I was just wondering if I am alone on this subject???
I was unfortunate to grow up in a very abusive home. My mother and father were always fighting with each other, and we(my older sister, and younger brother) felt the results first hand.

Yes my father was abusive towards my mother for twelve years and I was in two abusive relationships and in turn, turned to violence to get my point across in those relationships vowing not to be like my mother. Until I realized how scared, controlling, and insecure I was and gave myself a reality check and I am an unserstanding sweet person who doesn't have to be scared of herself and others I can be me without the fear of someone hurting me because of that.

...sounds alot like myself;)

Nope. My parents are divorced, and I have a step mother. My mom and dad never argued or fought or whatever, and we had and still have family dinners (Christmas birthdays etc ) with both my mom and step mom. I guess I'm lucky I was raised in a loving and peaceful family.

Phil

I was raised by a mom and dad who loved each other and us very much and knew how to show it. Often I feel like I am in a tiny minority that way. (Not neccessarily here, but everywhere!)

I too am a minority from a loving family - my parents were together for 30 years, till my mother passed from cancer. My Dad has been blessed with another wonderful woman, whom he married a year and a half ago. ALTHOUGH my husband is from an extremely abusive family - the kind that just takes turns abusing everyone on both sides and all over the place. They are simply disgusting. Thank God Chuckie is one of the gentlest men you will ever meet!!

Growing up I had LOVE, but I also had HARD LOVE. Things are alot better now that I am older, and my parents DO love each other - always have, but it's just that Life's Road was often bumpy. I love my family and I have learned so much from them(GOOD AND BAD!! Just because I grew up in an abusive Home does not nessasarily mean that I grew up in a Home with out any LOVE.

hey, well put MoReNoLuVzNoTtY-

i think that for those who have not been in the situation, often don't realize that a big part, actually of abusive situations is LOVE. Unfortuantelly, that is often why those who grew up in this kind of situration believe love and abuse go together. As one gets older hopefully through perhaps therapy, or one's own journey come to know that there can be love without abuse.

It is not lack of love that necessarilly causes abuse, but rather a conditioned way of responding to situations, poor coping skills, rage issues, jealousy, possesiveness, weak ego, fear, control, sometimes depression, sometimes alcohol and drugs are involved which can cause anger, violence, paranoia etc.

and, it is often pasted from one generation to another..

but, i would venture to say, many who have abused would not say they didn't love the person they were hurting..

i, too, grew up with some abuse..
but, much has changed for the better1

best and peace-
francis

I can't even recall my parents ever having as much as an argument! I'm the youngest and my sisters are 8 & 9 years older than I am.. at our mother's funeral I mentioned this to the minister and my sisters agreed. We were blessed!

I had a father that worked 16 hours a day to feed 13 kids, and a mother that drank a gallon of vodka a day to deal with 13 kids, and 13 kids that went through their time as a punching bag.

I had the best parents in the whole dang world...but.

I was born with a childhood illness that was very painful. Back in the 60's it was thought not to give children pain killers cause it might turn them into a drug addict. My mother and a nurse would hold me down while the Doc did his things. Don't know if I can say ABUSED, but traumatized for sure.

I have been a very violent person. No more detail than that I felt alot of anger. Don't think I have mellowed out cause I still feel that anger. Now I simple recognize that feeling and pay attention to what I do. Sorry if that sounds too easy. When your mad for 30 years you get used to those feelings and they become normal feelings. So, to keep myself from going berserk, I have to feel ABnormal...me must be stupido.

My mom was with a man for years while I was growing up. Who used to beat her so bad that he almost killed her. Now she suffers from a head injury that keeps her from being able to have a semi normal life. I was 4 years old when this happened but i still have memories of a lot of it.

Dont you hate it when the moments you remember the most in life; are the one's you'd like to forget.

I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional, I was both verbally and physically abused. But I have determined that the cycle of violence will end with me and not be passed on to my daughter.

:thumbsup: Thats right Miami Chica!! The cycle stops here. :yes:

i actually had a slightly rough childhood my dad and mom were alcholics and my dad beat on my mom alot my dad was even addicted to cocaine at one time it was horrible till i was 17 and moved out ever since then i have not seen them fight or be abusive and they actually barely drink now but as a kid it was pretty bad something i never want my children to go through my one brother actually beats on his girlfriends now do not know if it is just him or seeing my dad do it

Hmmmm... abusive? Let me just say... I haven't seen/spoken with them in over 12 yrs.... and they live less than 5 miles away. LOL... some people really shouldn't be allowed to raise children. I can name two. :yes:

YES.........VERY VERY ABUSIVE...physically,emotionally and sexually...
I have protected my children but unfortunatually their father is an alcholic and we are both guility of giving and taking emotional abuse from each other........My spouse blames me for my childhood abuse and now because of this statement and his drinking we are separated.........My first love accepted it as "OUR" pain and has helped me get to where I am today, otherwise I wouldn't be here.....

I am healing but the scars are "VERY" deep and while others try to forget I try to remember so I can continue to heal and go on with my life.........

