Hi I just have a few questions if no ones bothered by it ...I have noticed a few post from correctional officers and what I guess I am wondering is ....did you meet your loved one while they were incarcerated ..???on your turn so to speak???and do many female co's flirt with the male inmates ???does it just happen ????I am sorry for being nosy ..I just wonder /???I guess I am a little insecure ..I mean I dont and others dont get to see there guys at all and here are female co's "WORKING" all day with them and I must say I am feeling a little jealous ..because obviously it happens ..but I havent heard much on this subject ..is it ok with co-workers ???do you get fired if found out ???just how common is this ??????????????

Christina, I saw you posted this on the other thread too. I hope that the LadyinAz can give you some peace of mind on this. As you know, I also understand what it is like to feel insecure about this, but my guess is it rarely happens.

I honestly dont want to offend anyone ...I guess when I read the post from a Co"s I found it a little odd ..and am just curious ...because I belive if two people love each other ...then who am I to talk ..odder things have happened ..I just wonder about the absecnce of you spouse and not being able to see each other or talk and then theres someone you see everyday and I am sure feelings develop???hmmmmm ....I guess I should quit while Iam ahead ...sorry if I made anyone feel bad


Christina, I saw you posted this on the other thread too. I hope that the LadyinAz can give you some peace of mind on this. As you know, I also understand what it is like to feel insecure about this, but my guess is it rarely happens.

I think the best thing to do is not think it. If you allow yourself to wonder if others are flirting with your guy then you are going to create drama in your own head. Its honestly something I have never thought about and it's not a place I want to go. The only thing you should do is have trust and faith in your man and the love you share. I know for some it's hard because of history or other issues, but if you really believe in your relationship and what you have then you need to trust that if someone ever flirted with your man he would reject their attempts.

Well said TNC...I agree, but I must admit, I've also have those insecurities, when I allowed myself to think about it...Tim once said "there've been female co's that knew my name, before I even knew they existed"...I don't even want to know what the hell that means, I just told him, we are together now, whatever you've done or haven't done, keep it to yourself, you're mine now, keep "it" in your pants and me on your mind...I love my man and I know that I believe in us and have to have faith in him..if I can't trust him now, how will I ever be able to trust him when he comes home...there's a whole lot of other woman on the outside, compared to in there...trust your man...try to keep those thoughts out of your mind...you wouldn't want to torture yourself for the next 2 yrs

I just wanna give you an opinion from a ex-co. Most of the relationships that start between a CO and a inmate are usually guys that dont have a girl or wife. My guy didnt have anyway but his family and ours didnt start till after I stopped working there and deceided I wanted to continue being his friend. I knew he didnt have a girl cause any woman the respect herself would not go after a guy knowing he has a girl. Now not all guys let on that they have someone on the outside. But if what you have with your man is real the CO's cant help but know cause you'll be the only thing he talks and thinks about.

So I am with everyone else trust your man, cuase if you are letting something like this get to you now how are you going to handle when he is out here in the free world with all types of women, you cant be with him everywhere. Listen to your heart it speaks volume.
Blessings

Well put, Willsgirl (as usual). To me, it really is this simple: do not let where he is change how you feel about him and the relationship. If you wouldn't worry if he was out here, then you can't allow yourself to worry while he is in there. I really do believe that when two people love each other the right way, all this other stuff is just worrying for nothing.

well thank you all for your response ..I am not worried ...I just was wondering how the relationships started ...not just for me but for any wife whos man is involved with a co while away from his familiy ...but I like what willsgirl wrote about the respecting ones self to start somethnig with a guy whos taken ..I know that goes for the inside as well as outside relationship ...I guess I have trust issues steming from way back and to be honest not from LUis ..previous relationships that were very bad and I guess you never recover ..you stay with the scars ...I was treated bad and cheated on so much ..when I did find out I felt like the laughing stock of our small town and I am afraid of that again I know its not Luis's fault but and its something I have to fix ..(I dont Know how) evryone says you have to trust ..and really thats a hard thing ...probly the hardest part of a relationship...I was so confident before I was cheated on ..I mean Ithought I was all that ...and it was like a stab in the heart and I dont think I have ever been the same ..I wish men would know that cheating ..really f****up the other person for life ..and I feel hurt just remembering ...I better go ..I am sorry if anyone was offended in anyway ..I better go ..sorry

