View Full Version : Does he really love me, is he using me or is this all jail talk.


mrs. jackson24
07-16-2011, 11:33 AM
My man &i was 2gtha a year b4 he got locked up, of course n the beginning evrything goes perfect, &i loved all the sweet nothings he told me, &now hes been locked up for 4years he's done 3yrs in cook county &1yr n m.c.c... But since hes been n jail, all he tell me is how much he loves an needs me, but I dont believe it or feel that he loves me at all, im kinda feeling as if hes lying, &that hes claiming that he only loves &needs me bcuz hes in jail, Ive sunt him $75/wk for the past 2mnths then just a week an 3days ago he writes &tells me that he needs $100, &im askn myslf "why? Does he need an extra hundred dollars, I started wondering if hes sendn my money 2another female, it hurts me to think abt him even writing another bitch, let along send her my hard earned money, Ladies what do I do? Am I goin crazy? I do love him alot, &i knw so much abt him &his past, also we both agreed not to withold nothing from each other no matter the circumstance, at times I think hes lying, then I would ask/tell myself "why would he lie to me"...i love him so much but I think hes using/playing me....(***tears***)

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Mikeys1andonly
07-16-2011, 12:59 PM
I would ask him why he needs another 100.00 when you just sent 75. Did you have any type if problems before he was locked up?

ladyfoxs
07-16-2011, 01:28 PM
I really don't think they need that kind of money in there.....I for one is not sending no man that kind of money.....I love shopping....I don't mind blessing someone or helping them....but don't take advantage....as a matter of fact don't ask me....a lot of them...... play games in there.....that's why I'm not giving up my money....F*** that.......they are in prison...get 3 meals a day....a bed to sleep in.....close on their back....and live rent free...what the F***...... something is wrong with this picture......baby girl I'm not coming at you wrong....I'm looking at your situation and other women's situation.....to me this is some disrespectful s***.....going on in these prisons....and I think you should bless him with maybe $25 a week if you have it.....but if you have a child set up a savings account for that child....now I wonder who is put money away for there baby...... go out and by you something pretty and then take a picture and then send it to his a**....tell him her go your extra 100 dollars....girl I have to get off here I can go on and on.....you do something for you self and that's what hell he need to be saying.....you deserve it!!!!!

ladyfoxs
07-16-2011, 01:31 PM
I would ask him why he needs another 100.00 when you just sent 75. Did you have any type if problems before he was locked up?

He don't need know 100.00....spoil mother f*****

ShaunsGirl3
07-16-2011, 01:34 PM
My mans not like that n he's thankful if he gets $20-$40 a MONTH! plz hun don't do more than you have

young_love
07-16-2011, 02:24 PM
only give him waht u can afford....if he really loves you then he will appreciate whatever u can give him. my man hates to take anything at all from me but he knows he has to. 75 a week is more than enough, trust me. no matte what the relationship was like before they wenti i am sure that we all wonder if its just jail talk but if thats what it is im sure u will realize it in time. i wish u the best

thatwiz
07-16-2011, 03:06 PM
Ask him. My man has spent $800 in county last month. He pays for phone and won't eat their food- a weekly commissary buy is $100. So it depends what he's spending it on. I know what hubby is buying and what his money is spent on.

ladyfoxs
07-16-2011, 03:30 PM
why are there some women on here bragging on how much money they are spending on there inmates.... it may you damn slow....and I can guarantee they don't have a college fund or savings account....set up for there children.

Deonswifey07
07-16-2011, 04:05 PM
My man been locked up for 2yrs I havent sent him a dime I visit twice a week..send letters..and keep money on the phone but he knows money is tight right now because Im tryna pay for school so he doesnt ask for any.. He is incarcerated the state provides him with everything he needs if he ask for money its because he WANTS something extra he doesnt NEED it
Plus my man has a job in there so he can pay for his own shit lol

