I didn't tell them that their dad went to prison for a year. Since then he has died and I am marrying someone in prison. My kids are now 11/12 and they know where my boyfriend is.

Just for the record I don't make a habit of going out with people in prison...it just worked out that way. But I do tell my children the truth about J and they are very excited about having him in their llives when he comes home!

I dont have any kids, but I have a friend who visits her husband in a prison, and she told her kids straight up what he was in prison for. She said the reason for telling them is so they could learn from there fathers mistake and become a better person in life. I agree with her. I think a child should be told what there parent is incarcerated for...if asked.

Mine were 11, 7, and 2 (now 14, 10, and 5) when Eddy went down. Every one of them knows where dad is and why he's there, to the smallest detail, and when he is expected to be released. Neither I nor my husband believed that lying or sugarcoating the truth would be in their best interests, and the truth would come out regardless anyways. They know daddy has an addiction problem and his incarceration is because of the addiction (he's a nonviolent drug offender).
PEACE
Kim

Right now my son is only a year & 17 months old. I have only said that Daddy is Away right now he has done something that isn't right and he will be home as soon as he can...Not like my son really understands that. He knows that Daddy isnt around but I always took him up to the Jail to see Daddy and My son lights up whenever he see his Daddy. Next Thursday will be our first contact visit with Daddy and Thats when I think my son will be crying afterwards and really wondering why isnt Daddy coming home with us. I have told my husband that it isn't my place and I will not tell my son the truth because My husband is the one that needs to explain to our son why he isn't home with us. So when that time comes my husband will have a talk with our son about all of this.

i my self don't have kids, but my b/f has 3 sons, ages 14,16,and 18. he had told his sons a year ago, when he commited the crime, that he would possibly be going to jail but he didn't know when. and when he got the letter 9 months ago stating they were going to begin the process of charging him, he then had to tell them that now was the time. i don't believe he told them exactly everythign that happened, but he did tell them what he did and why. they understand and are dealing with it...though they spoken with him on the phone twice a week since then, except since 2 months ago his wife cut the collect calls...but they have not been to see him once because his wife claims to have lost their birth certificates...anyhow, sorry...but yes, he has told his kids and believes in being honest...but i also agree that deending on the mistake/crime, some details can be left out and the kids will still undertsand the basics of what's going on.

We told our kids the truth..we have 5 ages 14,9,8,5,2.....and we told them...of course the two year old does not understand but I will only be serving a 16 month sentence...so I will be back soon...I leave in 2 weeks.....right after the kids start school...but the older ones have known the possibility of my going for quite some time....I do not hink the younger ones really understand the concept of it yet nor do they realize how long it will be before they see me again.....but I believe honesty is the best policy.
Dawn

I guess I am the odd one here, but I did not tell my kids where their dad is.He has 4 mos left of a 1yr sentence.I did not want their opinion of their dad to change, untill they were truly old enough to understand the whole thing.I also did not want them to get teased, and a lot of my family does not know, just my immediate family, so we wanted it to stay that way.This was my personal decision, they talk to him evey week on the phone and they think he is away working.My boys are 6,4 and 1.

I have four year old twins and they think daddy is working. I think they are too young to understand. he will be home soon and one day when they are older we will explain how dad got screwed by the system and for them to take that as a warning to be careful who you hang around etc.!

We did tell our 2 kids who are 14 & 17 the complete truth, however not when my husband was first arrested. Not knowing exactly how all the court proceedings would go, we waited until he was sentenced so we had concrete info to tell them... If I could do it all over, I would have told them alot sooner to give them more time to adjust to their Dad having to go away for 3 yrs.We only were trying to protect them and spare them the day to day anquish we had been dealing with..

I wish someone would have told me!Not when I was 6 of course, but to find out 20 years later! I felt like the laughing stock of the neighborhood. They whole freakin' city knew my father was a murderer, but my sister and I were in the dark.

