I will be surrendering myself June 1 for a 15 months sentence (which they tell me should be more like 13 months?). I don't really know what I want to know, I guess I just want people who have been there to fill me in I guess.

Welcome to the PTO family. I am sure this is a very hard time for you and your loved ones.

Stay strong and come to PTO often, you will find a lot of Love and Support here.

softie

Are you female and this is Federal? There is a ton of information in the federal forum, look in the thread female federal prisons. The are also lots of PTO members who are out now and have the information and details you will want. Good luck.

Also check the road to prison thread. Several of us have spoken about bryan in these.

Just wanted to welcome you to PTO. I hope you find everything that you need to make this experience as painless as possible. Glad you're here!

Thanks everyone. I'm just ready to get it over with and behind me more than anything. I have 3 little kiddos and I'm ready to get back to them. I do have 2 specific (& very random) questions:

(1) I have heard about furloughs, what's the scoop on those?
(2) Does my hair have to be cut short?

Hi Liddy! Welcome!

Liddy, I spent 14 months in Bryan and I will try to answer whatever questions you may have.
Furloughs are rather difficult to get. You have to be on the compound for at least 6 months and be within 18 months of your release date. You also have to be "community custody" status. The first furlough is for 12 hours. People do get them at Bryan though.
No, you don't have to cut your hair. Now when you get there you can go to cosmetology and have it cut, colored or permed if you like. In the evenings that have lisenced cosmetologists who volunteer their time or you can go during the day and have a student do it under the supervision of an instructor.
The compound itself is very pretty and it's very clean. There are 4 units, Madison, RDAP, Brazos I and Brazos II. There are great educational programs and recreation offers a lot of classes, from excercise and yoga, to craft classes.
If you have any questions feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them!
Chrisa

Thanks. It's nice to be talking with someone who has been there. I know what the day is like until the work time is over but then what do you do? I have a college degree (which obviously didn't make me smart!) and am not drug addicted. Education and drug rehab are all I hear talked about after work hours -- what goes on then?

Also, with visiting hours, do I have a cap on how many visitors can come on a weekend or is anything okay? Can kids come any visiting day or only on certain "kid days?"

Boy, being on this forum with others is very helpful. I know it's just cyberspace but it's the first place I've found where I can dicuss this without it being bizarre. All of you who have been through this -- thanks for sticking around here to help those of us going in.

So if you spent 14 months there, did you get any furloughs? did you try? do you only get them for emergencies?

You can have up to 5 visitors at a time including kids.
There is a lot to do at Bryan besides drug treatment and education. But the education department offers other types of programs you may be interested in. If you have a college degree the best thing you can do is work in education and help the other ladies there. Good tutors are always needed.
Recreattion also offers many different types of programs and classes. There are many excercise programs and craft classes. They have softball in the summer and a nice track you can walk. Believe it or not you will find yourself pretty busy. In the evenings after you eat and write letters or go to rec, it's time for bed.
The psychology department at Bryan is better than any other camp I had been to. They offer many programs such as relationship groups, domestic violence, dealing with trauma and insight groups. I belonged to the insight group and found it very helpful in understanding the choices I had made in life. The best advice I can give is to take the opportunity that you have to work on any issues that you may have. This is the time to do it!

I figured there was plenty to do. I don't know how I feel about the psychological help -- I have my own therapist here and am not sure I want to start over again but I'll try to keep an open mind. On that note, I am currently taking Celexa and Xanax XR -- will I be allowed to continue taking them? If so, do I have to bring a 13 month prescription or how does the whole meds thing work?

No , they will not let you take xanax, nothing narcotic or addictive. The Celexa probably. Bring it with you. You will be evaluated by someone from medical and they will determine whether or not you can still take it.

No, I did not get any furloughs. My family was to far away and I was not community custody status until a few days before I went to the halfway house. You can get them for non-emergencies.

what is community custody status?

Liddy - I delivered my wife to Bryan on 3/1 this year. I've been to visit a few times. This coming weekend I'll be taking our two daughters with me (2yrs & 6yrs). It'll be nice since this saturday will be the older ones 6th birthday.
She has adjusted well after the shock of being in a totally new environment. She said her roommates and other ladies have been very helpful and kind as far as showing you the ropes and such.
All my wife has told me about furloughs is that they are possible, but unless you have several years to go, it's not worth it since they just add the time you're gone to the end of your sentence.
Regarding the psych dept. - just like you my wife was very comfortable and happy with her therapist here at home. She has had several sessions (both group & individual) so far and has had nothing but good things to say. Don't know anything about meds since she's not on any except allergy stuff.
Hope this helps - all I can tell you is to concentrate on yourself, stay positive and motivated to make it back home a better person.