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Forever&aDay
07-16-2011, 04:19 PM
I agree with most of the comments. I know that some of the women on here support their men financially and if that's your situation I suggest you request some statements to see where your money is going. I feel like your over extending yourself with the amount your sending, but then I don't know anything about the system in your state. My husband doesn't eat state food either but he uses the money he works for to get buy. I visit regularly, we don't do the phones, send cards to one another and I send a quarterly package for no more than about $125. I can afford to do a whole lot more than that but he would never allow it even if I wanted to because he knows my money is best served in our household or on our kids. And although I have a great career he makes it his business to contribute to birthdays and special occasions with good gifts as well as an occasional treat to an outing or two. More than anything, it kills me I hear of inmates just being selfish. Good luck! Just my two cents.

mrs. jackson24
07-16-2011, 11:02 PM
Wooo, I just luv yaw ladies n here, &no we havent had any problems prior 2our relationshp gurl, an foxsladi u are a mess gurl I cannot stop laughn at yo reply...thnx yaw oh an jus 2let yaw knw I AM NOT THE KINDA FEMALE WHO POST A THREAD, ASK 4ADVICE &THEN GET OFFENDED WHN YAW REPLY WIT DA TRUTH, &yes I have a savings account 4my son &i hv a checking account, my husband buys expensive shit ladies, he has sunt me his commissary slip, his visitn list, evrything ladies, his ass b buyn r&b tapes, headphones 4his t.v, but me bein me I be thinkn bout extra shit like ANOTHA BITCH on da side, bcuz yes men do play games n jail, 4evry man theres at least, at least.... 3bitchz 2evry man, wether shes bbymama, ex, wife or the side dip....thnx 4da advice this coming month ladies all he getn is $50 &thats for da whole mnth, he still has a mother, step dad, 4brothers & 7sisters so he aint losing out on nothing...

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vcmshort
07-16-2011, 11:23 PM
Honestly - you really don't know if he is using you until he comes home...that is when most of the truth comes out...there are signs - but $75 a week??? I really don't think he needs that much...atleast per week...that should last him atleast 2-3 weeks...and then he starts asking for 100??? Is this a one time thing to buy something extra (shoes if he jogs and has destroyed his others or is taking classes) or are you supposed to start sending $400 a month...for snacks?
One of the couples I know - her husband kept giving stuff away to other guys - then started asking her for more $...so she just cut him off for a month...he was pissed but he got the hint.
Thankfully I've never had to do that...but its an option...or an idea.

mrs. jackson24
07-16-2011, 11:47 PM
R u serious one gurl on here talk abt how her guy treats her wrng an she vists him all the time, neva missd a court date an she makes sure he has 400/mo on his books &900/mnth on da phone, now mine is not as worse as hers...lol

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LeStrange
07-17-2011, 12:27 AM
So wait you send him $75 a week basically $225-$300 a month(atleast for the past 2 months)??? I really don't understand these kinds of posts. These men don't need all that money especially weekly. Just send him one lump sum a month. That is the reason why these men keep coming back asking for more money because basically y'all are presenting yourselves as banks and check books to them. The most they would need is $100-$150 a month. They can work in there and get state pay. Yeah sure it's not alot but oh well. That is the consequences of their actions. Of course if you're sending a man lots of money like that he will at some point take advantage of that. Not all but some will. You need to talk to HIM, tell HIM how you feel and put your foot down.

ShaunsGirl3
07-17-2011, 08:06 AM
Me n my man talked bout this last night (we talk bout Everything so sorry ladies if that upsets you I not only like to get his thoughts but love my man n greatful he's not like that) he laughed n said "babygirl are you serious I'm not even gonna go into details of the stuff most men with that kind of income does in here. You better never send that kind of money you n our babies come first n should never go without that's just wrong I hope she stops n starts tending to herself n if he don't like it she needs a new man. I know guys in here that don't even get a letter they'd settle for letters over money anyday but I'm sure you already told her there was no need but anyways babygirl I love you n remember there's no need for that so don't ever send me that kind of money I get money from state n I work I have place to sleep and food to eat if I don't have any no its not good but it makes me appreciate the food I get to come home to more love ya" ........ see hun even my man says its not right n he's been in over a year... he has told me storys of what some guys do in there n BARF! I just hope your mans not supporting someone else in there too...

