I just found this site last night while I was searching to learn more. I wish I knew about this place a long time ago. I met my guy 11 years ago through a penpal ad. I've been writing prisoners since I was a kid and my incle was locked up..From there I wrote his friends and went on and wrote to others from all over the country. I never intended to fall in love with anyone..But I found my soul mate. I have 4 children (older now) who have also fallen in love with him and he feels the same for them. At first we could tape each other as well as write letters and being able to "talk" to each other was a real help. But Arizona decided to take away that pleasure, but we still have our letters and there are alot of them. I sometimes write 3 or 4 times a day. Arizona may have his body but his heart is here with me. Sometimes it is so hard to keep going, but I know I have to try and keep strong for him. He had his date set a few months back, but thank God he got a stay. We refuse to give up hope that one day he will be free and we can be together. Nobody and I mean nobody ( except my kids) can understand how I can be so devoted to him. I love him and that is the only reason needed. My friends are with men who treat them real bad, cheat on them and rarely show them any love at all. My guy always shows me how much he loves and needs me and has always showed me respect. We have had our ups and downs, but we have managed to always work through the problems. Do any of you have to deal with "friends" who are always trying to set you up with this guy or that guy who is just "right" for you?Why is it so hard for anyone to understand our men may be on DR but they are still human and need love as well as very willing to give love right back? My heart and soul is locked up with him and will only be free when he is. My ol' man has been through hell and still manages to keep up a positive attitude. DR is death in it's self in Arizona, only they are still breathing. Sorry I seemed to be babbling but I feel free finally finding people who know what I feel...Thank you for listening.

Nice to meet you Chewie'slady, and welcome to PTO. :) I understand what you are going through, my husband is on D/R in TX. My "friends" are the same way, well the ones who don't have someone "inside" that is. They think I am crazy for being married to and devoting my life to someone who is in prison, let alone death row...they don't try to fix me up with anyone (not yet anyway :rolleyes: ugh) but they are unsympathetic and really just discount it, like it's not a "real" marriage or "real" love, when that could not be farther from the truth. What we have is more real and wonderful than anything I have ever had in my life before. I have made some *wonderful* friends here on PTO, so I know you will love it here too. PM if you ever want to talk or anything.

Hugs, Celene

Thank you RandysBlondie20!! I just may take you up on the offer when I need to talk. Everyone seems so close knit on here kind of like a little family. Thank you for letting me in ((( HUGS)))

yes we are all like a little family. and believe me we have all been through what it is like to love a man on death row. it is not easy we all know. especially when we want to be with them so bad. but with the grace of god and all the support on here we live each day to its best and cherish the letters phone calls or visits that we do get to get. i go see my guy in june and i can not wait and to me he is one of the best people i know along with people on here . so we do understand and are always here for you . welcome to P.T.O. peace and love Mary

Thank you for the welcome Peacetrails. I too get to go see my man in June.I am so excited!!! I am just so thankful I found ya'll.

Chewie'sLady, welcome to PTO! I hope you will enjoy being able to discuss any problems you may encounter while he is in prison. When the men are on DR, its only more difficult. I find myself constantly in turmoil over the issues connected with death row. Mostly cause people don't understand. Some are quick to judge. I work with several groups in Dallas towards issues with the death penalty. And even within these groups there is division and fighting. I will continue to work fighting these sentences. Even if my own marriage does not survive. I am a death row wife. And its the most difficult terrible thing that I have ever been through. Take care of yourself. And prayers from our family to you.

Thank you Rosita. As I've said before it is so wonderful to find people who understand and even care. You are so right about things made even harder by people not understanding. There are times, mostly right after I write him, late at night and holidays when I get so depressed. I am always being asked how I can love anyone who took a human life. Yet the same people believe that the state killing them is somehow ok. Not to mention how they are treated while living (if you can call it that) on DR. In anycase thank you for being there...

Welcome to the PTO family! :wave:

chewie'slady
Welcome to the PTO family. If you even need a ear, there are plenty of people going through what you are, and can offer you great support.
Dont worry about what other people, friends, etc think. They probably will never experience the kind of love you have shared with us in your post. People search a lifetime for the love that you have.

Thank you!! This is really hard to deal with sometimes and finding you all has been a Godsend. I have found many friends and one who is fast becoming a very good friend. I hope this dite last forever because I know there are more lost people like me who have no place else to turn. You are right Kyla, I have found more love than most will ever know. I will never give that up just to please closed minded people who don't even know what it is to be completely devoted to someone other than themselves. Once again, thank you!! (I had to stop before I really get started)

chewieslady
First I would like to give you a warm welcome to the family. You will find a lot of Love and support here.

