View Full Version : Can you stay with a man you don't trust (and why?)?


WaitingOnEddie
03-26-2011, 09:39 PM
Another thread got me thinking....can you stay with a man you don't trust? If you can...why are you able to do so?

I see so many threads of women who don't trust their guy...

I just know for me, if I didn't trust him...I wouldn't be able to stay. This lifestyle is hard enough without having to worry about all the nonsense.

Turbo413
03-26-2011, 09:48 PM
No, that's why I'm with the man I'm with right now. I love my husband to pieces..Our relationship is based on God..Marriage..Our Family. You are right on the "nonsense," no need for that..drama..rumors..and "what if's." I'd rather waste my energy on him and our boys :)

phenomenalwoman
03-26-2011, 09:54 PM
for me its a stupid question bc without trust there is nothing left.

rita mason
03-26-2011, 09:57 PM
No. I don't see how it's even possible 2 have a sucessful relationship of any kind without trust.

BlueEyedEllie
03-26-2011, 10:21 PM
No.A foundation without trust will crumble at the slightest hint of bad weather.I'd rather stand firmly on my OWN foundation and depend on God versus making and keeping one with someone who if push came to shove would NOT have my back.:no:

MIKAER
03-26-2011, 10:22 PM
Nooooooooooope

Danielle88
03-26-2011, 10:35 PM
Can I personally? No, but int the past I have. I was with my ex for a year, at first it was all good but then one thing after another started to happen, he was cheating like crazy! Just going nuts and had girls calling him and sneaking off to go out with them. I couldnt (and didnt) trust him IN MY SIGHT, much less out of it. Why did I stay wiht him? Well for starters we never slept together and I didnt want to wake up and smell the shyt.

You can stay with a man you cant trust, but you better be prepared to accept whatever he throws your way, dont act shocked when something happens. You also have to know that your relationship really cant be serious too. Trust is everything, without it you have a relationship built on sand.

LeStrange
03-26-2011, 10:44 PM
In the past I have but now NOPE. It's a waste to stay with someone you don't trust.

SunshineWife
03-26-2011, 10:58 PM
Definately not! That is just asking for pain and misery for everyone over a long period of time. If you cant find ways to forgive and trust. and he cant find it in himself to take accountability for his actions and change himself, then its not going to work.

jy_ty
03-26-2011, 11:55 PM
I wouldn't even try. In fact, I don't associate myself with anyone that I cannot trust. What would be the point in that? Untrustworthy people ALWAYS live up to their title.

ohsweetmaryjane
03-26-2011, 11:57 PM
I don't 100% trust him because of things he has done in the past while he was using drugs. However, in the past year that he has been incarcerated -- and sober -- he actually hasn't done anything to make me not trust him. I didn't catch him in any lies or anything like that. I am anticipating that when he comes home our trust will build; I wouldn't stay in a long-term relationship with someone that I didn't think I'd be able to trust.

Mitch67
03-27-2011, 01:59 AM
I definitely couldn't and wouldn't stay in a relationship with a man that I could not trust. For me trust is the foundation and the corner stone of any relationship. Personally I want to be able to live my life without the hassle that a lack of trust brings. I don't want to be always wondering where he is and what he is doing. I don't want to have to spend my life worrying because to me that is just a waste of the short time that we have on this earth.

missnmeyeson
03-27-2011, 10:38 AM
Life's too short to waste your energy on anyone you do not trust. Worrying over the "what if's " that may never ever even happen? POINTLESS AND EXHAUSTING.... no one is worth sacrificing your emotional sanity over. :)

Tina
03-27-2011, 12:35 PM
I agree with the above poster who said without trust there isn't anything left.