CoNpal
07-17-2011, 08:20 AM
My man &i was 2gtha a year b4 he got locked up, of course n the beginning evrything goes perfect, &i loved all the sweet nothings he told me, &now hes been locked up for 4years he's done 3yrs in cook county &1yr n m.c.c... But since hes been n jail, all he tell me is how much he loves an needs me, but I dont believe it or feel that he loves me at all, im kinda feeling as if hes lying, &that hes claiming that he only loves &needs me bcuz hes in jail, Ive sunt him $75/wk for the past 2mnths then just a week an 3days ago he writes &tells me that he needs $100, &im askn myslf "why? Does he need an extra hundred dollars, I started wondering if hes sendn my money 2another female, it hurts me to think abt him even writing another bitch, let along send her my hard earned money, Ladies what do I do? Am I goin crazy? I do love him alot, &i knw so much abt him &his past, also we both agreed not to withold nothing from each other no matter the circumstance, at times I think hes lying, then I would ask/tell myself "why would he lie to me"...i love him so much but I think hes using/playing me....(***tears***)

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There's only one way to find out. Quit sending the money. Pay your bills instead. Do something nice for yourself with that $300 a MONTH. I wouldn't give him the extra $100 either. He is already getting PLENTY. He is definitely up to something with all that money.

IF he trully loves you, he won't get pissed for long. He needs to straighten up!

ShaunsGirl3
07-17-2011, 08:38 AM
There's only one way to find out. Quit sending the money. Pay your bills instead. Do something nice for yourself with that $300 a MONTH. I wouldn't give him the extra $100 either. He is already getting PLENTY. He is definitely up to something with all that money.

IF he trully loves you, he won't get pissed for long. He needs to straighten up!

Must say I agree 100%

Johnos_girl
07-17-2011, 09:00 AM
damn, you already send $75 and hes asking for more. What on earth does he need it for.
if I was you, I wouldnt be sending it unles he can tell you just what it is for. Unless hes paying someone to protect him or something stupid like that. There isnt even any reason he needs $75 a week let alone more money.
My baby has only once ever asked me for money, and that was $20 NZD, and that was because I sent him a TV, and they take $20 out of the prisoners account to pay for it being checked out, and sent from one place to another. if the money is not in the account, then the TV is sent back. That is the one and only time my man has ever asked me for money. I do send him $10 NZD every once in a while though. Just so he can buy a phone card to ring me, or his little girl or his Mum. Or when he needs more writing paper, Ill send him money, so he can buy it there. As its cheeper and quicker then me buying it then sending it.
He gets so excited when I put $10 in his account, tells me what hes brought, normally 2 min noodles, and a little bag of chips and a little moro bar.
he has told me many times, apart from buying goodies, there is no reason at all to need any money in there, as its all paid for my the tax payer.
So why on earth would you even be sending him $75 a week let alone anymore. I really dont understand that.
Im pretty sure he cant send it to "another bitch" the only other thing is like I said paying someone to look after him in there. Or hes just supporting someone else in there.
I suggest you ask him upfront, If he cant give you an answer, well, thats telling you right there that something isnt right isnt it?
But either way, if I was you, I wouldnt be sending him the $75 a week, maybe $10 or $20 max, if you want to. Only if YOU want to though, not because you feel you have to. Cause he doesnt need it.
Like someone else mentioned. If he does love you, he will understand, and will love you no matter what. if he doesnt. Then at lest you know now, and can take it from there.

Chris' Ladybug
07-17-2011, 09:03 AM
Of course every situation is different, but besides asking him what he needs it for, you could always ask him for receipts for what he's spending if you don't trust him. My husband shares with me everything he purchases. I don't necessarily agree with the undertone of some of the replies but I'm entitled to that opinion as others are entitled to their's. My husband is locked up temporarily...what is mine is his and vice versa. If I were locked up, I wouldn't want him to feel like I should just take whatever food they provide, be happy and shut up. For breakfast, he gets one egg, one fruit and one milk most days. HUH??? And I'm supposed to trip about sending him some money so that he doesn't starve while he's there??? Nah!!! Maybe that's how some folks roll but not me. I don't think it's about the dollar amount per se. You give what you can afford to give without your home falling to the wayside. No, he should not be living the "Life of Riley" while you're at home with no lights and clothes with holes in them. You should be able to discern what needs to be done and what can be done. If you don't trust your mate that he's telling you the truth about what he's doing, ask him to prove it...but I'd go further to say if you have this gut feeling that he's not doing right by the money you are providing, and you haven't even asked him the question but rather have chosen to ask the opinion of total strangers with the belief you're receive a more honest answer from us/them, then you're probably right about your gut feeling. Most of the time, by the time someone posts something of this nature here, they already know the answer to the question, they just want someone to justify for them why they feel the way they do.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!!!

