Hey everybody! I went to see Stephen yesterday and he was in a pretty crappy mood, which is very unusaul he has been in pretty good spirits til now. When I asked him what was wrong he just said he met up with an *ssh*le guard. Up until now he has been real cool with the most of the guards and he just does what he is supposed to. He works in the kitchen and had to complete a certain task before a certain time, while he was doing this, this one guard started yelling at him to go do something else when he explained that he had to finish or would gt in trouble the guard lashed inti him, outting him down and calling him names...sooo...Stepehn got in his face telling him that there wasn't anything different between them except that the guard had a gray uniform instead of an orange one..The SGT. was called and luckily he happens to like my husband so there was no real trouble..but now I am afraid this guard is gonna have it in for him and even make shit up about him to get him in trouble..I tild him that he just has to hold his tongue and do what he has to do but I think he is getting very down and frustrated and might blow his top again...We are trying to get him out early on shock probationa dn that means he has to have a spotless prison record absolutely no reason to be denied ya know? I am going to send him any advice you guys have (thought that was a great idea JDS) hope that will help....UGH! I hate this situation!!

Hi Amelia and Stephen,

All I can do is relate to your problem by comparing it to what I might go through. Yes I know it is not the same but I think it is similar enough to fake it through.
First thing. I would think of the guard as my Awful asshole Boss. Yes I have more than one boss and they are always contradicting what they say. One will give instructions and a certain job to do and the other boss will come along pull me off that job and tell me to do something else. It's a lose situation. It is frustrating I know. I am the worst smart ass. I got upset once with #2 boss and after the fifth job he gave me " I remarked to him, Ok you just started 6 fires for me to put out. Which fire do you want out first?"


By trial and error I have learned some lesson on how to get along the best I can. Do what they man says that is standing in front of you. "Yes sir" and don't make excuses why you can't do what he wants. To him that is exactly what your doing. Making excuses and not doing your job (according to him at the moment) Do the best you can to do with what he wants of you and do it his way. When he leaves then work out the schedule with yourself to try to do what both wants. Impossible but just do your best. Learn to just say "Yes" Think all those thoughts to yourself. When you are not defensive the guard will have nothing on you. It's hard to argue with Yes or OK.

Telling one boss I can't do what you want because the other boss wants me to do something else or another way will really set them off into madness. They think you think the other boss is more important. It demeans their authority and that is not a good thing to do.

I learned to say "Yes Sir" to what ever the stupid thing is they want me to do and end up just doing what I feel is the right thing. Do I still get in trouble Yes sometimes I do but not for disobeying a direct work order. The man in authority does not want to hear back talk. When you try to explain I have to mop and sweep first then I will do dishes that is back talk .

Hang in there one day you will get to see him make an ass out of himself. Just smile!

Stephen....
I used to work in a prison, and trust me I know that there are far too many times when inmates are treated with disrespect for no reason at all.... it's NOT fair.... But nothing you do is going to change that...
My man is also incarcerated and he believes very strongly in principles.. and sometimes really struggles to let things go when there is a "principle" involved... when he knows he was in the right and the other person was in the wrong (like in your recent situation...) You know that you were already doing what you were told and that it isn't possible to do more than one thing at a time...
BUT... my advice to you is to do just that... LET IT GO... True, the officer may attempt to carry a grudge, but don't give him any reason to pick on you. We are all faced with situations where we have to balance what we really want to say or do with the possible consequences (and the liklihood of speaking our mind on actually changing a situation...)
In THIS situation, I think what is most important to you is to keep your record clean so that you can get out and get home ASAP!!! When you are in a situation like this, try to take a step back and think of being at home and all the reasons that it just wouldn't be worth it to speak your mind. I know sometimes it is hard for JD (my man) to do this because he feels like a B**ch (for lack of a better term).... But other inmates will also understand that you have to keep your eye on the prize and do what you have to do to get home.... It's not a fair fight in your situation.. and it never will be... You have to pick your battles... (know when to hold em, know when to fold em, and know when to walk away...)
Know that the officer is a pitiful man if he has to prove how big and tough he is by being an asshole... it takes a much bigger and better man to refuse to sink to his level....
Know that we all love you... and we know you can endure all the crap you have to put up with just a little while longer.... and know that you have so much to come home to, it will be worth it!!! Hang in there!! Stay strong and just be the BIGGER and BETTER man!!

Let me say that when you are dealing with a hot headed boss it is usually better to take jd's advice.. Don't give him an inch or he'll stretch it a mile.. My friends man got put in lockdown on friday because he was laughing at a guard.. How stupid is that.. Most of this guards are alright but you've got a few on a power trip.. SO just becarefull.

I AGREE WITH JD'S WIFEY--

LET IT GO

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LOSE SOME BATTLES TO WIN THE WAR

SHERRI

I agree with the rest. try to not give this guard the pleasure of being able to hurt Stephen, by giving him a write up or putting him on lock down. he'll be stuck with his own frustrations and won't be able to get them out on Stephen...