Jl'slady
03-27-2011, 12:38 PM
I have a man that only tells me partial truths, I keep finding things out that I should have known. I look back and see that yes he did tell me part of this. I don't know if this is intentional on his part or just got sidetracked because there has been so much going on. He's been extremely sick this past year. He has endured cancer treatment that damaged his heart. Then he had open heart surgery. Now he has been sentenced 6yrs. He is in reception so I haven't been able to discuss some of this and when he was sick, I left some of it, thinking there would be a better time....:confused:

imissmybaby14
03-27-2011, 01:15 PM
i can`t be with a pearson that i can trust because i would be always wondering threw out our relationship if he is with some other person when he is out or what or who he is doing when he is not with me. it would make my life a lifing hell. and there is nothing better than trusting your man or partrenin life (for some)

LoneStarState
03-27-2011, 01:25 PM
That's a BIG :nono:

Sum1ToLuv
03-27-2011, 03:17 PM
A relationship with no trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

thugwife
03-27-2011, 03:45 PM
I cant say I would anymore, but with my ex, I most certainly DID. I stayed because I always thought it would get better, and he led me to believe that everyone saying he was cheating, was just hating on our relationship. I didnt even believe my own cousin, and it makes me physically ill to say that. :(

I can remember coming home one day and my cousin and her girlfriend was here, evidentally they was already arguing (cousin and the ex) and I made my cousin leave, because I was sick of hearing it, what it was over, I dont even know.

After me and Tony finally broke up I can remember talking to my cousin on the phone saying I was sorry for what happened. (we never fought over it) and she told me that Tony confessed all this cheating shit to her, and she couldnt understand why because she was going to tell me. (It didnt matter, I thought she was lying because she didnt like him) He said you can go on and tell her, she will never believe you. And HE WAS RIGHT.

I had caught his cell phone bill calling another chick, I found a note on his truck unsigned from another chick, caught him with his ex bosses 16/17 year old daughter, picked him up at a hotel once, that is just a few instances of my IGNORANCE.

After dealing with his lies, I could NEVER tolerate it from another man. I have 100% total trust from my man. A bitch could have gold falling out her cooch and he wont go near it. And its that real. :)

missingaugust27
03-27-2011, 04:53 PM
I trust him. But no one but God has my 100% trust

esteli
03-27-2011, 05:22 PM
it's just too much work to be with a man you don't trust. when I'm home, I want to relax and be with someone I know has my back as I have his.

Iamjustagirl
03-27-2011, 05:29 PM
Life's too short to waste your energy on anyone you do not trust. Worrying over the "what if's " that may never ever even happen? POINTLESS AND EXHAUSTING.... no one is worth sacrificing your emotional sanity over. :)
You're right. It will drive you INSANE. After YEARS, I just now realized that I am insanely jealous and I have no trust in anybody. I didn't realize this about myself until now, now that it's about time for him to get out. I'm this way because of things that family and ex's did to me in the past.

I partly feel like it's only fair to me and my man to get out of this situation. Then, I partly feel like I will be letting my past "win" if I do leave the situation.

I'm at a crossroad

Ohusillywabbit
03-27-2011, 06:21 PM
As for me, yes I can ! As its my own issues when it comes to trust ! I trust absolutely no one because sooner or later someone will always ends up being a snake.

bebegrl
03-27-2011, 06:38 PM
No. Whats the point of staying with somebody you can't trust. Unless you like all the drama it comes with. No thanks.

Bens princess
03-27-2011, 07:58 PM
its a silly Question, trust is one of the most important things in a realitionship, and if you dont have it, you havent got it, and probely wont ever find it.

chachis girl
03-27-2011, 09:58 PM
I couldn't be with my hubby if i dodn't trust him, and it goes for him also, I am out here with the kids as he sits in his house 23 hours a day, I have never gave him a reason to stress because he sure doesn't need that we keep eachother grounded along with the girls, so most deffnatly not.

betsyblue
03-27-2011, 10:21 PM
I have to agree with all of you ladies but I also have an issue with my own insucurities. I was convinced he cheated and I accused him all the time,which drove him crazy and started to push him away. I do trust him but I've doubted his loyalty so I'm gonna be the underdog and say yes only because I know in my heart he didn't cheat and if he did in fact cheat I would probably forgive him.because I respect him as an individual and nobodys perfect! Although if I thought for any reason he cheated in the future I would leave in a heartbeat!

pipsqueak
03-27-2011, 10:58 PM
well i guess i have to be the brat that says it....

