Hi all ,,,last night on A&E the american Justice show the did a show on Prison Relationships ...and I relized that people just do not understand ..it that cant comprehend how it is or how it feels to have your loved one in prison ....they had all kinds of doctors trying to analize the why of it ...and you know there is no why ....we didnt choose this ...this is not how we want to live ...of course we want to be with or loved one ..but SHIT happens and for what ever reason here we are .....they tryed to say that women have a need to be needed and that is one of the reasons woman go to guys in Prison and stuff like that ...well everyone wants to feel loved and needed ..outside and in so I dont know I justed wanted to share that program with you ....I cant belive how it still bugs me to no end the ignorence of our society ...with all the people incarcerated today you would think there would be a better understanding ...they act like we are a bunch of homely chicks with no life and that is so far from the truth....I belive and know that a person with a partner in prison is actually more dedicated to their relationship than partners in an outside relationship ....I mean we are faithfull and not because we cant ..theres a difference ...its because we dont want to ....we have a level of comunication that is superior than (for myself at least) any outside relationship ..theres a sense of dedication that you dont always have on the outside relationship ...I mean you value your partner ..every little thing like a look or a hand touch ..little stuff people with outside relationships take for granted I know I did I wont lie ...I never really noticed the little things untill they were GONE and now relize the importance of value and respect ...I belive in my heart that everyone deserves a chance ..whatever they did or didnt do ..can or cannot do ...we all make mistakes in our lives ..we all do and I do not like it when we are judged by people who havent got a clue ...I know this subject is one of great controversy and the solution or answer will never be know as long as we all have a opinion ...but instead of putting down a person with a partner in prison they should try and be open minded and know that it is not easy it is not for lack of being able to find any one else ...like a crazy person ..we are probly the most strong and sane and appreciative not to metion loyal partners there is ...sorry I ranted ...but it just is a very touchy subject with me ...Thanks for listning ...we are all strong ...because we wouldnt be here if we were'nt ....to all my friends ...chin up ..have a good week and I hope you all get letters today from you loved one ..I know that makes my day :p

oh god yes...I hate it when they analize what I do and why I do it...I love him, so what...and all my fiends, my penpals, I care about them a lot...I don't see so many understanding what I do and what I go through and why...thats why I am here...you don't need to be a psycholist, you need to have been there, done that...before you get it.....great post christina..thank you...hope you get lots of mail as well!!!

Very good post i agree with you 100 percent. people are so quick to judge others. so what our men are in prisons that doesnt make them bad people just people that mad bad choices. i listen to it all the time when people tell me i shouldnt wait for him he is just no good. i just tell them to look at them selves a little and what makes there life so perfect? another question i ask them is have you never made a mistake in your life or was it that you just never got caught? just remember your mistakes when you have had a few to many drinks and then you get behind the wheel of a car and drive. sorry i this is a little touch for me also. people just need to learn not to be quick to judge others.

I saw that show a few months ago and I was so damn irritated after watching it...what got to me the most, was how they portrayed these people who were involved in relationships, where one was incarcerated...I think if you're going to do the research and call it a documentary, you shouldn't be biast when you present it...they did make these people look like thet were just lonely, pathetic souls that "needed" to look to a prison to find someone, because they couldn't manage to find someone on the outside...that is why I keep my business to myself, only those CLOSE to me know I am in a relationship...co-workers, associates, distant family, they don't need to know s**t...you said there are so many people incarcerated, you would think they would have a better understanding...we can't expect others to have an understanding, open mind...some people will never think outside of their ignorant little box...good post

Thank goodness I am not the only who feels this way !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I always tell people it's not THEIR place to judge ~ and why I am with my husband ??
A very simple answer. I love him. I have been married before and I can honestly say this relationship has a level of communication I've never had. You HAVE to have trust, compassion, strength, and faith to make a relationship with an inmate work.
I don't HAVE to be in this relationship, I CHOOSE to be with the man I fell in love with and get sick of the people who get their "holier than thou" attitudes !!!! The only difference between them and my husband is he GOT CAUGHT. Besides what happened to "not passing judgement on others lest he be judged himself" ~ funny how society quickly forgets this as they sit in church services every week. Everyone deserves a second chance.
OMG !!! sorry for venting, just a VERY touchy subject with me ~

This, like most things in life, I think, can't be understood without experiencing it. Only after we are all through this, can we look back and say "that's why I did this or that". Other people can't objectively judge our relationships, no matter how analytical they attempt to be. It hurts when others look down on us as "needy", "desperate" or "co-dependent" because we are willing to stand by our loved ones through so much.
I pray that those I love will have the kind of devotion you ladies have if I am ever down and ever need someone to depend on and don't judge my situation and deem me not good enough to "stick it out" with.
For me, my husband is my family. I can't simply divorce him and make him not a part of me anymore. We are in this together - no matter what. It's not a flowery, idealistic, "Disney-like" romance - it's deeper than that. We're a family. Do you know what I mean?

I'm glad I did not watch that show as I know it would really have ticked me off! I agree with everything all of you have said. So they say we need to feel needed, huh! Well, who doesn't! And if we love them and make them happy, and they love us and make us happy, how can that possibly be a bad thing. LuisyChris, I had to laugh about us all being portrayed as homely looking chics. Well, that just means they haven't met any of US!!!!! Cause baby, we are all HOT! LOL! S-c-r-e-w the documentary, most people on the "outside" should be so lucky to be involved in devoted relationships like many of ours.

You go girl ...here here

Very well put Christina!!

I don't know that I could add anything that hasn't been said already except...AMEN!!!!

I agree - it is hard, and none of us like being alone. But when you fall in love with someone it's real. Whether they are sitting right next to you or not. Magic and I fell in love on paper and I couldn't agree more that we have a better relationship than most. We have had the opportunity to get to really know each other. I hate those that try to judge because they just don't understand. And the worse are other men who ask "Why are you throwing your life away - waiting?" Who says I'm throwing anything away and what makes them think they have any more to offer. Love is what keeps us together and if others can't or don't want to understand it - F*ck 'em!!!! More power to us!!!

Hmmmmmm Im just starting to feel the lack of understanding from society and especially from family and friends. And frankly I dont give two hoots what anyone thinks. I know they worry about me but for the first time in my life I have someone I truly love and loves me on a level that neither of us has experienced before. I dont get angry with what they dont understand but it does make the journey lonely with no family support. I get criticism from them not only with him facing a lengthy prison term when he goes to trial but the fact we met on the internet. I am in Australia and he is in Arizona. They can understand that I love him but not that am standing by him through all this. I will move heaven and earth for him. I have loved before like most have but what I share with my fiance is by far more richer and more fullfilling even though we cant be together right now. I wouldnt give it up for anything or any amount of time he may face in prison. I have sat here quietly for weeks having only posted a couple of times in various forums. I have read and admired the strength you all have, the fighting for your loved ones and the love you have for them. I have shed many tears for the heartache you all go through. My journey is just beginning but I draw strength from what I read in PTO. Thank you all. :)

Oh and I definately dont class myself as homely LOL Talk about stereo typing. It always amazes me how society likes to put everyone neatly into baskets even if they dont fit. Maybe we all think that way until we are on the other side.