View Full Version : My boyfriend accidentally sent me a letter another woman wrote him


Jamiefaith
02-23-2011, 09:08 AM
So, My boyfriend has been in county jail for about a year. He keeps telling me that they are raiding his cell and that he has to send back the cards and stuff that i send to him. I don't know how true this is. I'm thinking he thinks he's going to be moved and he doesn't want his baby mother finding my cards and letters. Anyway, he tells me that they raided his cell and he sends me back all my cards i sent him, and in the package, i found a letter that one of his old FLINGS wrote him. Obvi they have some sort of connections if he's writing her back. But what boggles my mind is that the letter she wrote him BACK, was talking about sexual things, which really broke my heart. He tells me he only wrote her on some thank you for writing me shit, but i don't believve it. On top of the fact that i can NEVER go and see him and he's a half hour away, becuz his baby mother is the one who gets all his visits. Sometimes, she doesn't even bring the kids, so i've been really screwed. On top of that i've been sending him 50-80 A WEEK in commissary, and spending 50-100 a week on phone calls. After i questioned him about the letter, and he hesitated (lied) and stuttered (lied) and even ADMITTED TO ME that he was thinking about lying at first about the letter, I am so upset. I didn't let him know i was upset after all was talked about, but i cna't get over it. I mean, writing another female is like cheating when you're in jail, i mean, honestly the context that was in that letter was stuff like this "yeah i know you like it when i moan, ya girl can ride :)" and things like "Of course i'm going to miss our Ole sessions" and "i loved it when u used to call me ur lil wifey, that shit was cute" and "now that we're writing letters, i wanna know the real ____" I mean it's not just me right, he was dead ass wrong. And i'm feeling like i'm completely done with him. I'm so upset, but as mad as i am, i love this man to death and I don't want it to be over, but i'm a damn fool if i stay with him. He's using me for my money that's all i'm good for, he doesn't want to see me, my kids havn't seen him in over a year, but he's supposed to be their "Step daddy", sorry but i'm feeling like he's just talking that "jail talk" just to keep me where he needs me. I don't want to even talk to him, i don't feel he deserves that even, and i feel like i need time to really think about everything, and that he needs to feel how stupid he is, but at this point, idk if he'll ever change, it's just so hard to let someone go that you love so much. I checked out his baby mother's facebook page, and she has pics of them together on there talking about thats her husband, so is he feeding her the same shit as me. I just feel like i'm a fool...i'm so crushed and sad, and i have about 5 different "Dear John/Jodi" letters but i can't bring myself to mail it. I need some words of wisdom please...i'm broken and i don't know what to do, can't eat ,or sleep :( just keep thinking about i love him, but i'm mad and i can't get over this, trust is gone now...

LoveBuggy
02-23-2011, 09:15 AM
Personally I do not share my man. You already know in your heart he is doing you wrong. The evidence is right there in front of you. It would hurt me a hundred times worse that his 'baby momma' is always visiting and declaring he is her husband.

This prison relationship crap is hard enough. If he can't be faithful locked up then I can't imaging how he would be free. You deserve better. Is he really worth all this?

jay wifey
02-23-2011, 09:16 AM
WOW I'm so this has happened but if your the girlfriend why don't you get visits YOU SPEND YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY ON SUPPORTING WHICH CAN GO TO BILLS YOUR KIDS IF YOU HAVE ANY OR SOMETHING BUT NO YOU CHOOSE TO STICK IT OUT WITH.YOU NEED TO WRITE HIM AN EXPLAIN LISTEN IF I DON'T GET MY TIME WITH YOU I'M DONE WELL THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY LOL ALL OF THAT MONEY ADDS UP YOU DESERVE SOMETIME WITH HIM AN WHY DOES SHE GET VISITS EVEN WITHOUT THE KIDS BEING PRESENT IM PISSED FOR YOU I HOPE ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU. YOU TO TAKE TIME OUT AN WEIGH THE PROS AN THE CONS AN SEE WHAT YOU COME UP WITH

Kbomb21
02-23-2011, 09:17 AM
I feel you must know what his deal is...
I do, just from reading what you wrote. Every ones relationship is different but I would never be with a man in jail if I was not the one getting the visits.
Clearly if you are not getting the visits and she is, and on her facebook its of them together... well then he has showed his true colors.
Stop sending him money!! Then see how he feels. Of course it hurts you, your feelings are genuine and you didnt do a single thing wrong. He is a low person to treat you that way, and Im sorry.
I know you deserve better.

patchouli
02-23-2011, 09:20 AM
All his visits go to baby momma?? That would've been the end from the get-go.

FlaminHotCheeto
02-23-2011, 09:21 AM
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I must hurt hella bad. Girl in your heart you know the right thing to do. Pay attention to your inner voice. Be strong! Hang in there. :)

ladyknuckle$
02-23-2011, 09:23 AM
Honestly you need to get far away from this relationship as possible. He is not worth you feeling this way. You don't deserve to be treated that way. My best friends mother always says this saying, which I found to be true. The saying is "find a fool use a fool"!! Think about. Hope you do what's best for you.

BlueEyedEllie
02-23-2011, 09:24 AM
You have all the info needed to move on with your life.Whether you choose to or not is completely up to you.At the very LEAST,i wouldn't send another penny.:no:Actions speak louder than words and by his actions(she gets all the visits),he is showing you where his heart really is.

Jamiefaith
02-23-2011, 09:28 AM
All his VI's go to his Baby mother cuz "apparently" thats the only way he can see his kids, he only gets 2 visits a week, so thats one visit a piece, but why would she come up by herself, and i can't even get a visit, that's garbage...i'm so upset and mad, and if i have to come out of my pocket to feed him in there, and send him money and put money on the phone, then why...why can't he give me what i need, and that's to see him once every couple weeks, i mean i'm cool with his baby mother taking his kids up, but i'm not cool that i can't see him, last time i saw him was Christmas eve, and I"M ONLY ALLOWED TO SEE HIM IF SHE DOESN"T TAKE UP THE VISITS FOR THE WEEK, so i'm only allowed to come on Sunday, i sound really stupid don't i ladies, seriuosly i do don't i???! smh...the letter, just made it very evident that he doesn't love me like he says he does. I'm just very sad for the past few days. I don't know i've never felt this hurt before, i mean this man is my best friend, but he is straight up playin me! this sucks so much

mrbostonsgrl
02-23-2011, 09:28 AM
All his visits go to baby momma?? That would've been the end from the get-go.

My thoughts exactly. :thumbsup:

It might be hard at first but I think it's time to follow your heart...

:heart:

Kbomb21
02-23-2011, 09:46 AM
All his VI's go to his Baby mother cuz "apparently" thats the only way he can see his kids, he only gets 2 visits a week, so thats one visit a piece, but why would she come up by herself, and i can't even get a visit, that's garbage...i'm so upset and mad, and if i have to come out of my pocket to feed him in there, and send him money and put money on the phone, then why...why can't he give me what i need, and that's to see him once every couple weeks, i mean i'm cool with his baby mother taking his kids up, but i'm not cool that i can't see him, last time i saw him was Christmas eve, and I"M ONLY ALLOWED TO SEE HIM IF SHE DOESN"T TAKE UP THE VISITS FOR THE WEEK, so i'm only allowed to come on Sunday, i sound really stupid don't i ladies, seriuosly i do don't i???! smh...the letter, just made it very evident that he doesn't love me like he says he does. I'm just very sad for the past few days. I don't know i've never felt this hurt before, i mean this man is my best friend, but he is straight up playin me! this sucks so much


My man has children with another woman also, she never once went to visit, and neither did the kids, per her choice. I find it odd that there is no other way for the kids to go there, where my man was the childrens mother could fill out a form for other persons to take the children in.
Regardless though, if you were where his heart was, he would want to see you. Period, end of story.

Erics4ever
02-23-2011, 10:39 AM
When people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM!!

If this man is supposed to be your best friend, I would seriously consider getting a new one!

In your heart and mind you know what you need to do. I think you are looking for someone on here to give you a reason to stay. Whether you stay or go has to be YOUR decision. I will say this, STOP SENDING HIM YOUR MONEY!! You are taking care of a man financially who is not even taking care of you emotionally. This life is hard and the things that our men give us-visits, calls, emails ,letters etc. we all cherish. What is he giving you except a phone bill, disrespect, and stress? All his visits go to his babies mother? Everything for me would have ended right there! You even stated that sometimes she does not even take the kids. You have all the answers right in front of you and no matter how much you switch the pieces around they still spell out the facts-you are in a relationship with a man you can not even visit and it's not because he can't have visits or that he is far away. It is because he is giving them to another woman. If the letter that she sent back says what you said, I can only imagine what his said and I doubt it was sharing a recipe! Unless you count this situation which is a recipe for disaster! Leaving him may hurt for awhile but staying around will hurt much worse. He has shown you who/what he is. Is this the kind of man/relationship you really want?

My man has children. He did allow the mothers to bring them when he was first locked up. Now, they have been removed from his list and he has let it be known that if the children come, they will come with me, his sister or his Mom. His choice not mine. As he told me " I don't need to see them to see my kids. My visiting hours go to you first and then everyone else can fall in."

missdebbie92025
02-23-2011, 10:41 AM
A man treats you the way u let him. it you let him disrespect you then he will always disrespect you. You know what to do you just have to do it. dont let him play you for a fool. just the fact that he thought about lying to you about the letter is enough. what else is he lying about. dont let him treat you this way. if you let him he will continue to do so.

