[/B][FONT=Arial Black][B]

hi ladies, all this weekend i been home because i didnt have money to go upstate to see my husband. i go all the time and i needed a break but i just got new service from mci at my new apt. and the block because it's new service didnt come off yet. i know my husband is frustrated and i totally lost it. he didnt write me all week and i saw him last saturday and by this past saturday not getting a letter i was so furious. he doesnt like writing but still even after 8 years of marriage i need just a few lines. he knows this also. we have no kids and for me to have kids it will be a process and plus i still have no career, i left my travel career after 14 years because it wasn't going anywhere. i am 36 years old and by the time paul comes home he will be 55/56. he wants to start his business over again, which i totally am supportive of this. but for the next 11 years i am going to be so lonely even with the trailers, not going to the movies with him, or going out to dinner, or be with family... i asked myself this weekend how healthy is this for me, for us??? if you have kids that's great because they keep you going... am i right? the time will go fast because even though your separated from your husband you have your children to fulfill your everyday life....
can i continue the next 11 years to live like this? like today, i am at work, i don't want to be here, i want to be home at 4pm to see if i received a letter. i just called 800-collect and still my home number is not accepting calls yet. mci goes when new service is completed it takes 24-48 hours for the block to fall off. i hate mci with a passion. they suck and it drives me crazy that i can't speak to my husband.. am i losing it or what???

I will make it with the help of God and my focus is on making my/oue life better so that when he does come out it will be smooth sailing-or as smooth as possible. 5 more years until 1st parole and he's been in there 14 years. Stay strong, I know it is not easy. Faith helps tremendously.

I have a child with my man, and it does make it easier for me cause I concentrate on raising her. Why don't you have a child with him, since you have trailor visits. Thats what I probably would do. It is hard to raise a child by yourself, but its so rewarding.

i can't have children unless i get my tubes unblocked... either surgery or invitro or a new technique of intensive massage called clear passage. it has to be that we have a child to make all these time go by or i will be very lonely for a long time and i dont want this.

Well Im not sure how conforting this might be but here it goes. I have a daughter with an inmate and its tuff yes it feels good to have a small piece of him with me at all times but it still is difficult because he wont get to hear her fist words our see her first steps, all those things way on you, and if you do focus you might be able to wait for him but the only person who can make that call is your head cause your heart if you love him will but our minds dont always agree with our hearts.

yes, i did this 10 years already with him, have 10/11 more to go.. i cant have a child at 48 years old now is the time our child will still be young when paul comes home... but i just dont want to be lonely for the next 11 years.

I HOPE THIS DOSEN'T SOUND TOO HARSH, BUT AS A MOTHER WHO HAS 2 CHILDREN WHOSE FATHER PASSED AWAY (FROM CANCER AT AGE 34) I CAN TELL YOU THAT CHILDREN CAN RESENT THE FACT THAT THEIR FATHER IS NOT WITH THEM. ALTHOUGH THEY MAY UNDERSTAND THAT IT COULD NOT BE HELPED. THEIR STEP-FATHER IS NOW IN PRISON FOR 17 MONTHS. MY SON IS ANGRY. MY DAUGHTER IS SAD. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE THEM AND LOVE THEM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. HOWEVER, I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD JUST FOR COMPANY. YOU SAY YOUR HUSBAND HAS 13 TO GO. THAT IS A LONG TIME. AND QUITE HONESTLY, I KNOW I PERSONALLY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO PUT MINE OR MY KIDS LIFE ON HOLD FOR THAT LONG. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU WHO CAN THOUGH. I AM THE TYPE THAT NEEDS COMPANIONSHIP. THANK GOD I ONLY HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER 16 MONTHS. I'D GO CRAZY OTHERWISE. I HOPE ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU. TAKE GOOD CARE.

chispro, I understand your frustration. I keep telling myself that I have my children to keep me occupied so that it shouldn't be too difficult to wait out the 8 1/2 years I have left; however realistically, I wonder to myself, can I really be alone for that long? I love my husband dearly and desperately want to wait for him but it just seems like so long to wait. I pray that things will work out and he tells me that he doesn't want me to put my life on hold, but I don't think I am. I do everything I would normally do (just without him). I work, take care of the kids, and go out with family members when I can. I have an ex brother-in-law that I hang out with when things get too tough and I know that I need some adult companionship. We are friends and it's nice to have someone who understands your needs but accepts your feelings. I hope things work out for us all. Pray and have faith and just live one day at a time...I think I need to remember my own advice.

