Hi everyone,

I saw this forum and its nice to know that I am not alone out here. My girl still has a awhile to go, and we have gone from being friends to something a whole lot deeper.

Anyhow, I was curious to know what and how other people think about this situation...especially from a personal perspective.

Able

Welcome to PTO Able!

Welcome Able-- well, from a personal perspective I would say this situation SUX! :) But it helps a lot to have ap lace like PTO to come and share our tears and smiles-Glad you have joined our family!

Well Able, your not alone by any means! I too, have one on the inside... started slow, friends and the like, letters flowed, now, I can truly say I love her!!

A couple of tidbits here. Don't know how long you two have been communicated -- so some of my insights may be academic. Anyway, I've been married, have young children, and was divorced a few years back. Since my divorce, I dated, had adult relationships, most ran something like this, "...hi, dinner, Sure, eat, drink and be merry, ok, your place or mine?" Hence, a quick leap into the sack, lust filled evenings, possible live-in, or extended sexual relationship -- just to find out, you two have nothing, nothing in common except unadulterated sex -- which I may add, is a welcomed addition to any one who is lonely, however it is not the center post of a long and lasting relationship!

Able, to make love to each others mind, perspective and soul via written words prior to consumating it in the flesh -- is true fusion of two minds, now one... One in which underlining currents are tabled, discussed, with an understanding it's ok to agree to disagree -- these writings, and written tapestries held within the letter, makes you dig deep into your psychi, and vice versa -- so, you must understand that fusion of two souls came via the inner caverns of your heart, not via a physical zeal!!!

Now, if the superficial have been addressed, cleave it, dig deeper, however, you must set conditions, i.e. voodo topics, or hot buttons -- which should be tabled face to face, if at all! It takes too long, to correct vertibiage written in haste, yet so deep in their deliverance. I've found, and you must be aware, that your letters will be scrutinized and internalized by her -- Able, all they have is time! My girlfriend reads my letters, as I hers, twenty times over -- you get my drift here... I made the mistake once, by firing across the bow of love, and I shan't ever do that again -- ever! It tore my girlfriend apart... be real careful with your missives my friend, for they can cut deep and vise versa! Been there..

Sorry, I'm pontificating here -- suffice it to say, I'd do it again in a heart beat, furthermore, I know, because I know, I lover her, and she me, and that's a good thing, a real good thing!

Hope that helped a bit!

Eddie

I AM SO VERY GLAD TO SEE YOU GUYS ON PTO.... YOU BRING A GREAT DEAL TO THIS SITE..... IT IS HARD TO HAVE A LOVED ONE IN PRISON AND ESPECIALLY, I THINK, IF IT IS A WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND.

MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU


DONNA

I'm sure glad you guys have found what you were looking for. I haven't gotten close to that stage with any yet. But I sure have found some losers in the prossess of looking for a possible!

It good to see some guys that will ask questions and make comments!!

Welcome aboard!!

Welcome, you have found a great place to find new friends and extend your family. We are all family here at PTO as you will soon learn. When you have time you should check out the chat room we would love to talk to you.

Welcome Able!

Hi all,

Thanks for the kind words... B-Ray, you kind of lost me here? Is it that you've written, yet have not received positive responses, or have, yet found them not truthful of the right ones?

I initially wrote 7 women, not knowing what to expect, however, all wrote back... although, I wrote all back, I looked for certain indicators -- only one offered resolution, and was up front, told me her tale, coupled with an avocation stating that she took ownership of that which she did, our continued letters, reaffirmed her integrity, further letters hit pay dirt within my personal inner self.... we have been communicating since. Lucky for me, she was the one whom I had hoped would write -- and she did!!!

I know now, that we are serious in our resolve -- let me state this... a fool I'm not, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night -- thus, my questions were straight shots! I requested that same in return... one cannot conduct a "subliminal mating dance" via letters... this should not be misconstrued with tactless shots across the bow -- that gets you no where!

Bottom line... I will marry this girl upon her release... I know, because I know...

Eddie

Hi! Able!


