Hello, My names jess and I have a real issue on hand I'm torn between to men both locked up. Let me explain, I was dating john for about two years he's been in and out of jail the whole time. He finaly got prision time. I've been suppourting him w/ it all as best as possable. I meet someone else and let myself get emotionaly involved. John and I had an agrement when he was sentanced. I broke it and his heart. I still love him and finaly got to talk to him and told him about this other man. He still wants to be with me even if its just as friends. I know my new boyfriend wouldn't stand for that. I have a weakness for John. I haven't let him go. He blames this on time. He said he knew this would happen. Every one likes my new man better. He's more responseable. But I can't let go of John. He gets paroled soon so its not long before his relase. I have never been in such a love triangle. I hate this and don't want to hurt anyone. I guess I'll leave it to fate. Lost, Confussed,and Guilty.:(

Babygirl,You do have a real delema on your hands.Nobody but you can make this choice.I will give you the advice my dad always gave me,go with your heart.I know that probably does not help much,sit and think about it long and hard.You must do what makes you happy.My girlfriend had the same choice at one time.When we met she was with someone else,he was not an ex-inmate,I was,he had stable employment,I did not,and everyone told her I was no good for her.I am very pleased to say,we have been very happy for the last 2 years.I credit all my sucess to her,and we will be married in september.She is my rock,my strength,and my soulmate,so dont just look on the surface,dig deep ,and go with your heart.Good luck,and God Bless..............Spencer

I don't think I understand the question. If you could tell me the question and explain the choices for answers, maybe I could help in some way.

JESS-I AGREE WITH NIGHTHAWK- NO ONE CAN ANSWER THIS FOR YOU BUT YOU--SOMEONE WILL BE HURT NO MATTER WHICH WAY YOU GO--BUT THE LONGER YOU WAIT, THE GREATER THE HURT WILL BE--FOR ALL OF YOU. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU-FOLLOW YOUR HEART BUT USE YOUR HEAD--I THINK YOU WOULD NEED TO ESTABLISH CLOSURE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JOHN BEFORE YOU COULD HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE ELSE, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO. THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE IS , DON'T LET OTHERS INFLUENCE YOUR CHOICE. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE.

GOOD LUCK

SHERRI

Great advice Sherri..I agree totally!

Hi Jess!
I too felt lost, confused and guilty about a similar situation.
I could not make up my mind because my heart was telling me one thing and my mind was telling me something else. Thank God I finally made a choice I could live with. I chose to give myself the opportunity to start a future with CJ, my soul mate. I was torn between a future with him or to mend a failing marriage. A huge decision. I was scared that the relationship would not work. What I realized was that I couldn't give up on us. I haven't had the pleasure to even spend one night with him. All I have is the phone, letters and a positive outlook for our future together. It is not easy. I am determined to make it work.
You mentioned that you have a weakness for John. That is your answer. It doesn't matter who is more responsible or what people think. What is behind this weakness? I call it intuition. It is a energy or force that is pulling toward him. Is that something you are willing to let go of?

Having to make that choice is never an easy one but is something that must be done and to get the right answer you really need to look inside yourself and figure out what is best for you.. In the long run someone always get's hurt and most of the time you will still hurt even if you do make the right choice; I had to make a really hard decision myself not to much unlike yours.. I am glad that I took the time and really seached my soul for the answers that I needed.. I still miss the other person on occaction but that is cuz we share a child. I would never change what I decided and truly believe that I made the right choice. That is what matters, to know in your heart that you made the right choice and not that you did what everyone else wanted or exspected.. Love yourself enough to slow down and make time to search your soul for the answers that you seek. Only you hold the answer....

I was told by somebody once that if you love somebody for what they can do for you, you are using your mind, And if you love somebody for no reason other than you just do you are using your heart.
Let me know what you think of that statement. That is how I felt and made the choice.

THAT STATEMENT REALLY HIT HOME FOR ME-I GUESS THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION I'VE BEEN HAVING.I CAN'T DENY WHATS IN MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!