Since my youngest left home, I have been alone here at home. I do get to see my husband 1-2 days a week and that helps, but that will soon change when he gets transferred farther away from home and visits MAY be once a month then - depending on where they send him.

I'm already planning craft projects, expanding my flower beds, working on my house, haunting lots of garage sales, auctions and flea markets looking for tools he will need when he comes home. In other words, I will keep myself busy, busy, busy. That's why I work part time even though I'm retired and get a decent retirement income..... the whole key is to keep yourself occupied. You have to do the time with him, don't let the time do you.

mrs

There are still days that I have doubts about how we are going to make it. But I talk about it with James. We talk about every little thing that is bothering us. He knows i'm sacrificing alot to be with him. But i don't feel that I am except for the possibility of not having children, i'm still doing every thing I did before. Well not everything I don't go out and party :) but I had stopped all that before him anyway. Getting old i guess can't stay up real late any more. I actually think that being with James has improved my life. I now think about my future, my savings, my retirement, my career and my photography bussines more seriously. I actually have money in my savings account since I met him I know I will make it with his love and God's love and guidence. Spikeswife

I have done it before so I think I can do it again. It is very hard at times, but you just have to realize that this is what you chose for yourself and be happy with that choice!

Chrispro, I know where you are coming from. You see, I am 35, and my man doesnt even see the parole board for another 9 years. on a 15 to 30 sentence... and of course, while not impossible, it would be very difficult for me to have a child at 44, however, I have problems in that area, and would have to be assisted with conception (invitro etc). We dont get "trailer" visits where he is, and of course, I made the choice to stick by him in this time. I have been faithful, and although difficult to be alone at times, he is my heart. Certainly it is not easy to be alone, but I made my choice, and in my heart, it was the right one for me. For us choosing to make the decision to stay with our men, we make sacrifices, but for myself, they arent really sacrifices, thats just the way things are. You see, in my world, not having him in it, is not an option.......

I know two women who have done it, one for 23 years and he just got home, one for 20 years and he is still in....I know a girl who has 30 more to go. Will she make it? Will you? Only God knows, you gotta live for today and follow your heart, you have done 10 girl, you can do 11 more...maybe you are just having a hard time, talk to women in your shoes...talking will ease the pain...does for me

WOW! ALL RESPECT AND POWER TO THE "LONG HAUL LADIES" IF I'M TO BE HONEST, I SINCERELY DOUBT THAT I COULD HAVE NO CONTACT WITH ANOTHER MAN FOR SO LONG. I AM A REAL HUGGER, I NEED THAT AT LEAST. I'M CRYING.. GOTTA GO.

my husband will be 60 when he gets home. we have 13 years left. we have had a FABULOUS marriage and i can't imagine life without him. we are the perfect couple-- we're just not in the perfect situation. thank god i have a HUGE support network of people. i am Never Alone unless i choose to be. and i am not lonely. my husband and i don't have trailer visits. i have a fulfilling happy life! i just bought a house (built in 1918--it's on the national and city historical register). i've got two demanding cats! and i have a slew of hobbies that truly keep me entertained.!

I get to see my honey once a month, which is a big change from the 2-3 times a week I used to see him before he got transferred further away. Since this change in our routine, I, too, have occasionally thought "will I really be able to do this for another 11 years?" However, I've found that there's a pattern to my feelings now. When it's been 3-4 weeks of not seeing him, I've become more independant and somtimes feel a little disconnected from our relationship. But then we're together for the weekend and I come back totally reconnected and absolutely sure that I'm exactly where I want to be, with exactly the man I want to be with. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder - I find it just makes me frustrated and grumpy! My man and I talk all this through, which helps immensely - our communication and faith are absolutely the key to all of this for us. This is a very hard road to travel, but I truly know that there is no one else I would rather be with, no one who is a better partner, supporter, friend - you name it - than my man. I only have to think of how many other couples I see out here who don't have anywhere near the happiness, love or great relationship that we do, and that often stops my questioning of whether I'll make it or not. And I keep my life full and fun with other friends who accept our situation, whether they understand it or not, and with work that I enjoy. It's not perfect by any means, but we're worth it! I love msdragons words - You have to do the time with them, not let the time do you - boy, is that ever true!

i love you ladies and i get tears in my eyes. i like the fact you said we have a fabulous marriage ... so do i... we are also the perfect couple... sometimes my mind plays tricks on me...

thanks for saying also i can do another 10/11 cause i just finish doing 10...
I WILL MAKE IT, I CAN MAKE IT...

