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I'm going crazy! I have my son who put himself into rehab still awaiting sentencing after breaking probation (looking at a possible 3-30 years). I have my husband of 25 years who told me he's leaving me (wants a seperation for 6 mos, whatever!). Now my son tells me his father told him he was using agian. God help me who do I believe they both lie to my face. Does one user know another? I must be stupid I can't tell! One is a functioning user(father) the other isn't (son). How do I get help? please, I feel as if my whole life is a lie. :fb: cl

Cheryl I don't know if it will help but I put my parents through hell when I was using. Lying cheating stealing you name it. I went to jail, probation and to rehab (forced) not voluntarily. I had several relapses wreaked several cars and fortunately never killed anyone in the process. My mother was blind to the situation and didn't want to recognize it till it was almost too late. Ultimately what happened was they laid down the law to me and if I was going to keep up that behavior I was out of the family. This did not happen to me as a young person I was in my 30's when it started. It doesn't work for everyone but what I can recommend for you is to get to some NA (if it is a drug problem) or AA (if alcohol issue) you don't have to be an alcoholic or drug user to go to open meetings and they can offer you advice, suggestions and support with the problems you are going through. I hope this is helpful and do hope that everything works out for you. It is definitely a long and difficult process.

Cheryl
The fact that your son put himself into rehab, after breaking probation, will show the courts that he shows remorse, and does want to get better and get help. It will help alot at his sentencing hearing, his attorneys can bring this up to the judge, that he is trying his hardest to rehabiliate himself.
((((hugs)))) to you. It sounds like you are going through alot yourself. I hope things get better for you soon.

I have a friend who is now a recovering addict he has admitted hiself into a recovery house and yes he had alot of legal issues at hand that had to be dealt with I felt his reason for going into the place was so he would not go to prison and to show the judge that he is trying to help hisself well it worked he got only 3yrs probation with no fines or fees to pay thank God.

I have been in constant fear for him well he is now mandated to complete the program and it is a year program so that may work for your son but what I do know is that they have to want it for themselves no one else.

My husband violated his probation w/a dirty ua. He also checked himself into rehab before going to jail. His first offer at sentencing was 8 years. He finally signed for 2 years. Don't take the first offer.

As far as getting help for yourself, I recommend Alanon. You will find the support you need there to get through this time. Good Luck and stay strong.

yes-- one addict knows another. it's in the eyes. first and foremost-- take care of yourself. nar-anon, alanon. go regularly-- daily if you can. don't do anything that would interfere with the natural consequences of their actions. of course they lie-- they are active addicts. good luck to you.

Trying not to enable someone is the hardest that one can do. But, as like them, even we have breaking points where we just have to say, enough is enough. A lot of people think that cause one does not enable that we stop loving them, which is not true. It is because we do love them that we do this.

I don't think there's a cut and dried answer to your question... Each person is so different, even in their addictions...
I believe your husband is probably using if your son told you that, mostly because regardless of what your son has done, he loves you and is trying to protect you... And also the fact that he's saying that he needs a break for a few months... That's a big red flag right there...
There is such a fine line between enabeling and unconditional love...
When you get to the point of reality that you can do nothing within yourself to change someone else, you can't change their actions, their desires, nothing about them, and then you allow them to make decisions without fighting them or argueing your point to them, you're on the road to success... It's hard because we want them to see what we see and to stop doing what they do...
I read allot of self help books "The language of Letting go" , "Women who love too much", I can't even remember them all, but each one made me a little stronger...
Hang in there... My faith in God has been my strength and sheild...