No one should take offense to your question. Because this site is trully for helping us get through this together and if you dont post whats on your mind they how are we to help you get thru it. Alot of people have questions like this, but many are afraid to ask them. There is a way to ask a question without attacking anyone. And to answer the rest of your questions.

is it ok with co-workers ??? Nope it is not, I think the system hates us more then anything.
do you get fired if found out ???you bet, here in texas from what I hear it can cost you two years state jail time if caught, But I am sure they have to catch you in the act to make this happen.
just how common is this ??????????????Its more common in the guys that dont have any help on the outside. I mean all they have is family and nothing more. Cause most of the men with a woman on the outside is so happy to have someone stand by them in their situation I dont think they would do anything to mess that up, cause if found out they stand the chance of losing their woman on the outside.

Hope this puts your mind a ease. Try not to worry to much about your man, not all men are they same you have to give them a chance to be who they are and dont make the new man pay for the past man mistakes. Stay open to love just take it slow.
Blessings

Hi Christina,
I am that dreaded x-Co in love with an Inmate. First I understand exactly on what you are thinking and feeling actually I could be feeling the same way now that I ma no longer employed at Doc and my man is still there and thats how he found me, first he was single and had been for several years, he caught his wife in bed with another man and beat him up hence his jail time for assault. I was the Officer in charge of the Inmate store and he was one of my wrokers, we worked 10 and 12 hr. days 4 and 5 days a week, I was a single women old enough to know better but after a year of this we learned we had so much in common and that we had so many other things that just clicked with us. Yes I am sure he was lonely his mother died when he was 18 he and his dad don't speak and the only family he has are his 2 aunts in CA. I'm sure that we just kind of bonded. We did not do anything lewd or terrible we spent a

sorry I got cut off....lot of time just talking and laughing all the time. Well after the hostage situation that happend I think we both came to the conclusion that life is too short and you should live it while you can and be happy so that's when I realized that he was more important than the job. I was asked to resign and I did so willingly because another female CO who I thought was my best friend turned me into investigations. Although technically we didn't do anything physically wrong it was still against policy and I knew that and had to pay the piper. So ends that but now we have a long hall ahead because I know whatgoes on inthere and they aren't to eager to share any information with me about my guy and his status because of who I am. So untill May 2005 I may not get to seee him or talk to him except through the mail in which they are screwing with us anyway. But rest assured that the normal male inmates with wives and girlfriends are not likely to be doing that. You have to have faith in your man and know that he wouldn't do anything like that to you wether he is on the inside or the outside. I will be happy to answer any and all questions anyone has since I've got a lot of first hand knowledge, I was also a CO in Ks. at Leavenworth for 6 yrs and Indiana State for 4.......This was not a whim what happened it was very real as real as any other 2 people in love. I put 14 years of my career away because I believe in this and I hope that it will work out for the best. Thanks for letting me talk....Debi in Az.

Debi
well written and that was stated before. with soo many men in there single why would anyone want one that was spoken for, you gave up a lot for your heart and I applade you, I am in love too with a man in prison and my friends all think I am crazy etc, but true love is worth the sacrifices.. arri

Christina,

It is so funny you posted this! My roommate and I were just discussing this today! Sorry everyone, but my opinion in the conversation was keep the women CO's on the womens' yards and men on the mens' yards. I said that because of the rape of the officer at Lewis, because of romantic conflicts, and because my husband said they did a strip search on him and a woman CO was present (I mean he had to "lift his nut sack" and "spread his cheeks" with her right there!)
BTW - is that against policy? does that really happen?
Also, don't be sorry. You should never be sorry for asking questions, expressing your opinion, or being open in here.
Anyway - everyone checking this post - check the BBQ post & let me know.