Miss_A
02-23-2011, 10:47 AM
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Here's the deal, if you were a priority to him, he would most definitely make sure you were there visiting him regularly. Period.


You really do deserve better then that.

poni'swoman
02-23-2011, 10:47 AM
Here I go being blunt once again. Cut your losses and move on. I don't know how you met this man but it sounds as though he has done nothing but use you. If he really loved you he would make sure you were able to visit. I know you are heartbroken but you will mend and chalk this up to experience and never let another man use you again.

canthelpbutwait
02-23-2011, 10:54 AM
I think you know in your heart what you got to do, it's just a matter of doing it. It's like that song by Christette Michelle. "What you do".. it talks about how his words mean nothing if his actions don't coincide.. and you can see where his actions are...remember you deserve the best, never settle for less then what you are worth.

myfreedom2010
02-23-2011, 10:56 AM
I am usually blunt and to the point - so I won't stop now.....

You are being used and he really doesn't care about you - it truly shows by his actions:

First Action - Not allowing you visits??? Please girl - That was the first red flag in my opinion!:mad::blah::angry:

Second Action - Sending you back your cards and getting them mixed up - heck he is so arrogant he probably doesn't really care - if he is writing you; baby momma; and this old fling...Second Red Flag....:mad::blah::angry:

You should not condone this and furhter more he doesn't even deserve a letter of explanation - seeings how you can't visit to tell him in person!

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting him know you are done - I would CUT HIM OFF without even as much as a letter, phone call whatever.....Let him wonder why???? He would know why eventually.... and to be honest he knows you will be around b/c you've stuck out for over a year now with no visits.......don't be played anymore...

CUT YOUR LOSSES;):thumbsup:

It can be hard to end a relationship - but trust me there are plenty of fishy's out there and you don't need this saradine...;)

BreezyBaby
02-23-2011, 10:58 AM
I wouldnt bother sending a Dear John letter.....Id just go on and let him keep it moving.....Don't waste any more of your time or money not even .44cents on a stamp, You deserve better then what this guy has given! You've got children and this man takes money from you??? I have several family members including my brother & husband and penpals in prison & i have children so you can bet no one asks me for a cent!!

joetnymedic
02-23-2011, 11:02 AM
not to sound mean, because I know you are going thru enough crap - but I'm gonna say it. YOU ARE BEING PLAYED. I'm a guy and I'm telling you this. I was locked up and I am telling you this. Get out of this now and walk away. He is using you for money and god knows what else. While it may hurt to hear it and it may hurt to walk away, it's the best thing that you can do for you. Nobody deserves to be treated like he is treating you. I hope things work out for you.

Joe

Fancy
02-23-2011, 11:05 AM
[quote=Erics4ever;5982470]When people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM!!

So right....that one line says it all.

mi888
02-23-2011, 11:08 AM
All his VI's go to his Baby mother cuz "apparently" thats the only way he can see his kids, he only gets 2 visits a week, so thats one visit a piece, but why would she come up by herself, and i can't even get a visit, that's garbage...i'm so upset and mad, and if i have to come out of my pocket to feed him in there, and send him money and put money on the phone, then why...why can't he give me what i need, and that's to see him once every couple weeks, i mean i'm cool with his baby mother taking his kids up, but i'm not cool that i can't see him, last time i saw him was Christmas eve, and I"M ONLY ALLOWED TO SEE HIM IF SHE DOESN"T TAKE UP THE VISITS FOR THE WEEK, so i'm only allowed to come on Sunday, i sound really stupid don't i ladies, seriuosly i do don't i???! smh...the letter, just made it very evident that he doesn't love me like he says he does. I'm just very sad for the past few days. I don't know i've never felt this hurt before, i mean this man is my best friend, but he is straight up playin me! this sucks so much


This is soo heart breaking to me because i've been there too. Not your same situation but being cheated on and lied to... I know it's hard to accept it when YOUR heart is genuine and in love but trust me when I say there is a man who will treat you like GOLD out there and give you the respect and appreciation you deserve! Let those other woman be the fools... he gave you the evidence you needed from the jump, with his BM taking all the visits! COULD NOT BE ME!! If he loved you and was not with her, he would be running the show telling her you WILL get a visit a week! Move on girl.. don't let him make you look stupid any longer! Keep us updated... God bless you..

Levi's wife
02-23-2011, 11:15 AM
So, My boyfriend has been in county jail for about a year. He keeps telling me that they are raiding his cell and that he has to send back the cards and stuff that i send to him. I don't know how true this is. I'm thinking he thinks he's going to be moved and he doesn't want his baby mother finding my cards and letters. Anyway, he tells me that they raided his cell and he sends me back all my cards i sent him, and in the package, i found a letter that one of his old FLINGS wrote him. Obvi they have some sort of connections if he's writing her back. But what boggles my mind is that the letter she wrote him BACK, was talking about sexual things, which really broke my heart. He tells me he only wrote her on some thank you for writing me shit, but i don't believve it. On top of the fact that i can NEVER go and see him and he's a half hour away, becuz his baby mother is the one who gets all his visits. Sometimes, she doesn't even bring the kids, so i've been really screwed. On top of that i've been sending him 50-80 A WEEK in commissary, and spending 50-100 a week on phone calls. After i questioned him about the letter, and he hesitated (lied) and stuttered (lied) and even ADMITTED TO ME that he was thinking about lying at first about the letter, I am so upset. I didn't let him know i was upset after all was talked about, but i cna't get over it. I mean, writing another female is like cheating when you're in jail, i mean, honestly the context that was in that letter was stuff like this "yeah i know you like it when i moan, ya girl can ride :)" and things like "Of course i'm going to miss our Ole sessions" and "i loved it when u used to call me ur lil wifey, that shit was cute" and "now that we're writing letters, i wanna know the real ____" I mean it's not just me right, he was dead ass wrong. And i'm feeling like i'm completely done with him. I'm so upset, but as mad as i am, i love this man to death and I don't want it to be over, but i'm a damn fool if i stay with him. He's using me for my money that's all i'm good for, he doesn't want to see me, my kids havn't seen him in over a year, but he's supposed to be their "Step daddy", sorry but i'm feeling like he's just talking that "jail talk" just to keep me where he needs me. I don't want to even talk to him, i don't feel he deserves that even, and i feel like i need time to really think about everything, and that he needs to feel how stupid he is, but at this point, idk if he'll ever change, it's just so hard to let someone go that you love so much. I checked out his baby mother's facebook page, and she has pics of them together on there talking about thats her husband, so is he feeding her the same shit as me. I just feel like i'm a fool...i'm so crushed and sad, and i have about 5 different "Dear John/Jodi" letters but i can't bring myself to mail it. I need some words of wisdom please...i'm broken and i don't know what to do, can't eat ,or sleep :( just keep thinking about i love him, but i'm mad and i can't get over this, trust is gone now... sorry to say and this might sound hurtful....but you know the writing is on the wall...we dont really know you personally but from what you described...you know whats really going on....its hard to move on....but most of all if youre the one puttin in all the work, money, time and effort and you still dont get visits....gurl pick yourself up...dust yourself off and move on......but if you want help moving on...check out prison voices . com......you can email inmates from all over.....

Levi's wife
02-23-2011, 11:20 AM
not to sound mean, because I know you are going thru enough crap - but I'm gonna say it. YOU ARE BEING PLAYED. I'm a guy and I'm telling you this. I was locked up and I am telling you this. Get out of this now and walk away. He is using you for money and god knows what else. While it may hurt to hear it and it may hurt to walk away, it's the best thing that you can do for you. Nobody deserves to be treated like he is treating you. I hope things work out for you.

Joe

Thanks Joe for putting a mans point of view out there!!!

hisbabyny
02-23-2011, 11:31 AM
i really feel for you but i think its obvious what is going on here.
he is with the baby mama and plain out using you for money, otherwise you would be getting the visits and she would only be getting some to bring the kids and not going by herself.
secondly he is sending back your cards and letters- what a joke ? and taking your money!
lets keep it real! what do you love about him?:confused: you dont love the real him. you are in love with who you imagine he is.

please no woman deserve this! and this is not even like one of those

"Uh im not sure, Could he be using me? " situations.:idea:

you dont need a man like this in your life, if he was your boyfriend and best friend, you'd be getting a visit every week, you would not have your letters and cards returned he would treasure them!!!!
and he wouldnt be lying constantly and he aint doing a very good job. honey he cant even respect you because he has been getting over way too easy!!!

this is a blessing in disguise, let his BM have him and just believe in yourself, go take a nice vacation in a few months on all the money you'll save just cutting him out of your life.:thumbsup:

its time to get angry:angry::angry: and use that to take back your power girl!!

MamaLion56
02-23-2011, 11:37 AM
I agree with every single thing all the girls above me have said. first of all you spend all your money in phone calls & on his books.. then why is it that you can't get a visit?

your the one holding him down right now. but yet your the one that gets treated how he pleases & gets done dirty by lying. thats a big NO NO!

if i was you i would stop sending him money and doing all the nice stuff. im sorry to say but like you say he might just be with you for the simple fact that you have the money... if he does not have any kids with you. and he has his babymomma visit every weekend. then there goes your answer...she will always be around regardless. thats the mother of his kids and if he wants to see her every damn weekend then that means he doesnt dislike like her coming. .

you live and you learn. . . just dont let this man treat you as he want because once he knows he got you thats it he will step all over you without you even realizing he is doing so.

luvmyjack
02-23-2011, 11:39 AM
I don't think you need anyone to tell you what needs to be done.
He should have been dumped long ago.