Welcome to PTO!:wave:

>>>Is it that you've written, yet have not received positive responses, or have, yet found them not truthful of the right ones?<<<

Both Eddie! Money scam's have been the biggest let down, when realized. It took some insightfull folks here at PTO to point out that possiblity and things to look for.

Then, until I learned to use the online rap sheets, (some States have them), I found what's been said doesn't jive! Like 1st time down, but a 10/15 yr. drug history and related crimes to support it.

I realize, a person can turn around (I'm one)! We have some ex-con's here at PTO that has done that, even with a long history. And are using that history in helping others. But, these guys and gals on the inside, that lie near the get-go, without even asking about there situation, isn't the way to start building a trust!

Sounds like you have worked through the rough edges and found a winner. As you said, hope she would write back and did. I'm waiting also on a 2nd letter, with no questions to answer about her past. Just an exchange of likes, wants and what's going on.

B-Ray,

I'm truly sorry to hear that... on the other hand, you've done your homework and that's a good thing!! I've found that written messages can have as much venom as face to face meetings... however, deceit is deceit! You know, I'd even send monies just to find her a liar, after a couple of letters, versus a longer emotional investment which transends to the painfull shots across the heart -- heck, how many times have we taken women on dates, drinks or what ever -- just to find she wasn't the right one, or had no intention on furthering the date other than a free dinner and the like...

B-Ray, I've written others but this one whom, I've been writing to a while, caught my eye on her first response... she took ownership of that which she did and didn't try to pawn it off on anyone but herself. Further, I would write letters with hidden twists -- sounds kind of deviant in an of itself, however, pangs to the heart, and lying, are easier done when not looking into the eye of a sender... B-Ray, I did a background check on her -- why, because I really wanted to believe in her and her writings. She did not know, and I will tell her post leaving that God forsaken place, but, I had to make sure.. and true to this day... none of her words were untrue or lies...

I had to play these games at first because their is a pain in loneliness, but also a pain in being with one with whom you don't love... been there, done that.. don't want to do this again...

Just a side note... I read the book, "Women are from Venus Men are from Mars," actually started it a couple times but just couldn't finish it... then I got a divorce, and the loss of my children almost pushed me over the edge, so I had to introspect, trying to put my own constitution in order.. I finally read it and the book had credence -- trust me on this one! Anyway, this dude put out another book, it's called something like Venus and Mars on a Date... this book holds a lot of nuggets relative to how women work -- to include romancing women so to speak... I found myself in this book and mistakes I've made, or paths I've followed -- I believe it worth it even in writings to whom ever on the inside -- I don't hold back my emotional flair, as long as they don't misconscrue these writing as non-masculine, I guess I want her to see all my sides -- hell, I've been, was, special ops most of my adult life, but will through my passion into the wind -- they really like that and I don't mind..

Anyway, I'm tangenting off here -- but know this, I do, as a man, feel your pain... I've had many as you've stated on the outside... I hope the best for you my man -- honest!!

Eddie

Well Eddie, folks around here know more about what was, in more then a nut shell then anyone! And that has been a new experence for me and basicely a relief from what has been bottled up for so many years.

One thing, not working for me is the "age" thingie. Some around here have said, that shouldn't be a factor. And some have skimmed over that at first, until a photo is sent and they see what an "ole goat" (Capricorn) looks like and I don't here from them again. Oh well, that's a factor I can't change, and that's a game I will not play. That's another game some of these women play. They don't put there b-day in there ad and display a photo much younger then they are now! It's not hard to tell then, that a photo is 10 or more years old when they are in there late 40's, early 50's!

I ran across an ad that the webmaster had posted a warning. He posted what a guy had said, that the photo in the ad was a porn star and he took the photo giving the date and the woman possing as her, was black not white as she claims in the ad.

Yes, this is yet another education in the search, for sure! And I also know about being with those, that don't fit for the long haul!

B-Ray,

Good to hear from you! I agree about the photo thing! I know that WBB - Women Behind Bars had an incident in South Carolina in which some women put the wrong photo to include height and weight stuffs -- the site sent a memo of some sort to the Prison.... I guess the prison administration took some good time or something like that away from them... anyway, I guess WBB got all kinds of letters requesting them to take current adds off line!

