View Full Version : Marry in jail or wait? Does he want to get married for the conjugal visits?


mizz_rusti3
11-09-2010, 06:32 PM
Okkk Ladies...

I just got a letter from my hun today and we've been talking about marriage...in his letter today he said "i would love to get married to you...especially we can get trailer days" we talked bout getting married before...put $ on rings and everything...but my mother talked me out of it :blah: ...

MY QUESTION IS.. : Do you ladies feel that your man is PRESSING THE ISSUE of getting married now so he can get trailer visits?? :eek: Do you think that if he was out...WOULD HE STILL PRESS the issue of getting married?? :confused:

AND wouldnt you ladies want a more traditional, glamorous wedding with the dress and all?? Or is it just me being girly?? :rolleyes:

robsgirl2011
11-09-2010, 06:44 PM
Rob just asked me to marry him about 3 weeks ago. He wants to get married while he's still in, but there are no conjugal/trailer visits in PA, so I know that's not the reason. I've done the big wedding thing, and that certainly didn't work out since I now have an ex husband, so the next time, I don't care where I get married, as long as it's to the right person, which is Rob! I could get married to him wearing a pair of levis and a wholly ripped t-shirt (I wouldn't do that, I would be presentable) and it wouldn't matter to me. As long as it's to him! :0)

thugwife
11-09-2010, 07:00 PM
I have a issue with people marrying to get trailer visits. I know marrying someone in a prison that has them, its more to it than that. Do you know HOW MANY people would marry just to get trailer visits? ALOT. Theres more hoops that you have to jump thru to get the visits, and its not as easy as getting married and 3 months later you get the visits.

I know people that were married PRIOR to prison in a state that has them, and still had to wait X amount of years for them.

I cant quote it because my state dont have them, but I have seen it on here plenty of times.

According to your ticker your man has barely a year left. You should really see what the relationship is like on the street before you rush into a marriage. I dont know you or know how long you even been with dude.

And to answer your question NO, I dont think most of these guys would press the marriage issue IF they was on the streets. I seen females on here thats dudes cheated nonstop on the street and they up and go to the pen and they are ready to get married. It dont work like that. Your man cheats in the streets, hes wife-ing you because he scared you gonna do him that way. (MY OPINION)

I dont care about a wedding with all the bells and whistles, it'd be nice. I had 2 jailhouse weddings (to the same person) but we damn sure didnt get no sexing visits :)

Lucky1488
11-09-2010, 07:48 PM
Okkk Ladies...

I just got a letter from my hun today and we've been talking about marriage...in his letter today he said "i would love to get married to you...especially we can get trailer days" we talked bout getting married before...put $ on rings and everything...but my mother talked me out of it :blah: ...

MY QUESTION IS.. : Do you ladies feel that your man is PRESSING THE ISSUE of getting married now so he can get trailer visits?? :eek: Do you think that if he was out...WOULD HE STILL PRESS the issue of getting married?? :confused:

AND wouldnt you ladies want a more traditional, glamorous wedding with the dress and all?? Or is it just me being girly?? :rolleyes:

You have to be married BEFORE he goes in, in order to be eligible for family visits!! Like someone else said, if you could get married in prison and then get family visits everyone would be doing it! In california, you have to get a plain silver or gold ring value less than $100 w/ reciept. You dont even get alone time afterwards!!! (in some states i heard you do but not where my mans at) And it takes like 3 months to get a date and then a looooong time to get family visits. You would not get one by the time he gets out. I would WAIT! You cant even wear a wedding dress or even a normal cute dress you have to follow regular visting attire. I would do it if my man was gonna be down for a few years but a year or less? At least go to court and get married then you can at least wear what dress and rings you want!

Lucky1488
11-09-2010, 07:50 PM
P.S. Answer your own question by telling him you wouldnt get trailer visits anyways and see how he reacts! My man proposed to me also and I was the one that brought up marriage in prison but once i found out the details I was like uhh huhhh im waiting!!!

mizz_rusti3
11-09-2010, 08:05 PM
P.S. Answer your own question by telling him you wouldnt get trailer visits anyways and see how he reacts! My man proposed to me also and I was the one that brought up marriage in prison but once i found out the details I was like uhh huhhh im waiting!!!