Never Never give up the hope you have, for with out hope we have nothing.

Love knows no boundries, loving some one on the row is hard very hard, there are a lot of emotions and ups and downs.

Most people on the outside looking in don't understand how we can love some one on DR, because I believe that the general public believe that it is only the worst of the worst that are on the row. Which isn't true, and we are slowly educating people to that fact.

You will always have love and support here and the ones who don't understand, will never understand. You know the Love you and him share in your hearts and souls and that is what is important. Now that you have found us, you will never be alone again.

softie

I have found that to be true. Most do believe that it is only the drags of society who get put on DR. I KNOW that isn't true and I am doing my beat to try and tell people that. But I will always have the faith in Chewie and I will keep praying for him and every other man/woman on DR. I will NOT give up!!!! A site like this helps more than I ever dreamed. There are so many lonely days and nights past and so many laying ahead. But now I know you are all here for me and I have a place to let it all out. I just can't say thank you enough!! You have all made me feel more than welcome.

Well honey that is what PTO is all about, some times we can't hold ourselves up and when you can't their are many here that will take your hand and help you through your journey with Chewie.
We will cry with you, laugh with you and hug and Love you unconditional.

If you ever need anything an ear or some one to cry with you or scream at, my door is always open.

softie

OMG WTF I replied to the wrong thing. lol. How do you edit?! AGH!

Well, Chewie, welcome to PTO.

SORRY! :rolleyes:

[B]For me that was the hardest part was people understanding about my relationship. I have a friend who keeps trying to set me up with this guy or that but I think I finally got her to understand how it is with us. I have went through a great deal of grief about loving a Death Row inmate but the longer we are together the more accepting they have seemed to become. I have a wonderful support system of family and friends who has seen the changes in me since we have been together and know its because of him. He is the first man in my life who has ever made me feel so completely loved and I can say and believe " I know that he loves me" and that is such a wonderful feeling. They used to throw up in my face,well you know he may die and I reply by saying " Yes I know he may die but I love this person and I made a promise to him that I will always be there for him no matter what . I will be there if he dies because I want to be the last person he ever sees and knows that someone is there who loves him. I have hope he will one day be free { He has an excellent case of innocence } but then again we all know that justice is not only blind but deaf and dumb also. I've rambled on long enough so welcome to PTO and I hope you find the support you need.

Do any of you have to deal with "friends" who are always trying to set you up with this guy or that guy who is just "right" for you?Why is it so hard for anyone to understand our men may be on DR but they are still human and need love as well as very willing to give love right back? My heart and soul is locked up with him and will only be free when he is.
A friend of mine is married to a DR inmate (met and married after he was already behind bars) and me and her other friends tried to talk her out of it. I think for the most part we thought it was better for her to not get involved with him because for one he was guilty of a horrible crime and was sentenced to death because of it. Who among you would really and truly want your friend or daughter or sister to get emotionally involved with a murderer or rapist? So for starters that's why we tried to set her up with other men, because we were afraid for her safety if on the off chance he was released and came after her if she didn't want to be in a relationship with him on the outside. Another reason for us trying to hook her up with our male friends or acquaintances was because we wanted her to have a loving relationship with a person she could actually look in the eyes, touch, kiss, and be intimate with. Someone she could snuggle with on the couch, and go to movies with, not just a piece of paper and some ink. I realize that you can have a close bond with someone over the computer or with a penpal, but there's something to be said for relationships that involve actual physical contact, especially marriages and romantic relationships. The final reason was simply having gone through the pain of dealing with the loss of a boyfriend (in high school, from a car accident) I didn't want my friend to experience that same devastation. No one would want their friend, sister, or daughter to date or marry someone they knew for a fact was going to die, if only to save them the pain of dealing with that experience. And worse yet, for that friend/sister/daughter to watch as poison is injected into her husband/boyfriend's veins? No way.

Listen, I respect all of you women who have husbands and boyfriend who are on DR, but you have to cut some of your friends who date men on the outside some slack. Chewie's Lady refers to her friends as "friends" in quotes as if their wanting for her to be happy, and experience the joys of having a man on the outside makes them less than friends or something other. These are women who have probably known you since your childhood, or even in your adulthood and been with you in the ups and downs of your relationships with non-criminals. Speaking as the friend of a DR Wife, I say give us a break, allow us room to be concerned for you.

