anybody wants to share the opinions from other people regarding prisoners? I mean, I'm quit sure y'all have been getting some weird and mean reactions when people find out you have a beloved one in prison, and that you're standing by him? I know I have and I'm only a 'pen pal'!

Funny you should ask that, I was just talking to my cousin, who by the way is about the only one left in my family talking to me. She has been fighting to save Wolf Dogs. (She has one of her own) I mean, she has gone undercover on the net to expose schemes of illegal breeding, etc. Well, anyway, we were talking the other night about the Death Penalty and I was telling her my feelings and she says anyone who fights for the Death Penalty is just fighting a "cause"... However, it is different with her fighting for her dogs. Dogs are innocent and do not have a voice. People on Death Row, or in Prison are not innocent and can speak for themselves so I am waisting my time. I need to fight for the innocent instead. Yes, that's right, to her these dogs lives are more important than human life. She also said that I need to get a reality check and that most of the stuff I was telling her about the abuse in prisons does not exist and that I am only being fed information that people want me to hear. She thinks I'm a fool. I am Naive....
:argh

well, no disrespect but I think she is a full. death penalty is wrong, so it needs to be abolished. because how can you tell someone is wrong to take a life and then do the exact same thing? anyway, I won't start about that, because I won't be able to stop and will only get mad....

but too many people have very bad opinions about prisoners. they think every prisoner is violent, a rapist, child molester and killer. they don't believe a person can change, they don't seem to believe a person can make stupid mistakes. they watch too much tv, and then I'm talking about the tv that doesn't show the reality about prison.

It can make me so mad that the people who shout the hardest that they are open-minded or whatever, aren't at all. their open-minded-ness stops at the borders of their own little world and they refuse to take a step over that border. yeah, they care for people,as long as it doesn't take too much efforts, doesn't cause any extra problems, and as long as it doesn't confront them with some of the bad things/places in life.

unfortunally too many people seem to believe that they'll never get in touch with the prison system, that it will never happen to them. while it can happen to everybody....

some people told me i'm too social. i wonder what that is supposed to mean? oops sorry, can't talk to you, because if i do, i'll pass my 'sociality quotum'?? :argh

Well, I used to be one of those people who never gave a second thought to prisoners or the death penalty-you must have done something to get you there so you deserve whatever you get-bad treatment and all..well needless to say my opinions have changed since now that prisoner is my wonderful husband...I have made some very wonderful friends on those long waits to see Stephen and met some truly beautiful...Some of my friends have wondered why I stay with him that they would not wait...we have even lost a few friends because they have said derrogatory things to both Stephen and I ....well everyone has a bag of sh*t! this happens to be mine! Anyone who says bad things about us for our choices should be careful GOd has a funny way of opening our eyes......Joy don't listen to your cousin-you are a more beautiful person because you are seeing the good in people when only the bad is showing....Jesus ate and visited with the sinners because those are the ones who needed it most!! KEEP Up the fight!!

Oh of course I get it all the time too... I hear all the time that it is a waste of my time and that there is nothing JD can really do for me (as my man) from prison... Which I just don't agree with... I feel that the most important thing from a relationship is to feel listened to and supported and loved, and even with infrequent and short visitation and no phone calls for now, just through letters I feel more loved and supported than I have in other past relationships.... I also hear skepticism (sp?) about whether or not things will work out when JD gets out of prison... and I know that we will face a lot of challenges... JD was 15 when he was incarcerated, so I know his "adjustment" will be very difficult as he will have to learn how to be an adult in the outside world. But I know that love and patience and faith goes a long way, and believe that anything is possible. I know what I feel in my heart and I know what I see in his eyes... and thanks to PTO, I know I am not alone... so it doesn't really matter to me anymore what people have to say. I will always be an advocate, but I know that not everyone in this world is ready or willing to see the other side of reality... but that is on them.... They will get what is coming to them eventually, and it isn't MY job to give it to them... :) (my 2 cents...)

I totally agree. I always tell them, dón't judge me nor the prisoners if you haven't been in my shoes or done any effort to get to know them and learn from them

I would like to try to explain some of the negative reactions toward women who seek out and chose imprisoned men. I'll admit I had the same reactions although I am trying to change and understand this. This is slightly different from women who are married before their husbands went to prison. Married women have different reasons to stay with their men, family, marriage vows, etc. Women making the choice to stay with their husbands is a little bit easier to understand.