I agree...with all u ladies...im definitly not gonna get married in jail...its just not cool with me... the court thing is so-so...i just wanted to get opinions and feedback...i HAVE thought about it...but like thugswife said...it can wait...if its that serious he'll feel the same way when he gets out...which im sure he will...but i'm going to wait till he gets on his feet...get a job and all that first and build on it...

and to thugswife...we've been on and off since 2007...we'll see tho... :eek:

thank you ladies:D

crissk
11-09-2010, 08:44 PM
You have to be married BEFORE he goes in, in order to be eligible for family visits!!
Thank God we were married BEFORE all this crap has happened...family visits are one of the few bright spots in this dreary bid

Snaps_wifey
11-09-2010, 09:19 PM
You have to be married BEFORE he goes in, in order to be eligible for family visits!!
FYI, you don't have to be married BEFORE he goes in, to be eligible for family visits!! My husband and I got married while he was in the county waiting to get sent to prison and we get them! And no we didn't get married just for the Family Visits but they are a plus....however we got married because we were talking about marriage before he got locked up and I refused to let this BS situation stop us from doing just that!

mizz_rusti3
11-09-2010, 09:26 PM
fyi, you don't have to be married before he goes in, to be eligible for family visits!! My husband and i got married while he was in the county waiting to get sent to prison and we get them! And no we didn't get married just for the family visits but they are a plus....however we got married because we were talking about marriage before he got locked up and i refused to let this bs situation stop us from doing just that!


owwww i digg it!!

smithdb2008
11-09-2010, 09:33 PM
I would love to marry my darling we are in the process of it now

Tina
11-09-2010, 09:39 PM
Yup hoping to be married in soon

Snaps_wifey
11-09-2010, 09:44 PM
owwww i digg it!!
Yeah we were talking about it before he got locked up....so I wasn't going to let this obstacle have me lose the man that I couldn't imagine my life without! IDK how long your hun has been locked up already but to have only a year left, I can see why you want to wait til he comes home and have your dream wedding. My husband has been down almost 3 years and we still have YEARS ahead of us until he comes home. And I never imagined that I would have a jailhouse wedding instead of my dream wedding but I was marrying the man of my dreams, so that was all that mattered to me on my wedding day!!!

HardHeadedWoman
11-09-2010, 09:52 PM
you want your girly day then wait for it. every state that allows conjugals have different rules. some you can marry while incarcerated and get them and some you have to be married before incarceration.

He really doesnt have long to go. If this was my story to tell and thats all the time jamie had I would wait so that OUR special day is not clouded with barbwire,CO's and the smell of a prison. Now if he doesnt have a release date then if I want to become his wife then prison wedding it is.

With him so close to the gate you probably wouldnt even get a trailer visit. It takes time to get all your paperwork filled out and approved just to get married on the inside. then more paperwork and approval to come in for the visits and then a wait for the visit. he will be home before then!

Lucky1488
11-09-2010, 09:56 PM
FYI, you don't have to be married BEFORE he goes in, to be eligible for family visits!! My husband and I got married while he was in the county waiting to get sent to prison and we get them! And no we didn't get married just for the Family Visits but they are a plus....however we got married because we were talking about marriage before he got locked up and I refused to let this BS situation stop us from doing just that!

Im sure it probably varies from state to state and maybe from prison to prison since i see you are in ca as well. In Chino its a no go!!:thumbsup: Also the fact that you get married in jail as apposed to prison may as well play a factor. Anyway, its always good to double check before she gets married just for that reason!!

mizz_rusti3
11-09-2010, 10:56 PM
Yeah we were talking about it before he got locked up....so I wasn't going to let this obstacle have me lose the man that I couldn't imagine my life without! IDK how long your hun has been locked up already but to have only a year left, I can see why you want to wait til he comes home and have your dream wedding. My husband has been down almost 3 years and we still have YEARS ahead of us until he comes home. And I never imagined that I would have a jailhouse wedding instead of my dream wedding but I was marrying the man of my dreams, so that was all that mattered to me on my wedding day!!!

I feel you on that most def...i respect it...how long does your man have left if you dont mind me asking? I feel you on marrying the love of your life...how was the process? was it at least a sweet ceremony?? how long have u been married now? my hun has beenlocked up now for 2 years...smh

mizz_rusti3
11-09-2010, 10:57 PM
you want your girly day then wait for it. every state that allows conjugals have different rules. some you can marry while incarcerated and get them and some you have to be married before incarceration.

He really doesnt have long to go. If this was my story to tell and thats all the time jamie had I would wait so that OUR special day is not clouded with barbwire,CO's and the smell of a prison. Now if he doesnt have a release date then if I want to become his wife then prison wedding it is.