Just my :twocents:. Thanks

Hey chewie'slady

I agree with elvensprinkles that certainly your friends are concerned about you and care about you.

They clearly do not understand the love and committment you share with your DR inmate. I have friends who are married to DR inmates and they are dedicated to each other and are do not want an outside relationship, but wel meaning friends very often do not understand that you are happy sharing your own personal hopes and dreams, just like everyone else.

Your friends are trying to put their ideals of what they believe a loving relationship is, on you, with the best of intentions.

In real terms, we all have our own idea of what a loving relationship is, and whatever is right for you as an individual, is right....

You are not alone ..

Another reason for us trying to hook her up with our male friends or acquaintances was because we wanted her to have a loving relationship with a person she could actually look in the eyes, touch, kiss, and be intimate with. Someone she could snuggle with on the couch, and go to movies with, not just a piece of paper and some ink. I realize that you can have a close bond with someone over the computer or with a penpal, but there's something to be said for relationships that involve actual physical contact, especially marriages and romantic relationships.

WOW!! I am speechless!! :mad: I know that this is just your opinion towards YOUR friend, but I find it so appalling! My husband is on death row, and I would NEVER disrespect him by cheating on him, "kissing" or "being intimate" with someone else. That is just ludicrous to me!! I am not knocking you or your friend, not at all. Maybe you and/or she does not take the vows of marriage seriously, but I do. If you are going to just cheat on that person then why get married in the first place? Maybe your friend is cool with this, but if I had a friend who tried to set me up I would tell them to flake off, because 1) it means that don't take my marriage seriously, which I do and I don't need someone like that around me and 2) that is so disrespectful, IMO. Just MY :twocents:

Celene

I agree with Celene totally.
Love in unconditional, and if you choose to share that special kind of love with a person, thats choice, and as a friend, I would respect any choices my friends made, and stand by them, not try and run there lives for them. (The quickest way to loose a good friend).
Thats just my opinion.
As a friend that is married to someone on death row, I would share my ear, and hear the good thoughts and the bad with them. I just wish society wouldnt see them as the monsters that they ARENT. They have made mistakes, and are human beings as well.

I read this. I too am appalled. Marriage is about commitment. No one has ever been concerned about me in my life. They sure are not going to start advising me now.....No one understands. No one. Except maybe someone in the same situation. Also hold it right there- NOT EVERYONE on DR is guilty. If you think this WOW! Get informed. If he "so dangerous" he will not get off death row. Many people don't. So right off the bat I can see you know very little about DR inmates. IF you really want to be a big help "SUPPORT" your friend. After all its her life. Yes I would love my husband to be out here with me. I am not crazy. But he is not. I am not about to abandon him because I need someone to shack up with!!!!!!!! Everyone has choices. Respect that. Like Kyla said the fastest way to lose a friend......so true! I will not listen to any negative crap about my marriage. Those who made their remarks to me are no longer a part of my life. Don't know what else to say! You obviously have a lot of your own ideas. But you need to be better informed about DR. And remember PTO is about support. Support for inmates & their families. :thumbsup:

My husband is on death row, and I would NEVER disrespect him by cheating on him, "kissing" or "being intimate" with someone else. That is just ludicrous to me!! I am not knocking you or your friend, not at all. Maybe you and/or she does not take the vows of marriage seriously, but I do.
Where in my message did I say my friend was cheating on her DR husband? I was referring to me and her other friends trying to set her up with non-incarcerated men before she actually married the guy. When she first said to us that she was writing to a guy on Death Row we were nervous for her, you never know with the way the legal system works or with someone escaping from prison, etc if the person you're writing to might be able to get out of prison. So we were concerned that he might come out and attack her. I realize that's pretty far-fetched, but it's still a possibility, no matter how slight. She hasn't cheated on him, and we don't expect her to, she is a devout Catholic who believes very strongly in the vows of marriage.

You talk about PTO being a place of support, but you're so aggressive towards people who have different views about DR marriages. I feel my opinion and the opinions of my friends with regard to Maria's marriage to a DR guy are just as valid as yours. So don't go around slinging accusations and assumptions about what our commitment to our marriage vows are, I find that to be appalling. :nono:

And I would say to Rosita, yes I would suspect a large number of DR inmates are guilty of the crimes they have been convicted of. I refuse to believe that the justice system fails at such an alarming rate so that virtually every DR inmate who says he is innocent actually is. I'm not saying these people don't deserve love, I'm not saying that the women who give them that love are some how flawed. My post was simply to state that you who are married to DR inmates are pretty judgemental, unreasonable, and vicious to people in your lives who questioned your decision. It's not completely farfetched for a friend to be shocked by your decision to wed a man who is going to die for committing a crime worthy of the death penalty.