Boy I would like to know which prison that was that they let a female CO be in there that is strickly against policy and no female is even allowed in this state to do a (pat) hand search of any male prisoner unless it is an emergency and there are no male officers present, let alone do a strip search we are not to be in the same room when this occurs. Now again if it was an extreme emergency then it is possible but like my Director said there should never be one that extreme that there are no males around to conduct them!!!!!:idea: I for one when I was doing my job did not think about them being men but just part of my job and as far as I am concerned if you seen one ??? you've seen them all...
So Ebony that should have never happened here in Az and if it did then you could casue a very big stink about that. And I defintley agree always ask questions and express opinions becasue that is how we find out thnigs and get answers that we aren't sure about. Glad to be of any help you all for anything I possible can......

413 Days left till my Sweet one comes home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool:

my sweetie said he has been pat down by female CO's in AZ, so it happens... they are allowed to do them he stated when I asked of course... I wanted to know who was doign the strip search after visits as there were females in the vr lol.. he explained it. I know he does not see them as interests as we have a solid commitment, but they do allow that in az,..

My man told me that the female CO like to flirt with him quite a bit, but he keeps telling them to leave him be.

Why is it a crime if two persons exchange some caresses? I mean most of those men are on death row since years, never had a woman, no kiss no touch.
I must say if I had a man on Death row I would be happy if he found a female being nice to him. At least a bit ( I would tell him to take whatever he can get!). I would want him to be happy.
If I cannot have him, maybe there is another warmhearted person who is nice to him. Many men there think the same. In my opinion it is silly to be faithful sexually if I had a husband on death row. I mean I am too young to live like a nun. And he would certainly think the same. My husband would want me to be happy - also sexually. So I would never ever ask my man to be sexually faithful to me, I want him to get at least a little bit. Those men never get a human physical touch. ANd then if there is a situation they can get some after 10 years already waiting for their death they shall say: Oh, I am in love with a woman outside??? This is cruel to me and just very sellfish women want such from a man. But this is no love this is obsession!
Many weird women love Death Row inmates because those cannot be unfaithful. To me this is a case for a psychologist! Love means to forgive and to let people go, love means wanting the other one being happy!

poetry
we are talking about men in prison not exculsively death row inmates... we are discussing those who will be leaving the system... the death row aspect adds a different dimension and that was not the topic .. you raise great points in the death row aspect but that was not the topic ... arri

yes it does happen occasionally I have done them in extreme emergencys here but while i was in the doc in IN and Ks. this was a normal thing doing pat downs, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you relize that this is their job and not a free for all. but you will never find one here doing a strip search that you can take to the bank i know 1st hand.

Poetry ..I am sorry that you feel this way ..but again we were talking about guys that will be leaving the system ...but hey you are entitled to your opinion and if being unfaithful sexually is what works for you then more power to you and if you an dyour man are happy like that ..then you are a bigger person than me ...because I think we have different definitions of Love ...mine is to be faithfull ..the same way I would expect to be treated ...and respect for my partner and myself .....but like they say to each his own

Having spent 4 years inside, my experience is that most female COs flirt a bit ... and a lot of them make pretty strong friendships with inmates. The relationships are bound to get found out as there is no way to keep them a secret from absolutely everybody ... and even an accusation will cause all havoc to ensure for both the CO and the inmate. Still, people fall in love ... even COs with inmates ... and things do happen. Yet with couple hunderd inmates for every female CO, I don't think it is something to stay up late worrying about. The lady CO I was friends with quit to go to nursing school and still emails me, but nothing long term developed as she is in indiana now and I'm in AZ.

James

Well Said New4az, I Guess You Can Give The Prospective From Your Side But I Don't Know About Most Of The Co's Flirting, That Was Definatelt Something I Never Did In 14 Yrs. Untill I Met My Man Now, Then It Went From A Strong Friendship And Common Intrest To The Flirty Thing That All New Couples Do, And Yeah There Is Always Some Disgruntled Person That Is Miserable Themselves And Gets You Found Out. But It Happened I Am Glad We Are Happy And Will Be Musch More When He Comes Home Next Year And We Can Take This Relationship (what Ever It May Be) To The Next Level. What Unit Were You In James? Hope Things Are Going Good For You.

