View Full Version : What happens when your man gets released?


ebontortuga23
03-27-2004, 11:52 PM
When my husband gets released in 2007, I've asked him to go to a half-way house for a year. He has a record of doing well at home for a while and then going back to using drugs and making my, and the kids lives hell while he's doing it. I think that transitioning to a rehabilitation/half-way house and going to counseling with him during that time might help us from repeating this cycle again & truthfully I'm just not ready to welcome him back into the home I've worked so hard for without knowing I can trust him (he has taken things & sold them, taken my vehicle, etc. when using in the past).
What do you all think?
Do you think this is a good plan?
Do you think he will go back to using again and I should face reality?
Do you think I should just let him come home?
What would you do?
What is happening with your man when he gets out?

Jillian
03-28-2004, 12:08 AM
First off let me tell you this everyone reality is different. So i can only tell you to be strong and protect yourself from the reality that you may face. If he has given you overwhelming reason to feel as though he needs to be in rehab before being released to you full time. Then by all means let him this way he can still try to get some sore of drug rehabiliation. When my husband gets home he will be allowed to come home. He knows that his only priority is his family. He will be on parole mst likely so he knows that if he does anything wrong he is going back and we will be divorced. This was decided by the both of us. I hope and pray that when that time comes everything will work out.

Jillian
03-28-2004, 12:10 AM
another thing is that you may have to set boundaries for him before he is released and let him know that if he makes you and the children feel uncomfortable even once. Then he will have to BEAT IT!

Sunnie
03-28-2004, 12:22 AM
I am reluctant to respond to this post. But like e wife has said...set boundaries and stick to them. He has a pattern of doing good and going back..find a way to break the pattern. I think your idea is a GREAT one. His recovery has got to come first. I suggest you go to alanon in this time..it's a terrific program..I know what you are going through. not to say this will happen to yours, but my ex got out March 18 and the first thing he did was go back to drugs. Everything he said, did not happen it sounds good on paper but actions speak much louder than words.

Protect you and yours. First!!

francis
03-28-2004, 12:39 AM
Hi!

these things are really hard for a variety of reasons. ok, so first no one can predict an addict...if he is staying clean in there, going to mtgs in there, taking any rehab/life coping skills classes he can...maybe, get a sponsor (12-step)....the actions will help him to stay clean, and create a new way of living which will be in place before he gets out..but, of course addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful....and, staying clean in the free world can be hard(er).....

is he doing any of the above, or something comprable for his recovery?

it is cool you are letting him know now years before...so he has clear boundaries. i believe addicts have to prove they can be trusted...for they have usually betrayed the one's they love in many ways!! and, have caused much harm to their families.

i think going to rehab sounds like a good idea...make sure it is a quality rehab...

al-anon as was mentioned for you, very good idea..

by the way i am an addict!!!

my man is an addict as well...it is ezr for me to set boundaries, we are not married, nor do we have children...but, i have told him he can not parole to me..i would prefer he go straight to a rehab...he knows what i expect of him...and, all that i suggested for your guy, he is doing...although, i don't think he is doing 12-step, he goes to a 4 hr drug/life coping treatment deal mon-fri...

my hopes and prayers are with you, your children, and your husband..
you can pm me anytime!
francis

Patty
03-28-2004, 09:30 AM
I think your plan sounds like a solid beginning for you and your man and your family. I would back it up with a support system for yourself. Noone can predict the future but having a supportive family who only wants the best from one another can make a huge difference (I know it did for me once upon a time). I would say your man is very lucky. The rest is up to him. I wish you and your family all the luck in the world.

Best wishes,
Patty

ebontortuga23
03-29-2004, 10:55 PM
Thank you all for your responses! I want our family to work, but it is scary to think of going though living with an addict again. I have gone to Al-anon in the past & think its a good idea to go back. My husband is corresponding with our Prison Ministry & is in contact with a guy that went to a weekly drug class w/ him at our church, but because he's on non-contact and locked down for 23 hours while at Lewis, he is unable to do other counseling right now. When he gets transfered, he is planning to take advantage of the programs available. Only time will tell if all of his words will become actions, I can only pray & hope for now.

mrsford
03-29-2004, 11:18 PM
I think you are on the right path. Like the other responses, you have to break the pattern. It may not be a bad idea for you to start counseling and al-anon now, so you can be strong when the time comes. It is hard to be strong enough in the beginning phase of something, but with some history and practice I believe you can do it. And you will probably get a lot more support from your family and friends when they see you are making plans now and not waiting until the last minute. It is hard to be a friend to people and keep your opinions to yourself. At least I have not had any luck at it! A half way house is a good idea. Good luck!