Ladies, lets be real...our men are locked up they can't do anything untrustworthy because they don't have a choice. Not one person is honestly going to tell me that they never thought "well, he could be doing this, this and this and I would never know"? hate me all you want, I'm not going to sugar coat it. My dude's a piece of work and keeps my hands full...hello, look where he is. I'm in it for the long haul, and love him above all however, it is comforting to know where he is every night...ya I'll say it. It's been a relief to not have to worry if he is going to cheat, overdose, come home a wreck, or get in serious trouble. like i said, look where he is.

Under the circumstances, don't we all have insecurities..including our men? You can act like your shit doesn't stink and ignore those lil doubts in your mind but girl having doubts is OKAY and expressing them is okay and get this..it will actually make you feel better, grow as a person and grow in your relationship and bring you and your dude closer. No matter where your dude is...if you don't have an open line of communication and ability to express yourself freely with him in your marriage, what do you really have?

Jillian
03-28-2011, 12:14 AM
nope cause a relationship is based on trust and communication, if you don't have that you don't have anything

lil peep
03-28-2011, 07:56 AM
This isn't a stupid question to me because obviously women stay with men they don't completely trust. How man "is he cheating" or "can I trust him" threads do we see on a regular basis? I've had my doubts about my relationship especially in the beginning...I can't lie about that. But if I didn't believe deep down he was trustworthy, I wouldn't stay with him.

Geauxin'KraZee
03-28-2011, 09:09 AM
With a lack of trust, all a relationship could be is a life full of doubt and misery . I see it all around me and it makes me sad for the people who are involved in these types of relationships. I think I'd rather live alone than with someone I didn't trust .

myfreedom2010
03-28-2011, 09:39 AM
Well my biggest issue was TRUST - and it was b/c of ME!!!:eek:

I went to prison for being dishonest, distrustful, disloyal, etc....

My husband stated "he didn't even know who I was" - he married me and didn't know who the woman was before him.....At first I didn't understand how he couldn't just forgive me but then I really absorbed what I did and realized I was not the "trust worthy" person I should be!:)

I had to do a lot of soul searching if you know what I mean - without trust in a relationship whether it is b/c of a spouse/significant other cheating or whether the person you are with is being dishonest b/c of their crime you have to have trust right??? Yes....

I am not perfect and I was ashame of what I did not only to my victims (embezzlement) but what I did as a wife to my husband....We divorced and for good reasons - it takes two to tango and we had "trust issues" in our relationship....

Today it is about "TRUST" and I am totally TRUST WORTHY today!!!:) I have changed for the better and I believe people can change...

As far as one of the posters stated about not being "untrustworthy" in prison - boy do I beg to differ with you!!!:eek: So much manipulation, dishonesty and distrust go on in PRISON....It would amaze everyone!:thumbsup:

muimui
03-28-2011, 09:58 AM
yes i have stayed simply cos of the kids......... stupid but true....

WaitingOnEddie
03-28-2011, 10:09 AM
As far as one of the posters stated about not being "untrustworthy" in prison - boy do I beg to differ with you!!!:eek: So much manipulation, dishonesty and distrust go on in PRISON....It would amaze everyone!:thumbsup:

I agree with you 100% there. I know for me, since I did my own bid, I'm aware of what goes on and I know that there is plenty they can do while in prison...to think otherwise would be living in fantasyland.

hischubchub
04-05-2011, 02:55 PM
I think you can if the two of you work to build it back up. Hell, our parents dont always trust us and they still have a successful relationship with us.