I agree with Christina on the faithful thing. Also, I think we are all talking about men who are committed to us and coming home to us. I don't like ANY other woman watching my husband do the "strip search" thing, not because I'm worried she will go after him (although he is very cute. LOL) but because I thought it was against policy and it surprised me. I wouldn't want a man to be there if I had to do it. Also, I bet those lonely prisoners can be very sweet and wonderful to the few women guards they see. I think it would be easier for men to be on the men's yard and women on the women's.

My guy went without for almost 2 yrs prior to meeting me and since being arrested. He is a very private man but is very sexual. He has been locked up only since feb (to me seems so much longer) and is not too interested in sex but imagine that will change if he is sentenced. I dont fear my man falling in love with someone else cause I dont believe that will happen in a million years but if he flirted innocently with a female I can honestly say it wouldnt bother me cause thats all it would be. Men need female company even if its just a chat or a smile etc. Its trusting your man to be faithful is what counts. As far as strip searches go I agree men should be in the mens prisons n women in womens....then again....Men on men can be more cruel or sadistic and in a lot of mens minds very humiliating because of homophobias so now that I think about it I would prefer a female to strip search mine or be there to make sure nothing happens it shouldnt and that he not humiliated. Just a different perspective.

but... I mean you said you felt bad when you were cheated on because of the other people.. what they think how they look at you.
I would never care a shit on what others think.
I mean I have a loved one on death row and know him quite some years. I would be happy for him if a nice woman touched him. How bad must it feel when no one touches you lovingly in years. I think you all don't know what that means.
It is just flesh - love is something else. But we all need physical contacts. I know that such encounters even happen on death row. Rare yes and dangerous for those lovers. But it is there. And I am HAPPY for him ! I am happy for any affectionate hand caressing him if I cannot be the one!
I really can't hear that shit about faithfulness. This is to me something else!
I promised to never leave him - mentally. If you really love someone, you should also want that he felt good. Not being touched is torture!In Europe in several countries they can have sex regularly with their wifes or girls. but if this is not possible, I pray that there will be a hand for him to make him believe he is no robot or zombie who makes him feel a man, a human.
Angel

I forgot that this is for returning prisoners. but even though. if they are in a prison for some years! I mean no, I wouldn't expect my husband to be faithful - i wouldn't want it. I wouldn't want him to expect it from me too. I would always support him... but we never know what this time does to us.
Nad life is to short just to wait. I mean I would wait, of course. I love my husband - since 20 years... it works well.
But if he was in prison we would take a break from the marriage and stay together - just not sexually. He should become happy as I would too. i wouldn't look, I am ... I hate this word.. faithful. I don't like the word, because to me marriage doesn't mean I am some ones property, he is has not the exclusive using rights of my body. I meanfaithfulness to me means responsibility! We live this for many years and it works. We both stay a bit unmarried... and never ask each other unnessessary questions. And we really lo9ve each other deeply.
For me the secret of a good marriage.. let the other one be himself/ herself and individual.
Regards
Angel

I am not touching the subject of fidelity. Everyone on here that knows me knows how I feel about it. As for the flirting I have seen it with my own husband @ a visit. Twice now. The second time was yesterday. And it ruined the visit. how brazen is this that you are going to flirt with an inmate in front of his wife? If that's the case what goes on with me not there? I am going to file a grievance with the prison. Don't know what else I can do. Recently a married employee was fired from this very prison. She was having sex with an inmate in a "restricted area". The prison had suspected something was going on & had installed cameras to see exactly what was going on. I also know that she had altered her uniform so as to not have to remove it. Just doing their jobs sounds good to me. And I know many do. We don't need the little remarks especially during the visits.