I agree that true friends will "accept" you no matter what, and that's the way it is with me and my friend. However, I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm not disappointed that her wedding took place in a prison where she didn't get to kiss him, and that she won't be able to actually have a family with him, which is what she's always wanted. And what's to happen when he's executed? She has to grieve for several years and hopefully find a guy on the outside, but by that time she may be too old to have kids. It's just disappointing when a friend or loved one decides to give their life to someone who won't be able to enjoy it to the fullest extent due to the circumstances (being behind bars). If you are so deeply involved with your present situation that you forget the ways of the world outside of the prison system you shouldn't attack the people who are living in that world and behave accordingly simply because you've lost perspective.

I have not lost my perspective of anything. But as I said before some on DR are NOT GUILTY. You obviously have NO CLUE. And no one deserves to die like an animal. There are families on here with loved ones on DR. This whole site, PTO, is NOT a PRO DEATH PENALTY group. If you have a problem with the rules of PTO I suggest you take it up with Fed-X. You are on the wrong web site.

Elevensprinkles

We are a support website, and we are here to support each other, thats what PTO is all about. Though we understand your concerns over your friend, it would be appreciated if you could try and respect the feelings of our members that have husbands and loved ones on death row. We are not here to judge each other, but to give each other support.

I don’t come to this forum often. Mainly cause I miss many so many of the posts.

Every one has a right to their opinions, yet even for those that are concerned about their friends. That alone of admirable.

There are many that are innocent in prison, how ever, as sad as this may sound, but the law here in TX does have “guilty by association” unfortuanly, I don’t approve of the law, but that is a fact. One that many of us have to face.

by they way, I am totally against DP

Ok as Moderater of this forum I am going to say this once and only once. PTO is a place for support, not for arguing back and forth. If you can't give support then do not post or read a thread.

softheart

But as I said before some on DR are NOT GUILTY. You obviously have NO CLUE. This whole site, PTO, is NOT a PRO DEATH PENALTY group. If you have a problem with the rules of PTO I suggest you take it up with Fed-X. You are on the wrong web site.
Once again you've completely missed the point of my message or simply failed to read it. Not once did I say that every person on Death Row is guilty of the crimes that put them there. Maybe my statements don't enrage you enough so you have to come up with completely outrageous interpretations of them. I also never said I was "pro" death penalty. I'm not anti-death penalty, so I guess that makes me pro DP in your book, but in the real world it's possible to just not have an opinion one way or another about it. I don't want to see some 15 year old kid being put to death, but I also have no qualms about a convicted pedophile murderer (like Danielle Van Dam's killer) being executed. So I'm sort of in the middle on it, and I'm satisfied with that. I think it would be easier for you to hate me if I was outright Pro Death Penalty so you could have a reason to run me off of PTO with torches and pitchforks, sorry to disappoint you, I'm not a fanatic on either side of the fence.

I think it was Kyla who told me I should have respect for the people whose husbands are on DR, and my only question is how have I disrespected them? I've never once said they shouldn't support their husbands, or that there's something wrong with them for being married to someone on DR. I'm frankly sick of people on PTO questioning my motives and thinking the worst out of everything I've said. I'm supporting my friend 100%, my original message was simply to state the reasons why your non-DR inmate-married friends might try to get you into a relationship with someone who isn't convicted of a crime. My friend is still married to this man, she has no intention to divorce him, there relationship is 'til death do us part' just like mine is to my husband, with the only difference being she has the exact date of when that's going to happen. I don't feel I've been disrespectful at all to any of the people on this site. If anything, I feel as if my opinions were being disrespected and my own character has been attacked by these so-called supportive people.

To the moderator, I'm not trying to fight with anyone, it is people like Rosita and Sweetbear's wife or whatever who are being vicious to me, not me to them. All I'm doing is defending my opinions because I do have a right to have them. Bush may have taken away a lot of my rights as an American, but not the one to have an opinion and write about it on the internet!

I gave my warning and since I have been disrespected as the Moderater of this forum and you continue to want to get your point accross I have closed this thread, because this is something that will go on and on and as I have stated I will not have this in my forum.

Your opinion has been made and to keep carrying it on has no valid point.

softheart