MIKAER
04-05-2011, 07:51 PM
Distrust feeds unhealthy behaviors, paranoia, dbl checking, and clinging. etc... The other party will react/rebound either consciously and/or unconsciously with negative behavior that creates a ying yang effect to both parties. I would work on building trust but I would not be in an untrusting relationship. I would not want the unhealthy consequences.

FastCarGirl
04-05-2011, 11:27 PM
No...I'm someone who gives my trust on the front end....in my eyes everyone is trustworthy.....until they prove they're not. Once you lose my trust it's gone and too difficult to win back. I don't like who *I* am as a person if I'm anxious and worried and fearful of being hurt and unable to trust. So someone who completely breaks my trust, it'd be over.

Mrs.Hidalgo
04-05-2011, 11:36 PM
Another thread got me thinking....can you stay with a man you don't trust? If you can...why are you able to do so?

I see so many threads of women who don't trust their guy...

I just know for me, if I didn't trust him...I wouldn't be able to stay. This lifestyle is hard enough without having to worry about all the nonsense.

Alright here is My Opion, I Said YES,
of course Because obviously, if something in the
relationship happened which causes for there to be no Trust,
I Personally since i LOVE MY MAN, I wont give up on US,
(Depending on the reason or what had happened)
Ill try to work things out if HE is serious and wants to too...
Say Yes it will be hard? to be in that situation, But thats
why you work together and see if there is still something
you can do to SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP?:thumbsup:
Well Thats just My Oppion;) Or lets say you have kids and they
do something bad, so you dont trust them anymore!
Are you going to give on them am assuming NO?
You'll stay and try to figure things out rite?

GeckoBrat
04-06-2011, 02:14 AM
I believe Trust is something that is built over time if you have any life experience at all. Blind Trust of first loves is not where I am at 48 yrs old. I love him and will stay with him till I find out if he deserves my Trust. With me trust can be broken and regained but it must be there for the long haul.

NGS_lAdY
04-06-2011, 08:37 AM
if I do not trust my man , GAME OVER nothing more to say we wouldn't be in an relationship!

TyronesWife
04-06-2011, 09:43 AM
No. I don't associate with faulty people and if I don't trust someone they fall into that category.

Iamjustagirl
04-07-2011, 08:09 AM
I would really hate to end a current relationship because of lack of trust caused by a past relationship.

akaptrosa
04-07-2011, 09:19 AM
I've always had feelings of not trusting people. Boo broke a lot of trust with me when he got incarcerated. :( It was beyond HARD to try and rebuild. He would hold up to his word... it still didn't make me feel any better. He could say all the right words, do all the right things and that rerun of his little stunt played over and over in my mind.

One day he said to me, "Forget trying to trust me. Trust in God. Through Him you will be able to trust in me."

That statement changed my life. I realized that I just do not have the mindset to trust in other human beings. I need to trust in God that all things work for the greater good of Him and be at peace with that. I trust God and that's all I need. :)

Mrs.Hidalgo
04-07-2011, 09:23 AM
I've always had feelings of not trusting people. Boo broke a lot of trust with me when he got incarcerated. :( It was beyond HARD to try and rebuild. He would hold up to his word... it still didn't make me feel any better. He could say all the right words, do all the right things and that rerun of his little stunt played over and over in my mind.

One day he said to me, "Forget trying to trust me. Trust in God. Through Him you will be able to trust in me."

That statement changed my life. I realized that I just do not have the mindset to trust in other human beings. I need to trust in God that all things work for the greater good of Him and be at peace with that. I trust God and that's all I need. :)

Awwww I LOVED IT! :thumbsup::D

mala11
04-07-2011, 09:29 AM
If anyone stays with someone they can't trust they are the stupid ones. Anyone can be independent if they tried. Just sayin..

TLAn4ever
04-07-2011, 07:34 PM
Another thread got me thinking....can you stay with a man you don't trust? If you can...why are you able to do so?

