Just curious.

For those who have men that already have been in for a long time.
Especially for those whose man went in at a relatively young age, still immature:

Has your man changed?
How has he changed?


Mine has been in 15 years - started in early/mid twenties.

He has changed...been there for 10 years now. He is kind of cold and standoffish...he wasnt like that before.

At the beginning he was just going along with the program.
Glad to have anyone visiting him and taking calls.

Let's say when I went to visit and we got back together (had known each other in college) he had not even told the other girl that was visiting him about me.
They were not officially dating but she was definately taken with him.
I felt so bad for her. I told him he had to let her know we were starting a serious relationship. He did.

I one point I did leave him for awhile and he realized what he had lost.
I was not playing games just had to do what was best for me.
When we got back together he had finally matured and realized what life was about.

My man has slowed down alot since his arrest in 1981. He used to be wild!! Now he thinks things through and isn't so quick to throw a punch. He'll still fight if he has to but it has to be for a darn good reason!!

Travis has definitely matured, but he's still a snap case. I'm very proud of the way he's held up through all that's been going on lately.

Roberts been down 171/2 yrs now and he's grown up completely. He went through a cold standoffish stage too but thats for the benefit of the other inmates. it soon passes.

paul was filled with rage when he went in 1991... i met him in 89 and he was the sweetest nicest guy like now... it was the drugs... sometimes he is a bit synical where he feels i am gullible...
but now he definitely matured.

I live in the presant and J lives in the future. He is really intelligent and sometimes I feel like even though I am older than he is....he has aged so much from his experiences after 10 years down. His changes are definetly possitive changes and I believe he will be an exceptional member of society when finally given the chance! I am really proud of him!

My husband never bonded with his mother and was definitely a "displaced" child. He went on to become a displaced adult.

He's been in prison for almost 18 years. Until he met me, he had no remorse for anything in life, He was a hard and bitter man. He thought light teasing was a head game and that all women were into them. Although he was able to show me how to build self-esteem and self-worth, he had to learn to compromise and bend.

Now that he has known unconditional love for the last 5 plus years, he has changed considerably. I can actually tease him without it causing a fight. He's still bitter about the circumstances that put him in prison and the lack of support from his former g/f and family, but these things don't eat at him anymore and make him angry. He has accepted his fate and works hard to get himself out of prison.

He lives in OUR future!

He has said many times these last few years that had he not gone to prison, he would not have met me and has accepted that fate. The changes he has made in himself shows me that he truly is a man worth waiting for!

mrs

my husband has definately changed 360* from the kid he was when he went in. he is humble, strong, wise, peaceful, gentle, loving, so many many things, he inspires ME! he has been there A LONG time and used it to his advantage for sure.

Well, my man has changed a great deal. He was a ticking time bomb before being incarcerated, he spent his childhood being responsible for five younger bothers, once he no longer had that responsiblity he was terrible. We talk about it now and he laughs, look how much I have changed he says. I'm glad he has changed cuz I am not sure he would have lasted in prison with the attitude he had before. He says that "it was a phase" well it lasted to long in my opinion. At some point he had no remorse and no regrets, now he is at a point where he has came to terms with his acts, his life, our life, and the future we have together. Well, I think I have said enough. Oh by the way he has been incarcerated for six years and is serving a life sentence.

Great Idea for a thread lovesaron! :)

Got locked up 11/1994. Was only 24 yrs. young. Well, my husband has greatly matured. That's why I married him while incarcerated. He's eight years younger than me. So when he tried to get with me in 1988, I ran from him. Even though there was chemistry. But we remained distant friends. It was not until he got locked up that we reunited for encouragement and support. But we fell in love unexpectantly. But seriously. I believe he was born before his time. He's a good man.

Mark has been in for only 6 years. But he went in at the age of 19, and is now 25. There is a huge change in him... HUGE. Some for the better, as he understands and recognizes the life that he was leading here on the outside was the total wrong path... and he understands why. But in other ways, I feel as tho he isn't 'maturing' as a normal guy would from the ages of 19-25. I see the effects that prison has on him, he's somewhat "institutionalized" although, we try not to let that happen... but it is.