Here's a couple of things I looked for -- one, what verbiage is found in their writings -- meaning, some don't really care about age -- they want an older Bubba who is more stable than some young stud who'll drive home anything that bends over... the other is that most states, Florida, Texas and Michigan for example, have a certain uniforms and I've seen these women in their respective prison garb, hence, indicates that the picture is somewhat recent. I bounce this off of their age and what brought them there -- meaning, what are the down for and does it make sense -- you actually hit that big time in your last affair of the heart...

Side note, I actually believe Florida has a good looking uniform, from one who's had a uniform on most of his adult life, anyway theirs are blue with a white stripe -- I like the uniform, wouldn't want to be forced to wear one - know what I mean?

Another suggestion is relative to WBB. They have an offer to put your picture and verbiage on their flier the send to their sites -- I know they are big in Texas, Missouri and Florida for sure, anyway, it cost like $75 and they send thousand of applications out... this said, the women who'd respond already know what your age bracket is and so on... might be worth a look anyway.

Well B-Ray... my take anyway just to shoot the *&^% !

Eddie

Another web site, the one I got here from is 4llb.com and Joey sent out my profile in his news letter for free. But that got me cought up in a money scam :-(

Another cool site I like in Paper Dolls. The site is run by ex-con's and those with love ones on the inside. They upgrade there site monthly, so you won't find an ad with an outdate of 1999 like so many sites.

Well, I hope this jagon is useful for some single guys floating by. LOL

:confused: My girlfriend Maria is inside for 9 years now. I have known her since 1999. I have visited her twice. I am in New Jersey she is in Texas. So it is hard. I met her thru a then free web site. Now it is a pay site 9.00 a month. She told me that ssheremoved her name of that site. I trust her so I don't check. I have never seen her on any other web site. As pictures go I have seen her face to face her picture macthes. She has never asked me for much. I send her money to go to comassary. She asked me for a watch, coffee pot and a fan Remember she is in Texas hot there. Everything has gone well until now. I haven't heard from her cause she lost her privilages on some stupid write up. I did a background check everything she told me is true. So thet all are not money scams but i have seen my share of that too. Maybe not scams but asking for money all the time. But how are you to know if she is writing anyone else. I guess it is called trust. It is rough but if you hang in you will find what you are looking for. That web site was Women in Prison. I would send anyone that I don't know a whole lot of money. Start out slow see what happens

Welcome to PTO all of you guys!! It's the same, same for women writing and visiting men in prison. I'll see many inmates with 2 or 3 women coming to visit them and as my husband says "being used and abused". They send money, are verbally abused even in the visiting room and the relationship is very bad, but then again so are many on the outside. The only difference is they can't come home with you. Whores are whores, users are users, abusers are abusers, inside or out. Glad you found us! It's so good to see men who have endured the emptiness of emotionless relationships, who are articulate, sensitive, understanding and trustworthy. God bless you all!!

:wave:

Hello all My g/f wrote me two beautiful letters. There are only 13 months of this insane seperation to go. All she does is stay in her cell because she said there are so many fights and people getting hurt. She said it is because of the Holidays. They confiscated her radio in a shake. it was broken. :argh she bought a new one with some of the holiday money I sent her. In Texas they do hard Labor she has to go to work everyday in the fields picking pecans I'm not joking:(:mad: I feel sorry for anyone incarcerated they strip away all your dignity, but more so for anyone in the system in Texas Male or Female. I was e-mailing a member all week I don't know her Member name. Her job restricted her from the PTO site. She is from Illinois. She was A great help in my time of need Her name is Diona. I don't know if you know of her. She is the best and she misses being on the site. Then again you have all been wonderful with your support and all. especially Tebkrg this a shout out to him also. One more thing. I'm a jr member now :fb:

ricky - glad you heard from her! I know that had to ease your mind! I am so happy for you. :)