CCmom
02-23-2011, 11:40 AM
Jamiefaith,

You need to print the message below from Joe and read it twice a day for a month! Please do not be the blind who does not want to see. The guy you have been supporting (Gosh, I send my son $10 a week and he is happy with it) is a pathological l-i-e-r! This means that probably when you stop sending $$$ he will contact you with many lies, and if one does not work, he will try another one. If he makes promises, remember this: the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. His way of being in life is to say whatever gets him what he wants, and doing whatever he wants without regards for anyone's feelings or well being.

You are hurting now and will hurt some more when you cut this man you are supporting off. But, I promise you, it will get better. However, if you continue taking from your children to give to this awful man, your children will suffer and this is a regret you don't want to have. Invest this money in activities you can participate (as an spectator or together) with your children, and do things for yourself alone. You owe it to them and to you. You have a kind heart, start taking care of yourself and when you do this, you just might find someone who will care for you as much as you do.

I am in my 60's now, but I have never forgotten something that happened when I was 22, The man I was totally in love with and in a relationship for two years had returned to his philandering ways. His betrayal and my decision to leave him hurt like crap. But when I told him I was through with him he begged me not to leave and I wanted him so bad just one more time, but I opened the door of his apartment and walked away. I never felt so free!

If you manage to leave this man who is using you and abusing you emotionally, you will never be somebody else's fool!



not to sound mean, because I know you are going thru enough crap - but I'm gonna say it. YOU ARE BEING PLAYED. I'm a guy and I'm telling you this. I was locked up and I am telling you this. Get out of this now and walk away. He is using you for money and god knows what else. While it may hurt to hear it and it may hurt to walk away, it's the best thing that you can do for you. Nobody deserves to be treated like he is treating you. I hope things work out for you.

Joe

aro
02-23-2011, 11:58 AM
I am so sorry you are going through this! I know it hurts, but how can you be with someone who chooses others before you? You are worth being chosen! And you will be fine without him. More than fine - better. And make sure you ask yourself why do you love this man? I know there have been times in my past, during a painful breakup, that I had to realize it was the dreams and plans for the future that I loved, not the man. Just remember, you are worth more!!! You are in my prayers.

sbdalton
02-23-2011, 12:12 PM
So, My boyfriend has been in county jail for about a year. He keeps telling me that they are raiding his cell and that he has to send back the cards and stuff that i send to him. I don't know how true this is. I'm thinking he thinks he's going to be moved and he doesn't want his baby mother finding my cards and letters. Anyway, he tells me that they raided his cell and he sends me back all my cards i sent him, and in the package, i found a letter that one of his old FLINGS wrote him. Obvi they have some sort of connections if he's writing her back. But what boggles my mind is that the letter she wrote him BACK, was talking about sexual things, which really broke my heart. He tells me he only wrote her on some thank you for writing me shit, but i don't believve it. On top of the fact that i can NEVER go and see him and he's a half hour away, becuz his baby mother is the one who gets all his visits. Sometimes, she doesn't even bring the kids, so i've been really screwed. On top of that i've been sending him 50-80 A WEEK in commissary, and spending 50-100 a week on phone calls. After i questioned him about the letter, and he hesitated (lied) and stuttered (lied) and even ADMITTED TO ME that he was thinking about lying at first about the letter, I am so upset. I didn't let him know i was upset after all was talked about, but i cna't get over it. I mean, writing another female is like cheating when you're in jail, i mean, honestly the context that was in that letter was stuff like this "yeah i know you like it when i moan, ya girl can ride :)" and things like "Of course i'm going to miss our Ole sessions" and "i loved it when u used to call me ur lil wifey, that shit was cute" and "now that we're writing letters, i wanna know the real ____" I mean it's not just me right, he was dead ass wrong. And i'm feeling like i'm completely done with him. I'm so upset, but as mad as i am, i love this man to death and I don't want it to be over, but i'm a damn fool if i stay with him. He's using me for my money that's all i'm good for, he doesn't want to see me, my kids havn't seen him in over a year, but he's supposed to be their "Step daddy", sorry but i'm feeling like he's just talking that "jail talk" just to keep me where he needs me. I don't want to even talk to him, i don't feel he deserves that even, and i feel like i need time to really think about everything, and that he needs to feel how stupid he is, but at this point, idk if he'll ever change, it's just so hard to let someone go that you love so much. I checked out his baby mother's facebook page, and she has pics of them together on there talking about thats her husband, so is he feeding her the same shit as me. I just feel like i'm a fool...i'm so crushed and sad, and i have about 5 different "Dear John/Jodi" letters but i can't bring myself to mail it. I need some words of wisdom please...i'm broken and i don't know what to do, can't eat ,or sleep :( just keep thinking about i love him, but i'm mad and i can't get over this, trust is gone now...

I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am a firm believer that there's a lot of us women here whose SO are doing the very same thing!! Including my husband, though, I can't prove it, but I "feel" it! I suggest you not even send a letter to him, period!!! Believe me (I am 56y/o and have some exp), that would get to him better that any letter you could send! Let's face it, what you'll do is proclaim your love for him, tell him how much he's hurt you, etc. He KNOWS that, evidently didn't care enough to respect your love, support, money, etc. I guarantee you that other person or "his baby's mom" are NOT going to do for him what you did!!! AND you could NOT even visit! F that and him. Don't give him any more satisfaction knowing he can "prob" get you to "believe" his JAIL HOUSE TALK ! Good luck and God Bless! Remember, if he doesn't hear from you, then HE will be the one wondering!! Keep us posted. Scarlett

esteli
02-23-2011, 12:26 PM
he's probably telling the others (baby mama) that you are just there to make his stay in prison more comfortable. I mean who is gonna fork over that kind of money you send without anything in return but you....

squeakyswife
02-23-2011, 12:40 PM
SORRY if this sounds harsh but this guy is a loser and i dare my husband to try that with me. Babygirl love can only get you so far if he is not doibg right. Your helping him and you cant go visit please. It's time for him to get his walking papers you deserve better than this. Did you ever think that your money might be going to her? Please think about how this is making you feel.:angry:

Ohusillywabbit
02-23-2011, 01:04 PM
Oh wow I'm so sorry you are going through this. But just know this, if you send those dear john letters, you will get over him soon hes not going to be your be all n end all forever !

Temeron0926
02-23-2011, 01:32 PM
I RARELY tell someone to leave the person who they love, but in this case, I am going to make an exception! Don't walk away from him............RUN! Cut off ALL communication and money. Take that money and give YOURSELF a gift...................the gift of FREEDOM. Do something nice for YOU.

I know it isn't easy, believe me. I have had to walk away from someone I loved before, but in the end, it was not only the right choice, but the BEST choice. Like someone else said: When a person shows you who they are, believe them! This is NOT going to get better, he is NOT going to change, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Take that control and do what is best for YOU.

I wouldn't even justify my actions with a phone call or letter. Leave him hanging.........LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE!!! Get out there and LIVE!!!

BadLuckBetty
02-23-2011, 01:49 PM
not to sound mean, because I know you are going thru enough crap - but I'm gonna say it. YOU ARE BEING PLAYED. I'm a guy and I'm telling you this. I was locked up and I am telling you this. Get out of this now and walk away. He is using you for money and god knows what else. While it may hurt to hear it and it may hurt to walk away, it's the best thing that you can do for you. Nobody deserves to be treated like he is treating you. I hope things work out for you.

Joe

Joe said it all from a guys perspective. Yes, I am ruled by my emotions too, but you need to take a step back and look at this situation for it is. You know how when you're so close to something you can't see anything at all? That's you. You're immersed in the situation so deep you're not seeing it for what it is. Hope you make the right decision.

UsPlus7
02-23-2011, 02:05 PM
My apologies for the lack of sympathy & emotion, but this was just my initial reaction. I have not read all the responses but all I have to say is this: For all that money you're putting on his account and on your phone- I know SEVERAL inmates that would gladly take his place, and have NO PROBLEM being "faithful".

RUN. FAST. I mean, why the hell would you PAY to be cheated on and played for a fool? (Sorry, I'm one of those "dont-mess-wit-my-money" type of women.LoL) .

