My younger brother has been in prison for almost two years now. I miss him so much. Luckily the prison he is in is only about 15 minutes from my home so it makes it easy to visit him often. He is serving a 3 year sentence. He ended up there after a drunken night of stupidity when he ended up staying a some girls house and passing out on her living room floor. He had been messing around with this girl for a few weeks behind her boyfriends back. Well needless to say the girls boyfriend showed up and to keep her self from getting in trouble with the boyfriend she told him that my bother broke into her house while she was sleeping. Unfortently my family did not have the money to hire a good attorney for him so he ended up with a public defender who was drunk more often than not. Doug took his advise and pleaded guilty to the charge, beliving that he would end up with some probation and possible alcohol treatment. Boy was that ever far from the truth!!! But he has taken it pretty well concidering. He has not been in any trouble and has been taking advantage of all programs avalible to him. I just can't wait for him to be home. My daughter was only a couple of months old when he was arrested, she goes to visit with me 2 times a month and with my mom 2 times a month, so at least she knows him and he has been able to see her grow up. But it is still not the same. My brother is not a bad person he has just made some bad choices.

It's great that you keep up your relationship with your brother - your mom and daughter too. It sounds like your brother is doing what he can and taking advantage of his situation. Keep hanging on, every day you're one day closer to having him home.

BTW, Welcome to PTO! It's a great place.

My brother screwed up royally... and had been screwing up (and screwing everyone) for over a decade. But he also ended up with a Public Defender that he said was drunk more often than not. I know he has been full of excuses for that entire time, but I tend to believe him on this. My mom and I witnessed the PD's idiocy first-hand. We can't say if he was drunk or not, but he was definitely a boob.

I also miss my brother horribly (despite all of his BS). His birthday was this past Monday --his 29th (I still think of him as a kid.

I HOPE he can get drug and alcohol (and gambling) counseling in prison. I think that when he gets out, he'll go right back to it if there isn't some kind of help in the meantime.

Kelly

It's great that you keep up your relationship with your brother - your mom and daughter too. It sounds like your brother is doing what he can and taking advantage of his situation. Keep hanging on, every day you're one day closer to having him home.

BTW, Welcome to PTO! It's a great place.

Thanks, I was glad to find this site. It is nice to have people to talk to that understand having loved ones in prison. People who know my brother pretty well know that he is really a good person. This is really the first time he has ever been in serious trouble and it breaks me heart that he has had to go through this over that stupid girl!

My brother screwed up royally... and had been screwing up (and screwing everyone) for over a decade. But he also ended up with a Public Defender that he said was drunk more often than not. I know he has been full of excuses for that entire time, but I tend to believe him on this. My mom and I witnessed the PD's idiocy first-hand. We can't say if he was drunk or not, but he was definitely a boob.

I also miss my brother horribly (despite all of his BS). His birthday was this past Monday --his 29th (I still think of him as a kid.

I HOPE he can get drug and alcohol (and gambling) counseling in prison. I think that when he gets out, he'll go right back to it if there isn't some kind of help in the meantime.

Kelly

I know it has to be hard to have someone you love end up on the wrong path in life. It is important to make sure he knows that you and your mom love him and want to try and help him get over his problems but he also has to want to get help. Have you maybe thought about doing family type counceling with him to maybe try and get it through to him that his actions affect you guys as well as him. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that he can get the help he needs to straighten his life up.

My mom has beaten herself up over not trying ot find a way to get my brother a good lawyer, she wishes now that she would have re-morgaged her house or something, but the charges were complete BS and we really thought that the public defender would actully "defend" him. We thought that he should have plead not guilty and take it to trial ( chances are they would have reduced the charges and offered probation) but that drunk told him to if he would just plead guilty that he would get probation anyway and would be realesed sooner than having to go throug the process of entering a not guilty plea and all that. So Doug trusted him. He plead guilty not expecting to go to prison, the judge told him at the sentencing that the charges held a minimum of 3 years and that she had no choice but to sentence him to prison, but at least she gave him the minimum and told him that after a year he could file for a judical. He actully just filed for it. He would have done it sooner but he wanted to complete some classes and get the certificates from them first. It took about a year though before he was able to get into any classes due to the long waiting list. The way we look at it thought even if he does not get it he has nothing to lose by trying. Hopefully we will have some good news soon.