I have to say guys, that it really bothers me that this can and does happen in our prison systems. When you take the position as a CO you more than understand the rules. This is probably the worst one you can break and thats looking at it from all sides. It almost looks like to me (by looking at a majority of the female guards) that they take this position, for this very reason. They seem to be very loney and searching for attention from the male race. Maybe I am way off base, and if so I am sorry. I am just being honest about how I feel on this subject. I just want to say to you Diana, that I do not judge you, for what is a wonderful natural thing that happens between 2 people, that get to know each other over time and I think we should all take advantage of your knowledge inside the walls as you know it. Maybe you can help us to understand some of the things that go on and also with some of the phases our guys can go through while being in there. I have so many questions at times and who better than you to answer some of them? So if you don't mind....on the very subject of relationships developing between CO's and inmates.......of all the jobs that the inmates can hold, which ones are at most risk of this happening or is the easiest to get away with it and why? If you don't mind answering this, I always wonder. Seriously girls, think about it. A Man.....no sex....for years.....one thing I would never say....is my Man would never ever! But if I can try prevent this from happening by having some insider information, than I'm all for that. I don't mean to crap anyone out, but I think I'm being fairly realistic in my thinking...I think? :) Does anyone think the same as I?




]

I don't know about anybody else here, but it seems kind of weird to me to have CO's on this site. Out of all the times I have been harrassed at visitation...its been by a female CO. I always feel like they are staring at me, looking down on me, judging me and going out of their way to be difficult. My faded black jeans always seem to look blue, my white shirt is to see through or my sweat pants that I've worn a million times are now perferated. Now all of the sudden because you've met a prisoner (while on duty) and are now in love with an inmate (what you previously veiwed as Satan) you can be one of us? I don't know how I feel about that yet? Anyway I just had to get that of my chest...I'm all better now.

Okay, this is a subject I just have to speak out about. I am not a CO but a bailiff, I have contact with inmates evey day and while I don't flirt with them, I do joke with them - I am friendly and kind because I don't believe that the system helps anyone if you don't have compassion. More often than not, the inmates flirt with me, but it is nothing that wouldn't happen in any other job or setting - people do that, especially men - it doesn't matter if he is working 9 to 5, delivering mail, or what - men flirt. I think that the vast, vast, vast majority of times it is totally harmless. I always go out of my way when I see that a guy has a girlfiend or wife in court to make sure that she knows the next court dates, that she knows who his attorney is, that she knows what just went on, because a lot of what happens in court is like Greek to most people. So I really think from my own seven years of experience that most people working in this system do not view the inmates as "Satan" - that really seems overblown to me. I do understand why people would get jealous, and I did meet my pen pal while he was in county and going to court, so I think it's understandable that anyone would worry. There are crappy COs and cops for sure, but there are many truly good people who work these jobs also, and I think if you stereotype you are only doing what we accuse others of doing to the people we care about who are incarcerated. The bottom line is, if your s/o wants to get some on the side, he will regardless of where he is. And just from talking to the COs at work, apparently the dorms run much more smoothly when a female is in charge of the males and a male is in charge of the females because there is less cattiness, competition, and posturing all the way around. Although I am sure there are female COs who have been rude and snotty to female visitors, again, I do not think this is all that different than when a female is snotty to you at the grocery store or the hair salon or whatever. It happens. I also have to say that the whole idea of being "one of us" in my mind was a group of people who genuinely care about what happens to the two million people who are incarcerated in theis country. Would you rather have your man treated like dirt by the people he deals with every day? I would think that people would be happy to know that there are both male and female COs and people in law enforcement who actually see the inmates as PEOPLE and try to treat them as such, with warmth and humor.

Yes, you are right, this is normal and does happen in the work force everyday. But remember....its in their job description and in their training program not to develop what so ever any kind of a relationship. Safety is the major issue here, not if we are the jealous, insecure wives of the inmates. Their is also a big difference in being nice and coming on to someone who is in an abnormally weak position. As far as stereotyping.....most people do....I know because I was one of them. I remember about 12 years ago walking down the street in front Madison Street jail. I looked in a saw all those woman in there waiting for a visit. I could not understand why they would want to see someone that had committed a crime. I honestly thought at that time, that they should be able to turn it off, shut down their feelings and fall out of love with that person. How shallow of me. So until you are on the other side of things, you can never understand or not pass some kind of judgment on criminals. Its human nature! It is also human nature for woman to be catty at times. Just because I am 5'11" with long long blond hair... I have to be ...... with. 6 times out of 10-my visitation form gets misplaced by the big overweight black girl at the front entrance check in. Having a pen pal you met after the fact is not quit the same thing as having your husband of 6 years spend the next 6 years behind bars. Until you deal with the Arizona legal system on the opposite realm of things, other than what you are used to, I honesty don't feel your in this category. I'm sorry if this sounds rude and I really don't mean it to be, but the frustration at times is intense. I feel like at the DMV office sometimes. Yes, some guards are very nice and they have gone out of their way at times. But the fact of the matter is-its extremely unsafe and irresponsible for all, for a CO to put their guard down and cross that line. As a matter of fact rumors from the inside say the real truth of the hostage situation was caused by exactly this very same issue we have been discussing here. Hum????

