Hi everyone. I just found your site today and I am so grateful for it. My boyfriend of two years is now in jail for 60 days. He was arrested a while back for domestic violence--against me, but, I didn't press charges--here is NC they arrest the person if they feel there is evidence. Anyway, he was put on probation, and he blew off his probation officer. So, while I was travelling, he was thrown in jail to fulfill his obligation/sentence. He was also arrested again for the same thing a few months back, he was convicted to go to jail for 30 days but appealed that and now it will go to a jury trial. I am so sad about so many things, and do not know what to do. We have a 4 month old who is now temporarily staying with his parents b/c I travel for a living and my boyfriend and I were living together and he would watch the baby while I was gone. Please don't get me wrong, he was wonderful with the baby, and wonderful with me most of the time. It's when he drank that he became this awful person. So, now I don't know what to do. He has only called me twice since he's been in jail and has not written to me at all. I am so sad and have no one to talk to about this. I have much more to say, but, I suppose I will in due time.

I hope someone would like to be a friend to me.... I have free cell phone time after nine est. , so if anyone has time to talk one on one, I would love that !
Thanks,
Wendie

Hi Wendie,

I am so sorry that you are going through this...I know you are feeling lonely and lost...Your post was so sad and I just wanted you to know that this site is full of caring wonderful people who really understand what it is like to have someone they love in jail...Take care...

Welcome to PTO.

The most important thing to do is have a sincere talk with your boyfriend, and try to help him see that he needs to get help with his drinking problem. Even though he may be "great" with the baby...violence leaves many mental scars. He doesn't have to actuall hit the baby for him/her to be affected. Good luck.

Welcome to PTO.

The most important thing to do is have a sincere talk with your boyfriend, and try to help him see that he needs to get help with his drinking problem. Even though he may be "great" with the baby...violence leaves many mental scars. He doesn't have to actually hit the baby for him/her to be affected. Good luck.

I'm glad you found us Wendie... You'll find tons of support on this site... And Ladyx is right to tell you that violence leaves mental scars... Unless he wants help with his drinkng problem, you should keep your relationship at a distance... Sounds like he's done this before and hasn't done anything to stop himself...

You deserve to be treated with respect all of the time and even an occasional violent outburst isn't acceptable... Good luck to you and keep your chin up...

Hi, Wendie. Welcome to PTO. I am so sorry that your life is so tough right now. I am glad you found us, though. There are so many people here who have probably lived almost exactly what you are living. Although I do not have much experience with domestic violence, I can be an ear to listen if you ever want to pm me. In the meantime, take care of yourself and focus on being strong for both you and your baby. Andi

Welcome Wendie, keep your head up. Times are tough but we as women are tougher. Lord only gives us what he knows we can handle. Talk with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. My prayers are with you........I am new here too. pm me if you would like we are all friends here..........

HI WENDIE - WELCOME HOME. YOUR B.F. WILL NOT STOP ABUSING YOU UNTIL HE GETS HELP. HE'LL HAVE TO WANT TO GET SOME SERIOUS COUNSELING. IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PRECIOUS BABY, I'D SAY LEAVE HIM NOW. I'M SORRY IF THAT SOUNDS HARSH TO YOU, BUT I CAN'T STAND TO HEAR WOMEN BEING ABUSED. THERE ARE ALSO MEETINGS THAT YOU CAN GO TO WITHIN AA. TO SUPPORT YOU. GOOD LUCK.

I was in a DV relationship for 3 years, and when I look back on it now I wish that someone would have really gotten it through my head that anytime a man hits you its wrong. Doesn't matter if it just because he's drinking at the time. I'm not saying this to sit in judgement of you, it's a damn tough and fu**ed up situation to be in, and I feel for you. Have you gotten into any support groups for DV? Those aren't for everyone, I never went because of my own reasons. I firmly believe that you do need to talk to someone, that you need to know that there are people out there that have been in the same situation and had the same feelings..... feel free to pm me, and we can share our stories. The most important thing to remember besides your child is this - YOU ARE strong, you proved this by coming here and saying you need to talk. Keep your head above the water and believe in yourself no matter what, I wish you the best of luck!!!

DV can affect everyone involved in different ways. My ex beat me so severely that my hearing in my right ear is gone. I turned very suspicious of everyone and he got angrier the longer he sat. I hope that you find peace in yourself and if you need to talk, pm me anytime.

Keep this in mind... He only becomes an awful person when he drinks. I don't think you, or anyone else, is putting the bottle up to his mouth, right? He makes the decision to drink. He makes the decision to be violent.

Additionally, if the judge finds out that he's called you from prison, he'll lose his phone privileges. HUGE mistake that he's doing that. The judge PROBABLY put a no-contact order on the case...any decent judge would if there isn't already a protection order.

My parents had a very violent relationship while I was a child. Don't get me wrong, my mom is my best friend, and my dad, who died in 1998, was the greatest man in the world in my eyes and I'm still the biggest daddy's girl most people will ever know... But I remember the nights when my dad would come home drinking when I was 5 years old or so...and my mom would take me and cover me with her body...we'd be crouching in the corner of my bedroom, slightly hidden by my bed. He'd find us anyway... I remember the yelling...the throwing of things in my bedroom... I remember the cops coming...

Your child may only be 4 months old... But you never know when a child might start remembering things.

Hi mlg -

I just wanted to point out that wendie hasn't been on PTO since May of this year, so don't be surprise if you don't receive a response from her.

hope nothing bad happened, may have gotten help..hopefully