I was just curious what some of the members' experiences were regarding dating. I recently broke up with my girlfriend whom I had been dating before my conviction and am starting to try to meet someone again. I'm not sure what to do about telling anyone I might meet about my record. I have a felony conviction for a nonviolent offense--copyright related charge.

Should I be up front and fess up? I'm just afraid of them running in disgust before they get to know me.

OnProb,

Honestly, I don't see the problem, well not at first, there are many things in my life that I did not tell my partner right away. I eventually did with the understanding that this is just part of Patricia's life.

Now if I had met Linda after my conviction, yes I would eventually have to tell her of my felony, but if she loves me, she will get past it.

The only reason that I could see for you to tell her immediately would be if you could not do something on a date because of you probation, example cross state lines to go to Kings Island or something.

This is not something that has to be dealt with right away on the first few dates, but once you get down to a serious relationship - honesty - is the key to any good relationship.

Just my thoughts,

Patti

I'd tell a person softly if she started talking about law enforcement or freedom rights.

If your dating just to date, who needs to know anything?

If your looking for a quick replacement might have more problems even if she didn't know.

If dating looking for a friend, time will tell if she can handle that.

From my POV. friendship 1st and don't use the term loosely. Everybody we meet, date, bed down with are not "friends" until later, if they stay around.

I agree with 'FriscoLady. In my own words though,..

There's usually not a reason to bring it up during your first few conversations (ie: I just got out of the joint,.. wan'na see my new tattoos?).

But you also don't want to put ;yourself in a position of lying aobut it (ie: I've been in a coma for the last 7 years!).

I had a number of "dates" and found that there are ways to break it to the person slowly over time. Then at some point your new friend will ask a direct question. this is the time for straight talk.

Good luck!

Be careful your parole officer maybe setting you up. Always be honest with the person you wish to date they will respect you in a long run. What I mean about being careful is penting on your offends your parole officer may permit you now and later use it to put you away again. This has happen to my fiancee, they reopened his case and now he is serving 10 years on a violation for falling in love with me. Your parole officer may not be as vandictive as my fiancee's but findout what the possibities are first. I know you maybe lonely and want a life, we all want that. Good luck to you.

You don't need to tell them on the first couple of dates. But I would definately tell them if you see something special in that person. I don't think it's something you can hide. Most parolees have stipulations on curfews and restrictions on places they can go, which can cramp your style, in terms of dating. They may be more understanding if they know why you can't do some things. Good Luck.:)

From my POV, I agree with alot of others. You are just getting to know someone when you first begin to date. When you feel comfortable enough to tell that person that you trust, just be very up front and honest. It is the best way to go, I've learned from experience.

Thanks for all the responses. I guess my best approach is to wait until I know the person before I say anything. What really sucks is I would feel terrible if I got dumped by somebody special once I told her of my conviction.

Yeah, I wouldn't tell someone all your business the first couple of dates.. You can also feel them out about their feelings with regards to people who have been to prison or that have a criminal record.. If they blast on ex-cons, then you will probably know this person isn't right for you, or at least you can have fun trying to change their mind and then letting them know they can't tell the difference anyways.. :)

i agree with everyone else here...i would wait until it was after the first few dates....by all means if it comes up then say something but other than that get a good feel for the person first. I too am a ex con and when i was first starting to date i tired the honesty thing but it didnt work too good. just be yourself and hopefully they will find out that you are diffrent now...but dont lie...if it comes up great but if not wait for a bit.

If she dumps you over it, she ain't really that special:)

What you said, Haswtch! There is a difference between naive and judgmental. Take your time; naive people can learn; judgmental people already have their minds made up.

Here's my experience...

I went on a blind date with this lady and we got along great. She was a friend of one of my daughter's friend's mothers. We had a great first date, she came to my house for dinner two days later and I was planning on telling her that night. Well, dinner went well, the conversation was light and fun and it didn't seem like the right time.

I went to her house for dinner a few days later and as we ate, she started talking about her sister's hubby in prison - turned out I had done time with him. She was blasting this guy left and right, all the while I'm sitting there thinking..."hey, this guy was an ok person...", I didn't tell her that night either. Turns out I didn't tell her for 6 months. Then, I was indicted again on a second charge, and my whole history was in the newspaper. She was NOT happy...

IF I had told her up front I think she might have ended the relationship anyway, but she sure as hell did when it all came out in the newspaper and her friends were all asking what was going on. Now, anyone that I meet finds out right away :)

EF