I have a question. I live in Idaho. And I would like a couple of female inmates to pen pal with. This forum lists lots of guys but no girls. Can anyone help me. Thanks: Dell

as you all well know I have a G/F incarcerated in Texas. We have been too get together since 99. I am in NJ The letters flow sometimes we have to take a chance to breathe. Then we just flow again. I acn't even go out because I meet all these Girls. I Can't even think of anyoneelse but Maria. She dosen't ever want to go on this site afarid that I meet someone here. I wish everyone Peace and Love. If u ever feel down just know it could be worst and remember that compassion for each other is important every since 9-11 It's been hard I mean I was in my office then I saw the whole thing...So all I can say is live everyday like it is your last. Love is a fragile thing once you find it hang on. I tryed to rationalize it all I can't There where times when I had no Money to send Maria she understood. That is the way it should be I love her and after all this we still remain in love over the many miles between Jersey and Texas. If you go into this not trusting and think it is all about $ like some people do.Do u think thses girls have it easy when thisPresident and this society thrives on filling these prisons while the rich can afford the best legal aid. cut these girl's a break These reason most of these girl's are there are because of a Man in one wat ot another. show a random act of kindness and conpassion ok

Me and Angela started out mostly "friends", but now it's definately alot deeper.

I think it's best when you start out as friends. It gives you the freedom to find out about eachother, and your feelings toward one another. I've had relationships feel rushed before, and this is a wonderful change. :D

Hello Able,

I'm new to this sight my fiance just got sent down to Vandalia in Missouri. We have no idea how long she will have which makes the situation that much worse. This is the first time I've had to deal with this and it really blows.

I'm glad the rest of you are out there, Ive had a tough time trying to figure out how to deal with this and make it better for her. Any suggestions would be welcomed.


Paul

Hey Ricky--good to see you're still here! and I wanted to say Welcome to PTO to Paul! Good to see more guys on here that are supporting their partners......

Deb

my girlfriend has 3 years left to go and it definately bites. we plan on getting married when she gets out and starting a new life together. she is a good person who got caught up in the excitemnet of making big money quickly.

To anyone out there that has responded to personal ads of those in prison. BEWARE OF CON GAMES. Unfortunately most people get "suckered" into the game very early on, then they don't want to listen to anything that might "burst their bubble". I experienced the con games first hand when I was in prison. What I would like to tell everyone is to be extremely careful, don't get your hopes up and whatever you do DON'T SEND MONEY! Ninety eight percent of the time they are only trying to play on your emotions so they have financial support while they're incarcerated. Look for warning signs. If they lie to you once, they'll lie a hundred times. They'll promise to come home to you, only to leave prison and never contact you again unless it's for money.

Try these things to find out how honest your "pen pal" is being. For one thing, ask them to send you their original monthly inmate account statement. It will show a list of who all is sending them money, what they spend and how much is left on their account. If they claim to not get one, contact the business office of the prison. Mostly all the women who I was incarcerated with, write to more than one man and bilk each and every one of them out of "commissary money". They'll claim to not even be able to afford to buy stamps and envelopes to write them back, hinting for money. AND IT ONLY STARTS THERE!

There are other things you can do to check if their stories "jive". Many inmates send out or post pictures of other inmates, figuring they'll never meet you. Currently on Prisonbabes.com, there is a photo of Sherry, a black woman I was incarcerated with. She lists her release date as 2005. SHE IS SERVING A LIFE SENTENCE. LIFE IN PENNSYLVANIA MEANS LIFE! Don't let them intimidate you into "trusting" them. They are in prison because they did something wrong. (most of them, I'm not saying there are not people in prison who were wrongfully convicted) There is nothing wrong with investigating them as much as you can to prevent yourself from heartache and an empty bank account. I've seen it happen over and over again. PLEASE BE AWARE OF THE CON GAMES!