There's no doubt that the whole system is totally impersonal and seems to be designed to keep people disconnected - and I feel for you if one of the female COs has it out for you because for sure she can make your life impossible, yes, just like at the DMV or any other bureaucratic nightmare. I don't know what it is like to have your husband gone for so long, so in that sense I am in a different category, but I have been to visit my pen pal and I have been on the other side of things, always praying not to get singled out and just wanting my visit to go smoothly. I care deeply about this person and about what happens to him, and I have to play by the same rules to be in contact with him or to visit him.... so I guess my thought is just that I don't see why because I am in law enforcement I am somehow not "one of us." I don't disagree with you at all that any CO that gets involved in a relationship with an inmate is being irresponsible and unsafe, not to mention that it is obviously unequal and puts the inmate in a very bad position. I also don't disagree with you that being an attractive woman can sometimes be a burden when it comes to how other people treat you, both men and women. I think that all of us that care about people inside have a hard road... that's why we are all here in the first place.

Its hard to explain what its like from start to finish. Yes-you are different because you are not an ex-CO. I have no problem with you being in law enforcement what so ever and I guess I really wasn't directing my statement to you in the first place. But to go through something like this from start to finish with someone is quit different from a pen pal. Now that does not mean that you love him any less or you miss him not as much. But from the first time your house is raided, your kids are crying, the FBI. is coming over all the fences with guns pointed at you, my teenagers are pulled over by gun point on the way to school, the F.B.I coming to my place of employment (i have a high profile job) and waiting for me to leave work so they can follow, the embarrassment from friends, family, coworkers and the neighbors, the first time you see them in jail wearing strips, going to court and being questioned, paying huge attorney fees, having to sell your house, cars and anything else you can, to down grade, so you can afford to live without his income for the next six years, ect.ect.ect. I think you can get my drift. I am going to visitation in the morning so I'm out for tonight.

I'm sorry you had to go through that - you must be one strong lady. Anyway -hope your pass doesn't get misplaced :blah: and you have a great visit Sunday.:thumbsup:

I think you've all made some good points here. Domsgrl, you really are a strong women to have gone through all of that with your family and you're still there, keeping it all together. But, I must say one thing. I share some of the same opinions of you about female co's, but I don't feel they aren't "one of us". I think the women here, that fell in love with inmates, aren't the type of co's we all fear will pay a little extra attention to our men. Willsgirl and Ladydinaz both have stated(on this thread or others), they KNEW these men didn't have someone on the outside. I am sure there are numerous co's that don't give a damn if he has a woman or a family on the outside, she's in it for herself. So, I can understand that it is only human nature. Now, there are men that are not honest and claim they are alone. So, even then, that's that sorry a$$ unfaithful man's indiscrection, not the co's. No, these women were not with them before they were committed to prison and they haven't dealt with some of the other heart breaking issues and battles other's have dealt with, but I don't think it makes their committment or concerns any less real or strong. They chose to committ to their man. They chose to stick it out and love their man, just like you and I and any other woman that didn't start their relationship out behind the walls of the prison or as pen-pals. I understand your concerns, frustations, anger and whatever else you may be feeling, but at least attempt to look at these women as humans, that fell in love with a man. A man that didn't have anyone on the outside.