I have a poor relationship with my parents (my choice) and my siblings dont acknowledge I exist..... :( :(

I have put the matter in Gods hands and am going on from there...........
"CHECK OUT THIS WEB SITE" and "PRAY"
http://www.dayofthechild.org/

My father is a very good man, he took care of us kids when my mother wasn't around, even after their divorce, and all of the kids weren't his, from her previous marriage. When Papa remarried, his new wife was as nice as could be, until she became pregnant with my younger brother. It seems that as soon as she found she was expecting, it seems that my brother and I could do nothing right. After my little brother was born, things got even worse. I was told at 10 years old that I was going to grow up to be a tramp, just like my mother, at 10 years old, I didn't know what a tramp was. Being pulled out of my bed at 6 am by my hair and told "get your lazy a-- out of bed and get ready for school, you lazy little bi-ch." These are just a few little things that happened to me, but it was much worse for my younger brother, and of course her son with my Papa could do no wrong. Papa worked two full time jobs, so when we told him what was going on, he just thought that we were making it up to get our way. He knows better now. I'm just glad that my baby brother never had to go through what my brother and I did, she treated him like gold. Now that baby brother is 18 and a father himself, and a very good one at that. Papa now knows what did happen when I was a kid, and he feels responsible for not doing anything at the time, but that was before child abuse and child abuse awarness became a public enemy and no one knew what classified as abuse. I am so proud of my younger brother too, he is one of the most kind, considerate, and compassionate people. So you see, the cycle doesn't always continue, we are a lucky success story and we are grateful for it.

My parents did have their arguements, but all in all I always felt safe and happy as a child. My father's parents were alcoholics and were abusive. I have the utmost respect for my father who has NEVER failed to be the most kindhearted and loving friend to us. Sure, we did get our tails whipped, but I am sure we did deserve it.
So... whatever happened later on in my life had nothing to do with my childhood.

Hiiiiiiiii,
Have you ever felt anger and just didn't know how to deal with it? It is like you blame yourself, like you didn't or couldn't do nuthing right. I am sorry that you had to deal with all of the abuse and the 2 relationships you were in. But you have more to live with.

I also grew up in an abusive home, My parents always fighting mostly b/c my mother caught my father cheating on her. I have seen my father beat up my mother having her on the floor while he punches and kicks her ( at the time I was maybe 9 or 10) my lil brother really didn't know what was going on. I remember one time we were in the car b/c my dad threaten to kill my mom and we were bout to pull out of the driveway and my father had his tool box and was bout to throw it in the windsheid and i was in the front seat Basically my house was CRAZy!! My mom and us kids even stayed at hotels nights but never stayed at the same one each night b.c my dad was out looking for us we even went to Tenn and we only had the clothes on our backs and like a few more clothes...its crazy. My dad was very abusive towards me would slap me or spank me. I will never treat my son that way...I never want him to grow up how i did...

When Cowboy went down I grieved. Then came the anger. The anger came and continued to come from depths in me I had no idea existed. When I started to look at the source of the anger, I found all sorts of little unresolved issues that I had never dealt with rather just filed them away somewhere waiting like a disease. Some were as simple as hurtful words that had been said or a birthday forgotten - stuff like that. Thrown in a big pile though, the effect was horrific when it all started to pour out of me. I looked at it, confronted the offender in some situations but the bottom line is that anger is a terrible thing that eats away at a person. Now I try to deal with it so I can move on without all the baggage.

Thats all I remember about my childhood, was the weekend fights my mother and father had always ending with S.W.A.T at the house to take my dad away!
Then one time he shot my mom in the head in front of my brother and little sister and me and made us get in the car with blood all over us he just dumped my mom in front of the hospital and then took us kids to our NaNa's house.
My mother lived by the grace of God, But till this day she is a very bitter lady. My mom and dad have been divorced 35 yrs. But every thanksgiving I have to lesson to my dad say if he could do it all over again he would of made sure she was dead.He never spent a day in jail for it.He made my mom say it was an accident. Patty

Violence, and abuse are learned behaviors, therefore they can be unlearned. If you use drugs other than prescribed for legitimate reasons or abuse alcohol you are committing violence against yourself. Most often folks seek out this comfort because its easier than dealing with the underlying problems to begin with (and most often are attributable to some form of abuse or violence perpetrated against that individual). I know this because this was me. If just one person reads this and seeks help for themselves then god bless them, because there is help out there for those that seek it. For those who have stopped the cycle of violence and or abuse from reaching their siblings and children, then you already are blessed, and know it.

My Parents Fought Alot When I Was Growing Up But That Was For The Most Part Because My Mom Was An Alcaholic(sober Now For 7 Years,yay!)so Ya There Is Alot Of Yelling And Screaming In The Memorries Of My Childhood. As For As Physical Abuse, Not Really... My Mom On A Couple Occasions Would Push On My Dad But My Dad Never Pushed Back,that Just Wasnt Him. I Dont Resent My Mom In Anyway Cause It Was The Disease Not Her.

I grew up in a very abusive home...

My parents were very loving towards me, they never beat me, I did get hit alot though. My dad was very "high strung" when I was young, and was verbally abusive. He's was somewhat of a tyrant, always yelling, and screaming, VERY tough on me with school work and extra curricular activities. I am an only child and I think that made it harder. He was a bully, and when he was wrong or couldn't get his point across, he would show that he was stronger by using physical force. My mom was pretty great. I mean I NEVER felt unloved by either of them, but I grew up in a very chaotic and LOUD house.