I have heard most of the truisms such as "you can't chose who you fall in love with"
"they have changed" "they made a mistake" "they are good in men....good heart" "they are reformed" "they did not commit the crime" "it was only a drug charge" Lets say all that is correct.
That is easy to understand.

Where the big complexity is most people don't understand why someone would begin to look in the place of deep recess of this world for inauspicious human beings. Prisoners that in general (I know not all ...especially the man you want) the court system and society deemed unworthy and dangerous to walk among us ....you have fallen in love with.

To give an example women that fall in love with an abusive alcoholic. He doesn't work ...spends the paycheck on booze, abuses. Most family and loved ones of this woman would not want her to be with a man that is not mentally, physically, emotional, financially available. All she can do is explain "But I love him" Or why would want to date a man as a future husband that you know will not provide a roof over your head. He has none thing but the clothes on his back and two nickels to rub together. Logically women should look for the best qualities and someone who has ambition to stay that way

Just to compare it is just as hard to understand why women who love mentally, physical, emotional, financially unavailable men that are in prison. I know you all want to defend your men. I'm not trying to attack them or your decisions to love them. I was just trying to explain why you are having a hard time with people understanding your love and desire to pick this type of relationship. It is hard to have a healthy happy relationship with a working law abiding man that is not in prison. Most people won't understand what or why you are having a relationship with a prisoner. You probably won't be able to change that bias so it will have to be with disgruntled remarks from the ones who don't understand.

Well I am happy to say that I do not have people downing my realationship with ant.. They are glad that we are in love and like kids again.. He is who God chose for me regardless of his current housing situation.. Yes he is a criminal and yes he is in prison but I love him and I really don't care what other people thing.

My family and absoulutly adores him and can't wait until he get's out.. At first they were worried but then they did not trip once they got to know him.. His family is very loving toward me. SO I guess I am blessed to have the possitive reponse from people around me.. People who are not my family have no business knowing what is going on so I do not tell them.. I am a private person when it comes to that.. So I guess that is why I have less problems..

Well, I was married to my husband before he was a prisoner...but I would like to say that prisoners are first people, they laugh, cry, love and bleed,,regardless of the crime they have commited....I also feel that when a person is in prison they have the opportunity reflect and change themselves...something that is rare for a "free" man...also I think God puts people together for a reason...( well that was MY 2 cents..haha:) )

Torrey, I understand. I fell in love with a prisoner too, that I know for 2 years now. I don't think that the women who get in contact with prisoners (guys they didn't know before they went to prison) are not really looking for a relationship (at least not the women I know). They just want to give some support and help the time past by a little quicker.
But correspondence can be very intense. When you don't get to see each other, and when 1 person is very limited in what he can and can't do, you just start talking about yourself a lot. And then it happens that you fall in love with the person you're writing with, his personality..I think :rolleyes:

Hi Soraya!

Like the replies you've received so far, I've also experienced the wide range of jabs, snide remarks and general disbelief that I would even consider waiting for someone who is in prison. Even my closest girlfriend and I have agreed not to talk about this subject because we respect each other's right to an opposing opinion.

I have seen the glaring looks during visitation from correctional staff...like I'm stupid for giving an inmate the time of day, much less the effort of visiting. I guess that's what it boils down to...that anyone who has made the decision to stand beside their loved one during their incarceration is looked at as 1) misguided/misinformed, 2) stupid, and/or 3) desperate. I have found this to be the exact opposite; most of the people (men andand women) I've come in contact with who are sticking with their loved one are highly intelligent and highly independent.

I have found that with friends and associates, honesty has been the best way for me. Not a constant declaration, ya know...just if someone asked me about Jay, I was always truthful. I did not try to explain my decision to stand beside him and would not even enter into a debate about it.

It's something to think about, though, when you make the decision to be in a relationship with someone who is incarcerated. The person needs to decide how to handle those inquiries because when confidence is displayed in the answer, there is little room left for debate. ;)

Myris

My boyfriend has been locked up for almost two years now. I have a lot of different reactions when I tell someone that he's in federal prison. Most of my family know and they really don't say anthing. The people that I run into now and then ask me if I'm still with him and if I'm really going to wait THAT long.