It's been 9 1/2 yrs. and counting that I've been waiting for my husband...whom has an 18 to Life (indefinite sentence). He doen'st go before the Parole Board until August 2007. And I applaud all of you who remain faithful and dedicated to your loved one. Although it's our own choice. It's far from easy. It does get lonely. But for God's Grace we survive. Keep busy. Read good books. Exercise your mind & body. Stay strong. Don't get me wrong, if you feel like crying--CRY. If your Soul-Mate is behind bars, only God can make years go like minutes. Keep the faith. May God bless you all.

:idea: :rolleyes: [/B][FONT=Arial Black][B]

hi ladies, all this weekend i been home because i didnt have money to go upstate to see my husband. i go all the time and i needed a break but i just got new service from mci at my new apt. and the block because it's new service didnt come off yet. i know my husband is frustrated and i totally lost it. he didnt write me all week and i saw him last saturday and by this past saturday not getting a letter i was so furious. he doesnt like writing but still even after 8 years of marriage i need just a few lines. he knows this also. we have no kids and for me to have kids it will be a process and plus i still have no career, i left my travel career after 14 years because it wasn't going anywhere. i am 36 years old and by the time paul comes home he will be 55/56. he wants to start his business over again, which i totally am supportive of this. but for the next 11 years i am going to be so l...onely even with the trailers, not going to the movies with him, or going out to dinner, or be with family... i asked myself this weekend how healthy is this for me, for us??? if you have kids that's great because they keep you going... am i right? the time will go fast because even though your separated from your husband you have your children to fulfill your everyday life....
can i continue the next 11 years to live like this? like today, i am at work, i don't want to be here, i want to be home at 4pm to see if i received a letter. i just called 800-collect and still my home number is not accepting calls yet. mci goes when new service is completed it takes 24-48 hours for the block to fall off. i hate mci with a passion. they suck and it drives me crazy that i can't speak to my husband.. am i losing it or what???

Hi Chris---I can sympathize because i too wait for the mail. My situation is different 'cos I met my guy thru the mail. All in all, you have to search your heart and see if you're happier this way or without him in your life at all. If you need someone to listen, e-mail; me. Jane

My Husband will be well in to his 40's when he gets home we have 13 more yars to go and some time most of the time i do wonder if i will make it but when i see him all that goes away but as soon as i leave here it comes again.So really i dont know.

My sweetie will be 56 when he has his 1st parole hearing.I will be 46...We were together before he went in.He is the love of my life!I will wait for how ever long it takes!!!

Hi Ladies, My man may have to do another 11 years, I have made it this long so I know I can make it till the day he comes home. Sure it gets VERY lonely, BUT I love my man hes my soulmate, hes the only man for me. My faith in God is what has gotten me this far and it is what will carry me through. I also try to keep very busy and having PTO helps so very much.

WOW to all of the women who have posted here. You impress me and give me hope. My situation is reversed and I'm hoping and praying that my husband will wait for me. We are thinking that it will be less than 2 years. For today he says he will wait. I believe he will. I just worry about how he'll feel when he has to start doing everything in my absence and taking care of our 3 yr old daughter without any help. All family is over 1200 miles away. And because female federal facilities are few, I will also be very far away. For each of you, no matter how long, I wish the time to pass quickly.

Sheryl

Awww Chris... I was so excited for you to have this weekend with your hubby... It breaks my heart that you weren't able to go... I'm sorry...

In the time that I've read your posts and feel as though I've known you, I know that you are truly in love with your guy... Geez, 10 years is a long time, and you did all of that time with the awareness that you'd have another 11 to go!!! Now that's what I call love and dedication... You're amazing!! He is so lucky to have you in his world... (I'm sure he already knows it)...