I AGREE WITH THAT STATEMENT UP TO A POINT--BUT I DON'T THINK USING YOUR HEAD IS NECESSARUILY ABOUT WHAT SOMEONE CAN DO FOR YOU-IT CAN BE ABOUT A NUMBER OF THINGS INCLUDING SELF-RESPECT, SAFETY, ETC. SO I THINK YOU CAN FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND STILL BE SMART..(HEY I'M A POET AND DIDN'T KNOW IT....:D

that statement hit home indeed....and I thought I was the only one torn between 2 men...I felt like I was all alone in this situation between choosing between my best friend, who I live with and my soulmate who'll be in prison for 30 years. I finally made a decision and chose my soulmate. Although this is not the easiest way I chose.I'll be 22 in a few months and if Darrell has to sit out his complete time I'll be 44 when he gets out....

Jess,

To be perfectly honest, I don't think you're ready for a committed relationship with anyone right now. You say you don't want to hurt anyone. John is already hurt by your infidelity, and you know your new man is going to be hurt if he finds out you've been in contact with John behind his back. The real problem here is not which man to choose. The real problem is honesty.

I agree with Sherri. The healthy (and decent) thing to do is to end one relationship before you begin another. I feel like you already know which man you are going to be with. It's time to give the other one his walking papers so he can get on with his life. If you care about him at all, you will do that as quickly as possible.

I've been on the other side of this situation, and trust me, the other side is the worst side. Don't leave it to fate. You have control of the situation NOW, and you need to do the right thing NOW.

Good luck. I wish you strength of heart and strength of character to do the right thing. Let us know how it turns out.

FIDELITY IS VERY IMPORTANT IN ANY MALE - FEMALE RELATIONSHIP..... GUYS LEARN TO BUILD TRUST FROM THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE. THEIR MOTHERS AND THE WOMEN WHO ARE PART OF THEIR LIVES BOTH AS FRIENDS AND AS LOVERS. WHEN A MAN LOOSES THE ABILITY TO TRUST ANY FEMALE, IT IS USUALLY BECAUSE WE HAVE HURT THEM DEEPLY. PLEASE DO WHAT YOU KNOW YOU MUST DO THAT IS CORRECT. IF YOU REALLY DO LOVE ONE OF THESE GUYS THEN STAND BY THAT AND BE FAITHFUL..

SINCERELY
DONNA

Here is just another thought... other ladies, tell me what your experience is... but being faithful to JD really isn't difficult for me... even when I am approached by the inevitable "jody"... I am not even tempted.... This is NOT to say that I wouldn't really really really like to.. well, you know... but really, JD is the only one I want to be with.... I guess that is one of the ways I know that I am truly in love.... It seems like a very small sacrifice and is far outweighed by everything we DO have in our relationship... the trust, the respect, the understanding, the honesty...

Another point of view

Can the person return the love that is needed? Or are they playing the word game, because they don't know how to love?

Let's face it girls, EVERY one of you that are involved with an inmate are "HELPER" by nature. And that is a powerful driving force and in that you find purpose and contentment.

I'm not talking about any relationship here! But a "helper" is subject of getting hurt when they reach out to one needing help (as they see them).

It's a win-win situation when the two can glean from each other, thereby growing together. A one sided situation seldom works. IMO

BTW I'm a "helper" personality too, if you haven't figured that out by now, and that "TRUST" word is in question as too a relationship!

Is the situation a give and take? Or is it, you give, I take? Could be a dilemma for a young'n to evaluate, when love is blind, as it's said.

How do you feel about all of this? Who do you love the most? I'm in a similar situation where my fiance is in prison and one of my best friends whom I like VERY much as a great job, his own apartment, etc. and everyone thinks that I should be with him but he's not the person that I love the most, it's Steven who I love the most (the one in prison). So do what's in your heart, only you know not anyone else. Good luck, hope everything works out.