I'm scared and ashamed and need to vent. After some good sobriety since Thanksgiving, but not good enough, I went to NY 2 weeks ago and drank. Came back home and kept it up for 2 days, expecting to stop. In a hysterical fit of anger (justifiable, I guess) my wife did something we both regret. She told me to return some videos to Blockbuster--knowing I'd been drinking. I said I didn't want to go, but she'd just broken her ankle the day before and said she couldn't drive. I wasn't impaired, and drove very carefully, but as soon as I was out of the house she called the cops and said there was an intoxicated driver on the road; gave them our car type and license; and told them the route I was on. 5 minutes from home I'm ambushed by 4 patrol cars and get my 2nd OWI, 2 weeks before the end of my probationary period from my other one. I don't know what lies ahead; I only know that I've got today and am sober today and for the past week. She didn't expect the result that happened and is feeling very remorseful and guilty...this has actually brought us closer together. But I still have moments of anger and anxiety. Fortunately I haven't wanted to drink over it. Sometimes when you hit bottom you realize that this is it. So I figure that, harsh as it was, it made me stop drinking. Now it's time to start rebuilding my life and our family.

I get such good feelings from you all that I just wanted to share this. Trying to stay positive and deal with it one day at a time.

Thanks!
Ralph

Wow Ralph! I think your wife was only trying to help you realize you needed to stop again,I am so sorry that this may cause some trouble in the future though :(
Thank you for sharing your story,as the girlfriend of an addict I worry that he too will relapse but only time will tell once he is home......As you say one day at a time....

I wish you and your family the best of luck :)

Ralph,

Wow.... that is a pretty powerful story... but one that I hope will have a much happier future ahead of it. It sounds in any case like you've got a good start. I'm the loved one of an addict/alcoholic as well so I know one day at a time is all we've got. Hang in there and believe in yourself... :)

Lys

Ralph,
I see recovery in the making! Don't beat yourself up, and keep focused... And remember, one day at a time.... You can do it!!

Hey Ralph,

I hope all turn out well for you and I know you can do it just put your mind to it and I will keep you and all in my prayers.

Thank you for your support; it helps a lot. I've had a good weekend (clean & sober) and the family's having a decent time. When I look back to last week, or ahead to an unknown future, I have moments of anger and anxiety. When I stay in the present I regain my calm. Sending warm and grateful thoughts to all. Ralph

Ralph I know what that kind of life is like, I myself am a recovering alcoholic/addict and have 1year and 4mon and 4 days clean as of today ,and that is how I look at it, One Day At A Time ,relapse is hard and we want to beat ourselves up about it. But maybe this was finally rock bottom for you and you are ready to move on into a life of recovery. For myself rock bottom was coming home one night after being gone for 3 days on my last run and finding that Child Protective Services had taken my kids due to neglect which was because of my disease of addiction. But since I have gotten clean and with the help and support of my 12 Step Program and other people who are not using I have been given the chance to have my kids back in my life.What your wife had to due was out of pure desperation because she had no other way to help you, when we are out there in our disease we do things to our loved ones that are very hurtful and they get to the point of desperation that they are willing to do anything to make you realize something is wrong and that we need help. For me it took my mom calling CPS on me and letting them know I was endangering my kids. I wanted to be angry at her but then realized she gave me a gift so great, because i now had a chance to get clean and sober and offer myself and my children a good life. Good luck and remember you are not alone!!!!!! :)

Aloha Ralph, I am an alcoholic/addict in recovery, who will be 6 on the 27th of this month. I commend you for taking responsibility on your actions, and also for your decision to not stay in the problem. At least you can put names to the feelings that you are having. Your anger and anxiety are justifiable. And remember, you fell forward, not backwards. You picked yourself up, and continued to move on. Sometimes, for people like us, we have to go through what we go through in order to come to an understanding of where we really want to end up at. In other words, we won't know what good can come out of any situation that we put ourselves into, until we've experienced the bad. Once we come to an understanding that we don't want to stay on a downward spiral of disaster, and we choose recovery, the beginning of the miracle starts. The miracle continues while we work the 12 steps into our lives. At this point it appears that anyone can get sober, but the steps teach us how to live life. I don't know if you have a sponsor, but if you don't, it's highly suggested that you get one. I've come to know what "The Promises" from the book Alcoholics Anonymous pages 83-84 mean, because it has come true for me and many of my friends. And Ralph it can happen for you too. Good Luck to you on your journey, and by the way. You might want to hang on to your seat, because you're in for the ride of your life. Have fun. Aloha, Kalei

Here are "The Promises."
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disapear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us---sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." Alcoholics Anonymous pgs. 83-84.

This is such valuable support and I'm truly grateful. There's nothing fun about going back "out" there, especially when your arrest hits the paper, but that doesn't mean that nothing good can come of it. For me it's been a chance to re-start with a new attitude; to realize that my personality defects are part of my disease; and to live the program as someone totally committed to it, not just going to meetings and getting on with life-as-usual the rest of the time. I was going to meetings almost every day but my attitude was still awful. Now I've reached a bottom where I know I have to change more than my drinking habits, and this resolve gives me hope. And my wife senses that I mean it this time and I feel her support is much stronger; before this she was always skeptical, asking "How do I know you mean it?" which always burned my ass. Instead of being angry (I still have moments, of course) I try to be understanding, knowing that her guilt over calling 911 is far greater than my own anxiety over eating county cuisine.
Thanks again and I hope everyone has a great day!
Ralph

Both You And Your Wife Are Very Brave. I Wish You And Your Family The Best Of Recovery.

I too wish you and your family well. Please dont beat your self up, as you mentioned, you done it, nothing can take it back, so move forwarded. God bless you

I'm deeply grateful for everyone's support. I got through the week and am hoping for a healthy and sober weekend. (Always nervous about weekends though.) Hope everyone's doing well and able to enjoy good weather and visits with your loved ones.
Peace,
Ralph

Hey Ralph, Hang out here on pto all weekend... This is the place to be!!!

We're here for you Ralph...

Here's a happy update for you all: I've gotten my sentence and will surrender next Thursday, but that's not the happy part, of course. The amazing thing is my change of attitude, because thanks to really working my program, including steps and sponsor, I've lost the anger, resentment, and fear that made me such a wreck from 9/11/01 (the date of my relapse--a tough one for all of us in different ways) until last April. I'm actually grateful to be able to take responsibility for my drinking in this way, so I'm counting my upcoming time as part of the recovery process. In fact, the judge gave me a choice between full-time "in" and a combination, with a longer time at home on a monitor, and I'm choosing the whole sentence inside so I can come out with the freedom to go to AA meetings and spend quality time with my wonderful and supportive family. Call it crazy if you want, but for me it's an incredible miracle to have the life I have now. Peace to all! Ralph

Ralph I wish you the best of luck:) Sounds like you have the want and willpower to do it!

Glad to hear you are getting your life together..even if you are doing time for it!! Good luck!

mrsd

I'll say it again... Proud of you!!!
How long will you be inside?


JJT

Just wanted to wish you the best. You gave me a little peace of mind when you replied to my questions on alcohol treatment. You sound like a very strong person and I wish you luck.