It really doesn't bother me for people to think what they do. I can't control them, and they're not in the relationship. I am. I don't comment on their relationships, so why do they think that they can tell me how to run mine?

The truth is, our relationship is stonger because we have to deal with his incarceration. It takes more effort and decision making on our parts to make sure the relationship doesn't fall apart. Since we can't be together right now, we find other ways to express our love. So we concentrate more on us.

Hugs, Denise :p

RENEE WILL BE MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AS SOON AS IT IS POSSIBLE FOR HER AND MY SON TO BE MARRIED.

THEY MET WHILE SHE WAS A DOC EMPLOYEE IN N.C. AND HE IS AN INMATE. I WONDERED ABOUT THIS SAME THING. I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT WHY AN EDUCATED, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN LIKE HER WOULD WANT TO WASTE HER LIFE ON A MAN THAT SHE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO BE WITH FOR QUITE AWHILE.

THEN, I REALIZED, AS I WAS AROUND THEM WHEN THEY WERE ABLE TO VISIT, JUST WHAT IS MEANS TO BE A SOUL MATE. WHEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE THAT CAN ALMOST SPEAK YOUR WORDS FOR YOU BEFORE YOU SAY THEM BECAUSE YOU ARE SO MUCH ALIKE. I HAVE WITNESSED TRUE LOVE. NOT A PHYSICAL LOVE AS SO MANY PEOPLE GET INVOLVED IN, BUT A TRUE LOVE OF PERSONALITY, AND VALUES.

THESE TWO PEOPLE TALK DAILY. THEY WRITE EACH OTHER DAILY. THEY HAVE MADE PLANS, TALK ABOUT DREAMS AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS.

I WAS VERY SCEPTICAL WHEN THIS HAPPENED IN NOVEMBER OF 2001. I HAVE WATCHED THIS RELATIONSHIP BLOSSOM AND GROW EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE BEEN DENIED VISITATION WITH EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT REAL, TRUE LOVE IS ALL ABOUT. I ADMIRE ALL OF YOU WHO ARE IN THIS TYPE RELATIONSHIP AND STAY IN IT. YOU WILL MORE THAN LIKELY BE THE SALVATION OF YOUR MAN BELIEVE IT OR NOT.


DONNA

Donna....
I wish that one day my mom would be able to see what you do and react the way you do... but quite frankly, I don't think that will ever happen.... so you can just be my surrogate mom, ok?? :) kidding....
Thanks for what you said though... you know my situation is very much like your son's and I really do feel that way about my relationship... It is just always nice to hear yet again that someone else understands... It always gives me renewed hope and strength... :)

DEAR JD


HONEY, I WOULD LOVE TO BE YOUR SECOND MOM....I HAVE QUITE A FEW OF SECOND CHILDREN ALONG WITH 3 OF MY OWN PLUS 6 GRANDCHILDREN..... WHEN YOU LIVE 59 YEARS, YOU LEARN A GREAT DEAL AND USUALLY IT IS THE HARD WAY..... BLESS YOU AND JD....... MAY YOUR LOVE CONTINUE FOREVER.


MY PRAYERS

DONNA

Dear Donna, thanks for your comment, this is also how I feel about Darrell. And just like Denise, I feel that our relationship is stronger. We can't be together fysically so our relationship is based on loving each others personality. Especially since we never met face to face. I believe a relationship that is based on friendship, trust and not on looks and lust has a base that is lot stronger then other relationships. We're also soulmates. Like you said Donna, we can feel each other, even from so far away. I never know on beforehand when he'll call me, but when he does, I wake up like 10 min. before the phone rings>. Each and every time.
I tell him things in my letters that he asked me, while I didn't know(because the letters I receive from him are at least 2 weeks old) Or i.e. I ask him something in a letter today and tomorrow I receive a letter from him,in which he already answered my question. While he didn't know that I asked him that. I can't wait to see him.
His mom feels the same way as you felt in the beginning Donna, but she does know that I love him a hole lot, so she's happy for both of us....luckly

I didn't tell you guys yet I talked with his mom on the phone a while ago. she's a very sweet lady, we had a nice talk. now I can stay with her if I'm coming over there and Darrell is not too far away from where she lives.