I know it's hard to wait... I can't even say that I understand what it's like, because I don't have all of those years under my belt like you do, but I know that it can't be done without total unconditional love, which you've proved that you have... You've given up allot to maintain this relationship...

If I were a gambler I'd place my bet that you'll make it through this other half... Notta doubt in my mind..

Stay strong, and know that we're all here for you...

God Bless...

This is my ole'man's second time down and this time it's 25 yrs. which he has to do 85% of it and no review...We have 3 kids and they are doing better than they were as wellas myself. He has been gone only 2yrs.so far and it seems like forever. I know we will make it through;we are soulmates. been married 10 yrs. It is a very long road ahead of us and i get very lonesome for "him", but... we will make it, i have faith in us and God that he will be by our side all the way.

Hi Chris my hubby is working on 6 of a 15-to life and everyday is hard but I really can't see myself without him. I try taking it one day at a time. I try to see my hubby at least 4 timez a month but that hard with school and work. So the only thing we can do is use this site for what it was created and be there for one another, keep our heads up and stay strong...........BIG SHOUT OUT to the creater of PTO......
PEACE;)

My husband has served 22 years and I've been with him all the way. Parole hearing this June again. Don't know how much longer it will be but, for me, the trick is not to think of the whole stretch in front of you at once. You take it month by month, year by year. You make a life for yourself out here and you share it with him. He makes a life for himself in there and shares it with you. You both work on improving yourselves and know that you're in it together. We've been through a LOT over the past 22 years. We do have a child, born 15 years ago. While we have that added bond, I have to say that things were easier for me before becoming a mother in that I had more time and money to visit my husband, more time to myself, more time to write to him. Just like in any marriage, a child changes the dynamics. I wouldn't change it for the world - I love our boy. But I would not create a child to cure my own loneliness - it's not fair to put that burden on a child. I have to address my loneliness other ways - through friendships, volunteer work, taking classes. Then I become a healthy, happy person and that contributes to a healthy, happy marriage. My husband has to do his part in not resenting the life I lead out here and not expecting me to wait by the phone all the time. I'm not saying it's not tough because it is - very tough at times. I've had my share of tears. But we love and trust each other and, right now, our marriage is strong. That's all I can ask for. Zelda

Hello Everyone. My fiance was just sentenced on March 10th to 46 months. I have had a hard time dealing with this and one of my issues was if I would be able to wait for him. I love him dearly, with all my heart. But I was afraid that the length of time would come between us. I have read all the posts and I am very much ashamed at myself for thinking that way. divita, hopefiend, zewskislady, spikeswife to name a few have all been an inspiration to me. I realize that despite the fact that he is in prison and I would do just about anything to get him out. I have been blessed because his sentence is so small in comparison to some of you other ladies. I realize how selfish I was by thinking I wouldn't be able to deal with it. You ladies have given me hope. Thank you.

Vella, you need not be ashamed of yourself. Your honesty is breathtaking. The first year is the most difficult. This will give you and your fiance' time to search your souls. Get things in better perspectives. No matter how much time or how little time he has in comparison to others in the PTO family, Anytime, is hard time for loved ones. I pray that this site continues to bring comfort to your soul. May God keep His loving arms around both of you.

Mschiku,
I am moved by your warmness. Thank you so much for your post. It has only been about 7 and a half months since this has all started for us and it has been extremly difficult to say the least. I am thankfull though that our 2 boys, (2yrs and 10 mths) are too young to really grasp the situation. This time away from each other, although difficult, has truly been a blessing for us. We have become more in touch with one another and have grown to appreciate one another. We had taken so much for granted before and now this is like a new beginning for us. Thank you so much again for your kind words and may God keep his loving arms around you. I hope we can keep in touch.:)




Vella, you need not be ashamed of yourself. Your honesty is breathtaking. The first year is the most difficult. This will give you and your fiance' time to search your souls. Get things in better perspectives. No matter how much time or how little time he has in comparison to others in the PTO family, Anytime, is hard time for loved ones. I pray that this site continues to bring comfort to your soul. May God keep His loving arms around both of you.

Chrispro- only YOU know what YOU can handle. I wish you the best, as this is not an ewasy road. Will Darryl and I make it? YES!!! By the grace of God, we will. I have no doubt. All I can tell you is hold on until you can't hol on any longer. I get no visits- only letters and calls. I haven't touched him in 2 1/2 years... It's never as bad as you think it is.