We are working on it. Slowly, but surely.

my husband has been gone for 18 mths...and from the time he got locked up he started to mature for he knew i had to raise our child on my own. It was a definite wake up call for him

My fiancee changed big time! I didnt know him back in 1981 and I wouldnt have wanted to know him. He was a womanizer at the age of 18 when he was first incarcerated. He did graduate from high school, but didnt want to listen to anyone! He knew it all, he says. He started out in prison fighting staff, his way of letting them know that no one can tell him what to do and when. He settled down after several years of realizing that he was going to be in prison for a long time...going from 90 something points to 28 points now. I love the man he has become and I'm even more grateful that his rebellious attitude didnt cause him serious injury..or even worse, death. He's so humble...people who knew him in the past wouldnt even know the person he has become now....

I am so happy! He has changed again. Now he is not so stand offish when it comes to his feelings. These last two months he has been just pouring his love all over me and telling me he loves me all the time. And he is always reminding me that I am beautiful and other sweet things. Oh I love him and I cant wait for him to come home! Thank you Jesus! :p

Definite Maturity! He Went In At 15 Or So. I Didn't Know Him Then. He Is 32 Now. He Went In As A Child And Is Now A Man. I Have Been A Woman Since I Moved Out At 14. But He Is The First Man To Treat Me Like One. He Is My Vase And He Holds Me Up And Makes Me Feel And Be Beautiful. He Is The Strength That Surrounds Me And Holds Me Safely. He Has Learned That From Behind Those Walls And He Has Become Wise And Patient And Yes-- He Is Definitely A Completely Different Person From Who He Was When He Went In.

My man has changed a lot...seeing as he was 18 when he entered the system.
He is now 28 will be 29 this year.
I feel like he has changed for the better...so different from the "boy" that he was.
Caught up in the fast life of drugs and "thugging"
He sees now all that matters are the simple things...family, love and support.

My hubby was a man to be proud of when we met and married 8 years ago. We did the most immature and selfish thing we could, we got into drugs. So now that he is down and has seen the life we built together disappear, he is back to that man that makes me proud. The change happened when WE got off the drugs. It started when bail was posted and has just kept evolving with every day clean...over 18 months now. I am praying that the length of time he has to serve will not make him withdrawn and cold, but I am willing to stick by the man he is now. If the other ever surfaces again, I will have to say goodbye for my sake and sanity...So long story short, yes he has changed.

Steph:)

DRE HAS CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. HE'S A CHRISTIAN NOW. BEFORE HE WAS DISRESPECTUFL.

My husband has become more caring and concerned about others than he ever was in earlier years. He loves the Lord and his family.

My husband has changed ... he even "programs" pretty well now taking parenting classes, a "committment to change" series, teaches classes and is actively reading the "men are from mars, women are from venus" series in order to better understand where I'm coming from. This is a man who had no anger management skills and would go off on someone if he thought they were being disrespectful to him or his family. He's a good man now but will never get the chance to prove it because his life will be spent in the federal system.

Yes, my man has definantly changed. He doesn't do any of the bad stuff he used to. Were getting married when he get's out.

I met my man since he has been in. Ive been getting to know him over the past 3.5 years. He has definately changed sinced the first months... he has calmed down and become more reasonable and rationable. Before he would jump at me and rip off my head. He also had a nasty temper also. He has camed down and now thinks before he acts. He also has kept out of trouble in there over the past 2 years. I am really proud of him. Even his mum has recognised a genuine change him. :)

Alex is only 19, but he has grown up so much. For the first time in a long time, he has taken responsibility for his actions. He doesn't want my pity, my money, anything -- he is just thankful for my love. He does not believe he innocent (although when i write this i am aware that there are a few that are innocent). He tells me not to feel bad for him- he deserves this. He is making goals and he has dreams. He has patched up relationships with his family. He has realized that he has to change his life. I am so proud of him.

My husband has changed in the last 4 years we have been together( over 3 of that married).I met and married him after he was down.LT went down when he was 17 and we met when he was 22.He is 9 1/2 years younger than myseld, but I have seen him become more loving,caring,honest and open with his emotions for myself and my children( whom he loves as his own).He has matured into a wonderful man that I am proud to call my husband.:D

My husband was locked up when he was 24, he is now 32, is so different now, he is not pefect as no one is but he definitely appreceiates the small and simple things in life and no longer has a desire to be apart of the "fast life" he wants to stay focused on coming home and it is a very difficult road ahead as he has a 25-life bid and has put it 8 yrs aleady, I love the man he has become, he inspires me to always elevate my mind!