The relationship between my parents until I was 14 was tumultuous to say the least. My father beat my mom and cheated from as young as I can remember. He would disappear alot and come home and be depressed for days at a time. He would trash the house too. ( His dad was a manic depressive who committed sucicide) Him and my Mom would fight all the time!! I hated it and they would do it front of me all the time. My dad was alot bigger than my mom and on many occassions would beat her up pretty bad. I can remember trying to get in between them or my mom screaming for me to call the cops or get a knife... I use to have to lie for them all the time. My grandparents knew to a pretty far extent what was going on and would get involved when they knew, mainly because I would call them in fear that my dad was going to kill her. I could remember on many occassions wondering why my mom didn't just kill him or leave him. I SWORE I would NEVER let ANY man put his hands on me...

When I hit 12 I became very rebellious. my dad tried to pull the same thing with me, and I wouldn't stand for it. My dad and I got into MANY fist fights and what not growing up. Him and my mom split up for awhile and then got back together. When he came back he went to counseling and we all went to family counseling. It helped tremedously. My Dad is about 90% calmer now. He has NEVER hit my mom since or me. I won't lie and say that he never yells or they don't fight because they are still somewhat dysfunctional, but what an improvement.

The funny thing is, my childhood molded the person I became. I am alot like my Dad and it took me a quite a few years to get myself into check. I have his temper and his the potential to get get physical. I was also in a abusive relationship for 4 years. After that relationship I got counseling myself, and I have made huge improvements with myself. I don't do to my daughter what my dad did to me and NEVER have though.

I'm still super close to my parents. In spite of everything they have showed me unconditional love and support and I love them for that. I've learned that I can't continue to blame them for my life mistakes, and that I can be different. They kind of think that their behavior didn't have THAT MUCH of an impact on me, and that it's some of their actions are NORMAL!!! I guess it's easier now that I am adult and live on my own...

Man, yes....
I grew up in the house with my mother and my brothers dad, and he fought on her for anything I mean, just because he could and for 3 years I know for a fact he fought on my mom, until she shot him. She had me and my brother sitting on the couch with her- she had done changed the locks on the door and knew he would break it down, she faced the couch towards the door sitting in between me and my brother and when he kicked the door in - she shot him 2 times and he fell over the balcony, but did not die, they arrested my mom in me and my brothers face and took her to jail- luckily she got out. But I thought that was the end of her abuse- but I was wrong, because it seems as if every man in her life after that fought on her too. I've seen a man hold her head in the sink and attemp to hit her in the head with a beer bottle until I ran in to stop him. I've had her husband try to strangle me with a phone cord, because I ran to call the police on the phone. Boy, with all of that you would think I was prone to be getting my a** whooped too huh? Hell no, Kesha don't play dat'. LMAO. But seriously, my ex boyfriend flinched at me like he was going to hit me one time and on our vacation with his family in 98', he walked around with a black eye because I hit him in it with my sons FISHER PRICE bat. You know the big plastic yellow bat that comes with the T-Ball set. Yeah, I did that, and he never flinched again. I try not to even place my self in relationships with guys who have a past of hitting women. Cause they dont stop. And my son will not grow up thinking it is okay to hit a woman, because it is not. Just as it is not okay for a woman to hit on a man.

I grew up in a very abusive home. The best times of my life were when my dad was in jail because that meant I didn't have to be around him. I know that's sad to say but it's true. My mom finally left him when I was 16 and I haven't spoken to him since.

yes i grew up with my father beating on my mom,older siter, and older brother. when we were old enough to make up our mind on what to do she left him. i meet my first husband and i though he was gonna hit me too, but he didn't. he recued me at age 16. but in my mind i thought he was supose to hit me so i left him, and went to a man that hit me, even though i left him he is my protector.he wanted me to go to counciling, and i did and when i got my head togetther he had moved on with his life. and now i might have a second chance that im not going to pass up.

so hopefully it will be henry and vicky very soon.

I am very lucky to come from non-abusive parents. My husband was not so lucky. But from the first time we met, I saw in him, someone who deserved the best life has to offer and stood by him in so many difficult times to let him know that he doesn't have to seek negative approval any more. It hurts me so deep inside that anyone had to endure such pain from their own family. It makes me so mad that society more or less throws away people and are so quick to judge. Those are the same people that complain but don't want to invest in what it takes to make someone whole again. After all, when a person goes through many years of abuse, it doesn't take a minute to repair the damage. I will be forever thankful to my parents for showing me kindness and understanding towards others. Like Jewel sings, "in the end, only kindness matters." To all of you that have felt such pain, I give my heart and want you to know that your life is worth the world.

actually no, i grew up in a really good wholesome family, i was very lucky!

I grew up in a very abusive home, my dad would hit on my mom and my brother and I. My mother would make my brother and I sleep with our shoes on so we could run out the door away from our dad. It was horrible so horrible.

Yes, I grew up in an abusive atmosphere. My mother was violent, physically and verbally abusive and she turned a blind eye to other, nastier, forms of abuse I encountered from a 'family friend'. My step father had no idea about the nasty stuff, but he didn't stop my mother doing what he knew she did.

I have never and will never hit my children. The cycle stops here. Sometimes it has been tough, it would have been so easy to lash out at my children, but I held on and, although I may have shouted, I never hit them or called them names or did anything to hurt them deeply.

As my children have got older, my relationship with my mother has become more difficult as she seems like some kind of monster. I cannot understand how she did the things she did. She has apologised, as far as she is capable, but I still find my childhood hard to inderstand.

Jodi

My childhood situation is kind of yes and no...