BusyMan is right, it is a completely new environment, unlike anything you have ever experienced. Some do not handle it well. One thing I will say about Bryan is that in comparison to the other camps I have been to it is that it is very strict and not nearly as laid back as some of the other camps. When the group of us that were transferred from Alderson got there we were shocked. A lot of poeple called it FCI Bryan. They will not hesitate to ship you out if you are having difficulty adjusting or if you cause problems. Programming-wise its great, there are just rules to follow and they do not deviate from policy. They have gotten a new warden since I have been gone but from what I hear it has not changed much. If you follow the rules and do what is expected of you then you'll be fine.

Thanks again everyone. BusyMan, how are you and the kids holding up. My husband has been a rock through this whole thing but I still worry about him for the time I am away -- it's a lot to handle.

cjjack -- when you say it is a lot stricter, what do you mean -- as far as work or just everything in general?

I am intending to come out of this a better person but it's still feels like a tall order!

It's just not as laid back as some camps. Just follow the rules, thats all.
You can come out of this a better person. It is all overwhelming I know, but some good will come out of it!

Liddy - me and the girls are doing okay. It's been tougher than I ever thought it would be. My wife had 11 months between her sentencing and her self-surrender date so we thought we would have plenty of time to prepare. Wrong. I guess my difficulties are similar to hers; adjusting to new routines, missing "the way things were" and just wanting to get this behind us so we can move on. Our 6yo daughter knows what's going on and cries frequently about mommy not being here. We just sit down and talk it out. We've told her the truth about why mommy is not here at home. I still don't know what will happen with the 2yo. She hasn't really cried out for mommy since the first few days mommy was gone. Maybe the 2yo brain is more "out of sight, out of mind" than I was anticipating.
This weekend might be rough. The older one has been on visits with me before, but this weekend will be the first visit for the 2yo. Not looking forward to the meltdown I expect when it's time to go home. Lots of tears all around.
About discipline - since this is my wife's first month in, we're still getting used to new things. You are only allowed 300 minutes per month on the phone (400 in Nov./Dec.). Here we are on the 23rd and she's burned up all her minutes for the month. She calls her sister, her parents and me and the girls. We just need to work out a system as far as who gets calls and when.
Sorry for rambling here - I'll wrap it up. Bottom line as I see it as a husband at home with two girls.... Mom's in prison and that sucks, it's hard to deal with for everyone involved. But there are most definitely worse places you could be going to than Bryan. For you, your husband and your kids this will all pass if you keep a positive attitude with solid goals out ahead of you.

My heart goes out to you BusyMan. I will also be leaving my husband a 3 year old daughter. I will be too far away for regular visits, and finances are tough. I worry so much for them. I am fairly new here. Is your wife Cass? I see you are in your first month as a single parent. My biggest concern is my husband will resent me for being gone, and all the family/household stuff he will have to handle in my absence. Could you see yourself growing resentful of your wife? Any thoughts?

Thanks,
Sheryl

Thanks for the insight busy man. I know this is going to be so hard for our 3 little boys. We are also planning to let them know the truth about where I am. I asked my therapist if it was a good idea to let them visit since I was anticipating what you're talking about -- the meltdown at leaving. She thought that after a couple of months the meltdown will stop as they realize that they get to see mommy again soon, etc. I hope she's right!

BTW, we're in Bexar County too -- you and my husband should carpool! :)

Sheryl -
My wife is not Cass. My wife and Cass first "met" here on PTO shortly before their respective surrenderings. I believe they got to meet in person once or twice at Bryan before Cass was transferred to Carswell.
As far as growing resentful of my wife.... honestly, I think I'm as resentful as I could possibly get right now. What I mean by that is I'm mostly resentful of the position she's put us all in, how difficult it is. I think the intensity of my resentment will fade as I get better at handling all the kids/house/profession stuff simultaneously. On top of that we will someday begin rebuilding trust in our marriage (I knew nothing of her activities that landed her in Federal custody). There is a reason for all this mess, I just don't know yet what it is - possibly to make me a better father and her a better person. God will someday let me know.
If visits between you and your family will be infrequent, spend all your money on stamps. I know my wife really likes it when the girls and I send her mail, but we back at home live and die by the mail we receive from her. The phone calls are nice but are rather short (15min. limit at a time). Still nice for me and the girls to hear her voice but we seem to communicate more deeply in our letters.