Half of my anger (which of course is waning) is that my mother gave him SO many chances and bought him vehicles, and, and, and. I know that in the scene of society, he hasn't made the first dent, but he has ripped off my dad and his wife, my mom, me, etc. My mom... big time. We actually have to laugh that he pawned her digital camera something like 10 times. It was so ridiculous (and she still doesn't have her camera back at this time.)

I am trying to support him the best I can. I refuse to lecture him yet again, and I DID send a postcard for his birthday (postcard because I figured it would get through a lot quicker.) My mom is also beating herself up.

I think the crowning glory came a few months after he was in the county jail. She decided to rent some videos on the way home from work, came home, opened the cabinet and discovered she didn't have a VCR anymore. It may sound stupid, but she cried and cried. With these pathetic videos she couldn't even watch. He really has destroyed her, bit by bit. And she does blame it on herself. This has been going on for over a decade. Maybe if he had ended up in the waiting room at the jail for several hours when he was in his early teens like I did, it might have done something for him. But that never did happen to him until now.

Eric was looking at 12 years which appalled even me... who was practically ready for the death sentence at the time he finally got arrested. And, he was targeted as the scapegoat for ALL of the bogus check writing rings that have been going on recently. Twelve years was just so excessive.

Eric did get his GED in the county jail, and I just hope he learns from this. Because he will know no end to my fury, if he gets out and does this to my mom again.

Kelly

Half of my anger (which of course is waning) is that my mother gave him SO many chances and bought him vehicles, and, and, and. I know that in the scene of society, he hasn't made the first dent, but he has ripped off my dad and his wife, my mom, me, etc. My mom... big time. We actually have to laugh that he pawned her digital camera something like 10 times. It was so ridiculous (and she still doesn't have her camera back at this time.)

I am trying to support him the best I can. I refuse to lecture him yet again, and I DID send a postcard for his birthday (postcard because I figured it would get through a lot quicker.) My mom is also beating herself up.

I think the crowning glory came a few months after he was in the county jail. She decided to rent some videos on the way home from work, came home, opened the cabinet and discovered she didn't have a VCR anymore. It may sound stupid, but she cried and cried. With these pathetic videos she couldn't even watch. He really has destroyed her, bit by bit. And she does blame it on herself. This has been going on for over a decade. Maybe if he had ended up in the waiting room at the jail for several hours when he was in his early teens like I did, it might have done something for him. But that never did happen to him until now.

Eric was looking at 12 years which appalled even me... who was practically ready for the death sentence at the time he finally got arrested. And, he was targeted as the scapegoat for ALL of the bogus check writing rings that have been going on recently. Twelve years was just so excessive.

Eric did get his GED in the county jail, and I just hope he learns from this. Because he will know no end to my fury, if he gets out and does this to my mom again.

Kelly

It sounds like he has really taken his toll on your family. I think though that it is important for you and especially your mom to know that his behavior is not your fault. sometimes people just turn out messed up like that despite all the people who try and help and try to be there for them. Hopefully this situation will help straighten him out and he will come to relize that he does not want to spend his life locked up. The best to do is to take it one day at a time.

jamie

I to miss my brother dearly.my brother has been locked up since 1992 for consp, to manufacture meth..he is a non violent drug offender, that was from oregon and tried in florida.a state he never has been to except for trials. he was sentenced under that max. min. he was given 30 years.he is now 38 years old. his younger years are all washed up. I would be so pleased if it was only 3 years.have patience it will be over real soon.i have waited for my brother, my best friend to come home and i know he will if things happen in congress. he is one that is lost in the system.keep visiting him.keep postive. thanks