As an adult, i have heard rumours that my step-father was abusive to my mum, but i had never ever witnessed it for myself. Dont get me wrong, they werent affectionate with one another, but my dad was never verbally or physcally abusive, and vice versa in front of us.

i grew up in a good family yes we've had alot of fights and mishaps but i look at it all and others and i just thank god each day that i was blessed to have a family that didn't abuse drugs, me or anything that was going to have negative effects on me in the end

My earliest memories-My father coming into my room in the middle of the night, and it was not to tuck me in. Mother broke my wrist when I was three and refused to take me to the doctor, being made to eat the dog's food so the dog would attack (only a poodle, but I was about 5)
My shoes where to small in first grade and the teacher sent a note home informing my mother of this and that I would take them off in class. My punishment was the belt across the bottom of my feet. Five times min. per morning. My brother was chased around the house by my father carrying a claw hammer(that was fun). Dad's idea of reprimanding me took two forms, one was to slam my head into the wall and I really don't think y'all want to know the other. Big Brother took up where "Daddy" (gag) left off when it comes to midnight visits. I hit the door at thirteen, never looked back and vowed I would learn from their mistakes. I spank (not in almost 4 yrs) my daughter only when it is absolutely neccassary, and tell her everyday how loved and precious she is to me. The cycle of abuse is a choice. I chose to break it.

I was just wondering if I am alone on this subject???
I was unfortunate to grow up in a very abusive home. My mother and father were always fighting with each other, and we(my older sister, and younger brother) felt the results first hand.
Yes, my father abused me.

No, I'm very grateful that I grew up in warm loving family:) We are still close with my parents and sister, we spend a lot of time together (xmas, bdays etc.)

Susan

Wow...I Just Got Done Reading The Latest Replys And I Am Glad 2 See The "thankfull, And Gratefull" Replys-& As I Sit Here At Work, Working Hard On Pto->i Cant Help But To Remember That Terrible Feeling Of Being "all Alone" In This Situation Back In The Day. Its Just Soo Crazy Cause I Always Thought I Was The Weird One, Or The Bad One, Or The Unlucky One. Growing Up I Was The Only One Out Of All My Friends-who Had A Family Like Mine-so Since I Knew This I Never, Ever-not Even Once Talked About What I Was Feeling Inside(all The Anger, All The Pain, All The Hatred, And The More I Ignored What I Felt Inside The Easier It Got 4 Me 2 Wake-up Every Moring And Put That Same Old Tiered Smile On My Pretty Little Face.
It Took Me Many Years 2 Understand What Type Of Life Was Given 2 Me, But It Only Took A Second 2 Understand That My Life Is What I Make Of It-And Although I Might Have Been Unable To Deal With Un-Nessecary Drama As A Child; I'm An Adult Now-I Learn From Other Peoples Mistakes, And Try My Best Not 2 Make The Same Ones Over & Over again. ;)
...AND TO ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL SOULS OUT THERE, WHO STOP "THE CYCLE"- I JUST WANT TO SAY THANKYOU!!! THANK-U FOR KEEPING YOUR HEAD UP WHEN THE ROAD GETS ROUGH. THANKYOU FOR FINDING THE STRENGTH TO TEACH OTHERS WHAT WAS NEVER TAUGHT TO YOU...~> YOU ARE THE STRONGEST PEOPLE ALIVE-KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! :thumbsup:
.................................................. .................................................. ..................................
ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE!!

I grew up in a dysfunctional household with both verbal and physical abuse. It has affected me in alot of ways. I love my parents and I know they love their children...they just learned how to love the wrong way.

I never had any type of abuse.. thank God for that...
Cracknegg.. your post gave me chills reading it, as did some of the others.. Glad to see you all are breaking the cycle of abuse and I am sorry that any child ever has to go through what some do.....

I am one of the lucky ones. My parents will be married 61 years on Christmas Eve. They truely love each other to this day. All of my Grandparents were the same. I count my blessings daily how lucky I've been to feel so loved and protected.

Yes,I grew up in a very very abusive (physically,sexually,verbally,emotionally)househol d & so did my Tony.I am a recovering addict...one year,as of Dec. 8,2004!This past year I've done much inner searching,and began dealing w/ issues I had in my life & adult realationships..finding myself.And am reminded WHY I stayed high 20 years!LOL!It is soo very hard to deal,forgive them in order so I can move forward,live my life..but I am really trying.I severed old relations (friends because been w/ Tony since I was 14 years old!)and w/ him gone,alone...Ive been...but needed the time,Ive more prospective on why/what...but long way to go.You never realize how vital it is to address abusive upbringings,till you do it and see just how f*^%*ed up you & your family trully are & is SCARY,but I want better realationships,self esteem,confidence...happpiness! :thumbsup:

if I let go of everything thats toxic to me
if I let go of things to painful for ears to hear & eyes to see
then these chains that have bound me so many years will finally unlock & Ill be set free!
afraid to be alone,cause I just dont want to see
could they all been right,am I evil,is it really "all me"
As I dare look into this closet of memories i have,thru these cob webs,these dust balls will I find the answer I need?
or will I wilter and as always cowar softly as I begin to bleed
if I find you all lied to me and decieved me,as you raped my mind and spirit of its life
you could expect plenty of blood shed and plenty of strife
if I cannot seem to get past these nightmarish images I replayed all my life in my head
I do so want to live all my life Ive been dead. ASHLYNNLEE

I grew up in an abusive home...a lot more emotional and verbal abuse than physical and all on my mother's part, never from my step-dad, but I experienced them all. I then turned around and married a man that gave me a 2nd dose of the same...thankfully I had the courage to get out early while I'm still young, cuz the longer u stay the harder it is to leave. I mean, who the hell wants to live like that AGAIN?