I see so many threads of women who don't trust their guy...

I just know for me, if I didn't trust him...I wouldn't be able to stay. This lifestyle is hard enough without having to worry about all the nonsense.

I've been thinking about this thread since you originally posted it. I know I am definitely in the minority on this one cuz I love my husband with all my heart...............but really don't trust him. I know he loves me too, in spite of some of his actions over the years. He has this tendency to resist everything except temptation, which could explain his numerous "state vacations". ;)

He has cheated on me several times, but he never connects that to our relationship and how he shouldn't be doing it until it gets pointed out to him--kinda has the morals of an alley cat. Most people just think I'm just in the dark on a lot of stuff he has done, actually I choose to ignore some things unless they get to where I am not able to do that. Any time things get to that point and he has to make a decison, he always chooses me. Usually he aquires his little "pets" when he is doing a lot of drugs which I also don't condone. I don't do them myself and he used to think he could hide his drug use from me too until he figured out I was always able to tell when he was high.

In the many years we have been together I have learned to protect myself from some of his actions and accept him for how he is. Guess that's what they mean by unconditional love. :o I know he does love me and feels really bad when he realizes he has hurt me, like one of his favorite songs--he has The Best Of Intentions. I still hope that when he comes home, he will have learned to think before acting, but I'm realistic enough not expect it until he proves to me things will be different. I'm sure there will be opinions out there that think I am stupid for putting up with all this, but trust me, you won't be telling me anything I haven't heard before.:p

Mrs.Hidalgo
04-07-2011, 07:46 PM
I Love Your Honesty:D
I am NOT gonna JUDGE you for I AM NOT GOD!
Nor am i Perfect, Nor do i have My hands Clean,
Nor does anyone on Earth, Because we all
Have got are hands Dirty for what ever reason
it might'd have been..
All i will Say, You do You, Dont worry for others will say;)

rockyaddiction52585
02-18-2012, 05:59 PM
Nope could not do it. Have to have trust or we have nothing.


Lisa

Bladyluck
02-18-2012, 11:10 PM
I don't think you can stay :( trust is a very important part of a relationship - otherwise without you will drive yourself crazy with the constant worry - I hope all comes well for you :)

billysbutton
02-19-2012, 12:04 PM
NO WAY!!!!!! If I dont trust him I dont want him!

InmateLover67
02-19-2012, 12:15 PM
Another thread got me thinking....can you stay with a man you don't trust? If you can...why are you able to do so?

I see so many threads of women who don't trust their guy...

I just know for me, if I didn't trust him...I wouldn't be able to stay. This lifestyle is hard enough without having to worry about all the nonsense.

Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and communication. If I did not trust my fiance, there is no way I would be with him. Not an option to be with someone I cannot trust.

This lifestyle, I am assuming you mean prison? I would not be with someone I cannot trust, prison or on the streets.

Peace~

Klewis
02-19-2012, 06:33 PM
I could not be with no one I did not trust for the simple fact that would be a relationship I was trying to force. It would come with a lot of friction. I could never enjoy it because I would be constantly thinking the worse and making myself believe the worse. It wouldn't be fair for neither one of us or fun. You have to have trust. You have to trust that your mate really loves you and is interested in you. Then you have to trust that your mate has a life and rather they are around you or not that you are still a part of their life. Then you have to trust that your mate will communicate with you to keep that trust going. You have to be able to trust that your mate is only being intimate with you and only you. So as you see trust is definitely that bubble that keeps the relationship intact and protected.

patient4love
02-19-2012, 07:08 PM
Absolutely not! Relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust and open communication. Without that there is nothing to build a solid relationship on and there will always be issues with the "cracks" in the foundation!

KayGee19
02-19-2012, 07:30 PM
No. I wouldn't want to live miserably. I trust my love with my life. He always has had my back and will have my back. As I will and do have his. A relationship any kind of relationship without trust isn't a solid one.

