My boyfriend has been locked up for ten years already as some of you know. He has two and a half years left. I know that still a lot of time to go. Lately I have been feeling that maybe I don't want to get marry any more. I love him to death he is my world but I don't know if I want to be some one wife. He does not want to be boyfriend and girlfriend he want to get married. He told me no way is he coming home for me to be his girlfriend again it's his wife or nothing. I have been thiinking about my life now and I'm having a good time. I see all my friends with their boyfriends and husband running around doing everything for the their men. They cook for them wash their clothes, do a lot of things that they don't really want to do. All I hear is complaints and the other day I found out my cousin is cheating on her husband and they have not been married but three years. I have so much freedom now and I kind of like it. I don't know if after 13 years I can think of answering to someone or even asking him can I do this or that when I'm so use to doing it. The other day he was like a want a van when I get out. I don't like vans. I know it sound stupid but I'm scare that maybe after so long that we have or maybe I have move pass him. I know that I love him so much and if he was with someone else I would die. I know this is long sorry but I needed to get this off my mind. We are having no problems at all we are doing the best we have in years. I guess I'm lazy too, I'm use to coming home and just laying here in my peace of mind. I'm almost 37 now and I have made it this long without him I just want to come home when I want to and party when I want to and not clean up when I want too.

Boy I feel you on this. I am going thru this, too. I really like my life now. After years of being with men, the freedom is great. But there are ways to be a couple and still keep some independence, aren't there? I mean, would he be okay with you taking girls' night out sometimes and things like that? I guess what I'm saying is maybe it doesn't have to be all or nothing, either-or. Maybe you can write to him about some of these fears and see if there are compromises you can come up with... sounds like you love him a lot, I hope you can work out something that makes you both feel secure and happy at the same time.

I think we all go through that....because I know I get scared too about letting marcus into my "personal" space. I am use to do what I want to do when I want to do it....but I know that I can't be without this man so I guess wehave to compromise. You know in your heart what you feel...pray about it.
(((((((hugs to you)))))))

There it is!!! COMPROMISE

And it sounds like you may just be getting COLD FEET. But you still have lots of time to go to work all of this out. Discuss this with your man and go from there.

I think what you are feeling is natural for an independent woman...you know maybe your experience might be different than everyone elses when he comes home. You might end up loving him so much that you find yourself doing those things on your own free will. I did that when I had a live in boyfriend..I loved cleaning, cooking, and taking care of him..Girl my friends where tripping! But if you do feel like you shouldnt rush into marriage right away then just take it slow...it's better to take it slow then rush and end up getting a divorce.

hey, The first time I was supposed to get married I backed out, but then later, when I was ready we did get married. I think he needs to be more flexible, talk to him about how you feel...I think you are going through a normal stage and you have waited a long time already, why not two more years? You do not have to get married to love him and he should try to understand that. and just because you marry him does not mean your life is over, if he loves you, he will let you be you and grow and not hold you back...he will understand your need for space and time...why does it have to be all or nothing now after ten years? if you feel pressured, chances are you won't want to do it, you need to decide on your own in your own time.
Also, your marriage succeeding or not has nothing to do with other peoples marriages AT ALL, just because one does not work, does not mean yours won't...