I feel the same way some of the other's feel, men and women co's should be kept to their same sex yards. I do not like the idea of ANY other woman looking, flirting, touching or searching my man. So, when a few other members here suggested it's only human nature and we should allow it to happen, I COMPLETELY DISAGREE. My baby has 2 1/2 yrs to go. I will be the one to flirt, touch and whatever else I can get away with, while he's there. Just like I have made a committment to him, he made one to me. Men approach me and I handle myself as if my man were across the room watching me and I EXPECT the same from him. I'm not letting another man touch or flirt with me, so why should he be allowed? Poetry....I'm not married to Tim, but I carry myself, as if I was. I am "faithful" to my man. No, I am not his "property", I do as I want, I come and go as I please, as long as I treat our relationship with the upmost respect. But, I see my self, as my man's. I will not ever give it to another man. In a way, as corny as this may sound, my body, my mind, my spirt, my soul, is Tim's sanctuary, as his is mine. I love him. If I didn't KNOW I could stick this time out with him, I wouldn't be here.

Ok...I can agree with that...."They chose to stick it out and love their man, just like you and I and any other woman that didn't start their relationship out behind the walls of the prison or as pen-pals. " I am not approaching this subject on a personal issue basis. I am talking about the job discription and safty issues. Example: When flying on a commercial aircraft flight attendants cannot call or enter into the flight deck when the aircraft is in the critical phase of the flight. This in on take off and landing when the plane is under 10,000 feet. This is because it takes all of the pilots concentration to get the plane on or off the ground safely. This is a cardinal rule that can never be broken! For the safty of all on board! period! This is the same reason CO's are not to develope a personal realationship with the inmates. They can never know the true intentions of one. I don't want to worry about my husband being hurt or killed because a CO's guard was down while they were cultivating a relationship with an off limits inmate. If human nature starts to kick in, then they need to be professional enough to ask for a transfer. If they can't control themselves then they need to find another job! Period. I am not insecure nor threatened by any of the CO's. I do not have the time nor the energy to worry about crap like that. I am not angry or anything else. I am just trying to get through this the best way I can and be as happy as I can along the way. I am glad that I have started posting my feelings on this site and it does help me to see how other people feel and think. I guess we all arel in the same boat when you take a step back and look at it?
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Just to put my two cents in. Most female c/o's dont flirt with an inmate. Sometimes something just klicks between two people. My boo was alone for 8 years, family and friends out of state. I was working (c/o) when I met him. The attraction was overwhelming. He did make the first move, but I was ready. No we never had any physical contact thats a felony. Yes we got caught, they walked me out and him to the hole. No contact since, no visits allowed. No mail. Not how I would want a relationship to go. But I miss him so much. keep hoping someone will write him on my behalf and tell him I love him.

domsgrl
I have to say I felt hurt by your comments. I know you don't know me. I was a c/o for three months, I met my heart in the institution I worked at. I was always polite, helpful and cheerful to both inmates and family. I have heard that since I was walked out the guys at my house are all bumming because they want me back. Many times in the three months I stepped in between an unfair c/o and an inmate. I never did anything illegal or imoral. I just found love in an unusual place. I never treated inmates like Satan. I am sorry if you feel I don't have the right to be on this site. My objective was to find support not upset anyone.

I think with this subject we should all just agree to disagree. Cause there are some female CO's that set their sights on a certain inmate and they will do whatever they have to do to be with that person. There are some that just get caught up in a bad situation.

I am so sorry if I hurt your feelings. I need to look at this from your side of things. After doing so I feel bad for being so closed minded. I know how it feels to be judged and I should know better than to judge you! I am glad that we all have this site to help us get through the long, hard, lonely days and nights. Love is something that you cannot turn on or off at will. If we could, then none of us would need this site after all. Anyway...thanks for bringing this to my attention. It has to be extra hard on you co's when you can't communicate with your inmates, to know that they are probably being mistreated because of your relationships and there is nothing you can do about it. It must really suck! We will all be stronger for it in the end and we should be able to make it through anything once this is all over. We have less than 6 months to go. The first 5 years seemed to go fast. I guess because I blocked it out. But now the closer it gets...the longer it seems. Time is just dragging by. I can't even imagine what it will be like just to be able to spoon again.





domsgrl
I have to say I felt hurt by your comments. I know you don't know me. I was a c/o for three months, I met my heart in the institution I worked at. I was always polite, helpful and cheerful to both inmates and family. I have heard that since I was walked out the guys at my house are all bumming because they want me back. Many times in the three months I stepped in between an unfair c/o and an inmate. I never did anything illegal or imoral. I just found love in an unusual place. I never treated inmates like Satan. I am sorry if you feel I don't have the right to be on this site. My objective was to find support not upset anyone.

