I have really been struggling lately because I feel very disconnected from my guy. Does anyone have any ideas about what I can do to feel close to my man even though we can't be together? I know it is stressing him out because I wrote him and explained how I feel. He has been writing a lot more, so he is making an effort. I know it's me. I avoid writing him as much as I used to because sometimes it really makes the pain of missing him more real when I write. I know that not writing is no answer, but I've got to get through this- I just don't know how. I feel like I am the one slowly letting go of the relationship, but I really do love him. Any ideas out there? Thanks!

Play the Question game!! It gives you and your man the opportunity to get to know each other better, and opens up the possibility to conversate on things besides how much you miss each other. For example you could ask; if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? If you had to be stranded on an island, what 3 people would you take with you? If you could live in any time period, what would it be?
Different things like that. I ask my huband to write at the end of each letter one thing that I don't yet know about him. It could be about his views on the current news, politics, religion, his past. Anything to make me feel like I know him better, and that makes me feel closer.

Thanks. That's a good idea. I also should have mentioned that I've fallen into a terrible trap by focusing on only the negative things from our past. I have gotten into this bad habit of writing about them and getting mad and asking him about bad times in our relationship. I know this is crazy and doesn't help anyone- and I know it's stressing him out. Has anyone else ever done this? How can I stop? I know we had good times too. Maybe I'm just angry at him for doing something to get himself taken away. I don't know.

are you able to visit?
sometimes that helps when you can talk to each other face to face.

I think that bringing up old stuff is a pitfall that most of us have fallen into at one time or another, I know I have. And when I do it, it's because I feel really angry or frusterated about something, but can't quite put a reason to it. So it's easier to release those feelings by bringing up something old. While I do think it's not a good idea to focus on the negitive for too long or in too many letters back to back, it is so important to keep everything in the open and be honest. Have you ever told your man that you are angry for him getting locked up? I think you would have every right to feel that way, and if you tell him that you just want to express yourself, I'm sure he'll understand as well.
I went through a period where I let go of things a bit also, and didn't write for a month. Oh hell did that cause some problems!! There are times when I think we all feel like we have to work at keeping things going... we are the little engines that could!! Keep your head up and know people are here for you!!

My guy and I always write what we call "question letters" He will think up questions and have me answer them...and i will do the same. I've known him really well, but this seriously helped in getting to nkow him even better. We ask questions about anything and everything. I know where he stands on just about any subject. The only rules that we have are that we can not ask a question if we really don't want the answer. In other words, if his answer is going to make things harder on us, we are not to ask it. The other rule is that you can't answer in a joking manner. You have to be honest. It seriously helps things and take time and effort.

write write write. if you really love him dont let go that easily. write him whenever you have something on your mind. that way you can communicate at every aspect. can you visit him???? if you can talk on the phone allow him to call you like once a week.....things should pick up. bottom line if you really wanna be with him you will make an effort to show him that you;re there, and if you really love him, dont let the relationship go. this is the time when he really needs you....

and another thing is...its okay to express to him how you feel about whathe did in his past, or to end up in jail, but trust me, you dont feel any worse about it than he does. afterall you're free to do whatever you want whenever you want to, he's not. so be strong for him, okay. instead of focusing on the negative, why dont you try to reassure him of how much you really love him and want to be there for him. go invest like 37 dollars for a hundred stamps and get to writing. you'll be best friends with the post office, but you'll feel alot closer to your man.

I just have to start by saying that ya'll give some great advice. This thread has helped me alot. I write my man five letters in one day sometimes about nothing except how much I love him. Imagine how happy he feels when he gets five letters in one day. Now I know it is hard to do it all the time, but make an effort to do it once a week or every other week. It makes his whole week better. Just a thought. Good luck!!

I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS GOING TO HELP, BUT EVERY NIGHT JEFF GOES OUT TO THE YARD FROM 6PM - 10PM AND AT 9:30 WE BOTH THINK ABOUT EACHOTHER. WE LOOK IN THE SKY FOR THE MOON, I GO OUTSIDE EVERYNIGHT AT 9:30 AND I LOOK AT THE MOON. AND I KNOW THAT HIM AND I ARE BOTH LOOKING UP AT THE SKY AT THE SAME THING AND THAT WE ARE THINKING ABOUT EACHOTER. I KNOW ITS CORNY BUT I LOOK FORWARD TO SAYING GOODNIGHT TO MY BABY AT 9:30 EVERYNIGHT. IT MAKES ME FEEL SO CLOSE TO HIM.

I like the idea of a questions letter! I've been slacking on writing lately, so that will help me write more often hopefully. lol

jeffsprincess, we do something similar, only we do it at 11 p.m. when his lights go out, i'm in bed at that time also, we think of each other. i love that.

I have to tell everyone that these replies really helped. I was inspired to really write out my feelings to him in a 5 page letter yesterday. I also made an effort to focus on things other than difficulties from our past. I also wrote him 5 questions, which I answered myself in his letter. One was- what is your favorite memory of you and me together. It was good for me to think about positivie things from our past. Ironically I received a long, very sweet letter from him yesterday too saying he understands how I feel, but he really needs me. Thanks for all the inspiration. I feel like I can keep going again!

Find Something Fun Different Online To Keep You In Another Kinda Mood When U Write Him. Try To Make It Fun. That Helps Me. I Also Keep A Journal For My Husband When He Comes Home He Can Read How I Felt On Good Days And Bad Ones. Instead Of Telling Him While He Is There. I Dunno. Every One Gets Upset When We Write, Its Hard..think About Good Things You Have Done Together And Try To Write About Things That Are Positive Like That, And You Will Smile More Instead Of Crying..hope This Helps Hugggs