I feel like I hijacked this thread and feel very selfish. On the other hand, I am very glad for it, and find it incredibly healing how far *I* have come in this journey. I truly felt like I would have murdered him myself. And I was SO angry at my mom for never turning his butt in. It's fine if that only affects her, but it affected a lot of people. I guess there was also a lot of jealousy because I was just cut loose early (at 15), and she's continued to help and support him well into his 20's. I've pretty much gotten over it, but a lot of it sticks anyway. Kind of like when we went and picked my husband's mom up from the airport once and she lost her camera and my stomach was completely GONE for weeks because I was sure she thought I had stolen it and wasn't saying. It turned out that that was the first time my brother hawked it, but I was still having flashbacks from when I was 14.

Oh well. Too much to say I guess. But I'm feeling a lot more generous about now.

Kelly

I have my little brother in prison also this is like his 3rd time. He's no roughyen either just a regular joe but he likes to drink and he has no common sense! this last time my Son was transferred from county jail to State prison along side my brother I miss them both only thing is usually i send money packages and accept phone calls from my brother as no one else will. This time I cant cause I need to take care of this expenses for my Son I feel real bad when my little brother calls and I'm always like I cant afford this.

I know exactly how you feel. All of you. My little brother has been in and out of the system over half his life. He's 28 now and since his release from Florida 2 1/2 years ago he has been skating by... With the family, his son, jobs, women, his PO , just everything.

I wish I could figure out why he likes this life but it seems to suit him. I have been actually staying away from my brother lately and as always it kills me.

If he only knew how much I loved him.

im missing my lil brother too this past year he was sentenced to life in prison without parole he is only 23 years old he is in new folsom at the moment there is not aday that goes by that i dont hurt for him he is my only brother right now i am waiting to be approved so i can go visit i cant wait we recently heard from his appeal attorney she said he has a very strong case so keepus in your prayers

luvzombie:
My brother had a 'good' lawyer but still was told to plead guilty! When we finally got tired of his run-around and hired a REALl attorney, he got mad that my brother had pled guilty in the first place. He said that the charge could have been beat at trial. My brother is a good person, too that just made bad decisions. He got deferred adjudication (probation) with the above charges. He ended up going back to his wife who never let him live down his mistakes. After serving six years of the probation, they got into a fight (which she provoked) and she called the police on him. Later on, she even went to the police station and told them that she had lied about what happened. They told her too late that the state had already picked up the case against him! Because of that, his probation was revoked and now he sits in prison.

It's hard when you see someone you love having to pay for something they didn't do or bad choices they made.

KIM:)

I miss my lil' brother too. He's been wrongly incarcerated for almost two years now. He's serving a sentence of 16-24 yrs. :( for second degree murder. He is NOT guilty of this crime. He's a good kid (turning 23 yrs old on 1-05) We paid ten thousand dollars for a laywer and that didn't do us any good. He wasn't trying to get my brother out of there, he just wanted money. So just because you pay for a laywer doesn't mean he's gonna work it's up to the laywer him self. My brother is doing good although he lost his girlfriend right away. He remains strong and keeps his faith in the Lord. We know he'll be home soon. It's hard to stay strong all the time and God knows I break down often. But I DO believe he'll be home one day.
My prayers are with you all.
Love, mlynnm

mlynnm- My prayers are with you and your brother too and I am glad he is doing well. Is he working on any appeals? Does he call very often and are you able to visit him? I agree, it is very hard to stay strong all the time.

I am happy to see sibs supporting sibs, my husband does not really have that you guys are great!

Hello there everybody! I too have a sibling in prison. My younger brother just completed 3 years of a 6 year sentence. He was denied parole this year. Hopefully, he can get it next year. He got his GED, a trade and is seeking another as we speak. I saw him for the first time in 3 years this past Dec. 11....What a treat! I miss him so much. He is a very smart person, he just made dumb choices. Hopefully, and he has already proclaimed this, he has learned his lesson. Welcome to this site and Keep us all updated.