Man, my friends...reading this makes me realize how right I am that i just got lucky, and how much I admire all of you survivors- cycle breakers- out there

Ya, my mother did.

My life was hell the first 21 years of it. It's hard to break the cycle of violence when that is all you have ever known. But our strength is show by our restraint (please believe me)

:yes: THATS RIGHT-U TELL EM GIRL!! :yes:

I didn't grow up in a physical abusive family. I did however grow up in a verbal and emotional abusive family. Very dysfunctional. One thing that I have found is that I developed a bad trait from it and that is I tend to yell when I get upset or mad. My parents both would verbally fight and I know that is where I developed this trait. We learn from the time we are born and mirror (imitate what we see). I have to work on myself each and every day about this.

I was never physically abused, but I was emotionally. My mother was always on something or other, so she never really paid much attention to me growing up. I think the reason I became such an awful adolescent is because I was crying out for attention. Even when she sobered up when I was 14, she was more into AA than her child. I am bound and determined never to ignore my children, and I tell them on a daily basis how wonderful they are and how lucky I am to have them (even on those days I feel like killing them!)

Your Right-you Know...about Mirroring What Is Around You. I Am Soo Much Like My Momma. The Bad I Know I Can Work On...and Have In Soo Many Ways. My Mommas Alwyas Telling Me How Much I Remind Her Of Herself. Its Crazy. Cause Ill Be Doing The Simplist Things And She'll Be Like "damn Your Just Like Me". And My Dad Will Do The Same-i'll Be Talking To Him And Hell Be Like "you Remind Me Of Your Mom When You Do That." I Think That's So Cute Cause I'll Be Doing These Things Without Even Realizing It. Its True What They Say About Babies Understanding, Learning And Watching Everything You Say And Do...take My Word For It-next Time Your Around A Small Child Watch Them, And You'll See What Im Talking About.

I wish I could say I had a happy childhood. So many times I remember my mother driving my father into such a rage through her constant nagging. The fact that they had both been drinking never helped. When he got abusive she would take us and run away in the middle of the night and when the police found us then she would blame it on my father - she never told them that she drove him into such a rage.

My mother mentally abused my sister and I. My brothers were okay. My sister was a Grade A student and actually left school in Grade 12 to get married so she could get away from my mom. I was not so lucky because I was the youngest. So I ran away from home countless times. She used to tell my father lies and carry on so much just to ensure that he hit me. I eventually was put into reform school. Best time of my young life.

Pity my mom never loved me. She told me so many times how she tried to abort me but I was determined to be born. Till the day she died she hated me which was okay because I got the last laugh. She ended up bedridden for the last 3 years of her life and I supported her financially. She hated the fact that she had to rely on me, and me, I to this day have never shed a tear over her death. My father I miss, but my mother, I cant miss someone who hated me with such a passion. I felt sorry for her. She abused and manipulated everyone around her.

I am in a minority, i grew up in a very loving family, my parents are still together and have been married for 37 years now.
I have had 1 extreemly abusive relationship, which i got out of after 6 years of thinking that he would "change".

I was mentally, physically, and verbally abused by my mother. She was and is an alcoholic. My father was always very loving and caring but he was rarely home enough to protect us kids. I left my home at 15 and havnt looked back since. To this day my relationship with my mother is strained.

I have 2 boys of my own now and I adore them to no end. I could never dream of hurting them in any way. They are not only my sons. but they are my lil friends, too! I enourage them to be themselves.. nothing more.. nothing less.

My childhood was not an physically abusive one but it was emotionally abusive one, he was a yeller and would constatly put my mom down plus he was an alchoholic but it took 15 years of marriage for my mom to stand up for herself and now you better belive you dont hear a peek out of him, no emotional abuse no more mean words, I think he is scared of her LOL

But i am so proud of her though cause it took a long time but she did it and now she know that she has a voice and she know how to use it.

I came from a abusive mother from the age of 5 to the age of 48. After I left the house at 18, I was verbally abusive in person and on the phone no matter where I moved, she found me. when my father died I did not go to the funeral or did I go to my mothers funeral, because I hated her that bad. After my mother died at 86yrs old, I felt free form the devil and got on with my life.

my father was arrested when i was 1 for child abuse and my brother, 3 at the time, was put in a foster home. the abuse continued my whole life, i have a little sister too, 4 years younger than me. he also abused my mother. my brother and i hate my father for what he did to us... my sister on the other hand doesnt really remember much cause he was more lenient on her. my mother is in denial.

i was brought up in a stable home and feel fortunate for that......i have read all the posts and many brought tears to my eyes. i admire each and everyone of you (and if brave is the right word to use ) i think you are all so brave to share your lives with us THANK YOU and i wish you all every happiness in your futures love to you all :D

Wow. Yep I would say it was horrible. Dad whipped on mom alot. Mom stabbed dad once when I was 10 while I watched. He had her on the floor choking her as she fumbled for a knife. ON AND ON for about 19 years.
When I found myself in these abuseive relationships I wondered why..... because I am comfortable with that type of personality..... thats what I was told and it scared me to death. Now I have a wonderful man who never even heard his parents argue and guess what? I do not think I like him. OUCH. I must be a sickko as well.. I love my mom and dad very much. Thanks mom, thanks dad.