I know many will disagree with me but in my situation, after 5 years of incarceration, I had to seperate myself from the situation. I couldn't imagine another 10 years of loving someone incarcerated. I divorced my husband and we were seperate and apart for 7 years. I starting writing him again. He said he never wanted the divorce. I started visiting...we're back together and he's coming home to me this August after 15 long years of being seperated.

wow, i was touched by this.

in 1999 i left my husband because his first love from 1973 found him and she started to visit him. he went in the box but i moved to chicago and texas for the whole year of 2000 and didnt see him. we still wrote ...
we got back in january 2002 and things can never be better. i have 10 more years to go...

:p Hey Ladies:

I commend all of you!!! I have been waiting for my husband patiently for 13 years and hopefully this year is it !!!! You can really do it if you stay focused !!!!!

We have at least 15 years to go...all i know is that we have more with each other than we ever had on our own or with anyone else...I wouldnt trade my man in prison for anyone anywhere anytime...we're forever and we know it...

Yeah I have to agree i wouldnt trade my husband in either. I feel like he is it for me. I dont wanna be with out him and even though i may not have him in a physical sense i have what counts and thats his love for me and his support so i am in for the long haul.

Hi, Chrispro, know you can make it! If your love is strong enough and with God's help. My hubby and I can't have any children either unless it was a miricale. He has no children at all and I have 5 grown children. I have about 5 1/2 years to go until my baby discharges AND THAT IS'NT LONG AT ALL THE WAY TIME IS FLYING. i DONT WORK BUT I AM ALWAYS BUSY WITH MY KIDS AND FAMILY. i AM INVOLVED WITH HIS FAMILY AS WELL AND THAT HELPS ALOT. WHEN THEY HAVE HOLIDAY GET TOGETHERS THEY ALWAYS INVITE ME TO COME DOWN. i LIVE IN TULSA AND HIS FAMILY LIVES IN OKLAHOMA CITY. yOU CAN MAKE IT! KEEP THE GOOD WORK UP AND PRAY ALOT FOR THE LORD TO GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH. RAY AND I ARE GOING TO START PRAYING TOGETHER EVERYTIME I COME TO VISIT FOR GOD TO BLESS OUR LOVE AND KEEP IT STRONG. :)

My man is thousands of miles away from me and when he was on Death Row I was able to visit him just one week in a year. Now he is off the row and transferred to another prison serving life without parole, we have to go through the whole visitation form filling again until I can get to see him again. We have been through so much together especially when people we had come to know had been executed and I'm sure we still have so much more to face ahead as my man is now serving Life Without Parole, but most of all I am very grateful that he made it this far and he is going to live! We have been together for almost 10 years now and he gives me so much more than any man I have known. I always thank him for keeping our relationship alive and for being so strong for both of us. I'm proud of him and proud to be his woman, I could never forsake him for anything or anyone else.

I know the feeling of being lonely, my David has a 12-40 yr sentence with
6 1\2 yrs. in. I use to go weekly but I haven't been up in the past 3 weeks cause of finances etc. I am a 31 yr. old single mother of 2 (which are not his), everyday I just pray to God to give me the strength & power to hold on. Even with the 5 1\2 till his minimum seems like an eternity.

I have a child with my man, and it does make it easier for me cause I concentrate on raising her. Why don't you have a child with him, since you have trailor visits. Thats what I probably would do. It is hard to raise a child by yourself, but its so rewarding.Sorry, but I dont agree with you on saying ,"why dont she have a child with him".... You dont have a child to make this kind of situation (husband in prison) easier to get through. A man and woman have a child because "they" want one and NOT to make it through a situation.. That is wrong to advise someone to have a child for "this" reason. "WHY" bring an innocent child into this world while their father is incarcerated??? Sorry if this offends you but i am stating my opinion on this matter.

i have already asked my self that same question and he has only been down a little over a year and we have twenty more to go .We don't have any kids. i'm 37 and by the time he gets out i often wonder if he will still want me he is much younger then me he just truned 29 . i miss him so much but like he said every day is a day closer to comeing home

I think you are right Calis in your reasons for not having a child to an incarcerated man. There are all ready enough children in the world with absent fathers through no fault of their mothers, so why put another child and mother through the same situation? I am a single mother by the way.

