My boyfriend is moving from county jail to state prison next week. Last night when we visited, he said he has to go into survival mode and put me on the back burner. He said he doesn't want to be like the guys that are crying worried about their old ladies, and then not be in the mental state to defend himself if he has to. I'm trying to understand this. Could someone please explain it to me? He said he's not dumping me, and is still planning to be with me when he gets out.

No he is not dumping you, He is trying to get ready to go into a very crazy world.. Once he get's adjusted he will calm down and everything will be alright.. Just ride through the storm with him and you will see. Try to remember prison is not a good place and he just wants to be ready for anything. It is also a lonely place so he will have time to analize things and correct some mistakes.. I bet he will regret telling you that but he had to so he could be mentally ready to deal with the jungle... Don't take it personal ok.. Just roll with it for now and know that it will be different once he is adjusted to his surroundings

Ummm... I agree... What Shortie said... :) (sorry... but shortie, you just did a really good job of summing that up!!)

indeed! :D

Thank you Shortie. Thank goodness I'm mature enough to understand this. Because he's been thinking about this for a while, when he told me, I wasn't prepared. I honestly thought he was dumping me. You're right about the adjustment period. Something as simple as a picture of a cell with the inch thick mattresses I saw on the net last night was what it took to help me to understand, as well as your reply. I thank you again.

You are more then welcome... not only can I say that from being with a man in prison,, I have done some time myself.. Regardless it is county time or state time you feel like your losing control and you have to put you mind in the right place so that you will be prepared for what is coming next...

I am glad that you are able to comprehend and understand why he did it.. That makes it that much better, however understanding why he did it does not make the feelings you felt any less.. It is hard when someone you love has to make a choice like that.. Let me say you are lucky most men just do it and don't say anything.. So it makes the pushing away process unbareable and it created resentment and anger... All due to a lack of communication.. So I say you are lucky he warned you.. Remember do not harbor any anger about it it is what he has to do..

Thank you again Shortie. You're right about communication, boy do we communicate with each other. Sometimes it's downright painful, but always the truth.
New question: He asked me to find out the form number of an inmate grievance form, because their toilets are stopped up in county jail. I knew I couldn't find it on the net, so what the hell, I emailed the Department of Corrections at the state capitol and asked them. I'm awaiting their reply. I feel I have to give no information, as that is a matter of public record.
Now I anticipate other problems in the future. I need to find an organization that can help send me in the right direction for things related to his prison stay as they come up. Is the ACLU the organization I should contact? Or are their any watchdog groups? Have any suggestions, so I can turn to them when it comes up rather than spending hours trying to find out who to ask about problems as they arise? Thank you in advance. Pam

From what I know, this is probably one of the best places to come when it comes to having specific problems for suggestions about what to do... :) There is a LOT of cumulative experience here....
With the grievance issue, I would recommend calling someone AT the county jail. You don't have to even say who you are or what inmate you are representing, but point out that it is an inmate's RIGHT to file a grievance.. and that you are concerned because the inmates don't seem to have the information available regarding how to do this (because they should).... It should be as simple for them as asking ANY officer for a grievance form!! And to give your hubby some advice on writing the grievance... make sure he puts in LOTS of details... such as dates and times and names.... he needs to point out exactly who and when he reported the issue to... because I know from working on the inside that grievances are thrown out right away if they seem to be just
"emotional vents" without concrete facts.... plus, it will be good for them to know that he is "taking notes..." Corrections IS pretty concientous regarding the possibility of being sued.. but they know that unless you have FACTS... you won't get far in trying to bring suit against them... Just my 2 cents worth.... :)
I really do encourage you to bring your issues here though, because everyone is really good at brainstorming and sharing what has worked or not worked in their experience!!

jd you got it on that one the phone calls always seem to get the job done.. For some reason you make more progress and it is much faster. Hang in there and it will get better..