CPastrano87
07-17-2011, 09:32 AM
Lol my husband gets $10 (maybe $20) every time I get paid (which is every 2 weeks). He's never once asked for more, and never once been ungrateful. I'm the only one supporting him. His kids mom won't even put $$ on her phone so he can talk to his kids. (Messed up? A lil) I have never once questioned myself or him on if he really loves me or not. I know he's not using me cuz everything I do for him is cuz I want to.. and he's told me that once he gets home and settled, he's excited to take care of me and our daughter. But he knows the roof over our head n bills all come first. Glad to say I've never had to ask this question.

As to the OP- I agree with a previous post.. u wanna see if he's using u.. quit sending him money. U will find out real quick. Good luck!

aprild1967
07-17-2011, 10:52 AM
Stop sending him money first and foremost, then you will see his true colors. Tell him you just can't afford it anymore. See where that leaves the situation. I wish you the very best! Take care!!!:thumbsup:

ceci
07-17-2011, 11:42 AM
Best way to find out if someone is using you for something is to do stop doing whatever it is you feel your being used for and see what their reaction is

mrs. jackson24
07-17-2011, 09:36 PM
Wait ladies an please dnt think im bein defensv, bcuz im not, but not once did I say I send it evry mnth, that was jus these past 2mnths, june/may....he didnt ask me, I did it willingly, he jus askd 4an xtra hundred, did I send it NO, also im not presentn myslf as a bank/checkbk, sum woman can do that while on the otherhnd sum cant afford thats not the point, I jus wantd 2knw why he needed an xtra hundred, my man is the flashy type, he wana look presentable at all times, due to his lawyer might comin 2him or his counselor, , I jus feel its no need 4the xtra hundred $300 goes along way 4sum1 who lives free, I always mk sure me &my son r well tookn care of b4 my husband, I have a checkin acct: &my son has a savings acct: also yes I knw he can work an get a job within the prison walls, but can u actually tell me who can live off $12-$15/mnth NO ONE GURL, their workn 4slave pennies, lesser then, below minimum wage, they only work for .50/hr or per day, my guy worked n jail &told me thers noway he can live off a $13check, whn they go on lockdwn they nd to eat while n ther cells, I get his commissary slips each mnth &that food aint cheap, but I jus thought it was strange 2ask 4anotha bill, or mayb im jus dillusional an being insecure, THNX LADIES,

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ShaunsGirl3
07-18-2011, 06:50 AM
Even on lock down they get fed hun don't let him lie n my mans lived off of it got what he NEEDED an some phone time n made it stretch

nakeisha99
07-18-2011, 07:47 AM
IMO there's no use in wondering about the what if's. Seriously, you'll drive yourself nuts. If your man hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, why start now? As far the money issue goes, I say only send what you feel comfortable sending. If you don't want to send $100/wk., don't. Honestly I don't send my husband any money. He works and his fam sends him $500/month ($240 for commissary and $260 for the phone). He rarely eats in chow because he hates the food and we talk a couple of times a day. I guess my point is the money is wanted but not needed.

Lonzo's Lady..
07-18-2011, 08:14 AM
Of course every situation is different, but besides asking him what he needs it for, you could always ask him for receipts for what he's spending if you don't trust him. My husband shares with me everything he purchases. I don't necessarily agree with the undertone of some of the replies but I'm entitled to that opinion as others are entitled to their's. My husband is locked up temporarily...what is mine is his and vice versa. If I were locked up, I wouldn't want him to feel like I should just take whatever food they provide, be happy and shut up. For breakfast, he gets one egg, one fruit and one milk most days. HUH??? And I'm supposed to trip about sending him some money so that he doesn't starve while he's there??? Nah!!! Maybe that's how some folks roll but not me. I don't think it's about the dollar amount per se. You give what you can afford to give without your home falling to the wayside. No, he should not be living the "Life of Riley" while you're at home with no lights and clothes with holes in them. You should be able to discern what needs to be done and what can be done. If you don't trust your mate that he's telling you the truth about what he's doing, ask him to prove it...but I'd go further to say if you have this gut feeling that he's not doing right by the money you are providing, and you haven't even asked him the question but rather have chosen to ask the opinion of total strangers with the belief you're receive a more honest answer from us/them, then you're probably right about your gut feeling. Most of the time, by the time someone posts something of this nature here, they already know the answer to the question, they just want someone to justify for them why they feel the way they do.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!!!