Eka16
02-19-2012, 07:33 PM
Nope! Thats got to be the worst feeling in the world not being able to trust him it leads to doubting him and turns into a disaster.

an87
02-19-2012, 07:52 PM
I have to be honest that I don't 100% trust my man. He always has my back, yes, he stands up for me, stick with me when I do something dumb, whatever, but he does lie to me. He isn't a cheater, but his lies usually revolve around drug use, or where the money went, or something along those lines. I know he doesn't WANT to be a drug addict for the rest of his life and he was sober for most of our relationship, so I'm willing to keep working at the relationship. I love him deeply and I know he loves me and I think our relationship is worth whatever work we have to put into it. If I doubted his love or caught him cheating? Nope, I'd be done. But I know that drugs can change someone into a completely different person.

iholditdown4him
02-19-2012, 10:18 PM
Nope. Honesty, trust, faith, loyalty....without it...there is nothing.

waiting for my Christopher

Rick's Girl Ont
02-19-2012, 10:24 PM
No, I couldn't do it. I have my dignity and self respect. I don't worry about my guy cheating but I worry about him successfully finishing his parole because he is back in on a violation. He has 8 months of it left when he gets out and I told him if he lands himself back in prison, I'm gone. No ifs, ands or buts. Life is too short. I promished to be loyal to him even when he's in prison and I expect the same when he gets out. Remember, they put the "us" in trust for a reason. ;)

misscadibaby
02-29-2012, 01:37 PM
I think the problem is a lot of women TRY to stay with someone they don't trust. It will never last and/or be a healthy, strong and prospering relationship if that is the case.

InLoveWithaG
02-29-2012, 01:41 PM
You can't be with someone you don trust, it just causes more issues because it's impossible to be truly happy :( BUT I do think one can regain trust and perhaps move on together but I think taking a break, regaining trust, and THEN committing to eachother once again is the best way to go about this....not trying to regain trust while still in the relationship, that just gets confusing and crazy

Ms. Tazzie
02-29-2012, 02:21 PM
*I* believe Pipsqueak and TLAn4ever and a few others are about the realistic ppl here.. I mean come on ladies,, the majority of us have been in at LEAST 1 sucky relationship with a bum that for WHATEVER reason we didn't trust,, and stayed for WHATEVER reason.. Yeah,, of course you left EVENTUALLY,, but was it instantaneously???
For *ME* trust is EARNED not GIVEN.. I don't think anyone knows EXACTLY what another person will do if put in the *ideal* situation. That's why we are *individuals* with our own minds,, we don't think in unison with our mates..
So to answer the question,, I *have* stayed with a man I didn't trust,, but *I* stayed until it just became *Obvious* that something was wrong.

missin.him.much
02-29-2012, 07:52 PM
*I* believe Pipsqueak and TLAn4ever and a few others are about the realistic ppl here.. I mean come on ladies,, the majority of us have been in at LEAST 1 sucky relationship with a bum that for WHATEVER reason we didn't trust,, and stayed for WHATEVER reason.. Yeah,, of course you left EVENTUALLY,, but was it instantaneously???
For *ME* trust is EARNED not GIVEN.. I don't think anyone knows EXACTLY what another person will do if put in the *ideal* situation. That's why we are *individuals* with our own minds,, we don't think in unison with our mates..
So to answer the question,, I *have* stayed with a man I didn't trust,, but *I* stayed until it just became *Obvious* that something was wrong.

I cudnt agree any more w/ your post .

hisbabyny
02-29-2012, 09:14 PM
i have stayed with a man i didnt trust in the past but it was

basically HELL! :cool:
I also stayed with men that lied, but then again so did I :rolleyes: i lived and learned;)
I also do NOT trust anyone 100% about everything...trust is definetly earned over time in each area' and i never say never' cause the one i trust 100% is God.