My kids have known sience day one, Dec.23 2003 Bub's charge is actually V.O.P due to domestic violence they know he made a wrong discission. On anight that should of been happy for our 5 kids turned out to be the worst night of their young lives. they didnt actually SEE daddy hit mommmy but they heard everything.I'm not glad that they know about that,but i am glad that my boys know if you feel the need to hit a woman you will go to jail.Bub and I have talked to our kids about that night they forgive him (just like I do) but none of us we ever FORGET.

My husband and i did not tell our 3 year old daughter the truth. My husband has been gone for 3 months and my daughter asks everyday where her daddy is and i just tell her that daddy is in California (we ive in GA, my husband is in south GA) working with grandpa and that is how she keeps getting toys and new clothes, she seems to be fine with that answer. It breaks my heart everytime I have to lie to her, but this is what my husband has asked me to do. Our daughter thinks that daddy can do no wrong and I don't want to destroy her idea of her daddy. amanda waiting for my love tp come home

well my daughter is only 15 mths but she knows that her daddy is not here.. He hasnt been here since i was 3 wks preg. But i am not going to lie to her. I mean when she gets older and ask why wasnt my daddy here. She will know y he missed her beginning stages of her life ... She has pictures of all 3 of us when we visit him so she knows him and she keeps the pictures with her all the time.. His pics are up so she can see daddy whenever. I feel like this y lie for when she gts older and finds out the truth she will not resent me for i will have told her the truth.. i tell everyday that daddy is a good person that made a mistake and he has to pay for that mistake .. that mistake doesnt mean he loves her or me anyless.. When we go see him she is so estactic. anyone says anything bad about him she gets upset and shes been like that since the womb.. they are very close.. And i know some may think cuz she is only 15 mths she doesnt know the difference but she does and to her he is her world.

My neice just turned 4 and one of hte older kids in her neighborhood told her that her mom was in jail.. my sister in law has been in carcerated for 1 year and they have been telling her that her mom was out of town.. Now my neice is very angry toward her grandparent and especially her dad.. Everytime anyone tells her anything she always follows it with how do i know you not lying... They say it is alot better than the initial reaction when they had to reveal the truth.. she was constantly saying she hate them and she was overly angry and took it out on anyone with in reach of her lil feet and fist..

To each is own how you deal with it is your own choice...

My son who is 3 knows that my fiance is in prison. My son will tell you that he's in lockdown, he got arrested. I take him to visit with me at least once a month. He knows that he can't come home with us but one day he will. He calls my fiance daddy. His biological father hasn't seen him since he was 6 days old. I have been totally honest with my son about where my man is. I've explained to him that he was naughty and is on a long time out in prison, but will be coming home to us. I don't underestimate the knowledge and understanding of my son. He knows and I will continure to be honest with him. I think everyone should be honest with their kids. They learn honesty, trust, etc... from us, so if we lie to them or hide the truth, what does that teach them?

We've told the kids where their step-dad is and why he is there. We didnt give them all the details, but we told them that it was because he stole. Theyre 10, 9 & 5. They asked and we didnt lie. I believe in being honest with them, because i expect honesty from them. They dont mind at all. It seems to have strengthened their characters. they arent judgemental.

I have twins that are 5, my brother has been in jail since before they where even thought of. I took them to see him when they were babies and then about once a year after that. He is in jail for murder I dont want them to know that as of yet and they dont ask but if they did I would just sugar coat it...

My daughter thinks my boyfriend is working up in the mountains right now. I told her he was in a special program and she won't be able to see hime for over a year. She talks to him on the phone, and they write to each other, but I make sure to get rid if the envelopes, and address hers for her.

She just turned 10 and while many probably don't agree with me, I feel she has no business knowing that he's in jail. Why upset her, peak her curiosity about prison, have her worry, have her discuss it with schoolmates? For me it's not worth it. I don't normally keep things from her, but in this situation I feel it's better for her not to know. Even if she did, I would NEVER bring her to the prison. My daughter is not my boyfriend's child, so maybe I would feel differently, but I doubt it. This was a decision BOTH my boyfriend and myself decided would be best. HIS OWN daughter who is almost 5 is completely unaware that he is in prison also. Actually she too thinks he's "working." He said he didn't want his baby girls to see him down. That his daughter just wouldn't understand, and he didn't want mine stressing over him.

I think if he had a really long bid, I would have to alter my decision, but this is what works best for us.

Myself and My husband took the truth issue very seriously, being as we thought the truth would have proven his innocence and it didn't. We are firm believers in letting our children know what is going on around them. Although we didn't tell them until after the trial. My children were 5,7,9 at the time. We told them everything at an appropriate level. They know what Daddy was charged with and that Daddy didn't do anything wrong. My children have had hard times at school also, and I am like so many of you ladies there is nothing to be ashamed of, whether you made bad choices or just got the shaft. Jail isn't anything our children should be ashamed of. We are all human and we all make mistakes. I find myself looking at crime and punishment in a whole new light now and I want my children to do the same. After all our children will be our leaders one day. If we teach them know what is and isn't right, then maybe by the time we are old they will have changed all of this. Our children hold the keys to what this world can be. The standards we place in them as they are small will make a difference. That is what I believe. So yes while I do agree with some about the age issues ,I would also have to say the truth will always come out. Because that is what I hope and pray for daily. The TRUTH will bring my hubby and their Daddy home one day.

Roxanne

I told the HALF-truth...
She knows her dad is in prison for a long time but she doesnt know what he was convicted of. I told her he was hanging out with the wrong people, not listening to his mom, and he got in trouble, doing something he shouldnt have. I feel like she is a part of him and I dont want her to personalize his crime. She has been raised in a very moral household and I dont want her to think bad of herself because of some mistake her dad made. She loves him and he loves her and when shes old enough and can understand everything completely I will tell her the whole truth.
I think it is a personal decision, everyone has to make it for themselves and their situation.

I'll tell her at different times of the day what he is really doing, like working, sleeping, watching football, etc. but no i don't tell her he is in prison because a 3 year old has no concept what prison is. and i don't want to tell her that "daddy was bad" and had to go away because she may then think that if she does something bad she'll go away too. When she gets a little older (it's looking like he won't be home-or at least to the work release 5min away till 2006) and can understand a little better i will be more than happy to explain. But right now no.

Our daughter may only be 15 months old but she knows the truth. Honesty is the best policy.... she was there when her daddy went back to prison... even still, she may not remember, but her daddy will never forget its best to let her try to understand... she even goes to see him in prison.. just because their daddy's are locked up don't mean they're bad people.... they are still deserving of their childs love....:D

Yes--I told them the truth. And then while my husband was out on bail awaiting sentencing, he sat down and told them the truth as well. To our 11 and 8 year old he explained more than he did to the younger two. To help our 4 and 2 year old understand he explained how he had made some very bad choices and that he was being given a 2 year time out. Our 4 year old said "wow, you must have really made mommy mad" and (with tears) he said that yes he did, but that was not why he was going to jail. He explained to them how he broke some rules and that for adults that meant he needed to go to jail but that it was important for him to take responsibility for his bad choices. They seemed to get it. It was a really emotional and touching night. However, my kids have handled it well.

Now that he is on the inside I have had to help our 4 year old with terminology. He was just a little too easy to say "I love my dad and he's in jail right now and won't be back until I turn 5 and then 6." This was a very public situation so it didn't bother me too much as everyone we know was aware of what was going on; however, my 11 year old daughter confided in me that she was embarrassed when her brother said that. So we helped him to say that his dad "was living at xxxx now."

I really think my kids knowing the truth has been good for them. They are very understanding and constantly pray for their dad's safety. We have talked about how we can love someone and be upset with what they have done at the same time. And, when they catch me crying they offer a hug and tell me "it's okay to be sad mommy, I'm sad too. But daddy will be home again soon." I've got the best kids!!!

I am all about being honest with kids about things that effect them.

I am also about letting kids make decisions for themselves as well.

All of this went down when my kiddo was in 2nd grade, & she knew what was going on, i really didnt have to tell her much.

Now she is in 4th grade & has adjusted, though i can tell its still hard on her.

These kids with parents inside face a harder life adjustment then 'normal' kids who arent in their situation.

Its up to us to make it as painless as possible.

I am not sure if I want to tell my 4 year old daughter to know that I will soon be going to Federal prison for 18 months because I know she may tell someone in her pre-school.

I have had a lot of negative reactions to my crime from people already, so I automatically expect the worst. I am not sure I want to subject my daughter to that.

What if I tell her when she is older, like 10 or 12, when she van keep a secret. I am afraid the kids and the parents of the other kids may treat her meanly if they knew the truth.

Thoughts anyone?

Yes, my kids know where their daddy is. We visit him every other week as well. I have gave them age appropriate reasons why he is in there, but they still don't understand. They know that he loves them and wants to be home with them, and they understand that he can't come home until they are all grown up. It's sad all the way around.

I told my girls where their dad was. The 18 year old has the complete story because of her age and she understands a lot more. With my 11 year old she was told that someone made charges against daddy and that they have to check them out and that daddy needs to stay in jail until they do. she didn't ask what the charges were at all.
He has been in the jail for 7 months now and she keeps asking when daddy will be home and I tell her the truth that we don't know because they are still working on the case and everytime it comes up in court it is an continuance. He has now entered a plea, but we have decided to wait until the sentence day just in case they change any of the time I don't have to go through the same talk again and hurt her all over.
When she wants to know what daddy did to have to go to jail/prison then we will tell her together. I feel she needs to hear the complete truth from her father because she is going to have questions that I don't have the answers too.
Our sentencing date is for Nov. 2nd.
She doesn't tell any of her friends that her dad is in jail though neither of the girls do she just tells them he staying with his Aunt. I didn't tell her this she made it up on her own because this was where he was at when he got arrested.
She gets to start having visitations possibly this week for the 1st time in 7 months.
Toshacat

I told my daughter where her dad is at. I just told her that he made a bad decision and that he would have to work and be their for a while to pay for it.

We had our son while Daddy was in jail. It is all our son has known so far. It is just a part of our reality. He is 5 and has known for years that daddy is in jail because it is like a really big time out.I won't lie to my son.Mostly he just wants simple answers for questions.He's not ashamed that daddy is in jail. It just is.

Hello all. I am in Dallas, TX and my kids' dad was just sent to Middleton Unit in Abilene. My children are 2, 3, 4! My daughter (the oldest) is by another man, however, she does not know that. She only knows this man as her daddy. They at first would say their daddy was in jail. Mainly my middle child, Jr. After going to daycare and just in general telling everybody that their daddy was in "jail" I decided to change it up and now they say he's at work far away and can't come home yet. I figure they do not know the difference between jail and anything else, for they are too young to know or understand what jail is. All they know is he's not here. They still don't get the concept of far away b/c they still argue w/me and say their daddy is going to take them here or there "tomorrow". It's very hard to see them cry when I can't explain why they can not see him. When he was in county, they got to talk to him all the time. Now, that's changed.

I tell my son and I take him to every visit. But it doesnt matter since he is only 5 months. His father wants him to know when he gets older I guess thats so our son doesnt follow his fathers actions.

its hard enough on the kids to not have mommy and daddy there and i think that lieing to them is going to hurt them even more because when they find out the truth they arent going to trust you cause they will think that you lied to them there whole life. i might not know anything only being 16 but my whole life my dad was gone and my mom told me he didnt love me and now he is my best friend and i resent my mother for all the lies she told me and now i dont even talk to her

I myself told my kids the truth from the beginning. I wanted them to hear it from me and not someone else.