Cathy

You should be able to have a child rather you have the other party tere or not as long as you can provide for that child and love that child i dont feel havinh parent in prison has any thing to do with the love you will have for your child.

Hi Latonya
I do agree with your reasons for having a child and they are good ones, but I wonder how the child and absent father would cope if the father is incarcerated in the first place and perhaps serving a very long sentence. Perhaps there are other women on this website who have taken this decision and could tell us how it is for them?

I also wonder as well because i am 31 and only have one child which isnt by my husband and from the looks of it i will be 44 years old when he come home and which i feel will really be to late for me. I do wanna a baby by my husband rather he is lock up or not but i have really come to terms that this may not happen.

Hi LaTonya

I'm not very familiar with the priviledges that US prisons allow as I live in England and my man only got off Death Row late last year, but does your husband's facility allow you to have trailer visits? ( I think that's what they are called ). I was already married with 2 children when I met my partner in prison but I am 42 years old now and my kids have grown up, I have my 13 year old living at home with me now. I think it's true that having family around you does help you to get through the situation of a partner in prison and my man would very much like us to have a child of our own but the distance and the situation won't allow it. For me I am just very glad my partner is still alive. I guess maybe I would have more to be concerned about if I did have a child with my partner because of the distance involved and the lack of communication between him and the child. Right now we are just hoping that one day things will change and he will know freedom again, but like I said before, I'm just very thankful he is away from Death Row now. I do wish you lots of luck with your husband and your child, and also for a very happy future together.

THANKS! I am so glad your man is off death row that has to be very good for the both of you.I am in Illinois and so his my husband and they dont have family visits so there will be no baby. I wish you and your man well as well.

Thanks LaTonya

I can't tell you how grateful I am to still receive mail and phone calls from him, I hope to be able to get on his visit list again soon for the new prison he is at and to see him again soon.

It has been 10yrs and he has 7 more to go if he stays out of the box if not it will be 10 more there is no parole on this sentence and when he returns he will be labeled as a sex offender.
I ask myself often what chance to we really have of making it after he has been incarcerated for so many years. We have a great line of communication and talk about this subject often he is as scared as iam and im sure he carries the doubts that i do
I just take it day by day its all i can do and up to this point my love for him has helped carry me through but i wont lie and say its easy and everyday gets harder for me my children are all almost to the age of moving out of the house and when that happens i feel my tuffest challanges dealing with lonliness are ahead of me yet.

Hi nkmore.

I guess I can only give you my own experience and I hope this helps you. My eldest child has already left home recently and I miss her to bits, I didn't realise she had grown up so fast as she was always my first baby. I do have a son of 12 still with me but I realise he is also growing up too fast too. About a year ago I got in touch with some of my old school mates, we had been best friends for years and lost touch for so long. Now we make it a routine to stay in touch and go out whenever we can. I also got myself a job and made friends with my co workers so that brings another social out let. I do think it's very important to make some kind of life for myself as I was becoming dependant on my kids and my man. I find now I have more to share with him and able to give him " normal" fun pieces of news which takes him out of his present situation, I also appreciate his opinions in certain situations yet still respect him enough to continue being faithful.

I am going to comment on the posts above about having a child with an incarcerated man. I can only respond from my own situation and my own emotions which, as you will see as I continue, are strong ones. My husband is serving a long sentence and we have been together, with him in prison, for 22 years now. Many years ago, we decided we wanted to have a baby and I knew I'd be too old by the time my husband was released, so we got permission of the warden and governor to have a baby through artificial insemination. Many people over the years have made the comment that one should not bring a baby into this world with an incarcerated father but no one who knows us or our child agrees with that statement. I didn't have a baby to fill a void - we had a baby for several other reasons. And our son is now 15 years old, an honor student and athlete and an incredibly wise and compassionate young man. He and his father have an incredibly close bond and a wonderful relationship. It hasn't been easy being a "single mom". It wasn't easy when my husband was moved to a prison 1,000 miles away for years. And being able to handle it financially is an important factor. But I will never ever regret our decision. I have asked my son if he ever feels angry that his father has always been in prison. He just looked puzzled and said, "why would I?" He points out his friends who have dads in the free world who hardly give them the time of day. In some ways, I think it helps that it's always been that way, rather than having his dad taken away from him suddenly. Anyway - no one should ever say that a child should not be born if that child is the product of love and can be nurtured, loved and protected by his/her parents. I give thanks daily that we were given this opportunity to create our "miracle" and I am always aware of how unique our situation is. Zelda

