strongernow
04-23-2004, 08:51 AM
ok here goes nothin'!
I have been away from the computer for a couple days now and i wanted to catch everyone up on what has been going on with me. So let's rewind to Tuesday...
Tuesday is the night that Chris called and told me I was approved for visitation, finally! Oh happy day :) But then to ruin the entire phone call he started getting onto me about how I never write that much anymore since I went back to work and yada yada yada. Which, by the way, I do still write him a good bit, I send mail 3 times a week and they are usually pretty long and always have pictures of the kids and I try to send a card once a week, too. Anyway, so this puts a damper on the whole conversation because I am trying to justify myself to him explaining that I am back to work fulltime, have 2 kids now and the house, yard, etc. Then he starts about what it makes him think/feel like when he doesn't get mail.... that I may be unhappy and looking elsewhere. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! We haven't gone through this in a while, so I had to let him have an earful about how stupid that is and how much I love him... blah blah blah. I'm sure many of you ladies know what I am talking about.
Wednesday night I got into a bit of an argument with my ex-husband/son's biological father. Somehow he always has a way of saying something really hurtful and harsh at the wrong time. Without getting into deep detail of the conversation, I will sum it up to him making a low blow at Chris being in prison. So then I was very upset for the rest of the night. As all of you know, the day before (Tuesday) I was on cloud 9 because I am finally approved for visitation. Now I am of course still ecstatic about this, but then I started thinking about how long it has been since I have seen the love of my life, the father of my daughter, my soulmate, my fiance, my best friend & lover.... and all of a sudden I am FURIOUS. I am sitting here thinking about how messed up the correctional system is and how ridiuclous it is to think the last time Chris saw me I was 6 months pregnant. So then I'm just in a foul mood... I didn't answer the phone all night when it rang, I just spent time with the kids, got them to bed and then sat and watched T.V. while I had a little pity party for myself, which does not happen very often. I felt like crap. I cried and cried and finally fell asleep on the couch.
Yesterday I wake up, get me and the kids ready and off to the sitter and work. Everything seems like it is going to be ok. I was swamped at work and around 11 a.m. this terrible headache hits me out of no where. It was so bad I couldn't even concentrate on my work, look at my computer or anything. My eyes kept watering and I started feeling sick to my stomach. So I went to lunch with a friend at work, thinking maybe I just needed to eat since I didn't get breakfast that morning. Well, right away after eating lunch I knew that wasn't going to do it. I felt even worse. Then nausea kicked in. Lord have mercy, I would rather be sick and get it over with than have that gross feeling all day. It got worse and worse as the rest of the afternoon went on. I finished what I could at work and made it a bout half way home and had to stop to be sick twice on the way home... lovely. Then I finally get to the babysitter's to pick up my sweeties and end up getting sick at her house. So I sit there until i feel better and then come home. Thank God for my neighbors who have become family to me since Chris has been gone, they came and took Dylan (my 3 yo son) for a while so I could sleep with the baby. I slept for a while but woke and had to be sick again. I ended up having my friend Ashley come over last night and stay with me because I have obviously come down with a flu bug of some sort, I have never puked so much before! So I called in to work this morning because I was up all night sick. Then I got the kids ready this morning and went ahead and took them to the sitter so I can stay home and rest all day.
So here I am now. I just took my sheets down to the basement to throw them in the washer and I didn't see one of the sheets hanging down and I tripped on it and fell down the last 2 stairs!!! I swear it's always something. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to slow it down a little bit.
Sorry I have been distant, please know that you guys are on my mind and I hope you all are doing as well as possible. I miss you guys :) I'm going to take a nap but I will be around later.
Thanks for listening....
I have been away from the computer for a couple days now and i wanted to catch everyone up on what has been going on with me. So let's rewind to Tuesday...
Tuesday is the night that Chris called and told me I was approved for visitation, finally! Oh happy day :) But then to ruin the entire phone call he started getting onto me about how I never write that much anymore since I went back to work and yada yada yada. Which, by the way, I do still write him a good bit, I send mail 3 times a week and they are usually pretty long and always have pictures of the kids and I try to send a card once a week, too. Anyway, so this puts a damper on the whole conversation because I am trying to justify myself to him explaining that I am back to work fulltime, have 2 kids now and the house, yard, etc. Then he starts about what it makes him think/feel like when he doesn't get mail.... that I may be unhappy and looking elsewhere. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! We haven't gone through this in a while, so I had to let him have an earful about how stupid that is and how much I love him... blah blah blah. I'm sure many of you ladies know what I am talking about.
Wednesday night I got into a bit of an argument with my ex-husband/son's biological father. Somehow he always has a way of saying something really hurtful and harsh at the wrong time. Without getting into deep detail of the conversation, I will sum it up to him making a low blow at Chris being in prison. So then I was very upset for the rest of the night. As all of you know, the day before (Tuesday) I was on cloud 9 because I am finally approved for visitation. Now I am of course still ecstatic about this, but then I started thinking about how long it has been since I have seen the love of my life, the father of my daughter, my soulmate, my fiance, my best friend & lover.... and all of a sudden I am FURIOUS. I am sitting here thinking about how messed up the correctional system is and how ridiuclous it is to think the last time Chris saw me I was 6 months pregnant. So then I'm just in a foul mood... I didn't answer the phone all night when it rang, I just spent time with the kids, got them to bed and then sat and watched T.V. while I had a little pity party for myself, which does not happen very often. I felt like crap. I cried and cried and finally fell asleep on the couch.
Yesterday I wake up, get me and the kids ready and off to the sitter and work. Everything seems like it is going to be ok. I was swamped at work and around 11 a.m. this terrible headache hits me out of no where. It was so bad I couldn't even concentrate on my work, look at my computer or anything. My eyes kept watering and I started feeling sick to my stomach. So I went to lunch with a friend at work, thinking maybe I just needed to eat since I didn't get breakfast that morning. Well, right away after eating lunch I knew that wasn't going to do it. I felt even worse. Then nausea kicked in. Lord have mercy, I would rather be sick and get it over with than have that gross feeling all day. It got worse and worse as the rest of the afternoon went on. I finished what I could at work and made it a bout half way home and had to stop to be sick twice on the way home... lovely. Then I finally get to the babysitter's to pick up my sweeties and end up getting sick at her house. So I sit there until i feel better and then come home. Thank God for my neighbors who have become family to me since Chris has been gone, they came and took Dylan (my 3 yo son) for a while so I could sleep with the baby. I slept for a while but woke and had to be sick again. I ended up having my friend Ashley come over last night and stay with me because I have obviously come down with a flu bug of some sort, I have never puked so much before! So I called in to work this morning because I was up all night sick. Then I got the kids ready this morning and went ahead and took them to the sitter so I can stay home and rest all day.
So here I am now. I just took my sheets down to the basement to throw them in the washer and I didn't see one of the sheets hanging down and I tripped on it and fell down the last 2 stairs!!! I swear it's always something. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to slow it down a little bit.
Sorry I have been distant, please know that you guys are on my mind and I hope you all are doing as well as possible. I miss you guys :) I'm going to take a nap but I will be around later.
Thanks for listening....