YOUNGnGIFTED
02-23-2011, 02:11 PM
In the words of Tina Turner "What's love got to do with it?" Clearly this man does NOT love you...what he does love is your money! All visits going to his kids mother and YOU'RE supposed to be his woman! What part of the game is that? All of the visits go to her because he WANTS them to go to her ~ I understand tht he wants to see his kids, I get that...but that doesn't mean that you have to get left out in the cold. His ass would be cut off..let her put $ on his books and pay for the phone...and he's writing and getting letters from other females sex talking on top of that! He got real sloppy with that....I don't think he sent that letter to you on purpose and risk getting cut of financially....the last dime I sent him would be the last dime I sent him...You're asking questions I think you already know the answers to...if it's about the kids, then every time she goes she should have them with her...that's crazy. You don't have to send him anything, you CHOOSE to do it...you give him what he needs/wants, but he can't even make it so you get at least one of the two weekly visits he's allowed? I just don't buy that it's ALL about the kids...especially when she's coming alone. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck....All his VI's go to his Baby mother cuz "apparently" thats the only way he can see his kids, he only gets 2 visits a week, so thats one visit a piece, but why would she come up by herself, and i can't even get a visit, that's garbage...i'm so upset and mad, and if i have to come out of my pocket to feed him in there, and send him money and put money on the phone, then why...why can't he give me what i need, and that's to see him once every couple weeks, i mean i'm cool with his baby mother taking his kids up, but i'm not cool that i can't see him, last time i saw him was Christmas eve, and I"M ONLY ALLOWED TO SEE HIM IF SHE DOESN"T TAKE UP THE VISITS FOR THE WEEK, so i'm only allowed to come on Sunday, i sound really stupid don't i ladies, seriuosly i do don't i???! smh...the letter, just made it very evident that he doesn't love me like he says he does. I'm just very sad for the past few days. I don't know i've never felt this hurt before, i mean this man is my best friend, but he is straight up playin me! this sucks so much I agree! Sorry you gotta go thru this..better you find out now rather than later *hugs*

k8bryan477
02-23-2011, 02:24 PM
IMO his kids Mother is still with him and knows nothing about you. Seems to be a habitual cheater. If you have doubts about that, tell him you have no $ to send and see what happens. If he is a user, he will show his true colors.

Damask8
02-23-2011, 02:25 PM
Cut HIM OFF...... don't even give him the benefit of breaking up with him.....just cut him off completely and see how that goes.

NowHisWife
02-23-2011, 02:26 PM
All his VI's go to his Baby mother cuz "apparently" thats the only way he can see his kids, he only gets 2 visits a week, so thats one visit a piece, but why would she come up by herself, and i can't even get a visit, that's garbage...i'm so upset and mad, and if i have to come out of my pocket to feed him in there, and send him money and put money on the phone, then why...why can't he give me what i need, and that's to see him once every couple weeks, i mean i'm cool with his baby mother taking his kids up, but i'm not cool that i can't see him, last time i saw him was Christmas eve, and I"M ONLY ALLOWED TO SEE HIM IF SHE DOESN"T TAKE UP THE VISITS FOR THE WEEK, so i'm only allowed to come on Sunday, i sound really stupid don't i ladies, seriuosly i do don't i???! smh...the letter, just made it very evident that he doesn't love me like he says he does. I'm just very sad for the past few days. I don't know i've never felt this hurt before, i mean this man is my best friend, but he is straight up playin me! this sucks so much

Something is not adding up here.

1. Seems like you're in NY and so am I. Where in NY do they only get TWO visits a week?

2. My husband has TWO baby mamas and I take both kids up - NEITHER OF THEM DO since I came in the picture. What Baby mama (especially one who is not involved with an inmate) is spending THAT MUCH TIME in a prison?:confused:

Somebody is lying and making up stories...

foolsjourney
02-23-2011, 02:26 PM
You can't ride two ponies with one ass... You say you can't get over it, that is your answer. You know he is using you...so going back to him is saying you are Ok with that..and that you don't want more than that. Think long and hard before you do that. My personal opinion is that he is with his kids mom, and if he wasn't, you'd get to visit.

Damask8
02-23-2011, 02:31 PM
THE REASON HES SENDING YOU BACK CARDS ECT....and got another ladies letter mixed up, is that when he gets transfered to DOC from Jail, hes going to lose all his property and "start" over, and his Baby momma (aka his GF) is going to pick up all his property from the jail, and go through it, and he doesn't want her to know about you. Thats also why you got a letter from a fling, not his baby momma, he doesn't send her mail back. If they were to raid his cell, having mail, is not contraband. You're going to have a lot of disappointed people in you, including yourself, if you stick around.

hisbabyny
02-23-2011, 02:34 PM
i think all of us here at pto are feeling real upset for you right now!!
this is the kind of shit that gives a bad reputation to men in prison and they arent all like that.

i just hope that you see that we are encouraging you to let this loser go and i like other posters hate to tell others what to do but from the info you gave i second those that told you to RUN..... you will be glad you did. if you need to you can pm. sending up a prayer for you:grouphug:
keep ya head up girl!!

BadLuckBetty
02-23-2011, 03:01 PM
THE REASON HES SENDING YOU BACK CARDS ECT....and got another ladies letter mixed up, is that when he gets transfered to DOC from Jail, hes going to lose all his property and "start" over, and his Baby momma (aka his GF) is going to pick up all his property from the jail, and go through it, and he doesn't want her to know about you. Thats also why you got a letter from a fling, not his baby momma, he doesn't send her mail back. If they were to raid his cell, having mail, is not contraband. You're going to have a lot of disappointed people in you, including yourself, if you stick around.


Oh tmoney is RIGHT. I couldn't figure out why he'd send it all back. Why didn't he just throw it away? Makes no sense to me. It's like he's smacking u in the face.

Inhishands
02-23-2011, 03:26 PM
I can't tell you what is right for you, but if this were my thread I think it would be titled "my EX-boyfriend....." Just sayin'

canthelpbutwait
02-23-2011, 03:51 PM
[quote=NowHisWife;5982903]Something is not adding up here.

1. Seems like you're in NY and so am I. Where in NY do they only get TWO visits a week?




County jail in NY, where I am at is TWO visits per week for ONE hour and only two people at a time in the room but they can swap off after however long:thumbsup:

Damask8
02-23-2011, 03:51 PM
Oh tmoney is RIGHT. I couldn't figure out why he'd send it all back. Why didn't he just throw it away? Makes no sense to me. It's like he's smacking u in the face.

He probally does somewhat care about her, even though shes being put as second best, and its NOT just for the money. so for him to throw it out would hurt him....esp if he wants to keep her on reserve for the future, so he made up a story and the mail isn't gone forever just incase baby momma doesn't work out...which he prob has huge trust issues with baby momma in the first place.

mrszrod
02-23-2011, 04:33 PM
My heart really goes out to you. One day you will meet someone that will love, respect, & treat you the way you truly deserve. I'm gonna leave you with this, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 " 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." This what true love is, yours will come. Blessings,

tsbaby5109
02-23-2011, 04:43 PM
All his visits go to baby momma?? That would've been the end from the get-go.

1000% agreed!! The END ~ Goodbye!!! Oh, absolutely not would that have ever gone down AND still send this SOB Commissary?!?!? Absolutely NOT!!!!

Jamiefaith ~ you know that this is not right and you need to keep it movin' NOW mamas!!! IMO!!

FastCarGirl
02-23-2011, 04:48 PM
Yikes! I'm so sorry you had to go through that! He should love you for you, not what you do for him. If your not ready to cut the tie totally, stop sending him money, limit the amount of phone calls and see if he sticks around. If all he does is write you begging for money, well, you know where you really stand. Forgive, just don't forget, and play it smart.

MikesWifey
02-23-2011, 05:35 PM
sorry but I agree with everyone else, he is playing you.

Tiny xo
02-23-2011, 05:52 PM
Yes, you are definitely being used. You're giving money to this man constantly and you're not even the one he wants visiting him.

only1love
02-23-2011, 05:55 PM
Step one: No more phone calls
Step two: No more commissary money
Step three: No more letters received - return to sender

I see no need for any further action. No argument required. He will know what happened and he will move on to the next girl willing to help his sorry butt out. You will not have to worry yourself about that though because you will have moved on to someone who deserves you!

UsPlus7
02-23-2011, 06:09 PM
Sweetie, I knooow this all hard to digest. We often look at what things COULD be instead of what they REALLY ARE. It's gonna hurt to walk away from whatever the hell it is this SOB does for you, but My great aunt always said: The BEST WAY TO GET OVER ONE MAN IS TO GET WITH ANOTHER!

Like I said... there are SEVERAL inmates just WISHING for a dedicated, loving female... AND one who PROVIDES food and phone calls!?! I don't think you realize just how CHERISHED you could be with the right man.

SexyChef1
02-23-2011, 06:18 PM
Sweetie I'm going to go back and read every post here so far you've been given sound advice. Many have been someones fool at some point. I sure have but there comes a time when you wise up and move on. No its not easy and the breakup diet isn't fun. But many of us have been there more than once and we survived and so will you. Focus on you and your children. Find a hobby classes something to occupy your precious time because at this point he isn't worth another minute of it. We are here to listen allday everyday!

SexyChef1
02-23-2011, 06:23 PM
Sweetie, I knooow this all hard to digest. We often look at what things COULD be instead of what they REALLY ARE. It's gonna hurt to walk away from whatever the hell it is this SOB does for you, but My great aunt always said: The BEST WAY TO GET OVER ONE MAN IS TO GET WITH ANOTHER!

Like I said... there are SEVERAL inmates just WISHING for a dedicated, loving female... AND one who PROVIDES food and phone calls!?! I don't think you realize just how CHERISHED you could be with the right man.

Yes indeed

thugwife
02-23-2011, 06:27 PM
To keep it all the way simple besides with agreeing with what everyone else done said.

YOUR FIRST PROBLEM is sending him $50-$80 a week. :eek:

Aint no man in prison need that kinda damn money, sorry. I been with mine for 14 years and he DAMN SURE dont get it like that.

Stevie Wonder could see this shit. :eek:

I am sorry for you doll, really, you need to take off the rose colored glasses.

I am truly suprised you carried on like it, this long, I hope you (in your mind, thought) that it was a game, I dont know anyone that would allow this shit to go on like that.