Willie- So glad to hear more about your brother and how well he seems to be doing now!! What trade did he learn? I am sure the next 3 years will go by very quickly for you all- please keep us posted! When will you next be able to visit?

DLM,
My brother filed his appeal long ago and we have yet to hear anything. My sister's andI try and visit a few times a month and he calls home about five times a week. When we visit him we keep him laughing the whole time but during his phone calls is when he seems the most sad. The worst part is that our mom and his dad haven't been once to see him. My mom has bad panic attacks if she goes too far from home and his dad hasn't really spent much time with him before he got locked up. I think that he really misses our mom more than anything. He says he's starting to forget what she looks like. :( I have sent him alot of recent photos of her and the rest of the family but it isn't the same. We continue to pray for him to get the appeal and hope that this time his attorney will actually work. Thanks for your support!
Much Love, mlynnm (Mel)

You know, there are quite a few emotions here, from one extreme to another. Believe it or not, inmates go through that too. Most inmates don't publicize their emotions but when you talk to some guys, you get some deep feelings about their brothers or sisters. Some inmates tell you how much they miss them and how they support them so much, and others tell you that they have burned their bridges. Some of the lonliest inmates are the ones that have to do their time knowing that there is no one that will attempt to contact them. This makes every day a living nightmare, and is very difficult to do your time.

When I first fell in prison, my younger brother would not visit me or write or anything. I understand how people can go into a period of time of denial that a loved one is in prison, but at that time, whether I would admit it or not, I needed that support. But months turned into about a year, and I had to make a decision; continue to be hurt that my flesh and blood does not want to see me or push him and the hurt away from me. That meant denying him as my brother.

Now, that sounds very strong to say, I admit, but you have to understand the flavor of that moment. I was very distressed, ashamed, depressed and worried about what would happen to me. You cannot think too well under those circumstances. But at the same time, I knew I could not spend my days in that isolated cell wondering if my brother still loved me or not. My older brother was very supportive, but my younger brother was not. I decided that for my sake, I would have to forget about my younger brother. Does that mean I hate him...of course not! But I needed to find a way to control my emotions so I don't go off the deep end. It was not too much better after I made that decision, but I admit it was one less person I had to worry about. When I say "forget about him", I mean not thinking about him or worried how he feels. I was obviously worried about his welfare, but I was not going to sit up late at night wondering what he thinks about me. That is kinda like spilt milk.

I guess the balance is that my older brother keep in touch as much as possible, that helped a lot. What I also did was look to other guys for more support of myself. That meant if a guy wanted to chat with me, I will talk with him, and maybe we can find something in common that will take both our minds off our situation. I have spent many nights in seg talking with the guy next to me or down a few rooms; it may have well saved me several nights from killing myself, even though I did attempt that several times. But I applaud you for sticking with your siblings; I understand how hard it is and I can only wish you the best in it. I hope your brother or sister understands how much you love them...you HAVE told them, haven't you?

I have a younger brother in McConnell Unit. I just found out where he was today. Growing up we were very close. I have not seen him since december of 88 and lost contact with him in 94. It has been a long time and I miss him dearly. There has not been a day goes by that I dont think about him. Sometimes I miss him so much that I cry. I just hope that deep down he knows how much. I am always worried that something will happen to him. I am also worried about what being in prison has done to him. What he is like now. I would love to see or talk to him but at the same time I am afraid.