My MWI/ now Husband is home now but while he was in TDC he never once asked me for a dime but then again he didn't have to.....Once our relationship became solid I would deposit $85.00 on his books the first Friday of the month because that is the max he could spend and after he finished shopping he sent me the list of the stuff he'd purchased and it had his remaining balance at the bottom so I'd load it back up to make sure he had the max amount for his next commissary visit 2 weeks later. If he had $30.00 remaining I'd deposit another $55.00 and so on. From this fund he purchased his snacks, personal hygiene products, stamps, and phone cards. I also sent him books from Borders and Half-Price books and all of his stationary (envelopes, tablets etc.) TDC doesn't pay inmates but as an artist Alonzo made beautiful cards and poster boards that he sold/traded to the other inmates for any other money he wanted.
It was never b/c he asked or even needed this much it was all b/c I could afford and wanted to send that much period....my money my choice. :thumbsup: Deciding how much to send is a personal choice, one that only YOU can make IMO. I will add that before I sent the first penny I KNEW I was in love and felt he was "the one" and as a RN I could afford to do it. I also knew who was on his visiting/phone list, (Mom, sisters, twin daughters and their mother only) who else sent him money (his Mom and sisters at Xmas and his birthday only) and any other relevant info I wanted.
What bothers me is when women come to the forums and post "He wants me to send him $XXX.XX and he knows I have 3 kids and I got laid off..." or I had to pawn the kids Wii game to go see him. IMO thats a no brainer;why are you struggling to spend what you don't have to spend? :confused: Someone here stated they don't need money to live on and thats true; prison will feed and house them for free, but I love him and wanted him as comfortable as he could be and I have no doubt he would do the same for me and thats all that mattered. Best Wishes...Marcia

CoNpal
07-18-2011, 10:20 AM
Wait ladies an please dnt think im bein defensv, bcuz im not, but not once did I say I send it evry mnth, that was jus these past 2mnths, june/may....he didnt ask me, I did it willingly, he jus askd 4an xtra hundred, did I send it NO, also im not presentn myslf as a bank/checkbk, sum woman can do that while on the otherhnd sum cant afford thats not the point, I jus wantd 2knw why he needed an xtra hundred, my man is the flashy type, he wana look presentable at all times, due to his lawyer might comin 2him or his counselor, , I jus feel its no need 4the xtra hundred $300 goes along way 4sum1 who lives free, I always mk sure me &my son r well tookn care of b4 my husband, I have a checkin acct: &my son has a savings acct: also yes I knw he can work an get a job within the prison walls, but can u actually tell me who can live off $12-$15/mnth NO ONE GURL, their workn 4slave pennies, lesser then, below minimum wage, they only work for .50/hr or per day, my guy worked n jail &told me thers noway he can live off a $13check, whn they go on lockdwn they nd to eat while n ther cells, I get his commissary slips each mnth &that food aint cheap, but I jus thought it was strange 2ask 4anotha bill, or mayb im jus dillusional an being insecure, THNX LADIES,

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What did he say the extra $100 is for?

If you're asking what he could be using the money for, we can list lots of things...

Given the amount you've sent in May and June, we can safely assume it is not for food or tolietries. That leaves:

gambling
tats
drugs
favors
cell phone
calls (depending on the phone system where you're at)
What can he mail order from the prison?

I guess some other people can add to the list.


No, I don't think they can live off $15 a month but they can definitely live off $600 easily...a lot less actually...

ShaunsGirl3
07-18-2011, 10:38 AM
What did he say the extra $100 is for?

If you're asking what he could be using the money for, we can list lots of things...