My husband has definitly changed for the better. I knew of him before he went to prison but didn't know him. He used to live across the street from my dad and he was WILD. He lived the fast life and was a true thug. He's been down 7 years, I have been with him 3 years and 2 of those years we've been married. When he first went to prison in '97 he used to fight and get in trouble at the drop of a hat. Never gave an inch. He's lost almost a year of gaintime because of this and it didn't matter to him. He was an animal that didn't care. He had no family support and so he decided to live for him. He still does not have the support of "his" family but has made a family with me. He became even more bitter when his gf at the time stopped writing and stopped visiting. That made him even more vicious. I came into the picture and I see the changes in his letters, in his eyes, and in his responses to situations. What he would used to blow up at the drop of a hat, he now knows that a negative response would deter him from coming home. He doesn't like to argue, never has, and would drop you without thinking of the consequences. Now he thinks before acting because his goal is to get home to me. He would give you the shirt off his back but wouldn't allow you to get close to him. He's always had a kind heart that has not changed. We have grown stronger in Christ together and it has taught him patience. He also realizes that being in prison is a blessing for him. He knows that if he hadn't gone to prison he'd probably be dead or would have killed someone. He also knows that without him going to prison, I wouldn't be in his life because he would have never sat still for a moment and we would be on different paths. So the change is definitly for the better. He's a better man and I have become a better woman.


"For as low as you go, ask God to take you that high."

My husband has been getting locked up bid after bid for the past 20 somethin years. Neither prison or marriage or a combination of both have changed him a lick. After each release, he acts the way he did before he first got locked up -- like that single man who's so single that he's even more single than the real single men. In his 40's today, he'll be 46 when he get out and the number one thing he's lookin forward to is getting gold fronts. It's like he steps out of prison on release day and steps right back into his life when he was 20. We met and married while he was in there 8 years ago.

when I first met my man, he told me something that has always stuck out. He told me he was tired, he told me that he wished that night, instead of the other man dying he wished it was him. He said that he was 18 years old and he felt as though he had lived the life of a warrior. He told me that the only way he thought that pain would go away would be for him to get shot....the way that they say that he shot the other man. He tells me all the time, that even though he wished himself dead he would never wish death upon anyone.....so tuesday night, I asked him if he still felt tired, if he still felt that he didn't want to live. and he told me....No, baby you took that all away from me two years ago when I met you. and I see him now and he is no where near the same man I met two years ago. and I don't know how he was in 1995 when he was arrested....I've heard that I have the most notorious man in all of connecticut. all I know is that he hasn't gotten a ticket since I met him, and he is tutoring, and doing so many things to help others with less time, that are younger, so that they have a chance.

My man has spent over 7 years of his life in prison, and although I have not been with him through all of them, I have seen how prison life has changed him. I soon became his girlfriend after he got out (from serving 5 years).

I noticed little things-- like whenever we would sleep together he was never fully asleep. He would always wake up and sort of watch around us (as he had to watch his back for many years in prison). Sort of like sleeping with your eyes open! He would always wake up at the crack of dawn, since he was accustomed to doing so. Also, when we would eat together or with a large group of people, I noticed he never liked it when someone reached across his plate. I guess these are just things they acquire over the years in prison.

I love that man so much and for all he is and has become over the years!!

Marie

I have noticed a change in Jason. When he went in 6 1/2 years ago, he was immature and living life day to day as it came. Now he has matured, being a great father while being in there, and now he thinks of the future. I guess thats cuz the future is what keeps him going. Coming home to me and our daughter. he has opened up to me a lot over the years thru letters, phone calls, and visits and I think we both grew up in our relationship as well. I am very proud of his improvement. He now is reading and taking classes which i know he wouldnt have done if he was on the outside but im glad to see he is using his time well. When he first went in, he was like a ticking bomb ready to explode. Always getting into fights, freaking out over every lil thing but thankfully he is much calmer now. I guess u dont know how to first react when u get a long sentence or any sentence for that matter. Im just thankful he worked out his problems and is now focused in there.

The Love of My Life has been incarcerated for 14 years. He went in at 19 and he is now 35. He has spent his youthfulness in prison. Sometimes I am really saddened by it because he has missed out on alot during his younger days. He is more humble and wiser now. He realizes that the fast life leadeth to distruction. Now He loves the lord and he always puts the needs of others first, even the inmates. Everyone respects him, even the officers and the administration. When he is released, I know that he will do great things to help his community and the youth, because he doesn't want our young people to go through what he is now going through. He is truly amazing and I thank God for him!!! Prison is actually preparing him for his destiny.

