ebontortuga23
04-10-2004, 11:56 AM
LOL - I'm definitely a Phoenix Barbie!!
Scottsdale Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Square. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dreamhouse with a saguaro
cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.
Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with squeeze-me Skipper and a Ferrari.
Chandler Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English or Spanish. Available at Target.
Apache Junction Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably
smallbills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking
about.
Ahwatukee Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club
membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
Ahwatukee Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 80's.
Mesa Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to
major in NASCAR at MCC. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank
Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's
ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a
confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross.
Gilbert Barbie
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion and is perfect in every way. We
don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on
business. Gilbert Barbie aspires to become Scottsdale Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.
Goodyear Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut
Ken out of Mesa Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss, and a
see-through halter top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer.
Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
Sedona Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic (nose job) Barbie wears leopard print
spandex, and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the
lodge. Into crystals. Comes with percocet perscription and two alimony
checks. Also cheap.
Phoenix Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the
four kids.
Flagstaff Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks.
She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbies and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Tucson Barbie
Into basketball and marijuana. Dropped out of PCC. Does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie.
Guadalupe Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is
the only Barbie who is willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a
meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green
cards are not yet available for Guadalupe Barbie or Ken. Available at
Southwest Supermarkets.
Van Buren Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts.
Sun City Barbie/Ken
These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The good ol' days." Drives a golf cart, signals right to when turning left. Can be seen in
Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices. Available at the
doctor's office.
Buckeye Barbie
This Barbie comes dressed with an "I Love 4-H" tee shirt and overalls. She
is packaged with a tin of chewing tobacco but you can purhase an optional
pack of cigarettes for a more sophisticated look. This Barbie also features
a barn with livestock and hay for Barbie to roll around in with Ken,
G.I.Joe, Stretch Armstrong and Britney**
** Britney only if optional Budweiser/Jack Daniels package is
purchased.
Scottsdale Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Square. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dreamhouse with a saguaro
cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.
Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with squeeze-me Skipper and a Ferrari.
Chandler Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English or Spanish. Available at Target.
Apache Junction Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably
smallbills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking
about.
Ahwatukee Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club
membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
Ahwatukee Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 80's.
Mesa Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to
major in NASCAR at MCC. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank
Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's
ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a
confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross.
Gilbert Barbie
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion and is perfect in every way. We
don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on
business. Gilbert Barbie aspires to become Scottsdale Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.
Goodyear Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut
Ken out of Mesa Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss, and a
see-through halter top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer.
Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
Sedona Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic (nose job) Barbie wears leopard print
spandex, and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the
lodge. Into crystals. Comes with percocet perscription and two alimony
checks. Also cheap.
Phoenix Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the
four kids.
Flagstaff Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks.
She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbies and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Tucson Barbie
Into basketball and marijuana. Dropped out of PCC. Does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie.
Guadalupe Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is
the only Barbie who is willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a
meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green
cards are not yet available for Guadalupe Barbie or Ken. Available at
Southwest Supermarkets.
Van Buren Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts.
Sun City Barbie/Ken
These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The good ol' days." Drives a golf cart, signals right to when turning left. Can be seen in
Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices. Available at the
doctor's office.
Buckeye Barbie
This Barbie comes dressed with an "I Love 4-H" tee shirt and overalls. She
is packaged with a tin of chewing tobacco but you can purhase an optional
pack of cigarettes for a more sophisticated look. This Barbie also features
a barn with livestock and hay for Barbie to roll around in with Ken,
G.I.Joe, Stretch Armstrong and Britney**
** Britney only if optional Budweiser/Jack Daniels package is
purchased.