Liddy -
Since our 6yo undertands where mommy is and why she is there, we have had no meltdowns when the visit was over. I'm hoping the 2yo does just as well - but I'll let you know Sat. evening. I hope it goes well because I sure don't want my wife to swallow even more guilt about the kids while I'm driving 2.5 hours back home with an inconsolable 2yo. I just hold on to the faith that this will all get better/easier with time.
We might have to consider carpooling if gas prices get as high as I've heard they should in the next few months! It might take me some time before I could be comfortable with that - I'm still really new at this and still holding on to my anonymity like a comfy blanket.

thank you busyman. This sounds familiar. My husband did not know what I was doing either. And he was beyond stunned when I told him. I admire you standing by her and your insightfulness that there is something positive to come of it. My husband says he loves me and he will wait for me. I do worry about our marriage. And part of me thinks the letter writing will be good for us - to communicate on a deeper level, then we have done while living in the same house. I wish you and your family the best of luck and I hope you all become stronger inspite of the separation.

Hope the visit goes well and won't be the nightmare you envision.

Sheryl

yeah, i was kind of just joking about the carpooling but then not in light of gas prices! He hasn't been on here yet or anything. Hang in there. My husband was the same as yours -- totally ignorant of my stupidity. We will have had 9 months from sentencing to surrendering and our goal has been for me to get better and hopefully deal with things like trust as much as possible before I go in -- it has been a long year but I think we're getting there. You spoke of God -- I hope your church family has been as helpful as ours is trying to be. Our Sunday School class is going to bring the family foood Mon-Thurs. for the whole 13 months and different people are helping out with the kids to some extent. We have others talking about doing the shopping, laundry, etc. for him. I hope it all works out because that would be a big load off for him.

Hi BusyMAn I was just wondering how the visit with your 2 year old went yesterday. I thought about you guys a lot ofr some reason. Hope it went well.

Good morning Liddy,
Sorry I didn't post my update Sat. evening like I said I would. These kids just suck the energy right out of me. Seems funny that I can't wait to go back to work on Monday just so I can rest! Wouldn't trade 'em for the world though...
The visit went very well this weekend. The 6yo was perfect as usual and surprisingly the 2yo was too! This was the first time the younger one has seen mom since her surrender on March 1 so it took a few seconds for the face to register in her mind. But after that everything was good. The goodbyes were seamless - no fussing or anything. I think it helped that both girls were exhausted from running around the playground constantly. Also had a nice treat this time - my wife's sister and her husband also went for a visit so when they decided to leave at 2pm they took both of my girls with them back home so I could stay until 5pm for a solo visit w/my wife. Very cool. We were able to have a good chat with no distractions.
Hope you had a good weekend, too!

That's great news! Did it seem to make your 2 year old happy to see Mommy? I'm glad it went well.

Liddy, I expected to see more of a reaction from the 2yo. Sure she was happy but she didn't really get that excited. My feeling is that she either didn't think it was that big of a deal or just got used to people coming and going here from the house (aunts, uncles, grandparents) since mom's been gone. It made me both happy and sad at the same time. Don't really know how to explain it, but it was still a very good visit.

I am glad it went well. How was it for your wife? I can't imagine watching my kids walk away but as long as they handle it fine I'll be fine. How often do you visit there?

Liddy - my wife seemed to handle it okay. Don't really know. She's always hidden her emotions from me. I'm sure it wasn't too pleasant for her. As much as I'm trying to be supportive of her, I can't say that I feel sorry for her if she's upset when I or the kids leave. She's made some stupid decisions in her life and now she's dealing with the consequences. Maybe the pain she feels will serve as motivation for her to straighen up. Sure hope so. I'd hate to think that the kids and I are going through all this for nothing.
We have been up to visit her each of the last three weeks (I'll be going up alone this weekend). We'll probably cut our visits back to every other week since gas is getting so expensive. Bryan is a little over 150 miles from where we live and I don't drive one of those tiny cars that gets a billion miles per gallon...lol!

I can certainly understand your lack of sorrowful-ness on her part. From this side of the equation, that is hard to hear. I am the stupid one and I don't know about her but I don't forget it for one second but the emotions are still there.

As for the gas, we have 2 SUVs so my husband's thinking it may actually be cheaper to rent a fuel economy car than pay to drive the SUV to Bryan.