My son is three and assumes his dad is at the hospital from when he visited him in county and saw the wrist bank - at this point I dont think he can grasp the fact that he is jail so we just have not said anything different. i am going to talk to him though because when i take him to Hutchins he is going to know something is right and I dont want him confused

our son was 2 when daddy went to school. it was the only concept that worked, cuz daddy rode a bus to school & is there learning to be a better daddy. he's 4 now & knows there is jail, but still hasn't connected the 2 at all. daddy's home in just 6 days so it's worked out well. we haven't had to deal with any issues with kids teasing. God forbid, should daddy return....

My daughter is 4 next week and knows Daddy is in jail. The cops had to take him there so he could sit in "time-out" and think about what he did. When he calls she always asks him if he's still in time-out..once she even said Daddy don't you get it yet...your never gonna get out of time out if you don't change. When people ask her where's her daddy she tells them he's in jail doing time-out...they look at me kinda funny but it's the truth.

I absolutely told my kids ther truth. I felt I had to, it was on the front page of the newspaper. I didn't want somebody going up to them telling them or asking them about and them not having any idea of what was going on. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. I just told them that Papi sold alot of drugs to an undercover cop and becuz of that he had to go to jail. All they kept asking was when is he coming home. All I can say is that I don't know.

Actually he told our daughter who was 7 at the time the truth himself about why he is in prison because he wanted to always be honest with her. She is 10 years old now and the older she gets holds a lot of anger towards him at times because he is not in her life.

My Husband, served me with divorce papers in August.(having an affair) He is going to trial on his 4th DUI, Oct. 10.
They may take him that day if he is found guilty. We have a 13 year old and a 5 year old. They are devastated by the separation, my life is upside down due to the affair, I have no money, bills are piling up, liens on the house, can barely make mortgage. Now he may go away and I will have no child support. i struggle with how to live and how to tell my kids they will not see him for awhile. I can tell the 5 year old daddy is going to "college". My 13 year old is a little more fragile and I need to tell her the truth.
Our whole family has fallen apart. All this stress, I feel my kids will not do well. Lost their dad and now may lose their home, friends and security.
I have never felt so low in my life.

Our child knows the truth. I was open and honest with her though she was very young when they came through the doors and the window to get him in the early morning hours. She was there in our lives when the choice was made that changed the way her life would be for awhile. Her father told her himself that he was sorry that he had made the wrong choices. He told her what he did and that he would be away for awhile. It has been very hard for us, but I know my daughter knows that I will be honest with her and her trust in me is very, very strong.

When she was afraid of people coming through windows out of the blue, I could tell her that there are not people just waiting to do that, and that they only did that because daddy had done something wrong. I could reassure her that she did not have to worry. She did not have to think ill of police officers in general, to be pre-disposed to do whatever to get at them, because she knows that daddy is the reason that daddy got in trouble. If she had not been told that the reason I could not be home with her as much was as a result of this change and that though I love her so much and without change, I think that she could have taken this change with more difficulty, blamed herself or just have resented things more. I told her that though I love her so very much, I would have to work more now to pay for our food and housing, etc... that I do it because I want to take care of our family and I love her so much that it is above the stars. I think that my honesty with her will only help her deal with what we have daiily in our lives, increase her trust and our bond, will let her know how much she is loved, let her know that things will not always have to be this way... and help us to work together in our lives as a family.

I was very proud of my husband for admitting his wrong, for apologizing. I feel this has not only done good for my daughter, but for him as well.

God this is so hard. My husband has been in prison for 3 months now and he was given 4 years in state prison. I'm thinking he'll do half, but I have been debating on telling my kids, 4 & 8 the truth. The thing is I don't want them stressing on this issue. He's a great father but got busted for sales...I am a firm believer on honesty, but how do you tell your kids to make right decisions when a parent isn't doing it? I don't know. For now they think he's in Mexico working with Grandpa.