You Are Going Through The Motions That This Jail Mess Comes With. I've Been Married To My Husband For Two Years. We Got A Sentence Of 20 Years To Life. We've Been In The System For 6 Years. I Am 30yrs Old And My Husband Is 32 Yrs Old. I Have Children But Not With My Husband. Even With Children I Still Feel So Lost. At This Moment I Am Fightin' Back The Tears Because The Pain Is Crazy For Me. I've Known My Husband Since I Was About 8 Or 9 Yrs Old And That Feelin' Has Always Been There On Both Ends. You Can Make It, Believe That God Will Help You And Your Husband Through. Wow! Mci Is Something Else. My Bills Be Out Of This World So I Know Exactly What You Mean. I Go Up State To See My Half Also And Even Though Its Not Too Far Away Its Seems So. Stay Strong And Know That You Can Make It.


Peace

Wow ladies you all have a lot to deal with and have already been thru alot. I hope that makes sense to you.
My situation is a little different. I am 55 years old, and my children are grown and are away from home. Matter of fact my son is in Oregon in prison. My husband has been down a long -- long -- long time. Please hold on a minute I am fighting back the teaars. I am a private person and this is sooooo hard. When I think of all the time he has done and all I get so dang emotional. I met my husband thru the mail thru a well meaning friend of his.
We too, started out as pen pals, but from our first phone call there was somethang special there. WE both felt it but did not acknowlege it. Our letter writing turned into more and more phone calls. Now check this out most of our calls were not collect. Because of his prison job he had to make phone calls on a regular basis -- so his calls to me fortunately were included in that. Now on the weekends and some of the evenings our calls were collect.
To shorten a long story. He was transferred from CA to back east for 3 years and then transferred back to CA a few years ago. Now all these years our only means of communication have been our phone calls -- letters and cards. I have every letter he had ever written me from day one. WE are going on our 8th year together. However we just got married April 2003.
A dear friend is looking into having someone research hubby's case. You see my husband is a "political prisoner". He has been held hostage for a lifetime and moved from state to state -- from state prisons to federal prisons -- back and forth. I get dizzy just thinking about it.
The point I am trying to make is I love my husband more than life itself. This is my 3rd marriage and his second. WE both have grown children, matter of fact we are both grandparents.
Listen and hear me well Chrispro and you other ladies I would not have it any other way. My husband has given me more (even with our limited contact and communication) is this relationship/marriage than I have ever received out of any other relationship/marriage I have ever been in for my whole adult life. He says I have given him more than he has ever gotten out of a relationship before also.
WE did not meet face to face until he was transferred back east.
We are both supportive of one another. I could go on forever as he is my favorite subject.
The question on the table is "how many of us will make until they come home"?
Look I am here for the long haul. However long it take Insha Allah I will be here for him. He has brought me thru some really difficult emotional situations. He is my strength my guiding ligjt.
I sorry I got lost along the way in answering the question -- I just wanted to share just a little of our past so you could kinda understand all that we are up against, and all that we are forced to deal with. Thanks for taking the time to listen (read).
PTO has been a saving grace for me. Just when I am feeling at my lowest point I check out the different threads here and renew my strength. The support system here is AWESOME!!! You all are to be commended on all you bring to the table of life. Yes we will make it thru -- we have come this far we are here for one another.
Bless you all!!