I too grew up in and abusive home, when I was young I watched my father beat my mom black and blue. He would beat me with a razor strap that was about six inches thick. As I got older I stood up for my mother trying to protect her (I'm the oldest child) he started using his fists on me. Finally at the age of 16 I stood my ground to him and beat him myself to the ground, all the anger and rage that had been building up in me all those years gave me strength that I didn't know that I had. I went for years hating him, that is until I turned my life over to the lord and found out who my real daddy was and that is God. I was able to finally forgive him and him and I have grown into a great relationship. My life turned out to be just like my parents, I married a man that abused me. It wasn't until the last real fight he tried to cut me with a knife and I lost it with him. To make a long story short I was arrested for the very first time in my life, was forced to take domistic counseling. The first four meeting that I attended I was angry because I felt that I was the victum and I didn't belong there, but the fifth meeting I started hearing things that made me realize that it was just as much my fault as his. And I left him and have not been with a man since, it will be 5 yrs. Jan. 1st 2006. I have a daughter who is now 13 and I decided that there will not be a man in my life until she is out of school and onto college. I have a friend and a soul mate who is in prison and I will someday God willing be able to be at that gate when they let him out. By then my daughter will be on her own.

I didn't grow in in an abusive home. I grew up in a very strict home, and we got beatings when my parents felt we earned one. I was born in 1960. It was my parents' objective to keep us safe because too many children get abused by friends and family of those children. We were never allowed to spend the night at friends and family's homes -- we had to sleep in our own bed in our own home. It was their objective to further let us know that if we do wrong or break the rules there would be consequences. And, it was their objective to raise responsible and independent adults.

What they did worked because none of us was sexually abused, broke the law, or spent time in jail or prison. It was six of us children. One passed about 9 years ago but the rest of us have met our parents' objectives. My dad thinks I'm a little crazy, okay, okay, he thinks I'm a lot crazy because of the road I've travelled fars meeting and marrying a man in prison and then remaining in the relationship through all we've gone thru, but aside from that, my mom and dad are alive and are very proud of us all.

Both my parents were alcoholics, and my father was physically vioent and my mother was verbally abusive. Fortunately my father was away from the scene for most of my childhood and died in a homeless shelter when I was 16. My mother used to remind me how much like him I was. So those are not the kind of husband and father I want to be for my wife and daughter.

My mom and dad were divorced when I was a baby. Her second husband beat her on a regular basis and verbally abusive to us kids. He beat me when I was 3 for standing up in the bathtub. When my mothers family seen the bruises on me they beat him. He never touched us kids again but he did my mom. I remember one time when he got off work. He had my mom on the floor kicking her while he was wearing steeltoed boots. She left him after 4 years. Her next boyfriend doted on us kids but he also beat my mother. That lasted 2 years. My next stepdad was good to my family. He treated my mom like gold. He didnt have a mean bone in his body But there was a dirty little secret. He molested me until I was 12 and it stopped. He and my mom were together 26 years until her death. She never knew, noone did. After the beatings from the other men that my mom got, I couldnt risk losing the happy life we finally got. So I kept my secret until my husband and I had been together for 7 years. He is the only person I ever told. He has been so supportive, and helped me work through it.

It was my mom that was the abusive one.... a real rager. She would whip on us kids, especially me (being the oldest), with belts, hangers, hairbrushes, open or closed hands, books, whatever she could grab, whenever she wanted total control over us, or feeling anything but good about herself, or out of wine and valium. She was also extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. My dad was and still is a workaholic, so he never saw it. he felt the sting of her cheating, though! When my parents split up (when I was 9) she didnt want custody or visitation for that matter. To this day she cannot figure out why I feel the way I do about her, and tells me to "get over it" whenever I have tried to work on myself with her ... she wont have any of it. I feel sorry for her, I also dont call her... and when she calls me, I tell her we are going to have "the conversation" or there is nothing to talk about. It has her SOOO MAD! but I need to take care of me today.

Your mother is in denial, my father is the same way. He says it never happened that way. I can not ever make him see that I remember what it was like as a child growing up. I quit trying to discuss it with him. I turned my life over to the Lord and I will let my Heavenly father take care of that part. I found my way out of the darkness that my child hood was, and my daugther will never have that life. I did find me after turning my life over to the Lord, the Book of Romans 14:11 says all knees will bow down to him come judgement day and will have to answer to him for what they have done. And that is good enough for me. You are one strong woman, forgive your mother and give her abuse and all to the Lord. Unforgivness suite case is what I call it gets very heavey as we get older and it is way to much for one to carry. God says give all to me and I will carry it for you.

Peace, love, hope and prayers

~jesuschick~




It was my mom that was the abusive one.... a real rager. She would whip on us kids, especially me, with belts, open or closed hands, books, whatever she could grab, whenever she wanted total control over us, or feeling anything but good about herself, or out of wine and valium. She was also extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. My dad was and still is a workaholic, so he never saw it.
When my parents split up she didnt want custody or visitation for that matter. To this day she cannot figure out why I feel the way I do about her, and tells me to "get over it" whenever I have tried to work on myself with her ... she wont have any of it. I feel sorry for her, I also dont call her... and when she calls me, I tell her we are going to have "the conversation" or there is nothing to talk about. It has her SOOO MAD! but I need to take care of me today.