I am sure they are both loving it, you are paying for her calls too. WAKE UP HONEY, I am trying to be soft because I know its hard, but dang....

LoneStarState
02-23-2011, 06:55 PM
You know what's up. Keep your head up!

sweetpeasluv
02-23-2011, 06:59 PM
I really feel for you.. and i agree with what everyone else is saying, but you say u've never visited him, but i just looked on your profile and it says you go and visit 'boo face' every sunday?? i presume this is the cheating rat your talking about?? so i dont get it???

kali291181
02-23-2011, 07:05 PM
man thats really sad, nio has never wanted a thing from me we had a month long arguement of sorts over me buying him some magazine deals for xmas they should have been for his birthday 6months b4 but he wouldnt hear or it, i think sadly you hear all to many times about guys in prison using unsuspecting females sometimes males for money and just from what i read then it was what jumped to mind after the first few lines...it's even more sad because i think you know this deep down or you wouldnt be worrying over it.. sometime we need to see whats spelt out right in front of us so we can say goodbye with dignity and find somebody who will truely appreciate you.. you sound like a good person so im 100% positive you wont have to look for long ;o)

Stevenjoanna06
02-23-2011, 07:21 PM
I don't get it. R u the other women?
Who cares if they have kids. If r his gf. Only you should be going to visit.
She shouldn't be going without the kids.
My husband had a baby mom. We have 2of our own anf I'm am the only female visiting him.

Damask8
02-23-2011, 07:30 PM
i dont think the problem is who is visiting him...that could have been solved a long time ago, like most said here, only one female needs to visit him, and thats his woman...but you've allowed this for too long.

ladyelise
02-23-2011, 07:41 PM
I'm not known for sugar coating things so I will just keep it real with you. I apologize in advance if any of this comes off a bit rough. But you have kids chica so you have no option but to get through this. As for him, girl he is dirty and doesn't deserve a queen like you. Let his bm and that other girl have him, don't invite trouble into your life. I know it hurts, hell we all know, but this too will pass. Best of luck I'll keep a good thought for you and your kids.

passionfruit
02-23-2011, 08:22 PM
All his visits go to baby momma?? That would've been the end from the get-go. now I agree with you! I'm sorry you had to go theough this...I know your feeling is hurt...think of this at least he's in jail and you don't have to be around hin this should help you... I know in your heart you know what's real and what's up!!! Dam what alooser...I can't tell you what to do...but freak him....don't give him any money spend that on you!!! You can do better...its good you found out now then later..dang I'm piss for you!!! I hate when men can't be honet...and waiting on a person who is in jail is hard enough and with drama hell no!!!! I would dump his @ss...sorry for being so blunt..but u deserve better...

gatorsgurl14
02-23-2011, 08:27 PM
Honey PICK YOUR SELF ESTEEM UP OFF THE GROUND AND KEEP IT MOVING, HE IS A LOSER A LIAR AND A CHEATER A REAL MAN TAKES CARE OF WHAT HE LOVES! I am sorry that you are hurting, I truly am, but it is better to hurt now and go through the pain than to do it six months from now, THEY ARE TOGETHER! Women dont just chase men and write them SEX letters without some type of reciprocation on the man's part. God bless you sweetie.

scrappy1
02-23-2011, 08:31 PM
Hey, if you need something to remind you not to send that book money, how about this... Think about the last time you needed/wanted something, but sent him the money instead.
Now, imagine baby mama going out and getting herself a new handbag or some shoes. And as she pays, she says to herself, "thank you for the new bling, Jamie".
For every dollar you send, that's one more dollar for her, and one less for you and your KIDS! And this man is going to let you do that? He has no self respect, and therefore will never respect anyone else. Drop his a$$!!

Iamjustagirl
02-23-2011, 09:02 PM
If it were me, I would be scanning letters that he wrote to me and emailing them to his baby's mother.

Juswaitin4him
02-23-2011, 09:15 PM
Why can't you take the kids to visit? I am not understanding how you let this linger on for a year. The moment he told me I couldn' t visit because of baby mama I would have been done with him. Like someone else said why would she even want to visit him and spend that much time at a prison with him if she was his woman and she is claiming to be his woman. It sounds like you are the other woman and he has just been using you. I would be done with his ass cause you can do so much better.

Hisoneandonly
02-23-2011, 09:16 PM
That letter wasn't accidentally sent...He wanted to be caught..and is to big a coward, to tell you himself.

I'm sorry that you are going through this but me and my money would be gone.

Shane'sgirl
02-23-2011, 10:15 PM
I'm sorry your going thru this. It's evident that he is using you. It also shows that all he wants is your money cause he can't get it anywhere else but you. So If it was me I would not send him a dime and let him go! Your a strong women. I know you can do this :) I'm sure it's going to be hard, but it will be the best decision you will ever make in your life and it will only make you stronger. :) Best of luck to you.

mylove4you
02-23-2011, 11:27 PM
Fallow your heart

LadyBlackz
02-23-2011, 11:48 PM
So, My boyfriend has been in county jail for about a year. He keeps telling me that they are raiding his cell and that he has to send back the cards and stuff that i send to him. I don't know how true this is. I'm thinking he thinks he's going to be moved and he doesn't want his baby mother finding my cards and letters. Anyway, he tells me that they raided his cell and he sends me back all my cards i sent him, and in the package, i found a letter that one of his old FLINGS wrote him. Obvi they have some sort of connections if he's writing her back. But what boggles my mind is that the letter she wrote him BACK, was talking about sexual things, which really broke my heart. He tells me he only wrote her on some thank you for writing me shit, but i don't believve it. On top of the fact that i can NEVER go and see him and he's a half hour away, becuz his baby mother is the one who gets all his visits. Sometimes, she doesn't even bring the kids, so i've been really screwed. On top of that i've been sending him 50-80 A WEEK in commissary, and spending 50-100 a week on phone calls. After i questioned him about the letter, and he hesitated (lied) and stuttered (lied) and even ADMITTED TO ME that he was thinking about lying at first about the letter, I am so upset. I didn't let him know i was upset after all was talked about, but i cna't get over it. I mean, writing another female is like cheating when you're in jail, i mean, honestly the context that was in that letter was stuff like this "yeah i know you like it when i moan, ya girl can ride :)" and things like "Of course i'm going to miss our Ole sessions" and "i loved it when u used to call me ur lil wifey, that shit was cute" and "now that we're writing letters, i wanna know the real ____" I mean it's not just me right, he was dead ass wrong. And i'm feeling like i'm completely done with him. I'm so upset, but as mad as i am, i love this man to death and I don't want it to be over, but i'm a damn fool if i stay with him. He's using me for my money that's all i'm good for, he doesn't want to see me, my kids havn't seen him in over a year, but he's supposed to be their "Step daddy", sorry but i'm feeling like he's just talking that "jail talk" just to keep me where he needs me. I don't want to even talk to him, i don't feel he deserves that even, and i feel like i need time to really think about everything, and that he needs to feel how stupid he is, but at this point, idk if he'll ever change, it's just so hard to let someone go that you love so much. I checked out his baby mother's facebook page, and she has pics of them together on there talking about thats her husband, so is he feeding her the same shit as me. I just feel like i'm a fool...i'm so crushed and sad, and i have about 5 different "Dear John/Jodi" letters but i can't bring myself to mail it. I need some words of wisdom please...i'm broken and i don't know what to do, can't eat ,or sleep :( just keep thinking about i love him, but i'm mad and i can't get over this, trust is gone now...

:thumbsup: Sounds like your mind and your heart have already made the decision...you just gotta follow through. :yes:

qylaila
02-24-2011, 12:00 AM
I HATE U R GOING THRU THIS! If I where u I wouldn't even write him at all! The phone would be off too! SILENCE IS GOLDEN!! If u write back Or take calls he's just going to feed u more B'S. Don't go for it! He will get the message from no contact!

serenothompson
02-24-2011, 12:06 AM
so sorry that you are going thru this, but like everyone said follow your heart. you do deserve better. i take my 2 step sons to go see their dad, and believe me i am the only one on his visiting list. i dont know how ur state does things but in cali i had the boys mom notorize a letter stating that i could take them to see him. i hope all turns out good for you keep ur head up and always remember you are a strong beautiful woman and any man that is with you is the luckiest man around.

patient4him
02-24-2011, 07:33 AM
You deserve so much better. Please stop sending him money. He has the old fling & baby mother to do all of that. You already know what you need to do. No man is worth any pain.

Jamiefaith
02-24-2011, 09:08 AM
Thanks everyone for your kind words, some where harsh, but i need to hear it to keep strong. I do want to say that i do go visit him once in a while, WHEN his baby mother doesnt take up all the visits, but i'm last if she comes i can't. ANd the jail he is at only allows 2 visits per week, he's in county jail, and food is very expensive, and he is fat, lol, that's why i sent him all that money, BUt i sure will be saving a lot of money with him out of the picture. He is playing me. He is literally calling me back to back, to back, to back, to back, literally calling me at least 6 -8 times per hour, every hour, until he's locked in!!! OMG, he's buggin, but you nknow what, i'm standing my ground I'm not doing this anymore. I deserve better and i'll find better, and as much as i will always have a soft spot for him in my heart, he lied, and it's over. I honestly would never get with another inmate again. I was only with him cuz i knew him for 6 years before he went in and we were together when he went in, and i promised him i had his backm but he promised me he would never break my heart, so, idk, this is just hard, and hopefully it will get easier, it's just so hard to keep seeing him leave voicemail after voicemail. it's crazy. I will always love him, my love for him was true, but i love me and my kids more, and if my kids and i can't come and see him at least once a week, and he wants to go an write other bitches that aint shit, fuck him, i'm done, he can kiss my ass, and kiss his food and all that goes along with my $ goodbye. He played a good one, but in the end I WIN. THanks sooooo much for each and every comment, you guys are truly helping me, i will continue to read this as much as i need to keep my head up and strong. Again, thanks, it means sooo much!

