My momma says we should cut down on visiting and sending packages because if he's more lonley and hungry, it's another reason for him to STAY OUT of prison next time. She wants to tough love him. What do you think?

I think your momma is wrong. It has been shown that inmates who have strong family support are much more likely to stay out of prison. The ones who feel no one cares, and seem to be forgotten, just get angry, bitter and depressed. If a family doesn't have money, ok, no packages. I make sure that my extended family members have envelopes to write us, and I write them regularly, send books. But cut down on visits? How can you love someone in prison, and be close enough to visit, have the money to do so. and not want to see them? I think they suffer enough being in prison. Does your mom have a computer to log on here? Bring her in here!

I think cutting down on visits and packages will just cause hm to be more inclined to become a tough guy to try to keep up with the others:he will then get in with guys that will not improve him and he will be move likely to get into more trouble when released. Soryy but I have to ask, was your momma supportive of him when he was free, or did he feel unsupported? Do you know? Have you asked him? Bit late for tough love when he is inside.Please write him often and show him that YOU love and care about him. Maybe your momma is just unable to cope with the situation and needs some more time to adjust herself?

if he has been in and out a lot, is your mom burnt out...?

i had been in and out of rehabs for about a year, bad year=} anyway, each time my family gave less, simply because they couldn't keep giving and just watch me relapse again.....although, they always showed support....but, the $ slowly decreased, with each relapse, and the new clothes, and so on...

you know, you can continure to send love and support, encouragement, and hope...that is what he really needs the most..through the mail and visits...my sister has always visited me through out all my in and outs...and, i will tell you that meant the world to me, and i will never forget what she did for me...but, to save my life they had to stop bailing me out ie: letting me kick in their house, buying me new clothes, giving me spending money...(although, they always made sure i had cigerettes, and chocolate an addict trying to stay clean without cigs, or sweets, not good=}) i have 10 years clean now, and 9 years from cigerettes..
fondly-francis

Well my opinion is that it depends on the individual themself. If they want to do better for themselves then they will. Most of the people who I know who have someone on the inside and send them things and visit still come out and mess up again and go back and forth, in and out. As far as the ones who don't get anything they feel as if no one cares and when they get out their friends and family members are all in their face saying oh I'm glad your home and they tend to think oh you were never there for me on the inside I'm going to show you that I still don't need you and they tend to do better and not go back. As far as my husband he has been in and out over the last 10 years we have known each other. The only person who has been there for him has been me and just about a year ago his mom came in the picture. I send him money, pictures, letters and visited him too many times. He said that this is his last time because before he would only do a few months here and there, now he is doing 6 years. This is the longest he has been in. He says he is going to change this time but we will see. My cousin is the same way he has been in and out since I known him and no one has been there for him but me. His mom sent him $25 in the last 3 years he has been in. His sister and friends don't care about him at all. He says that when he gets out he will move away from his family and live his life without him.
So all in all I believe that it depends on that particular individual.
This is just my opinion. Hope this helps.

I agree with CET. Young folks often get into trouble because somewhere they weren't feeling properly loved, supported or guided. The truth is, his issues probably stem from the family systems issues and thus the family should be his first line of support in repairing himself. Prison have given you all a unique opportunity where he can sit still and listen to you for a change. You can use this time to get into his head and his heart and influence his thinking. Help him develop some positive goals and objectives, stroke him and teach him to have good self esteem. Otherwise, he will undoubtedly feel terrible, think terrible thoughts, become more embittered and become a future menace to society and to your family. Love him unconditionally and redirect his behavior and thinking. Get some help, and read some books on the subject and share, share with him. God bless.:ham: