View Full Version : What is considered to be "hard time"?


PaulM
07-06-2010, 09:40 AM
Hi there,

So, my girlfriend is in county jail - sentenced to 180 days, I am hoping she will do 90 and get out on August 15th.

My question is, what is considered "hard time" ?

She has told me and from what I have read here that she would be so much better off in prison rather than the county jail. She has not left the room that she is in for over 7 weeks. They are never allowed outside, and the only windows are in the recreation room, 40 feet up. Sunlight has not touched her skin for over 7 weeks.

She says that talking to all of the other girls in there - and so many of them have been in and out of other jails and prisons - that THIS IS HARD TIME.

What are your thoughts?

concernedgf
07-06-2010, 09:46 AM
Well to me any prison time is HARD time......... your being ruled under a dictatorship all day everyday, So I know that has to be hard, not to be insensitive or anything but remember your girl only has 7 weeks she will be fine, some will have to live that way for the next 10, 20 30 yrs or worse for the rest of their lives, sooooooooooooo considering that I wouldn't worry too much Shes a big girl she will be ok!!!!

MisslonelyHart
07-06-2010, 09:51 AM
Hard time is when you dont have your head on where you are. When are worried about things outside out of your control it makes your time harder then just being locked up its your mind that is your tormentor not as much the CO's

PaulM
07-06-2010, 09:56 AM
Hard time is when you dont have your head on where you are. When are worried about things outside out of your control it makes your time harder then just being locked up its your mind that is your tormentor not as much the CO's

WOW. How perfectly stated.

She is kinda messed up in the head, and I don't know how to help her.

I take her calls - several a night, although the cost is killing me.

One of the problems that I am having is that I tell her the night before when to call me the following evening - and therefore I have to turn down any offers to go out for dinner, hang out, etc from friends that may happen the next day. I tried to explain this to her, and she just gets upset saying that she's not asking much for me to be home at a certain time when I tell her to call.

But again - what is really meant by "hard time" in the most common sense?

MisslonelyHart
07-06-2010, 10:06 AM
By prison terms hard time has more to do with worry about outside and your lack of control. Say a guy is hearing from his boy's his girl is going out but he don't want to believe it because she says she's not. His mind is in torment and thus doing hard time. As for your girl if shes an addict then they want what they want when they want it they don't care what you have going on its all about them and you can never do enough. Don't tell her to call in the evening tell her in the morning and thats it you have to be firm no woman addict or not wants a man she can walk all over because they will walk over you to the next guy. sorry to be so blunt its early

PaulM
07-06-2010, 10:20 AM
By prison terms hard time has more to do with worry about outside and your lack of control. Say a guy is hearing from his boy's his girl is going out but he don't want to believe it because she says she's not. His mind is in torment and thus doing hard time. As for your girl if shes an addict then they want what they want when they want it they don't care what you have going on its all about them and you can never do enough. Don't tell her to call in the evening tell her in the morning and thats it you have to be firm no woman addict or not wants a man she can walk all over because they will walk over you to the next guy. sorry to be so blunt its early

Thanks - but she can't call me in the morning, since I have to be at the office by 8am, and the office is long distance for her from the jail. The phones don't get turned on until 9am at the jail.

crazy2010
07-06-2010, 12:11 PM
Paul hunny 180 days is nothing. Forgive me for saying this but she is in jail for a very good reason, I know you love her, but if you don't let her pick herself up she's going to go back out and she might just drag you with her! You have got to stop being so giving you are letting her manipulate you. So what if she hasn't been in the sun. She is not out using, and potentially killing someone. You have to realize that an addict of any kind is selfish, stop letting her twist you around her little finger and maybe she will grow up and be responsible. Your not helping by revolving your whole schedule to her whims. Don't answer the phone, don't accept every call. Sorry to be harsh but your gonna end up in a straight jacket if you let this continue!! 180 days in the county is a mini vacation!!

Wobabi
07-06-2010, 12:28 PM
A couple of weeks in county is not hard time by any stretch of the imagination.
A chain gang on the hottest highway know to man is hard time.
Doing years in a single cell with no human contact is hard time.
Sittin in the hole with 32 other women not allowed to shower but once a week with nothing but bread and butter and mystery meat and no mail calls or visits- is hard time.
jmho

Miss_A
07-06-2010, 12:43 PM
My man spent 4 years in county jail before he was sentenced. In that time, he never once went outside. Never once had physical contact w/ his loved ones. Spent 364 days in the hole. Among other things.

Is that considered hard time? Maybe. It sure wasn't no cake walk.

BlueEyedEllie
07-06-2010, 12:43 PM
Paul hunny 180 days is nothing. Forgive me for saying this but she is in jail for a very good reason, I know you love her, but if you don't let her pick herself up she's going to go back out and she might just drag you with her! You have got to stop being so giving you are letting her manipulate you. So what if she hasn't been in the sun. She is not out using, and potentially killing someone. You have to realize that an addict of any kind is selfish, stop letting her twist you around her little finger and maybe she will grow up and be responsible. Your not helping by revolving your whole schedule to her whims. Don't answer the phone, don't accept every call. Sorry to be harsh but your gonna end up in a straight jacket if you let this continue!! 180 days in the county is a mini vacation!!

I absolutely agree.A drunk driver can kill a person as quick as a speeding bullet.180 days is nothing.And sad to say,unless she is willing to get serious help for her alcoholism,180 days may very well not change her for the long run.Lasting,permanent change,i mean.You sound and seem like a very kind man.Normally that's a good thing.However,though, you may find yourself in the role of an enabler.A little tough love is needed i think.Tough love is not a bad thing.Esp for those who have to learn their lessons the hard way.:rolleyes:

Tracy
07-06-2010, 12:47 PM
Was 180 days hard time for my son? No. Was it for me? Yes.

Hopefully the time inside will help her to do whatever she needs to do for herself. I know that is a decision our loved ones have to make.

All the best to you and yours.

concernedgf
07-06-2010, 01:36 PM
A couple of weeks in county is not hard time by any stretch of the imagination.
A chain gang on the hottest highway know to man is hard time.
Doing years in a single cell with no human contact is hard time.
Sittin in the hole with 32 other women not allowed to shower but once a week with nothing but bread and butter and mystery meat and no mail calls or visits- is hard time.
jmho
so so true Wobabi!!!!!!!!!!!!

crazy2010
07-06-2010, 02:03 PM
My man spent 4 years in county jail before he was sentenced. In that time, he never once went outside. Never once had physical contact w/ his loved ones. Spent 364 days in the hole. Among other things.

Is that considered hard time? Maybe. It sure wasn't no cake walk.

Yes that does seem like hard time to me. But the ? the op asked whats considered hard time! Then explained the sentence his gf got, i still think 180 which is the max she will get is a mini vacation, I'm not saying its easy to be in jail, but comparatively speaking, thats a piece of cake!! Its hard on everyone to have a loved one in jail prison institutions whatever, I'm not diminishing that by anymeans. I hate to sound like a condescending because I'm not trying to come off that way at all BUT DO YOU THINK 180 days MAX in the county hard time. This is way better then being out driving drunk and killing someone, then facing life in prison or the worse scenario to me would be surviving an accident where I was the cause of someone being hurt maimed or dying!!:angry::angry::angry::angry::angry::angry:: angry::angry::angry::angry:

PaulM
07-06-2010, 03:21 PM
i absolutely agree.a drunk driver can kill a person as quick as a speeding bullet.180 days is nothing.and sad to say,unless she is willing to get serious help for her alcoholism,180 days may very well not change her for the long run.lasting,permanent change,i mean.you sound and seem like a very kind man.normally that's a good thing.however,though, you may find yourself in the role of an enabler.a little tough love is needed i think.tough love is not a bad thing.esp for those who have to learn their lessons the hard way.:rolleyes:

Hear me now. I will not be an enabler to her.

Period.

MisslonelyHart
07-06-2010, 05:00 PM
Paul you do it without even thinking about it. None of us thought we would enable our loved ones but we do why? because we love them and e dont know any better.Addiction is the hardest thing to understand even for the addict them self they become master manipulators look at how many threads you have posted where your trying to lift her spirits its a nice thing but she will see that all she has to do is say she's said and you try to fix it. enabler = fixer we love them so we want to fix it to make it right to love them more to do what ever it effin takes to make this person whole. Start al anon NOW!! before she gets out

crazy2010
07-06-2010, 07:06 PM
YES PAUL YOU ARE AN ADDICTS POSTER CHILD FOR AN ENABLER!! Keep it up you'll end up so used and abused and then you will be the one who needs rehab!! I don't mean to accross as being cruel, but for the love you say you have for this women I'd think you'd want her to take responsibility!!! Sorry but all you are doing is helping her to get out and repeat, her prior actions. Oh I understand why your doing this but I see it as your hurting her way more then helping. I know this from personal experience, not from watching JERRY SPRINGER. You want to help watch her help her self!! YOU CAN"T FIX THE PROBLEM!!!

PaulM
07-06-2010, 07:21 PM
YES PAUL YOU ARE AN ADDICTS POSTER CHILD FOR AN ENABLER!! Keep it up you'll end up so used and abused and then you will be the one who needs rehab!! I don't mean to accross as being cruel, but for the love you say you have for this women I'd think you'd want her to take responsibility!!! Sorry but all you are doing is helping her to get out and repeat, her prior actions. Oh I understand why your doing this but I see it as your hurting her way more then helping. I know this from personal experience, not from watching JERRY SPRINGER. You want to help watch her help her self!! YOU CAN"T FIX THE PROBLEM!!!

How am I enabling her?

PaulM
07-06-2010, 07:22 PM
Somebody please tell me how I am enabling her.How am I enabling her?

crazy2010
07-06-2010, 07:35 PM
You are doing everything to make her feel good, she needs to stand alone. I don't mean just drop her but for gods sake your whole life is about her, her poor self not seeing day light, her having bad days, her calling so you can't go out, her having, commissary, her, her ,her!! THATS HOW!! I know you mean well my god if most men had a 1/4 of your empathy and compassion this would be a great world. But by being her everything she's not having to help her self. Let her call 1 time a week, write letters, don't sit home waiting for her calls and stop feeling sorry for her.

PaulM
07-06-2010, 07:46 PM
You are doing everything to make her feel good, she needs to stand alone. I don't mean just drop her but for gods sake your whole life is about her, her poor self not seeing day light, her having bad days, her calling so you can't go out, her having, commissary, her, her ,her!! THATS HOW!! I know you mean well my god if most men had a 1/4 of your empathy and compassion this would be a great world. But by being her everything she's not having to help her self. Let her call 1 time a week, write letters, don't sit home waiting for her calls and stop feeling sorry for her.

PLEASE. Her life is a living hell right now.

I am SUPPORTING her. NOT enabling her. I am not providing her with alcohol. Nor will I. You said "my god (sic) if most men a 1/4 of your empathy and compassion this would be a great world."

Believe me, she is genuinely remorseful and fucking miserable in there.

crazy2010
07-06-2010, 07:55 PM
Paul just because your not giving her booze does not mean your not enabling her. I'll bet she is miserable jail sucks I've been there I've done the same stuff. But let me tell you as bad as she feels I guarantee she's not as bad as she's telling you!! She's also most likely still craving big time and an addict who's craving will do any thing say anything to get what they want and right now its you who's her supply of feel good that she wants.

PaulM
07-06-2010, 08:00 PM
PLEASE. Her life is a living hell right now.

I am SUPPORTING her. NOT enabling her. I am not providing her with alcohol. Nor will I. You said "my god (sic) if most men a 1/4 of your empathy and compassion this would be a great world."

Believe me, she is genuinely remorseful and fucking miserable in there.

You know what? You're absolutely right. I have immediately cancelled the hourly massages, ordered BOTH the hot tub AND stocked bar to be removed from her cell. And the cabana boy? He has been fired. And her Select Comfort Sleep Number System mattress???? GONE!

Miss_A
07-06-2010, 08:01 PM
Yes that does seem like hard time to me. But the ? the op asked whats considered hard time! Then explained the sentence his gf got, i still think 180 which is the max she will get is a mini vacation, I'm not saying its easy to be in jail, but comparatively speaking, thats a piece of cake!! Its hard on everyone to have a loved one in jail prison institutions whatever, I'm not diminishing that by anymeans. I hate to sound like a condescending because I'm not trying to come off that way at all BUT DO YOU THINK 180 days MAX in the county hard time. This is way better then being out driving drunk and killing someone, then facing life in prison or the worse scenario to me would be surviving an accident where I was the cause of someone being hurt maimed or dying!!:angry::angry::angry::angry::angry::angry:: angry::angry::angry::angry:


To answer your question, no, I don't think 180 days is doing hard time.

The only reason I responded the way I did, was to throw another experience out there. Sure, I could've of been like, really? Seriously? But, I didn't. For sure there are others out there who are doing more "hard time" than my man, but, again, just wanted to throw another experience out there.

I had no idea what his girlfriend was locked up for and still don't really know. I have only gathered bits and pieces from this thread. The only thing I can say is that I hope she learns from this experience.

crazy2010
07-06-2010, 08:19 PM
To answer your question, no, I don't think 180 days is doing hard time.

The only reason I responded the way I did, was to throw another experience out there. Sure, I could've of been like, really? Seriously? But, I didn't. For sure there are others out there who are doing more "hard time" than my man, but, again, just wanted to throw another experience out there.

I had no idea what his girlfriend was locked up for and still don't really know. I have only gathered bits and pieces from this thread. The only thing I can say is that I hope she learns from this experience.

sorry my mistake, from what i gather its a second dui. I just don't like to see someone who wants to help someone so bad be used and manipulated. But sometimes you can't see the fire until its burning you!!:(

timsbaby41
07-06-2010, 08:21 PM
My man just started his 22nd year. 180 days in county is a trip to camp snoopy.

crazy2010
07-06-2010, 08:22 PM
You know what? You're absolutely right. I have immediately cancelled the hourly massages, ordered BOTH the hot tub AND stocked bar to be removed from her cell. And the cabana boy? He has been fired. And her Select Comfort Sleep Number System mattress???? GONE!

I can see taking out the bar but my heavens not the hot tub your so mean!!:rolleyes:whats next no private chef!! lol

smitty83
07-06-2010, 09:20 PM
Well to me any prison time is HARD time......... your being ruled under a dictatorship all day everyday, So I know that has to be hard, not to be insensitive or anything but remember your girl only has 7 weeks she will be fine, some will have to live that way for the next 10, 20 30 yrs or worse for the rest of their lives, sooooooooooooo considering that I wouldn't worry too much Shes a big girl she will be ok!!!!

I wouldn't say ANY time is hard time. Andy seems like he is doing quite fine here
http://andysprisontime.blogspot.com/

MisslonelyHart
07-06-2010, 09:44 PM
You know what? You're absolutely right. I have immediately cancelled the hourly massages, ordered BOTH the hot tub AND stocked bar to be removed from her cell. And the cabana boy? He has been fired. And her Select Comfort Sleep Number System mattress???? GONE!
Crazy is right if you choose not to see it thats fine its nothing most of us wanted to see either.I have followed your threads Paul and from what i understand your 39 shes 24 second DUI you said you were going to see an addictions counselor i hope you did because if you did you would understand were only trying to save you some of the pain we have been through. There is no reason to be defensive or feel attacked we are only trying to share some of our hard earned knowledge in hopes of saving you some pain.Have you looked up any Al-anon meetings? Have you looked up anything on enabling? because i know you looked up the words to "tie a yellow ribbon" you took the time to write meow over and over and why Paul? to make her happy? what about you? where have YOU gone or your children? Im sorry im not trying to be mean just show you that you have lost site of whats more important and thats you and your children.You can not fix her you can not help her you can only pray that things get so bad she hits bottom soon and that wont happen with you there every time she calls.I found this its examples of enabling
Here are some examples...

* Repeatedly bailing them out - of jail, financial problems, other "tight spots" they get themselves into
* Giving them "one more chance" - ...then another...and another
* Ignoring the problem - because they get defensive when you bring it up or your hope that it will magically go away
* Joining them in the behavior when you know they have a problem with it - Drinking, gambling, etc.,
* Joining them in blaming others - for their own feelings, problems, and misfortunes
* Accepting their justifications, excuses and rationalizations - "I'm destroying myself with alcohol because I'm depressed".
* Avoiding problems - keeping the peace, believing a lack of conflict will help
* Doing for them what they should be able to do for themselves -
* Softening or removing the natural consequences of the problem behavior
* Trying to "fix" them or their problem
* Repeatedly coming to the "Rescue"
* Trying to control them or their problem
In the end we all have choices. Make the right one for you and your children. Trust me she has a long road to go and i promise you she will put herself first

BlueEyedEllie
07-06-2010, 10:23 PM
PLEASE. Her life is a living hell right now.

I am SUPPORTING her. NOT enabling her. I am not providing her with alcohol. Nor will I. You said "my god (sic) if most men a 1/4 of your empathy and compassion this would be a great world."

Believe me, she is genuinely remorseful and fucking miserable in there.

Listen paul,this is a support site and sometimes being supportive means trying to help a member understand certain things we ourselves have been thru.I was married to a drug addict.Hell on earth.Met him in society.a real charmer.Had NO IDEA he'd go to prison.In prison,i'm telling you he would bray about how he'd NEVER do drugs ever again.He'd tell me what a poor pathetic soul he was and i was so wonderful for being there for him.He'd cry,moan and carry on about how awful conditions were inside.how mean the c/o's were.How he felt so bad bout the people he had hurt.I mean i really felt for my husband and was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt he was remorseful and changed.WRONG!!!Prison did not help him AT ALL!!All that remorseful talk was just that.TALK!!And he did 3 years.I have no idea whether your girl will change or not.What i do know is 180 days of jail time rarely cures an alcoholic for good or a drug addict UNLESS they are going the extra mile to get any and all help inside that they canfor themselves.And even then,it's an ongoing,lifelong process.No one is insulting you or your girl.We are just keeping it real with you based on our own experiences with addicts and alcoholics.We will continue to be here for you.:)

Miss_A
07-06-2010, 10:32 PM
sorry my mistake, from what i gather its a second dui. I just don't like to see someone who wants to help someone so bad be used and manipulated. But sometimes you can't see the fire until its burning you!!:(

No problem! In reading further, I can see why you are so "passionate" about the situation. ;)

I've gotten a DUI before. Once was enough for me.

crazy2010
07-07-2010, 04:26 AM
No problem! In reading further, I can see why you are so "passionate" about the situation. ;)

I've gotten a DUI before. Once was enough for me.

Well its only taken me 47 years of having others bail me out and fixing me till I finally was allowed to, try to pick my self up and grow up! all it took was a series of small mishap to bring my world down around me! But for the first time I had to help my self, No choice!! I do have family but I am not depending on them! I'm not great but i'm not at the bottom anymore.:D:D Its a shame that more people don't stand up and say what they mean to say!! But I guess peeps would really go nuts then!!! LOL thanks

PaulM
07-07-2010, 07:16 AM
Guys, I really need your help here.

I am sorry if I reacted so violently - but you have to understand her - I am only trying to be here for her.

I am reading your posts VERY CAREFULLY. But I continue to need your help. I am considering your points, but I am not sure that by putting money on her commissary and taking her phone calls is enabling her.

Maybe I am completely blind to it as you guys say because of my situation. I am smart enough to consider that... but I do love her and want to help her and support her as much as I can.

MisslonelyHeart: I see where I do fit into your description of an enabler in some of the points, especially

* Softening or removing the natural consequences of the problem behavior

But truly, is accepting her calls and putting money on her books REALLY softening her time in jail? I can tell you that she is truly miserable in there. I want to say "you have no idea" - but you guys DO KNOW lol.

More opinions, please. I REALLY DO value the help, support, opinions, and experience of the people on this board. But I am still struggling with the fact that she is already having a miserable experience, and I am not entirely convinced that I am enabling her.

crazy2010
07-07-2010, 08:12 AM
You are not wrong to help, but if she's in living hell right now thats where she belongs! Sorry if you can't see this I'm really trying to be supportive of you but your not seeing the big picture! Yes jail sucks if it wasn't sucky, you'd have to make reservations. You seem to forget that this is called a consequence of her illegal DRUNK DRIVING!!! So she should be feeling horrible or she will continue to be self destructive!! AND YOU ARE HELPING THIS HAPPEN. BEING SARCASTIC IN YOUR RESPONSES, shows me you know your wrong and your being defensive!! Sorry if I'm not saying stuff to sugar coat it but let me tell you something I could do 20 years in the county with out crying about it being living hell!! What you don't seem to get is this is a support site for you not her!! Your the one we are trying to be supportive of not your whiny girlfriend who wasn't whining in her drinks!

Wobabi
07-07-2010, 10:59 AM
Paul I think you are a smart guy and your girlfriend IS having a hard time. BUT she is not DOING HARD TIME.
There is a difference there.
Would *I* be having a hard time doing even 4 hours in jail-Hell YES!
But it would by no means carry over to me telling my loved ones I am doing hard time to garner sympathy and empathy for what I have got myself into. *I* am just having a hard time doing time.
Understandable!
I just would hate for her to use her *temporary * situation as a scape goat for dealing with her actions head on and getting it in her head that you CAN go out and have drinks, just don't get behind the wheel and try to drive afterwards. don't let her stay in jail be any type of chip she can use.
I am not sure if she has a problem with alcohol I might have missed that part. But if she does, thats a LIFE LONG battle and you need to know just as much about her addiction and recovery as she should, so you won't be an enabler.

dmf
07-07-2010, 12:31 PM
Paul, what concerns me is that you said you won't go out so you can take her calls. There's a couple other things, but that just isn't right! You also say that it's hard money-wise to take that many calls...which we all know cause the phone companies are a bunch of sharks! We all understand prison/jail isn't easy, but she did put herself there. And she needs to realize that she's making life difficult for you and your kids (it sounds like you have some) by being so demanding. If she truly cares, she should be able to cut back on the phone calls and put you guys first even if she's sitting in a less than pleasant situation.

Do I think 180 days is considered hard time? No, I don't. I look at sentences longer than 5 years as hard time. I also agree that you're enabling her not because you're giving her alcohol. I've done that, but you're not rocking the boat..you're letting her use as much of your money as she wants by putting money on the phone particularly. Commissary, well I don't know about cause she probably doesn't get any money while she's in there. But she needs time to realize she's strong enough to do this and do it mostly standing on her own two feet! There's nothing wrong with being there to support her, but you cannot be her legs. Just something to think about:)

Miss_A
07-07-2010, 01:51 PM
Is putting money on her books and accepting calls enabling her? It can be.

As far as the calls go, why not try this: accept fewer calls. If she begins to whine about her situation, let her know that she put herself in there and that she really doesn't have that much time to do. And if she keeps on, just let her know you're not going to continue to listen to the "poor me" talk. Let her know there are other things to talk about and if she would like to talk about something else, that's great. If not, then the conversation needs to come to an end.

My man's mother is like that. And she does it to her son often. Even on visits. There are times when he runs off at the mouth about stuff that doesn't deserve a second thought. So, she will let him know, I ain't talkin' about that. There have been times in the past, while talking on the phone, she has hung up on him and vice versa. As the years passed, he began to realize that he was focusing on the wrong things and will redirect the convo. Although, there are still times when his mom needs to say it to him again. I do say the same thing to him, but not as often as her. Sometimes I know that he's just venting, so I let him vent.

As far as the money situation, I really can't say. But she really doesn't "need" all that much.

Good luck to you. :)

thedivinechaos
07-07-2010, 08:48 PM
Paul, I think what some of the posters before me are reacting to is that it seems like sometimes you put her needs ahead of your own. That's a good thing, for the most part - of course one always hopes that her partner would put her needs before his and vice versa - that can be one of the signs of a great healthy functioning loving relationship.

Where it becomes a problem is when one indulges his partner to the point of harm to himself and in turn harm back to her. From the all-knowing all-seeing Wikipedia:

Codependency or codependence is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves putting one's needs at a lower priority than others while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns.

Codependency describes behavior, thoughts and feelings that go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or care taking. For example parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could nevertheless still be codependent towards their own children if the care taking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels. Generally a parent who takes care of their own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child.

I'm not in your relationship so I'm not in a position to comment on whether there is co-dependent behavior there or not. But I urge you to ask yourself if putting her ahead of yourself is doing some amount of harm to you and if so, what sort of compromise you could ask her to reach with you. I read your other thread about the phone calls and I direct you to the part in bold - if you do not have an opportunity to get out of the house and blow off steam with your friends you won't be any good to yourself OR her. There is a reason the flight attendants tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others seated near you.