My mother was very abusive when I was young. Physically, emotionally, and verbally. I worshipped her though, oddly enough. I was an only child and I depended on her for everything. When she was feeling good, those were the best times ever. When she'd come home from work and I could tell that she was upset, I knew that she'd find a reason to beat me that night whether I'd done something bad or not. I spent an obscene amount of time trying to gauge this woman's moods from day to day. Always walking on eggshells and trying not to rile her up. I was grateful when she started smoking weed because it calmed her down somewhat.

My stepfather believed in knocking his wife around, but do not touch children! It was a vicious cycle...she'd mouth off, he'd beat her, and she'd beat me when he was away from the house. Then he'd see my marks/bruises/cuts and she'd get beaten again. On and on it went until I finally moved out at the age of 17.

I spent many years chewing on bitter seeds because of my mother. Forgiveness came recently when she finally admitted and apologized for her wrongdoings. Up until that point, she'd always made excuses or tried to water it down.

Now, we have a relatively close relationship. I don't see her as the same person...in some ways she really isn't. However, even today I still react with anxiety when she's around me and I hear cabinets slamming or hear her cursing. As a child, that was always a signal for worse things to come. I know now that she can't hurt me, but I guess there are some things that your mind never completely lets go of.

Anonymous,,,,you are so lucky to have mother willing to see her part and contain contrition.... I also worshipped my absentee mother, but I had only seen her fro mthe eyes of an innocent child, and had no understanding of things they kept secret from me. But in the light of truth, i am disgusted and appalled!!!
My mother not only wont see her part, she thinks the worst thing that ever happened to me was 12 step recovery ( I face my fears and overcome them today)
THose of us who want to get better NEVER "get over it" ... we go THROUGH IT!

Jesuschick.. thank you for your insight,,,, I have forgiven my mother,. but she has not given up the abusive behavior... so undertand it when I choose to not subject myself to her company. Forgive and forget is only applicable when the behavior changes... otherwise it is forgive and take heed! I had to be in a marriage for 7 seven years to a man that was pretty much just like her to figure out all out.
Those who choose to ignore history or condemned to repeat it!

She may have given birth to me, but it is my Higher Power that gave me life.
Never again will I stand by someone who wont uphold me in loving kindness. Never again will I be blind to the misgivings of those with "motives"

I grew up in a very dysfunctional, abusive home. Luckily, I have overcome my past. While I would not wish my past on anyone, I would not change it either. My past has helped form who I am today. Because of the abuse (and spending alot of time working through it), I am strong, compassionate, determined...to name a few.

I do have to say though, that I disagree that Love is part of abuse (as one member stated in a post). Although, I understand where a person may be coming from with that statement, an abuser, in my opinion, is incapable of love because of their self-hatred. My abusers wanted to love me, maybe thought they loved me, but i think its impossible to feel true love for another when full of self-hate. Or maybe its more that an abuser is unable to consistently express love because he/she is so overcome with the self-hatred. Maybe I am way off base. I don't know. I just think its sad...its definitely generational...People who are or have been abused abuse others. Its a cycle. Thank the good Lord above that in my case, the abuse stops here. I, through faith in God (and a lot of counseling) have never and will never abuse anyone nor will my children ever suffer the way i did...at least not at the hands of their parents.

Mentally abusive, but not physically.

i grew up in a sexually abusive, emotionally abusive and psycologically abusive home.

emotionally and mentally abusive but NEVER physically thank god my parents well my mom is an alcoholic and my dad is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict

I grew up in an extremely cold household. There was never any affection shown to anyone. Both parents are alcoholics and my dad used to be physically abusive to my mom but not to us kids. They are still together after 54 years and have settled into a bickering truce. My sister went on to marry 3 abusive men. I married one. My brother is the only one who has been in a long term marriage that is happy and "normal".

I was brought up in such a dysfunctional family. My mother divorced my father when I was 5 and he threw me across the room. She was a raving alchoholic, who went through a series of boyfriends who pretty much ignored me until I was 8. Then she had one who raped me. Used me as his flop toy. I tried to tell. But no one would listen. Then I started fires. No one cared. She left him, and married a man who used to beat us with a part of a 2x4. Our family was investigated by child protective services. WHAT A JOKE. They tried to blame my mom. She never lifted a finger to us. We told them that. The SOB told CPS we were lying. CPS let it go. When I was 16, mom told us, "I'm divorcing him." I went home, got his sawed off shotgun, cornered him in the yard, actioned it, held it to his head. My grandpa, and 14 assorted law enforcement officials later, it was removed without incident from my hands. My mom remarried, I did no time, and had no juvenile record. Seems CPS took me seriously then. I got lucky. She remarried, albeit an alchoholic, but a funny alchoholic, who loved me, for me, and was a jovial drunk. He loved me and my brother, like we were his.
She's now clean and sober, but the damage is done. I have kids of my own, but, I married a wonderful, non abusive man, who has seen me through counseling, (guess what, I was undiagnosed bipolar for all my life) and none of this is ever going to happen to my children. It ends with me. I have the lights of my life, wrapped up in a darling 5 year old, and a highly intelligent 8 year old.
And the man I held a shotgun to his head? He actually showed up a few years ago at my grandparents while I was there. (His kids and my family are still close)Tried to make conversation with me. He's blind, and pathetic. Talk about Karma. I told him that when he admitted to abusing me, I'd forgive him. He said I was such a rotten kid, I deserved the beatings. I thought my grandpa and husband and brother were going to fall all over each other escorting the SOB, and his brother out. Needless to say, he'll never come back.