SexyChef1
02-24-2011, 09:24 AM
Dats right chica poo stay strong as I've said most of us have played the fool before and you will SURVIVE! Write all this shit he's done to you and post it on your bathroom mirror or next to the phone so you won't even be tempted cause trust me he won't give up easily. Why should he he gets twice as much in a week as my Ole Man gets from me in a month he's not trying to give that up. Keep talking sweetie and we'll keep answering PTO helped me through a bad breakup when my other friends were sick of hearing me cry there was always someone here to talk me outta tamponing that Bozo's tank!

CCmom
02-24-2011, 11:00 AM
Dats right chica poo stay strong as I've said most of us have played the fool before and you will SURVIVE! Write all this shit he's done to you and post it on your bathroom mirror or next to the phone so you won't even be tempted cause trust me he won't give up easily. Why should he he gets twice as much in a week as my Ole Man gets from me in a month he's not trying to give that up. Keep talking sweetie and we'll keep answering PTO helped me through a bad breakup when my other friends were sick of hearing me cry there was always someone here to talk me outta tamponing that Bozo's tank!


HAHAHAHAH!! Oh, I just love this message...

Mrs.NewYork
02-24-2011, 11:43 AM
i could understand if the visits with her consisted of EVERYTIME bringing his kids with her. I could be okay with everyother week i get to see him....but the letter? HELL NO! thats crazy! my husband ever played me like that the only thing he is gettin frokm me is divorce papers!

Iamjustagirl
02-24-2011, 11:58 AM
Thanks everyone for your kind words, some where harsh, but i need to hear it to keep strong. I do want to say that i do go visit him once in a while, WHEN his baby mother doesnt take up all the visits, but i'm last if she comes i can't. ANd the jail he is at only allows 2 visits per week, he's in county jail, and food is very expensive, and he is fat, lol, that's why i sent him all that money, BUt i sure will be saving a lot of money with him out of the picture. He is playing me. He is literally calling me back to back, to back, to back, to back, literally calling me at least 6 -8 times per hour, every hour, until he's locked in!!! OMG, he's buggin, but you nknow what, i'm standing my ground I'm not doing this anymore. I deserve better and i'll find better, and as much as i will always have a soft spot for him in my heart, he lied, and it's over. I honestly would never get with another inmate again. I was only with him cuz i knew him for 6 years before he went in and we were together when he went in, and i promised him i had his backm but he promised me he would never break my heart, so, idk, this is just hard, and hopefully it will get easier, it's just so hard to keep seeing him leave voicemail after voicemail. it's crazy. I will always love him, my love for him was true, but i love me and my kids more, and if my kids and i can't come and see him at least once a week, and he wants to go an write other bitches that aint shit, fuck him, i'm done, he can kiss my ass, and kiss his food and all that goes along with my $ goodbye. He played a good one, but in the end I WIN. THanks sooooo much for each and every comment, you guys are truly helping me, i will continue to read this as much as i need to keep my head up and strong. Again, thanks, it means sooo much!

You are a strong, powerful woman that we can all look up to. There are so many women that wouldn't even consider and just wouldn't have the strength to leave their men, but you are leaving yours!

Remember this, you win! He has lost a lovely woman, income, and lets face it - he's not happy being where he is. Plus, you get to save so much money. Think of all the wonderful things that you can do for yourself and your kids with that money. Plus you can save it :D

You should answer the phone, TO HIT THE BLOCK FEATURE. You and your kids don't feel like being annoyed by him calling you all day and night like a machine. I bet that ring gets annoying.

joanne-arturo
02-24-2011, 12:07 PM
why does he send them back when he can put them in trash?

Iamjustagirl
02-24-2011, 12:08 PM
why does he send them back when he can put them in trash?
I'm speaking for him but other inmates send them back so that whomever can mail it back to them once they are moved to another unit

CCmom
02-24-2011, 07:13 PM
why does he send them back when he can put them in trash?

I was also puzzled about this question which I asked myself. Why not just trash them?

I don't have the answer to this question. Maybe he did not want to be in position if she ever asked whether he kept her letters to tell her that he had disposed of them.

But that is a hypothetical answer. So I really do not have the answer to that question, but I do have the answer to other questions, such as

1. Why does he choose to see his baby mama while Jamiefaith who is supporting him big time has to wait for the "time crumbs"?

Because he takes care of his priorities. If he wanted he could arrange to see his kids without interfering with visits from Jamie. Jamie is willing to take the kids to see him. Where there is a will, there is a way.

2. Why did he not have the letters picked up with all of his things?
Because he did not want the person picking up his belongings to know about Jamie. So he is lying to this person also.

3. Why not have Jamie pick up his things?
Because he has a closer relationship with the person picking his things up.

4. Why does he have an intimate letter from even another woman?
Because he is a player and is juggling all the women in his life.

5. Why does he give Jamie flimsy excuses about the letter mentioned in question 4?

Because he is a liar. He is lying to all women in his life.

6. Why is he calling Jamnie non-stop?
Because she closed his bank account :D and he did not see this coming.

7. Why is he going to keep calling her?
Because she gave him the boot. She won, he lost and he does not know how to be a gracious loser :D.

Jimiefaith, stay strong. Your resolve will weaken from time to time but remember that he stays the same he was before you told him to take a walk.

JsgirlA
02-24-2011, 07:44 PM
Way to stay strong, hun! The block feature is a beauty, by the way.
Take the money you would have put towards phone calls for the week and go get you a mani/pedi. And take the money you would have put on his books and go get you a massage. You deserve it! Seriously, no reason to be participating and enabling a liar and user. Get out before you are stuck like a hair in a biscuit. ;)

Jamiefaith
02-25-2011, 03:56 AM
Ya know, all of you make very valid points. The more i think about it, the angrier i become, but it's all good cuz like Iamjustagirl said I win, i do in the end. I feel really bad for just leaving him like that tho, regardless of what he did to me...i mean i promised him i'd always be there, i mean he broke his promises but i still feel bad for now breaking mine. IDK, i still love the man, i will always have a spot in my heart for him...this just sucks...the weird part is, is that i haven't really cried. He called from the CO's desk the other day (well, yesterday, or maybe this morning) and he left a msg, and to hear how horrible he sounded, and how stressed he was, it made me cry a little bit...so i do feel bad...but he has a lot of growing up to do, and i just don't have time for those games anymore. Especially when I can do this without him, and there are so many other guys out there, good guys, that WONT do jail/prison time, who have an education, without all the baggage this one has, and treats me right, with respect, and who puts me as one of his first priorities, as i would him...smh...i just hope he is ok...i never thought it would come to this.

THE LETTERS are sent back because who said it? If his baby mother comes, when he is moved, he doesn't want her to see them. At least that's the conclusion i came up with a few days ago, when i put a couple other lies he told me together. then Ccom said it and you right!!! He doesn't want to throw my cards in the garbage because he's not rude like that...regardless of what shit i am going thru now, he wouldn't throw my shit out (however he might now). Either way it doesnt matter, he is a liar, and he just fucked his game up. I WIN...now lets hope i can just stay this strong!

Thanks everyone for this support...i really need it, cuz it's so hard...

JaydedDragon
02-25-2011, 04:48 AM
Oh my goodness hun. I feel for you, I really do. I also know that it takes something he does not possess in his body, mind OR spirit to be a man. I know it sucks HARD, but you HAVE TO leave and not look back....EVER!! If you stay, you will be broke AND miserable! Leave for you and your children. Be strong. And if you get even the twitter of wanting to go back or just to see him....REMEMBER THIS B.S......and you won't return. Trust me. You are better than that, and there IS someone out there who knows that and will treat you and your family like you are his very breath.
The pain DOES and WILL fade....but only if you stop the source. I wish you luck. Stay strong.

Iamjustagirl
02-25-2011, 06:12 AM
Ya know, all of you make very valid points. The more i think about it, the angrier i become, but it's all good cuz like Iamjustagirl said I win, i do in the end. I feel really bad for just leaving him like that tho, regardless of what he did to me...i mean i promised him i'd always be there, i mean he broke his promises but i still feel bad for now breaking mine. IDK, i still love the man, i will always have a spot in my heart for him...this just sucks...the weird part is, is that i haven't really cried. He called from the CO's desk the other day (well, yesterday, or maybe this morning) and he left a msg, and to hear how horrible he sounded, and how stressed he was, it made me cry a little bit...so i do feel bad...but he has a lot of growing up to do, and i just don't have time for those games anymore. Especially when I can do this without him, and there are so many other guys out there, good guys, that WONT do jail/prison time, who have an education, without all the baggage this one has, and treats me right, with respect, and who puts me as one of his first priorities, as i would him...smh...i just hope he is ok...i never thought it would come to this.