Allowing her choices that she made and is paying for to lock you up in your own home is I believe what others are seeing as enabling. As in - she drives drunk, gets locked up, it IS really horrible both for her and for you, and instead of her compromising between what she might like to do (feel sorry for herself and have you all to herself whenever she wants to do so) and what you might like to do (be the wonderful supportive boyfriend you very clearly are - but with reasonable expectations and limits) - she is leaving you to make all the compromises.

PaulM
07-08-2010, 05:31 AM
You guys have given me some valid points to think about, and some very good advice.

I thank you all for that.

Tuesday123
07-08-2010, 05:44 AM
My guy has been in county for 6 months.

He was in prison on a straight 12 year bid before.

I think it depends on the situation.

My guy would rather be in county because he gets day for day, and im local for visiting, and they dont take out restitution from their commisary money. Probably more, but he hasnt told me.

Oh, He hasnt said anything, but I can see for a fact race is not an issue in county like it is in prison and I know that is a relief.

He gets to "chill" with other races in county, and if it were prison he might not be so comfortable doing so.






Hi there,

So, my girlfriend is in county jail - sentenced to 180 days, I am hoping she will do 90 and get out on August 15th.

My question is, what is considered "hard time" ?

She has told me and from what I have read here that she would be so much better off in prison rather than the county jail. She has not left the room that she is in for over 7 weeks. They are never allowed outside, and the only windows are in the recreation room, 40 feet up. Sunlight has not touched her skin for over 7 weeks.

She says that talking to all of the other girls in there - and so many of them have been in and out of other jails and prisons - that THIS IS HARD TIME.

What are your thoughts?

TimedOut
07-08-2010, 10:15 AM
There must be more to this story than this post as the reaction and association of calls accepted and money sent seems to be excessive. Not being on here but a few months I have seen where most of the members send money, accept calls, mail books and some travel at great cost to visit. Not sure if this is a group of enablers or just individuals navigating a system when a loved one is incarcerated. As for switching your schedule to take calls... you are not alone as I have read where people transfer their calls to cell phones just to be sure they don't miss a call.

I send money (it isn't breaking me to do it); I accept calls when he is allowed to make them (so they are random I don't wait for them) and I send mail regularly. Okay my guy has a few more years than your gf but I wouldn't go 180 days intentionally without speaking with them or sending them funds unless I was over this relationship.

So like I said when I started this... I must have missed your entire story in your question as I don't see the reaction was merited.

As for your original question... 180 days in my opinion is not hard time, but any time is as hard as the person doing it wishes to make it

PaulM
07-08-2010, 02:58 PM
there must be more to this story than this post as the reaction and association of calls accepted and money sent seems to be excessive. Not being on here but a few months i have seen where most of the members send money, accept calls, mail books and some travel at great cost to visit. Not sure if this is a group of enablers or just individuals navigating a system when a loved one is incarcerated. As for switching your schedule to take calls... You are not alone as i have read where people transfer their calls to cell phones just to be sure they don't miss a call.

I send money (it isn't breaking me to do it); i accept calls when he is allowed to make them (so they are random i don't wait for them) and i send mail regularly. Okay my guy has a few more years than your gf but i wouldn't go 180 days intentionally without speaking with them or sending them funds unless i was over this relationship.

So like i said when i started this... I must have missed your entire story in your question as i don't see the reaction was merited.

As for your original question... 180 days in my opinion is not hard time, but any time is as hard as the person doing it wishes to make it

Thank you.

forthelonghaul
10-28-2010, 05:08 AM
Hi there,

So, my girlfriend is in county jail - sentenced to 180 days, I am hoping she will do 90 and get out on August 15th.

My question is, what is considered "hard time" ?

She has told me and from what I have read here that she would be so much better off in prison rather than the county jail. She has not left the room that she is in for over 7 weeks. They are never allowed outside, and the only windows are in the recreation room, 40 feet up. Sunlight has not touched her skin for over 7 weeks.

She says that talking to all of the other girls in there - and so many of them have been in and out of other jails and prisons - that THIS IS HARD TIME.

What are your thoughts?

34 years on a life sentence, and counting, is hard time, Paul.