My cousin, Michael, has been incarcerated for a total of 5 years. I miss him very much and I'm anxiously awaiting his release, which won't happen until either 2008 or 2009. Most of the time, he's overjoyed when he receives my letters and phone calls. But there are times when it just doesn't compensate for being able to be home in the flesh with family all of the time, being able to come and go as you please, and being able to wrap your arms around your loved ones without the nosey CO's getting all bent out of shape about it. Sometimes, he gets angry with me because I try to be protective of him. The reason for that is because there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop any of the other inmates from harming him or attempting to. "Will you f-ing stop!!. Do you really think the CO's won't manhandle you if you choose to come in here and try to go animalistic on everyone?", he's said. "Yeah right, they won't do anything.", I've said jokingly. He's actually right, but it certainly won't stop me from worrying. I just miss him and I can't wait until he finally comes home. :(

It is hard to be suportive when what you can actually do for support is so limited. I always write my friend and "worry" about him. He tries to make it humorous writing, "The worst has already happened, and they cant eat me...so dont worry! *Laugh*" He always assures me that he can take care of himself in such a rough place and that he hates hearing how bent out of shape I am. Yet, at the same time, I think he understands and appreciates the concern. Just keep being supportive. All we can do is be here for them and count down the days...

It is hard to be suportive when what you can actually do for support is so limited. I always write my friend and "worry" about him. He tries to make it humorous writing, "The worst has already happened, and they cant eat me...so dont worry! *Laugh*" He always assures me that he can take care of himself in such a rough place and that he hates hearing how bent out of shape I am. Yet, at the same time, I think he understands and appreciates the concern. Just keep being supportive. All we can do is be here for them and count down the days...


I know.

He knows I wouldn't go there and make a scene. Sometimes when I speak to him on the phone, I jokingly make threats and he responds by referring to me as "Ms. Tough Stuff". :)

I definitely agree with you though, there isn't much in which can be done. We just have to remain patient and be here.

I had to laugh at this one because my cousin's name is Michael too and I feel the same way as you do. He is released in July of 2009. HE is my BEST FRIEND and I love him and just wish he would hurry and get his butt home. We are so close that it's not unusal for me to write pages and pages to him and I write at least 2 to 3 times a week. Not am I over protective over him but he is the same way with me and if anyone hurts me, he tells me that they have to deal with him and will when he gets home. Ha! ha! We will do anything in the world for each other, because we are family and we are best friends as well.

You know, many people outside the walls believe there is nothing you can do for your loved ones but support them. I agree to a point, but as a guy that has been in there, there are things you can do. I think what has to happen is that you have to see that this isn't just 2 sides; there are multiple sides that make an inpact on both his time and your patience.

The first is something you are already doing; support. I cannot tell you how valuable it is for you to not just SAY you believe in him and can't wait for him to come home. Why do you believe that? What foundation are you using? Don't just make it simple words, fill them with meaning. Tell him what he means to you; tell him how wonderful it will be when he gets out. Do you have any plans when he gets out, like going to an amusement park or having a party? What would he like to do when he gets out? Can he get a job once he gets out? Give him a reason to be ready to get out, give him a reason to care about getting out of prison. I know it sounds kinda simplistic, but many people miss that. Inmates are not given a valid reason to change their lives because prisons do a terrible job in eliminating negative and substituting with positives. I knew many, many guys who have very little to look forward to when they got out. Many of these guys have families, but just knowing people when you get out may not be enough.

Gosh I hope I don't sound like Dr. Phil, it is kinda corny, but there are some very important things to consider when you talk with your loved one. He has to hear that you are ok, he must know that you are doing well. Does that mean you lie to him about the terrible day you had yesterday? No, it is ok to tell him your ups and downs, but you must make VERY SURE that he leaves that phone call or visit or that letter knowing that you are ok. I am not saying for you to never tell him about negative things in your life, after all you are human too. But make sure when you do that you back it up with positve messages. The reason for this is because he is going to carry the most important parts of the conversation back to his cell or bunk. If the most important thing you said was about how much you miss him and are sad, he will take that back with him. Why put that kind of pressure on him, prison life is hard enough. If you must tell him how much you miss him, that is fine, but make it upbeat. You want him going back with a smile on his face. If you do that, I promise you his time gets a little easier. Granted, he won't be dancing in the dorms, but his spirits will be better for it.

Gosh there are so many things I can mention here, but I think I have said too much, sorry bout that. My best wishes to your loved ones, and you as well.

Masonik4, you don't sound corny, your absolutely right. I know that when my nephew calls me, if he even thinks that I'm the slightest bit upset, he goes into a downward spiral. Knowing I'm ok makes him feel better. He has nobody else for support, and he dosen't want the only one that can give him support to get burnt out.

its hard not to worry about your loved ones especially if you cant do anything about it. my cousin as well is in prison, but he wont get out until 2015...hes serving 13 years, but if something goes well he will be released early or walk free...he got into prison for no apparent reasons..b.c of his stupid friends...he ended up in prison for what his friends did...all i can do is write to him and do w/e in my hands i can do..im goin to visit him around feb or april b.c i have school throguhout the year...im 17 and im glad that i found my cousin, but sad that i cant do anything about it

Hi there, My cousin is in prison in Ok...I love him lots. I'm the only family he has left, so my husband, and family are going to try to have him come here to Texas to live after he gets out...
lis

i also have a cousin in the system and i worry about him everyday i just pray and hope that he makes it day by day he is looking for release in 2010
jill