I don't know if I have ever mentioned it before but my father is in a federsl prison and has been for the last 9 years and has five more to go. I respect him as a father but don't have a real relationship with him and at this point I don't know if I want anything more than a friendship. You see before he went in he's wasn't a good a good father to say the least. Until last year I have not gone to see him in years because I just did'nt feel like making the time for him since he never made it for me and my sistser. There were days where we waited for hours in the window and he would never show up. So I felt like making him wait to see just how it feels. It's funny how he wants a relationship now that he's in there. Well I took the baby to see him when he was 2 month old but have not gone since. I only send pictures of the baby from time to time. Well he called on Sunday and we had an argument. He had the nerve to ask me why I go see my son's father but couldn't come see him when he was right in Manhattan. Well I told him the same reason why he did'nt come see us when he was near by. He is constantly comparing himself to my son's father and trying to make me think bad of him. Well the diffrence is that despite my son's father's ability to be a good man to me he was a good father to our son. I just hate when he makes me feel bad for having a relationship with my son's father.

YANI

HON, PLEASE REMEMBER THIS ONE THING, IF YOU NEVER REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT.

MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT OTHERS TRY TO APEASE THEIR OWN GUILT BY TRYING TO MAKE THE PERSON FEEL GUILTY THEMSELVES. IN OTHER WORDS, THEY THROW BLAME BACK.

DECIDE THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LET HIM DO THAT. IF YOU WANT TO VISIT, THEN DO SO, IF YOU DON'T , THEN DON'T. YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL GUILTY OVER ANY DECISION YOU MADE. NONE OF US HUMANS ARE PERFECT AND WE NEVER WILL BE. BUT, WE MUST LEARN OUR OWN SELVES IN ORDER TO ACCEPT OTHER PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY ARE.

MY PRAYERS TO YOU ALONG WITH MY LOVE

DONNA

Thanks Budwoman for your thoughts. He is always putting me on guilt trips. Even about sending him things. He had asked me awhile back for some magazines and I just forgot all about it. He then had the nerve to say "I guess you could'nt find it in your heart". This coming from the same man who was making thousands, riding around in fancy cars and braging about the vacations he went on while my mother struglled to make ends meet to provide for us. I saw my mom make sacrifices so that me and my sister could have our needs and wants. I saw my mom work her way up the latter to get to where she is today with no help from him or any other man. The things she has accomplishe I don't even think she would have if she had kept his sorry a** around. He just has some nerve. I don't owe him nothing and even though he owe me, my mom, and my sister I don't expect nothing from him so he should'nt expect nothing from me.