My man has changed a little more mature he was 19 when he went in is now 27 and like Ms.Heather said didn't change normally like you do. I know they say it is a time warp for them. He has always been very smart and he still is but I don't think he realizes what is in store for him when he gets out, I try to prepare him but I don't think he knows the extent of it. I know he is a better person now and for that I am grateful.

My Husband Been Down For 11yrs And I Met Him Inside But From What He Has Told Me His Earlier Years He Played Alot Of Games With Womens Hearts And Sometime I Think To If I Would Of Been In His Life Then He Would Of Destoyed Me. This Sounds Crazy But I Think It Took Him Going To Prison To Be The Man He Is Today I'm Thankful That I Am With Him Now He's A Real Man And I Love Him For That He Tells Me He Wasn't Hisself Back Then He Was So Many Different People Cause He Had Too. But I Have A Heaven Sent Man And Are Very Greatful For Him....

Although my man was not necessarily "immature" prior to incarceration, this sentence thus far has truly changed him for the better. I believe that while watching our children grow (from behind bars), he is more than convinced that he can no longer take the same risks that he did when he was out. He understands the significance of leading a "straight" life now.

John was 15 years old when he went to prison ... I see changes in him every day. He is 20 now and literally has spent 1/4 of his life in prison. He has grown up in the worst environment but still has a wonderful sense of humor, faith and hope, and is very caring and kind.
I worry sometimes that as time goes on I will see negative changes in him, I can only hope and pray that something changes so he does not spend the rest of his life there.
It is just not fair for a child.

he has been there 8 1/2 years, we still have 4 more to go, possibly less (pray for us) but since I have been with him, which has been 2 1/2 years, I would defiantly say he has grown to become a mature young man from the first day we starting talking...gosh , by the time he gets out, he may be so mature that he'll run for president..( LOL) :)

Mine had matured so much I feel like I'm falling in love with a new man

KarrieMI

He's definitly made so many changes, all positive ones! He's gotten his GED, helped other inmates get their GED's, he's taking college classes now. He's done lots of maturing as well. It was something I could tell while visiting him. He had a brighter spirit, more positive. He was so negative when he first got to prison. He just wanted to die. Now he realizes he has so much to live for even though he'll be gone for a while. He has a reason to wake up the next day :)

He has honestly mellowed out. He went in when he was 19 he'll be 26 this year. But it's been the last year or so that he's done his 180 turn around. Even now when I talk to him, his little gangster slang isn't as thick and he hasn't gotten in trouble in over 273 days (he just received a GOOD write up for this) and that's huge for him. He was in the hole all the time. He started taking college courses and he's got himself a job. He's definetly has changed for the better. I love the person he's becoming because it reminds me of who he was before all of this.

C has definitely changed he got arrested when he was 18 and over the years he has gotten more mature, he reads a lot more, he doesn't fight as much and he is more open with me. On the other side he is also always tense, he watches everything and he is also very leery of people.

My husband has changed and matured. Regrdless of where they're at- either in prison or on the outside, I think they are going to change in one way or another.

My husband's change hasn't really been because of prison, because he already did one bid and was still just as wild when he got out. Instead, it's been our love that has changed him. He has learned to take responsibility for his actions, and to give to and help those in need. He stays out of trouble now so we can have our phone calls. This is what I am most proud of him for, because he does have a mouth and it's difficult for him to keep quiet sometimes with the guards, but he does -FOR ME. People who knew him on the streets see the power of love when they look at him now.

My husband has changed and matured. Regrdless of where they're at- either in prison or on the outside, I think they are going to change in one way or another.



I agree with this, cause change is inevitable its up to them to accept change or fight it

My husband's son went in at age 25 and that was 17 years ago. Today, he has the goals a 25 year old would have....fast car, new set of drums, knock-out looking girl, good job, jam to Rush.....

He becomes extremely angry if confronted on anything. So, his father can do nothing but sit, watch and worry about his welfare should he ever be released from prison. His father knows that it is unlikely he will still be alive when his son is released. He worries about how his son will take care of himself.