With him so close to the gate you probably wouldnt even get a trailer visit. It takes time to get all your paperwork filled out and approved just to get married on the inside. then more paperwork and approval to come in for the visits and then a wait for the visit. he will be home before then!

yeaaa sweetie...im definitly going to wait...it makes more sense to! :thumbsup: thank you!!

young love
11-09-2010, 11:42 PM
i got marry in county jail, we were also planning it before he got lock up,but things happend so we couldn't but know im happily marry to my man, to me is not all because of the family visitations. i feel good to know that im actually marry to my young love, to the father of my 3 kids, i stay somewhere in cali, so ill b happy if i do get family visitations one's his move to a prison. know his in reception.

DaMeS_GiRl88
11-09-2010, 11:53 PM
I have been debating rather I should get married to him while he was in prison but not for fv. Idk yet tho I have a lil time to think about it but do what's in your heart

Snaps_wifey
11-10-2010, 01:44 AM
I feel you on that most def...i respect it...how long does your man have left if you dont mind me asking? I feel you on marrying the love of your life...how was the process? was it at least a sweet ceremony?? how long have u been married now? my hun has beenlocked up now for 2 years...smh
The process wasn't that difficult....my biggest headache was finding a reasonable notary to go down to the jail to notarize his portion of the paperwork....oh yeah and not to mention, I couldn't find his ID, which I needed in order to get the necessary paperwork notarized and the marriage license...it took me about 2 weeks to find it, which put me on a short time limit, because supposedly the County Clerk will not issue you a marriage license once the inmate has been sentenced. I got our license on Feb. 3 and he was sentenced on Feb.5! Since we got married in the county it was through glass, so besides the fact that it was Valentine's :val: the ceremony wasn't all that sweet but what made it sweet were the vows that we said (wrote our own) and he gave the most sweetest and sincere speech to my mom right before he said his vows!! He still has 7 years left and our 2nd year anniversary will be this coming Valentine's!

ricksbabe
11-10-2010, 10:18 AM
we got married while he was in. YES we got married for trailer visits. i didnt get married in order to prove our love for each other as that is without saying and we dont need a paper to tell us that we love each other. we got married because trailers give us the opportunity to have family time. my man is doing 17 years and we have a 7 year old. trailers provide us with the closest thing to normal family time even if it is just for a weekend. my son is able to spend time with his father and i am able to carry on as a wife cooking, pillow talking, etc for a weekend. sex is just a bonus. i dont regret nor am i ashame to say it. it wasnt his idea, it was mines and after some real talk we both agreed that it was in the best interest of our family to do so. he didnt want to get married in there but he did want to get married prior to him going in. i told him he needed to give up his dreams of him spoiling me with a beautiful wedding. in our case we were the complete opposite. he wanted a big wedding to show off and i didnt want to get married but always said if we did, we were going down to the courts to get married !!!
i dont suggest it to anyone who is not serving a long sentence, someone who is still fresh into their relationship or someone whose relationship was not heading that way prior to incarceration. for those that think your gonna get married and get a trailor in a few months sorry but it doesn't work that way. at least not here in new york

GeorgesWifey
11-10-2010, 01:41 PM
i would probably get married if he was in longer but we dont get the chance for family visits so would not be for that anyways

mizz_rusti3
11-10-2010, 04:18 PM
The process wasn't that difficult....my biggest headache was finding a reasonable notary to go down to the jail to notarize his portion of the paperwork....oh yeah and not to mention, I couldn't find his ID, which I needed in order to get the necessary paperwork notarized and the marriage license...it took me about 2 weeks to find it, which put me on a short time limit, because supposedly the County Clerk will not issue you a marriage license once the inmate has been sentenced. I got our license on Feb. 3 and he was sentenced on Feb.5! Since we got married in the county it was through glass, so besides the fact that it was Valentine's :val: the ceremony wasn't all that sweet but what made it sweet were the vows that we said (wrote our own) and he gave the most sweetest and sincere speech to my mom right before he said his vows!! He still has 7 years left and our 2nd year anniversary will be this coming Valentine's!

AWWW thass so sweet!! Happy early anniversary to you since its coming up soon...
SMH even if we WERE to get married it wouldnt happen because he lost his ID before he went in soooo that wouldnt happen anyway haha! Thank God u found it in time...u made it in the nik of time! God Bless you and ur Hubby luv!!