I am at a crossroads, two years into trying to get my husband to voluntarily sign the divorce decree--to release us. He has been sentence to fifty years for sexually abusing his oldest daughter and endangering my oldest. We were together 5 years, and have two little ones. The baby was born just a week after he was sent to jail. Because he was a "good" man in society, and came forth with most of the truth he did not stand trial and go to prison for his heinous crimes against my step daughter until last year. They move him around often because of his crime. I despise what he has done to our family. He posed as a good father and good husband, almost to perfection but his crime. He ruined his oldest daughter.
He doesn't recognize that what he did to his daughter as wrong. At this point, it is impossible to forgive him, placing all of us in this situation--and most of you know it spans mental, financial, work, school and home environments incredibly.
I do not want the little ones to grow up with this identity of being a product of a sexual predator. Although I have had a counselor say the same as some of the strings here to be honest...I would rather the children grow up strong and without the stigma of a molester dad. Wouldn't you? Once they have developed into their own and build a strong understanding of the world people, their faith, forgiveness and even the crime (probably after they have graduated graduate school)...perhaps that will be a good time. Although at my age and level of understanding of the world and people, I find it extremely difficult to understand what my husband has done, why and how to forgive.
Feedback...please...

I admire your strength and faith in yourself! I had to explain the same to my oldest since she was the last my husband victimized. However, I think it did more harm than healing. While I was honest, and she knows I will tell her the truth, she is confused on the issue of forgiveness toward a person who hurt her. Right now we are going through a phase--she frequently urinates when she is uncertain, afraid, or posed with a problem, or sometimes when strange men come up to her.
Although step dad apologized to her through the window...it is not enough. What we have to deal with out here as the children turns thoughts around in their minds about their fathers and their fathers' crimes is far more tormenting, I am sure, than the fathers pain in prison.

Our child knows the truth. I was open and honest with her though she was very young when they came through the doors and the window to get him in the early morning hours. She was there in our lives when the choice was made that changed the way her life would be for awhile. Her father told her himself that he was sorry that he had made the wrong choices. He told her what he did and that he would be away for awhile. It has been very hard for us, but I know my daughter knows that I will be honest with her and her trust in me is very, very strong.

When she was afraid of people coming through windows out of the blue, I could tell her that there are not people just waiting to do that, and that they only did that because daddy had done something wrong. I could reassure her that she did not have to worry. She did not have to think ill of police officers in general, to be pre-disposed to do whatever to get at them, because she knows that daddy is the reason that daddy got in trouble. If she had not been told that the reason I could not be home with her as much was as a result of this change and that though I love her so much and without change, I think that she could have taken this change with more difficulty, blamed herself or just have resented things more. I told her that though I love her so very much, I would have to work more now to pay for our food and housing, etc... that I do it because I want to take care of our family and I love her so much that it is above the stars. I think that my honesty with her will only help her deal with what we have daiily in our lives, increase her trust and our bond, will let her know how much she is loved, let her know that things will not always have to be this way... and help us to work together in our lives as a family.

I was very proud of my husband for admitting his wrong, for apologizing. I feel this has not only done good for my daughter, but for him as well.

I dont like being dishonest with my kids, they know the truth. There isnt any reason to lie. If they cant trust me then who can they trust? We teach our kids by example.

I told my children as well. I think it just helps to make things easier. My daughter who is 8 knows that her Dad made a bad choice and he is in jail, but I didn't tell her why( my son is just 2 ). I don't think she is ready to understand yet(drug charge). Surprisely she is dealing with this situation ok, which makes things a whole lot easier for me.

I was trying to keep alot of the details from my daughter, stuff that she just didn't need to know. But since its been all over the news she has found out more than I wanted her to.

At first I just said the police think Daddy did something he shouldn't and the police took him to jail. After I had to pick her up from school today sick I've explained alittle more.

Yeah I told my kids the truth, since his involved a car accident my kids kinda already knew what he did, but I had to explain why he is there. I talk to my kids about this and we have cried about it together and discussed how to get through this. Although my children are only 6 and 3(will be 4 in April), I never wanted to lie to them about this. He and I discussed this off and on before he ever went to prison. His mom didnt want us to tell the kids or anyone like she was ashamed, but what we decided was that it was better for us to tell them the truth and answer any questions, than for someone else to tell them and then have our kids look at us like we are liars. So yes they know the truth about their father