I met him, he was a marine. Very attractive, sensitive, I fell for him so quick. We became friends first. I shared alot with him. Then we became more. Our relationship grew in a short time. I got preggo, he made me promise to NOT abort. I did, he ran. He promised to marry me, NEVER happened. Next thing I knew he was married, and had a kid with another woman, then got a call, he was in jail, now is serving a 65 yr sentence. I am still here. Our daughter is going to turn 11 in Sept. They have never been in the same room. THAT HURTS

OH and YES
he has changed..... HE is not the same man I fell in love with That prison has changed him...

Absolutely and definitely changed. He's more humble and caring and thoughtful. His thinking has changed and is more involved with his family than before he went in. My initial abandonment may have had something to do with it. I'm glad I came to my senses, and stopped listening to my mom and my family, who constantly told me and still tell me how no good he is.It has been 11 years, I survived, and now I have some support and somewhere to vent. I'm still here, and I have no intention of going anywhere.

My man has been down 16 months and is working his way through what I have come to call stages. At first he was in major denial talking about "beating" the charges, and all that jazz. Then about 6 months in, I started
hearing the remorse and apologies. Then another few months passed, and I saw the acceptance and realization. Now here we are at 16 months and I am seeing responsilbilty and accountable. With each passing day he grows and in turn our relationship grows too. We still have a ways to go he hasn't been to trial, so for now and probally the next year we will be facing the unknown.

Mark has changed and grown. He has been in almost 19 years. We dated before his incarceration and he was sweet and loving, but not responsible. We have gotten back together, and now he is everything positive I knew him to be before, plus some.

He is definately planning for his (and our) future!

We both changed!!! & all for the better.

Mine's been in over 10 years...went in at 18. I only met him 11 months ago, but I can tell he has matured and wants to be a good man for me.

Chad has changed immensely, when a few guys in his pod broke out in county, he wouldnt go with them, before, he would have led the charge, he was a fighter, a dope fiend, thief and general hell raiser, none of his family would bond him out they knew he would run. Him and his family have since made nice. once we got close and he was later shipped from county, he has been on trustee status ever since going all the way down to about 14 points (he wouldnt take his stomach pill and was accused of hoarding them, that was 4 points, he told a teacher to quit rubbing on him and touching him, he got 5 more points, he got busted smoking pot and got 5 more points, he has gotten his GED, learned woodworking and leather craft, he has been working in the kitchen and wanting to take chef classes, he is making beautifully detailed clocks. I cant take credit for the change, but he says it is because of me....

We have both grown together, some for the good and some not so. Hubby wants to be a better man for our family. He has done an amazing so far.

all men changes after they go inside, I grew up there and changed quite abit, it is normal, prison life is not a simple life, men talk and teach each other about many different things, just being on the inside, we learn so much from others, good and bad, most go through the same changes, adjusting to how to serve your time and survive the experience, some cry alot and feel sorry for themselves, I had a rough life so I accepted what ever came my way and survived.

I didn't know Damian when he went in, but he's told me what he was like. He was violent and he had a drinking problem. Over the years he's been in, he voluntarily sought therapy so he could better understand himself and begin to change. He has changed a great deal. He has a lot of insight and has much better control over his anger. And I asked him about the drinking, and he said that it won't even be an issue...he doesn't want to do anything that could cause him to go back down that path.

He changed, but I don't think all of it is down to being in there. When he hit his thirties he started looking at himself and how well he lived up to his own expectations. He made a lot of changes in his behavior and expectations, all to the good.

But I started to wake up and put my life in order when I hit 30 too, which is why I don't believe that prison is completely responsible for the man he is now.

prison really served to slow my guy down. i know that he's learned a lot about himself, and he puts a lot of things into perspective. like many of you guys have posted, in a very odd, crazy way, prison served to save his life, not to make it better though, cuz that change came within him and with the support of his loved ones. prison did however, serve to pull him out of that fast life, the very same one that he didn't want to be a part of, but he just didn't know how to break free from.

i too believe that this change in him would've happened eventually, prison or no prison. his big heart has has been there all this time, but he didn't realize it, because it was too full of anger. but love conquers all... keep passing it through.

my man went in at age 18 and now is 43 he has down a complete turn around and even tries to help me to talk to my teenage daughter is a very angry child....

He has changed b/c he was always the type to say well leave if you don't like what you have and now he misses me and the kids and says sorry every time we talk about the way he was Now he he lets me know how much he actually loves me now that he can't see us but on the weekends I guess what they say is right you don't know how much you need someone until they are gone