Thank you Ms Ellie were you at Muncy or CambridgeSprings I only got involved in this because i know how bad that life is. Maria has never asked me for nothing. I helped her out of my own free will. I have girlfriends on the outside. I was married once that was enough for me. I started cheating on her to get out of the relationship. I know it was th wrong thing to do. I don't need to do this anymore. she is really pissed off at me yet still signs the letter love Maria. When i first visited her she wanted to be married by proxy she wanted contact visits sex and all that I refused so we have broken up i did it she calls me a liar now

Welcome to the PTO family! :) Love--Helen

Bad news friends Maria and I broke up. The last misive I got was on 7-31 ... she said she will place another ad. so some else will be writing my girl:mad: she blames me for everything. she said you already know what I mean. I asked her to come back when you don't even know what you want. she did everything in her power to try. some other girl wrote me and i sand Maria the letter and know she said I wrote the Girl. I didn't I went there and was refused a visit because she was on a visit. she denies it yet the co told me so it is over 4 years down the drain

Welcome Abledog. I understand what your going through. My lady is inside too and although it is only beginning it still is a tough pill to swallow. Hell sometimes I think she is stronger than I am. Best of luck to you and your lady.

hey what up men, it's cool to now like u said ur not the only one as well as I'm not the only one. My girl has been on and off this year that I met her 3 times already in. Last couple of times though she did no wrong which makes me happy. Just let her now you're there for her and you'll wait for her that's what I tell my girl and I know it makes her happy.

HI I was wondering were is your loved one?? My love is in lincoln and im trying to deal with her being gone.

WILLKOMMEN! :wave: I met my fiancee' in jail. I had been divorced after three kids (two grown) and 24 years. My new lady was divorced and had two kids (one grown). She and I discussed what we really wanted from a spouse and the many thorny issues that few folks discuss before getting involved with each other now days. We now hope to marry before she gets out and since I've been out I've been preparing a place for us. :yes: Most people mistake fondness or lust for love. My lady and I know the difference because of our past experience and through our correspondance we have come to love each other. I've personally known people who've dated for years and then married - their marriages lasted for a shorter period of time than their dating did. If both people in a relationship open up to each other fully and honestly and then they fall in love, then that love will endure. :yes: So don't let anyone hassle you about your relationship. Your's is probably stronger than their's. Lieben uber alles!

Hi Able! :)

I had a friend named Able in Junior High i think. Rare name, are you him? :) haha.

Welcome though!

Unfortunately, this can be a truly rough road. Between the simple logistics involved, the stress of being forcibly separated, the con artists one runs across, and any number of steadily accumulating frustrations, it simply isn't easy.

That said, the joy of two people falling in love with each others' minds is quite unlike any other I have ever known.

i was given an inmates name by a penpal who had no intention of writing now my and the inmate have fallen head over heels for each other how can i tell if it is true

Be patient--if your love is true it will endure....and very possibly grow.

And do be aware that as in any other romance, matters can be one-sided. Or of the possibility of a prisoner manipulating someone in order to get money, magazine subscriptions, or what have you. If your friend "loves" you only as long as you send her money, you might want to question her sincerity.

But let us hope that does not come to pass. Instead, rejoice in your love, delight in it, and never fail to share it with her in whatever way you may find. Most of the traditional romantic gestures are unavailable to those of us with someone on the inside--but you'll find plenty of imagination at work on this board. Look around a bit.

And remember one thing: no human being has ever been able to recognize true love with certainty when it first appears. Nor can any human being guarantee that it will last. But even if you knew that the only thing that could come of this was a broken heart, would you turn away? Of course not. And perhaps this, among all things, is the greatest sign that your intentions and feelings are true in every way. Live in your love, and see where the journey takes you.

"What would life be if no one had the courage to attempt anything?" --Vincent Van Gogh.

May you both be blessed--and do keep us up to date.

Welcome Able and from my personal perspective being that the love of my life is in i think the situation Sucks but you learn to deal with it and i think its great having this site where there is other people to talk to in the same situation i love it

Great advice DaveMoff.

Keep the Faith

Michael :thumbsup:

Is my brother allowed to have a girlfriend that is in prision or does she have to be free? Im looking for a girl pen pal to write to my brother. I'm just his little sister who is looking after him. thanks. Lots of Hugz, Lil Sis