I think that you've posed a question here that a lot of us ladies who've had to do "time on the outside" with our man on the inside for a long duration have had to ask ourselves at some point along the way. I chose to marry my husband back in 1984 in a prison chapel, having met him there when I was involved in Prison Ministry with my church. It has been a long and very tough and lonesome twenty years now...He has served 24 years on a Life Sentence and been turned down for parole 8 times thus far ... (a high profile case with a lot of Political Grandstanding)...He was a 20 yr old when he went in...now he is 45 and I am 47 yrs old. My son was only 6 years old when we first visited David at the prison together...He is now grown and happily married and has made me a Grandma twice! LOL I now live all alone and have done the past 20 years pretty much alone without a lot of support from others. My support and strength came from my relationship to and faith in Jesus Christ. Doing time on the outside is no cakewalk...that's for sure! It is a lonely road to travel down if you have no or little "support" from family and friends as in my case. But, I would do it all over again if I had to make the choice again today! I LOVE my husband and I believe in him and in the man that he has allowed God to make of him thru all he's been thru. I know that a life such as I have chosen means great sacrifices in many ways....But, I also believe strongly that TRUE LOVE NEVER CONSIDERS THE SACRIFICE. The Bible tells us ..."NO GREATER LOVE HATH ANY MAN(WOMAN)...THAN THAT THEY LAY DOWN THEIR LIFE FOR A FRIEND (HUSBAND)"
I have had to lay down my life in numerous ways in order to stand by my man for the past decade....But, I don't count the cost...no more than Jesus did when He laid down His life for me. I just found this PTO site and until now, I didn't even realize there was this valuable and wonderful "support network" here online! You have this as well as other avenues of support ie: family, friends, church... and staying busy with work and hobbies or community outreach can also help fill your "void" times and help you to cope with loneliness. I have discovered that I tend to get into a state of lonliness and self-pity whenever I focus inward...on what I am lacking (my husband home with me)...but when I focus outward...on the needs of others around me and concentrate on what I do have and not what I lack in my life, I cope so much better. I hope this helps ...or at least gives you another perspective. God Bless you and your man!

Kindly,
Mary

Thanks to all you ladies, and to Mrs. D., for her sage words once again. Thanks too for Mary's wise words. This is what I come to this website for, and it's given me a strength I would not have had were it not for the wonderful women and men in this group!

Blessings.



I LOVE my husband and I believe in him and in the man that he has allowed God to make of him thru all he's been thru. I know that a life such as I have chosen means great sacrifices in many ways....But, I also believe strongly that TRUE LOVE NEVER CONSIDERS THE SACRIFICE. The Bible tells us ..."NO GREATER LOVE HATH ANY MAN(WOMAN)...THAN THAT THEY LAY DOWN THEIR LIFE FOR A FRIEND (HUSBAND)"
Kindly,
Mary

I have been doing this for 11 years now. I have taken short breaks, what we call "time-outs" every now and then and they have really helped to keep me sane, refreshed and rejuvenated for the long haul. We have 2 daughters that I must care for daily as well. They are teenagers now so you can imagine that they totally occupy my "free" time. Even though life presents its distractions and they take your mind of our loved ones for a time it is only temporary.

I believe that the key to keeping our relationships strong and intact is communication. Nuro & I talk about everything...the good, the bad and the ugly. In the early years, I kept a lot inside and didn't share as much with him because I was trying to be strong for him. This proved to be a mistake. Let all of your feelings out, share them with each other and work through the difficult times together.

I don't know what the future will hold for myself or anyone else. If someone would have told me that I would have been married by the time I was 24 I would have laughed in there face, If someone would have told me that I would have gotten married in a correctional facility i would have died laughing in their face. I met my husband while he was still in the free world but our relationship didn't really blossom until he was incarcerated. I met him when I was only 19 and I'm 27 now. I fell In love and every day that passes I continue to fall even deeper. I am chosing to be by his side and I know its not going to be easy. I do sometimes feel lonely and I miss him terribly but I have to stay strong and pray to God for strength. I love my husband and I can imagine my life without out him but why would I want to. He completes me in every sense. So I'll just be killing time until he comes home and I wont let time kill me. This lifestyle isn't for everyone and it does get frustrating at times but thats how life is, sweetie u take the good with the bad.

There has been a lot of stories being told all different. I am happy to hear most of us are willing to be here for our men. They need all the support they can get. It's hard.

I met D13X four years ago he was serving the 8th year of his sentence . I am now 26 and he's 42. I love him. My Baby has asked me to have a baby with him and as of July 23rd we are now offically engaged. I would not mind having his baby. He has four more years left on his sentence so GOD willing our prays will be answered of us having a child together. I do not want to marry him while he's in prision. I do not want to have his baby while he's in prision. I will be faithful and love him always.

I will be here for him until he comes home. HONESTLY.

May GOD bless you all.