Thanks domsgrl: I am sure you just needed to vent. I just know I didn't get a job in prison to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. It hit so fast and so hard neither one of us knew what hit us. We were planning our life together when he was sent to the whole and I was walked out. I know that there are c/o's from he**. That is why I was planning on quiting.
Anyway take care and God Bless.

Ravenslove you are so right on and everyone knows me and my story, no my man wasn't involved on the out side and I would never have felt that way ifhe was but you can't choose how and when and whom you fall in love with. We all pay the price some how or another. I didn't got to work there eithr and ever expect this to happen to me and i said many many times it will never happen to me and when you say that bam something like this happened. We are not evil or bad people we are no different then you, our jobs should not be how you judge a person. There are good CO's men and women and there are bad and to the person that thinks that the hostatge situation was about the female CO you are sadley mistaken, I was there the whole time and heard a lot more then you the public will ever get to know, the female co is a lesbian and had absolutly nothing to do with the cause of all of that except to be not a seasoned officer and in a post she should not have been with out the proper training.
The male officer was sexually assaulted also, so what does that mean???? I listened to her scream and beg for her life doesn't sound to willing to me. Don't judge what you don't know. Pm me if any one has any questions or wants to dispute anything. Debi

Just to clarify the rumor......it had nothing to do with the female guard! It started way before that. It was with one of the kitchen workers. The escape was not planned. It just esculated from what had started in the closet in the kitchen. We too have ways of finding out what goes on inside the prison. Not from the inmates but from friends that are guards also! If you have any questions about this Im sure you can find someone that can fill you in on the truth, if you don't already know it!


Ravenslove you are so right on and everyone knows me and my story, no my man wasn't involved on the out side and I would never have felt that way ifhe was but you can't choose how and when and whom you fall in love with. We all pay the price some how or another. I didn't got to work there eithr and ever expect this to happen to me and i said many many times it will never happen to me and when you say that bam something like this happened. We are not evil or bad people we are no different then you, our jobs should not be how you judge a person. There are good CO's men and women and there are bad and to the person that thinks that the hostatge situation was about the female CO you are sadley mistaken, I was there the whole time and heard a lot more then you the public will ever get to know, the female co is a lesbian and had absolutly nothing to do with the cause of all of that except to be not a seasoned officer and in a post she should not have been with out the proper training.
The male officer was sexually assaulted also, so what does that mean???? I listened to her scream and beg for her life doesn't sound to willing to me. Don't judge what you don't know. Pm me if any one has any questions or wants to dispute anything. Debi

BTW...it wasn't the female guard that was unseasoned...it was the male guard that didn't follow proper procedures when they buzzed the tower to get in. He didn't even check to see who it was before he opened the door. Thus letting the inmates in which started the whole hostage situation.


Just to clarify the rumor......it had nothing to do with the female guard! It started way before that. It was with one of the kitchen workers. The escape was not planned. It just esculated from what had started in the closet in the kitchen. We too have ways of finding out what goes on inside the prison. Not from the inmates but from friends that are guards also! If you have any questions about this Im sure you can find someone that can fill you in on the truth, if you don't already know it!

Ravenslove.....Thanks and if there is anything I can do to ever help....let me know!!


Thanks domsgrl: I am sure you just needed to vent. I just know I didn't get a job in prison to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. It hit so fast and so hard neither one of us knew what hit us. We were planning our life together when he was sent to the whole and I was walked out. I know that there are c/o's from he**. That is why I was planning on quiting.
Anyway take care and God Bless.

Debi, I really have a lot of respect for you. You are so open and honest with your situation. I am sure what you have been through was very difficult, as it is sure to continue to be. If there is every anything I can do to help, please let me know. You stay strong and keep your head up. Thanks again for being such an inspiration to others! :)