THE LETTERS are sent back because who said it? If his baby mother comes, when he is moved, he doesn't want her to see them. At least that's the conclusion i came up with a few days ago, when i put a couple other lies he told me together. then Ccom said it and you right!!! He doesn't want to throw my cards in the garbage because he's not rude like that...regardless of what shit i am going thru now, he wouldn't throw my shit out (however he might now). Either way it doesnt matter, he is a liar, and he just fucked his game up. I WIN...now lets hope i can just stay this strong!

Thanks everyone for this support...i really need it, cuz it's so hard...
Don't feel bad about breaking any promises that you may have made to him. Trust me, I know that us good women are serious about keeping our word. You have to understand though that bad men and bad people in general are really good at using our own word against us.

In a sense, he has abused you. No promise you made should entitle you to stay somewhere and be abused and he knows this. You are doing the right thing.

Time for you to go do something FUN this weekend to keep your mind off of him and the situations. Maybe there's a good movie out that you'd like to see or a fun activity that you could treat your kids too. Good luck

sweetpeasluv
02-25-2011, 05:11 PM
:)Good luck 'Jamiefaith' you'll be just fine without him, you'll get stronger as time goes on, he doesnt deserve you.. your a good woman and a decent man will come along one day that wont take you for granted.

DP's Girl
02-25-2011, 05:33 PM
So, My boyfriend has been in county jail for about a year. He keeps telling me that they are raiding his cell and that he has to send back the cards and stuff that i send to him. I don't know how true this is. I'm thinking he thinks he's going to be moved and he doesn't want his baby mother finding my cards and letters. Anyway, he tells me that they raided his cell and he sends me back all my cards i sent him, and in the package, i found a letter that one of his old FLINGS wrote him. Obvi they have some sort of connections if he's writing her back. But what boggles my mind is that the letter she wrote him BACK, was talking about sexual things, which really broke my heart. He tells me he only wrote her on some thank you for writing me shit, but i don't believve it. On top of the fact that i can NEVER go and see him and he's a half hour away, becuz his baby mother is the one who gets all his visits. Sometimes, she doesn't even bring the kids, so i've been really screwed. On top of that i've been sending him 50-80 A WEEK in commissary, and spending 50-100 a week on phone calls. After i questioned him about the letter, and he hesitated (lied) and stuttered (lied) and even ADMITTED TO ME that he was thinking about lying at first about the letter, I am so upset. I didn't let him know i was upset after all was talked about, but i cna't get over it. I mean, writing another female is like cheating when you're in jail, i mean, honestly the context that was in that letter was stuff like this "yeah i know you like it when i moan, ya girl can ride :)" and things like "Of course i'm going to miss our Ole sessions" and "i loved it when u used to call me ur lil wifey, that shit was cute" and "now that we're writing letters, i wanna know the real ____" I mean it's not just me right, he was dead ass wrong. And i'm feeling like i'm completely done with him. I'm so upset, but as mad as i am, i love this man to death and I don't want it to be over, but i'm a damn fool if i stay with him. He's using me for my money that's all i'm good for, he doesn't want to see me, my kids havn't seen him in over a year, but he's supposed to be their "Step daddy", sorry but i'm feeling like he's just talking that "jail talk" just to keep me where he needs me. I don't want to even talk to him, i don't feel he deserves that even, and i feel like i need time to really think about everything, and that he needs to feel how stupid he is, but at this point, idk if he'll ever change, it's just so hard to let someone go that you love so much. I checked out his baby mother's facebook page, and she has pics of them together on there talking about thats her husband, so is he feeding her the same shit as me. I just feel like i'm a fool...i'm so crushed and sad, and i have about 5 different "Dear John/Jodi" letters but i can't bring myself to mail it. I need some words of wisdom please...i'm broken and i don't know what to do, can't eat ,or sleep :( just keep thinking about i love him, but i'm mad and i can't get over this, trust is gone now...

I'm so sorry you have been hurt like this. I hate to say it but it does seem like you're being used. It does not matter if he has kids by another woman or not there is no way you should never be able to visit him. If you are his woman you should be a priority to him as well. No one should be more important than hisvkids but he should make sure he is able to see you as well. In my opinion there is absolutely no reason for his kids' mother to visit him if she is not taing the kids.

As far as that letter I agree that is cheating. Why would he be writing another woman while he is there except to inquire about his kids. Since he has no children by this woman he is just wrong. From the excerpts of her letter you included it sounds like she was answering questions he asked about whether or not she missed what they used to have. I know it hurts to think of leaving him because you love him. I would never tell anyone to leave their man because that is a decision only you can make. I would suggest you ask yourself who do you love more him or yourself? If he is going to treat you this way it doesn't seem possible that he loves you. Are you being used? It would seem that way. If you are putting that much money on his books and phone account but he never wants to see you what are you getting out of this relationship? I wish you the best and I hope you come to the right decision for you.

CCmom
02-25-2011, 07:07 PM
[snip] He called from the CO's desk the other day (well, yesterday, or maybe this morning) and he left a msg, and to hear how horrible he sounded, and how stressed he was, it made me cry a little bit...so i do feel bad...but he has a lot of growing up to do, and i just don't have time for those games anymore.


Especially when I can do this without him, and there are so many other guys out there, good guys, that WONT do jail/prison time, who have an education, without all the baggage this one has, and treats me right, with respect, and who puts me as one of his first priorities, as i would him...smh..


.i just hope he is ok...i never thought it would come to this.

Jamiefaith, he can take care of himself. My son started self-medicating with alcohol and marijuana because of the sequellae of two traumatic head injuries. When he got arrested because he took revenge (no one can think straight when drinking) on a very bad guy who attacked him when my son said something this guy did not like) we made the decision not to rescue and not to put a lot of money in his books because drugs can easily be purchased in jail or prison. Our son went through hell until his body got rid of all the junk he put in it. Even while suffering a lot, he held his own and was not used or abused by anybody in jail or prison. And he never asked for money. The $10 we send him weekly (and sometimes I forget to do so) is plenty for commissary. He has actually said that he does not need any more than that. He finally landed a job in prison and he is happy to be busy. He has never done so well. His improvement is only possible because he stays out of trouble and stays clean.

You might be doing a favor to this guy not sending him any more money. He is a master manipulator so he will figure out how to stay out of trouble.
You have been sending this guy a lot of money. Just ask the ladies on this forum. He does not need that much money in prison. My son said once "Mom, there is only so much we can buy here. People who buy enormous amount of commissary is because they use it as currency to buy drugs when someone is not paying outside for the drugs they use inside."

I am not saying that this man is using while inside. All I mean to say is that I learned from my son that even when it is very hard for people to stay away from trouble in prison, it is possible and that there is no use for lots of $$ while incarcerated.

Besides, Jamiefaith, people who do anything illegal while they are inside, will not stay outside very long once they are released.

He doesn't want to throw my cards in the garbage because he's not rude like that...regardless of what shit i am going thru now, he wouldn't throw my shit out (however he might now).

I think he did not want to be in a position where he would have to tell you he disposed of your letters. He does the best he can not to lose your financial support since he is threading a fine line when he allows the other woman to visit at your expense.

Remember not to take this personally. He plays any woman in his life the same. Don't think for a second that he is being honest with his baby mama or any other woman.

Either way it doesnt matter, he is a liar, and he just fucked his game up. I WIN...now lets hope i can just stay this strong!

It will get easier and easier with time, especially when you learn the dynamics of why you are so needy of someone who does not care for you and not able to truly care for another woman.

Thanks everyone for this support...i really need it, cuz it's so hard...

The ladies in this forum are awesome. I am just an intruder :D. They are very kind not to tell me off. Take one day at a time. He is like a drug for you and you are trying to quit cold turkey.

Jamiefaith
02-25-2011, 08:57 PM
Well just an update to you all. I sent him the "dear john/jodi" letter letting him know my feelings have changed, and that he ruined our trust. He should get this letter by monday evening...so, we'll see what happens after that, i just hope that he leaves me alone after he gets it, it would e so much easier if he left me alone...i'm sure he'll put up some sort of a fight being that he is losing his "meal ticket" but...i guess the best thing i can do is not write him back...right???

My question is, what if, he really does love me and i really do break his heart (i've broken his heart 2 times in the past...) is it really that nice to just cut him off, i mean you guys look at what happened...and i guess u don't see that we really did have a loving, close, happy relationship. We shared a lot of happy memories together (which apparently he has shared happy memories with others as well) but, the fact is that, regardless of the situation, me and him have been in each others lives for over 6 years...it's not that we were together that whole time, but still, there is history...he is my friend above all, he is my best friend...even my girl friends i'm close with i have found have lied or stretched the truth in order to save face. IDK, my mind is a mess. I just dont want to just act like i hate him and never speak to him forever, i think for a while it's a good idea, but i would't mind being friends in the future. But then i think, if i was his girl, i woudln't want him speaking to other females that he's had sexual relations with (hence the girl that wrote him that letter!)

My mind is going a million miles a minute.

Iamjustagirl
02-25-2011, 10:18 PM
It seems like you're having a hard time. :( ..just know that you can and will find love again. Try not to think about how he is feeling about the situation. Think of how hurt you are and focus on doing better.

Let him go hun

Danielle88
02-25-2011, 10:18 PM
Well just an update to you all. I sent him the "dear john/jodi" letter letting him know my feelings have changed, and that he ruined our trust. He should get this letter by monday evening...so, we'll see what happens after that, i just hope that he leaves me alone after he gets it, it would e so much easier if he left me alone...i'm sure he'll put up some sort of a fight being that he is losing his "meal ticket" but...i guess the best thing i can do is not write him back...right???