You know, I could spend a lot of time on this forum because I understand the frustration from one side, and the difficulties on the other. From one who has been there, I know what it's like to be on the wrong side, and to live amongst other inmates. Life is hard, and to be sure no one desires that kind of lifestyle. Even a person who repeatedly goes in and out of prison does not want that lifestyle, but it is all he understands. That isn't good because it means he has not learned of a more positive role in life. But sometimes a person acts in only what he understands. Many times we like to say that if you act right and live right, everything will come out ok and you'll live happily ever after. I believe in that, but I also believe that for some it comes much, MUCH harder than others. To those that it comes harder to, sometimes the path to do wrong looks more inviting than the path to do right.

I don't want to make excuses for any inmates, but I'm just saying I can understand them sometimes. I met a lot of guys who knew they messed up, and if things were better then they would have done better. But sometimes you get a bad hand, and it results in you playing a bad hand. Of course there are guys that just don't want to change, but I believe most do, it's just that they don't have the breaks others do.

I know my two brothers missed me, and I missed my family and my freedom when I was in prison. To kinda make up for it, I had to look for guys in prison I could associate as good friends. It took awhile since I was a first time felon, and had to dispel all those myths about bread and water and stuff like that. Once I did, which took months, I was able to find inmates that were like minded, and I made quite a few good friends. That's kinda funny because I was told by a DHO (Disciplinary Hearing Officer) that there is no such thing as a friendship in prison...that is a lie. Without some form of friendship, prison would be 1000 times worse than it already is.

So I say that to you to share that even though you may miss your loved one, and I know he misses you, he is doing his best to hang in there, and he can do that by finding someone to talk to, someone that he can call a friend, even if it is in the prison sense. It substitutes for , but is not as good as, talking to you. You remain his strength, so keep that in mind. Stay positive whenever you call, write or visit him. That way, he gets the best chance to see that regardless of his errors, you still believe in him. Sometimes that's what it will take to change a person, so don't give up hope on him.

I just want tell all of you to keep your heads up and your faith strong! I too miss my darling baby bro, but we will get through this together! my prayers are with you all. :grouphug:

hello...im new to this site..but my younger brother...has been in prison for about 2 years and in county jail where i live for a year...i miss him so much...the prison that he is at now is about 4 hours away so i dont get to visit him very often...but i do write to him....and he does write to me...he has two children...one that he had custody of until he went to jail and another one that he has never seen before but in pics....i have a daughter that was just little at this time and doesnt even really know him! but i kind of feel that i shouldnt bring her to the prison to see him! is that wrong of me to have them kind of emotions? well hopefully that he will get his life straigthened out when he is able to be released but who knows when that is...he got in trouble in prison a couple of times which added some mor time.

Welcome to the Siblings Forum sweetzlady- you will find lots of support here!I am sorry to hear about your brother but I am glad you are still able to keep in touch with him through letters. I don't think it's wrong for you to be concerned about bringing your daughter to visit him. It's hard to know how it might affect them when they are so young -you know your daughter the best after all and would know whether she might be frightened etc.Good luck and keep us posted please.:)

Do not feel guilty. My brother wanted me to take my kids to see him. One is 12 and one is 2. I took the 12 year old and not the 2 year old (prison is not the cleanest place for a toddler who wants everything in their mouth) and he was disapppointed but i explained and i hope it helped. If it didn't, they are still in my care and I have to do what i think is best for them. Just to let you know, even my 12 year old was slightly shocked at the experience.

my only brother is serving 1yr for the first time and i cant stand the painand frustration this has brought to my life, im not perfect but i swear i tried my best to raise him and my younger sisters(3 others ) after my mom left (literaly left us shes a addict) i swore i would never leave them like she did and that i would provide for them no matter what but i guesse i failed cuz hes not home and i feel i should have done more , i was 16 then and 26 now, and everyday i wonder what i could have done diffrent he has lived with me almost his hole life hes22now, even when i moved in with my now husband he came to live with me hes always been a hard worker he quit school at 13ys but fdid small jobs he always had a job and i always tried to help him out in any way i could he didnt pay rent or bills and he had his own room, but hes serving time for residential burglary i just dont understand it im so hurt, to think i could have prevented him all this pain kills me inside