I'm planning to talk with my man the next time he sees me. Cuz he got out on 04/14/04 and saw me on Sunday, the 18th. His older female friend (like a mom) didn't want to wait while he visited me, so he couldn't go back to the city without a ride so he stayed until Tuesday, the 20th. Then I dropped him off in the city. Then he came by down here with his friend that I never had seen before in my life. They both showed up at my work all tweaking asking to use my car, borrow some money and stuff. I'm so sad! I'm thinking of asking him some questions to determine if I wanna keep or lose him. Cuz I'm a young mom and I think I need a good family man, u know? Or at least a man with potential.

Chanda,

I am sorry that he is putting you in this position. Choices like this are never easy.

I was a single parent for a long time, mostly because of the choices I made, I had/have one rule when it comes to my children. Their well being takes priority over anything else in my life.

If he is not willing or able to put you and your children above all else in his life. Well, need I say it?

Addiction is a hard thing to deal with, but it came be dealt with if you want to stay in your families life, he now has to make a choice.

Stay strong,

Patti

You can't be giving him the car and money,your just enabling him,sure he will get mad,then beg,then try for sympathy,then promise you the world.but Dont give in.If he doesn't want to change he will probably leave,but its best that way,if your of no use to his addiction he wont have any time for you,he will have to find someway to feed his habit.Yes he will try to make you feel as bad as he can but dont let it bother you,he's a grown man, your not responsable for him.If he cant grow up and be a man you dont need a dependant.someone who will just use you and not even try to make a good life for your family.besides,who needs all the drama that addicts seem to thrive on.Life should be calm.not worrying and constant stress.I've been clean for over a year now and understand my addiction alot better than I used to and I still make 3 meet5ings a week and attend church every sunday,I also work as a sponsor to rehab clients and I know this...If a person truely wants to beat their addiction they can, but if they make no visable effort or commitment they are bound to fail.It dose'nt take much ,just ONE meeting a week,Get a clean sponsor and CALL once a week,but make an effort and keep it up,not just a token meeting or two,but make a habit of it.But sadly most of the time a person has to hit rock bottom before they really want a change and they are usually abondoned by their friends and family by then,because if the friends keep helping them,keeping them from hitting bottom, they never see a need to change.But ultimatly the desision is yours,keep helping him by postponing the inevitable,or let him hit bottom now and save yourself alot of heartache by not letting this go on for year after year.

Everything that Vince said is completely valid. I finally broke it off with Billy by talking to his parole officer and letting her know that his meth use has gotten out of control and that he had been hitting me and pushing me around. They arrested him yesterday and already sent him to prison. He only spent about an hour in jail before they sent him away. I truly believe what Vince said in regards to hitting rock bottom and if family and friends are around, he won't. It was the hardest thing in my life to do when I called to have him arrested. It broke my heart, but he was not trying to be better and he was on the way to ruining my life as well as his. I cried for about two days straight, but am starting to feel better. It's nice not wondering and worrying if he is out getting high and gambling his money away. Save yourself. I don't think you want a future of wonderment, worry, and sadness. The years will fly by quickly and you won't even realize how long you have put up with his crap.