My question is, what if, he really does love me and i really do break his heart (i've broken his heart 2 times in the past...) is it really that nice to just cut him off, i mean you guys look at what happened...and i guess u don't see that we really did have a loving, close, happy relationship. We shared a lot of happy memories together (which apparently he has shared happy memories with others as well) but, the fact is that, regardless of the situation, me and him have been in each others lives for over 6 years...it's not that we were together that whole time, but still, there is history...he is my friend above all, he is my best friend...even my girl friends i'm close with i have found have lied or stretched the truth in order to save face. IDK, my mind is a mess. I just dont want to just act like i hate him and never speak to him forever, i think for a while it's a good idea, but i would't mind being friends in the future. But then i think, if i was his girl, i woudln't want him speaking to other females that he's had sexual relations with (hence the girl that wrote him that letter!)

My mind is going a million miles a minute.

Dont feel bad for him, he wanted to have his cake and eat it too! You dont get the best of both worlds, if he really loved you he would have given you ATLEAST half of the visit! I mean come on, two visits a week!? And you cant atleast have one? He's putting her as #1 and you get what she doesnt want. Stick to your guns, you deserve way better then this! Find yourself a good man, outside of jail, who can provide for you and really loves you.

You really want to see if he cares about you? Tell him you are never sending him a penny, or putting money on the phone, and you want half the visits! I doubt he will agree to any of it... I dont share my man, not even with his BM. Dont settle for him, your KIDS deserve better.

CCmom
02-25-2011, 10:25 PM
Jamie, what you are going through is very normal. Every woman in your situation goes through this. Of course there were some good times. Men that do what you describe are not stupid. They know, consciously or unconsciously, that if they were "bad" all the time, the woman they have control over, would not stay around, for what keeps them around is the memories of the "good times." These good times are called "the honeymoon period." They are part of a vicious cycle that keeps the woman thinking that he has changed, is going to change, etc. Just to be disappointed eventually.

I do hope you do not think we are telling what to do. The ladies in the forum just pointed out to you what is clear to them because it is easy for them to see what for you is a little cloudy since you are so close to what is happening.

Based on experience from seeing it happen to many others in your situation, if you decide you are going back to him now or in the future, just prepare yourself for more of the same. No matter what, everyone will be here for you. This is how I feel, and I am sure that everybody else will be just as non-judgmental as myself.



My question is, what if, he really does love me and i really do break his heart?

You have been so courageous in your honesty about your doubts and your feelings. You are the best person to answer your own question. Make a list of the things a person in love would do for the object of their love. How would they act towards that person? At the very least, would you say that the person who loves you should have your back, should have earned your trust, should do for you more than he does for himself?

I could be wrong, but you have described very well what he does. Based on that I would say no women can break his heart. But you sure are breaking his bank :).

...and i guess u don't see that we really did have a loving, close, happy relationship. We shared a lot of happy memories together (which apparently he has shared happy memories with others as well) but, the fact is that, regardless of the situation, me and him have been in each others lives for over 6 years...it's not that we were together that whole time, but still, there is history...

Jamie, some men can even have more than one family going on at the same time without one knowing of the other and every women is thinking that he is devoted and loving. Eventually, one will become suspicious and the whole thing comes apart. When I lived in another state, one of my good friends was in a relationship with a man for 9 years. She was a successful business woman. He was a professional. He lived in a different part of the country and came to visit her often. My husband and I went out with them several times and my husband liked him very much. I felt something was amiss but my friend was a strong woman and I never said anything because I had no proof. But I found very strange that he never took her to his home or to meet his parents or other relatives. This couple was in their early 40s. He was very attentive to her, always fixing things around the house when he visited, and was not stingy with her at all. He was smart and interesting company. She pressed for an engagement and after 9 years, he complied. One day, my friend called me and told me she needed to talk to me urgently. This was very unlike her. Well, without going into details here, she found out that he was married and with a family! I thought she would drop him like a hot potato because this was a totally independent woman, financially and emotionally. The outcome was that she moved to another state (transferred by her company) and married him!! This is mind boggling but I think he became a bigamist for I don't think he would leave his other family so soon since he had kept the relationship with my friend and his family in another state for years. I also find it difficult to think that he got a divorce so quickly. Even if he did get a divorce, I would think that my friend would not have anything else to do with him. But this is a great example of how much a woman can and will put up with. Do you all think she could have been happy with him after all of those years of deception? Would you say he loved her? If yes, I would say this is some strange way of loving anybody.

I hope that you can take some time to reflect on how much you are willing to put up with, and what is it that you want from a companion. Give yourself a break from this man if you can. Go out, spend time with friends. Take the time to do something that will bring meaning to your life. Maybe you can invest time in learning why someone who is not nice to you have such a pull on you.

I all talked out, Jamie :).




he is my friend above all, he is my best friend...

You are going to tear my head off. But I have to be honest. If he is your friend, you need no enemies.


even my girl friends i'm close with i have found have lied or stretched the truth in order to save face.

This is why I said you are courageous. You just told us like it is with him, and took all our opinions standing strong.

IDK, my mind is a mess. I just dont want to just act like i hate him and never speak to him forever, i think for a while it's a good idea, but i would't mind being friends in the future. But then i think, if i was his girl, i woudln't want him speaking to other females that he's had sexual relations with (hence the girl that wrote him that letter!)

My mind is going a million miles a minute.

This is very normal for a person in your situation. Abusers always make their women feel like they are going crazy. The way he treats you is a form of abuse. Just do not doubt what you know. They have a way of challenging your reality.

Hugs.

steffersgrl69
02-26-2011, 12:20 AM
first let me say that i think u are a very strong woman!! & as a woman of my word when i say something i do it!! I keep my promises no matter what!! But i expect & get the same from my man!! I think that if your man truly loved you an respected you he wouldnt of played you!! Hes been disrespecting you from the get-go!! Its time to end it!! Stand your ground!! He aint have enough respect to keep his promises an treat you right!! So why should u keep yours?? Its time to take care of yourself and your kids!! I understand about the friendship!! Me an my man were bestfriends for 3 years b4 we got together an i dnt know what id do if i lost that friendship!! It means the world to me!! I think in time you all could be friends again if thats what u want!! But you need to let yourself heal!! An you need to show him ur not playing and demand your respect!! Otherwise a friendship wnt be possible!! This is all just my opinion!! I hope this somehow helps!! Stay strong!! :)

AceySpade
02-26-2011, 12:37 AM
Don't be a co dependant can his asss!!!!! Don't know what that is?just look it up!! Fuck the whole situation girly!!!it is waaaay alll bad!

passionfruit
02-26-2011, 12:08 PM
Well just an update to you all. I sent him the "dear john/jodi" letter letting him know my feelings have changed, and that he ruined our trust. He should get this letter by monday evening...so, we'll see what happens after that, i just hope that he leaves me alone after he gets it, it would e so much easier if he left me alone...i'm sure he'll put up some sort of a fight being that he is losing his "meal ticket" but...i guess the best thing i can do is not write him back...right???

My question is, what if, he really does love me and i really do break his heart (i've broken his heart 2 times in the past...) is it really that nice to just cut him off, i mean you guys look at what happened...and i guess u don't see that we really did have a loving, close, happy relationship. We shared a lot of happy memories together (which apparently he has shared happy memories with others as well) but, the fact is that, regardless of the situation, me and him have been in each others lives for over 6 years...it's not that we were together that whole time, but still, there is history...he is my friend above all, he is my best friend...even my girl friends i'm close with i have found have lied or stretched the truth in order to save face. IDK, my mind is a mess. I just dont want to just act like i hate him and never speak to him forever, i think for a while it's a good idea, but i would't mind being friends in the future. But then i think, if i was his girl, i woudln't want him speaking to other females that he's had sexual relations with (hence the girl that wrote him that letter!)

My mind is going a million miles a minute.not be harsh...but if he really loved you...he will ask you come visit caus E he miss you...I'm just being reAl...let reality hit and move on...he's DisrespeCtful and doesn't care too much...I don't know...I'm just saying...its your life you must do what you feel...and deal with the outcome later...
GooD luCk...

Maya2007
02-27-2011, 08:26 AM
At least this has been going for a year... not 3 or 4 or 10 years later!! I think its worse the more time and energy you put into the relationship. Its better to know now than later. So you can move on with your life and not waste it. However... his behavior will not get better. After all he's done, he's not thinking about you.... He's thinking about himself... looking out for hisself. He's a priority and your on the very bottom of the list. He's contacting you like crazy, cuz HIS needs are not being met. Please don't think twice about going back with that man, regardless what he says.

hismammys
02-27-2011, 08:46 PM
im only going by what u wrote and from what i read hes only using u girl! come on u can send him money and put money on ur fone to talk to him but when it comes to seeing him u cant.. jus so his ex can go and i dnt kno how u kept putiin money on his books aftr u knew his baby momma was goin to see him every wekend and sometimes without the kid?? come on u shuda knew something was fishy?? i kno u love him but hes doin dirt girl... and if u wanna go threw what ur about to go threw then go ahead but my word of advice is move on!!

johnrinasu
02-28-2011, 12:11 AM
It's a horrible way for u to find out he's cheating on u, but take it as a blessing. Some of us woman wonder eveyday if our man is talking to someone else through letters or phone call's, but we will never know.