Given the amount you've sent in May and June, we can safely assume it is not for food or tolietries. That leaves:

gambling
tats
drugs
favors
cell phone
calls (depending on the phone system where you're at)
What can he mail order from the prison?

I guess some other people can add to the list.

No, I don't think they can live off $15 a month but they can definitely live off $600 easily...a lot less actually...

Those were the things running through my mind when I seen the post my man who's locked up said same thing. N there's no reason for a man to be sent that much while in there if he's trying to stay outta trouble n not get mixed in anything

rnkinnett
07-18-2011, 10:42 AM
i doubt its a female he is sending $$ to...he may owe someone and has no choice but to ask for it..

CoNpal
07-18-2011, 10:53 AM
i doubt its a female he is sending $$ to...he may owe someone and has no choice but to ask for it..
Owe somebody else for what? Not food...this dude has been rollin' in the $$ for two months!

ShaunsGirl3
07-18-2011, 11:49 AM
He could of gotten in trouble with other inmates like a debt n has to pay em n etc

mrs. jackson24
07-18-2011, 12:46 PM
Ladies I gotta letter n da mail jus now &in the lettr he states that he needed the extr hundred 2send 2his mom, I jus
Got off the phone with his mom &she did say she needed $100 2help pay 4her medicine since she has no insurance but she didnt knw how 2ask me, WOO....i feel kinda relieved now, &i told his mom how I felt &why I didnt send him the xtra hundred, she told me 2trust him, &dnt let others put negative thoughts in my head who knws nothing abt him, she said hes not like that, I feel so much better, ALSO LADIES, my RENT, &BILLS COME 1ST, any &evrytm he calls thats the 1st thing he ask "DID U PAY THE BILLS" all I hav is a lightbill, cellphn bill, rent is cheap $170/mnth due to living in subsidized housing, SO THAT WILL NEVA B AN ISSUE 4ME, plus me &my child r well fed, cloth an as far as I knw, were straight like a "line" things r cool as far as Im concerned, thru my GOD &even if he ever does decide 2lie/cheat on me n the future or even if hes doin it now, he wont get by for long, bcuz WHATS DONE N DA DARK EVENTUALLY COMES 2LIGHT however we put it, he can run but he cant hide, 4now on ima trust him &take his word 4it, but im not droppn my guards, I pay da cost 2b da boss, ima jus pray &ask god 4guidance &confidence thru all of this, I need to have faith in my husband like he has in me, I really appreciate u ladies honesty &advice as well as your feedbk, I FIGURED THAT THE DEVIL IS TRYNA MAKE ME GO ASTRAY BY CONFIDING NEGATIVE THGHTS N MY HEAD ABT MY HUSBND, da devil jus want me 2breakdown but god already told me im fina have a breakthrough full of blessings, thnx agn ladies, &goodluck as well

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CPastrano87
07-18-2011, 01:19 PM
Glad to hear everything worked out!

CoNpal
07-18-2011, 05:33 PM
My advice is to take his mom to get her meds or whatever she needs. Don't just hand over the cash.

baby_ bird
07-18-2011, 06:16 PM
I didn't get a chance to read everyone elses responses so I'm sorry if I saw something someone else already said. But I think $75 a week is a lot of money! I send my husband $45 a MONTH and even less if I don't have it. My husband never asks for more and he appreciates what little I can do.
If you can't afford it then let him know, he should understand. Apparantly you have some trust issues if you think he's sending your hard earned money to another girl. Talk to him about it, communication is key but I would say go with your gut. If you're uncomfortable doing it, then don't. Good luck! :)

camden2004
07-18-2011, 06:38 PM
I mean look, Some men in Prison will do what they can to survive. If its by using a women yes they will do it..no questions asked!!! I seen it so much, I have 4 brothers in prison. I had to do three way for several Of my brothers and listen to them lie to girls telling them they need more money and they love them and blah blah blah.
Never fall victim!!! Ask questions!! I'm not saying that your man is doing that but you never suppose to let your gaurd down!!!

shenson
07-18-2011, 09:21 PM
My advice is to take his mom to get her meds or whatever she needs. Don't just hand over the cash.

excellent advice Con, hope its followed:thumbsup: