My penfriend seems to be struggling with depression and has just had his grandmother and an uncle pass away. I cannot imagine how difficult this is to have to be merely an "honorary pallbearer".

He gets very emotional in a rather uncomfortable romantic way when he is depressed, and I don't want to foster that, but I of course want to help him to feel better. Personally I don't think I'm tough enough to be in prison. I don't have any idea how I would cope - I'm on medications just to get through regular daily life.

Does anyone have any philosophy, insight or experience with helping someone through a time when they are contemplating mortality. His letter reminds me much of when I told my dad I never wanted another dog, because having her die hurt me so much. He has tried to pull away from me also. And I understand the desire to isolate one's self to avoid pain, but I also know that it isn't healthy.

I'd like to be able to offer something besides "hugs" or comfort of that kind. I'd like to be able to share some kind of wisdom and then discuss it. As I said, I don't have a handle on that stuff myself.

Gina

Some people need that time to themselves after a death. Just let him know that your there if he needs to unload. Sometimes you don't have to say a word, just them knowing your there helps alot. Good luck to ya.

Moving this to the Mental Health forum for discussion.

I sent my wishes and offered to listen. I can't imagine how hard it is to be labelled "honorary pallbearer" when a loved one dies.

Yeah I couldn't imagine that either gina_nc, that is soo hard for him to deal with right now. It may not be healthy to deal with these deaths the way your friend is but every1 has different ways of coping.

Just a thought, you might want to ask him how you can help? What can you do for him? What would make him feel like himself again? Sometimes providing an ear that will listen is the best thing. Best wishes!

He's having a lot of trouble with life's value right now. I don't know how to help him, he sounds so depressed. And unfortunately he's sounding like I am his only thing to live for, that's a lot of pressure on a penpal.

Honestly, I don't know how to tell someone to live every day to its fullest when they are in prison. Are there things to do there that can make one feel alive? Or do you just get up, cross another day off the calendar and wish away the years? Like he, I learned that all the riches in the world can't buy happiness. But at this point he is afraid to "love" because you lose everyone in the end. :( And he says knowing that I'm out here hurts him, which is why he stopped writing for so long. I really don't know what to do accept tell him how much he means to me and his family, and that I am here for him to write out his feelings, and I want to help him get through this. I just don't understand his living situation and what there is to make the days worthwhile.