THAT IS JUST TERRIBLE. WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW BAD OFF OTHER PEOPLE HAD IT, IT JUST MAKES ME APPRECIATE MY LIFE SO MUCH BETTER. ALTHOUGH I GREW UP IN A VERY LOVING HOME, MY HEART STILL GOES OUT TO YOU. FOR REAL. I HAVE 5 SISTERS AND 2 BROTHERS AND WE ALL STILL LIVE IN THE SAME CITY. MY MOTHER AND FATHER ARE STILL TOGHETHER AFTER 46 YRS TOGETHER AND NEVER SEPERATING. THEY CONTINUE TO SHOW US UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I WISH I COULD HAVE SOMEHOW BEEN THERE FOR YOU , TO HELP EVEN JUST A LTTLE BIT. BUT SINCE I WASN'T I'LL BE HEREFOR YOU NOW. LOOK ME UP ANYTIME YOU WANNA TALK.

JESUS LOVES YOU AND SO DO I.

No I didn't. It was just my mom and me; my dad was absent, I never met him til I was grown up.

yeah my parents were always fighting..and then so me and my sister and my dad while he was here fought alot.....it is sad but true...it sucked bad but my mom isn't really around and when she does come around it's always bad

No, my parents beat our buts but they were not abusive, and they did tell us "this hurts them more than it hurt us".

My dad use to beat the c--p out of my mom when I was in jr high. I can remember trying to keep my brothers and sisters calm all huddled in the closet.
When I turned 18 I almost had her convinced to leave him, but she was too worried about my younger sibblings.
Too make a long story short law emforcement did nothing back then, so he got away with a lot. They are still together today it's mental abuse. She will never leave him it's all she knows and all she can say is "he is your father".
A little over a year ago he grabbed my son by the neck and threatened to kill him. Had I know it when it happened I would have had him arrested. I know in my heart his time will come and I will be there when it does..........

I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional, I was both verbally and physically abused. But I have determined that the cycle of violence will end with me and not be passed on to my daughter.
Same here i so agree with you on this .. I was given it all around, emotionally and physically..

Yea, thats all I remember about growing up, waking up and hearin my mama screaming and crying and my daddy yelling, it was like an everyday thing, i dont think i ever saw my mama without a black eye. Its nothing scarier then to wake up to the sounds i did, or seeing my dad pointing a shotgun at my mom ready to kill her and only stopping because she was sittin on my bed and me and my sisters were crying for him to stop. Im 18 now and sometimes I'll just be doing something and all of a sudden I can hear my mama screaming in my head, like somebodys tryna kill her, and its just as scary to me now as it was then when i was really seeing and hearing it.

I grew up in a very physically and emotionally abusive home. Usually it was my father abusing my mother and I. Some emotiopnal abuse came from my mother also. I vow to my self that if a man I am with ever hits me IM GONE NO EXCUSES!!! I am working on my own anger issues so I am not an abusive parent b/c that is conditioned learning. My father was also an alchoholic which had a direct effect to the abuse. I am battling through those issues now with a counselor, it is helping.

My mother was abusive to us kids. She married MANY abusive men. But we were lucky most of them just ignored us for the most part.

She was most abusive to me and she did things like burn my hand on the stove because she thought we stole her money... it was in her purse the whole time she was just to drunk to find it.
She burned my legs, hands, and feet with cigarettes often.
She beat on me.
She called me a lying bitch, a little slut, when I was 8 and told her that her boyfriend was touching me and trying to do things to me. (Later after he had sex with me... and I reported it to a school nurse there were charges against him, but she said "I never told her" and moved us 1000 miles away... They made the charges stick even after he denied it because they had proof. She had VD, HE had VD, and I HAD VD at age 8.)
She held me down so my own father could rape me when I was 12 while my little brothers WATCHED. (They were 11 and 6.) Tricked me out for groceries at 13.

FINALLY, lost custody of us after I reported what she did by holding me down (he split and I never seen him again) so I could be raped when I was twelve. The 11 year old brother also testified that he watched it happen... and they wouldn't let them leave the room.

They gave custody to my grandparents of me and my brothers. So, they (my grandparents and their home) let her move in the home with her new alcoholic abusive boyfriend with us kids!!!!!

I ranaway at 15 and I didn't come back unti I was 19. Whatever I've done to survive on the streets was nothing like the hell I lived at home.

She died a few years ago. Thank GOD! Just thinking of her makes my skin crawl.

I made a life for myself and I did four years of couseling as a child and for two years as an adult. I worked and got an education despite the things she did. And I NEVER did any of those things to my own children.

I'm not perfect, I've made some bad choices. I made the mistake of becoming involed with an abusive man... but when I left him I never went back. And I had one boyfriend who hit me once. I sent him to jail so fast his head was spinning.

Valeriasue, that's the most horrific childhood I've heard about in the longest time ... Be strong and stay grateful that you're giving your own children the life they deserve. Ralph

Thanks! Did I mention I have two certifications from the University of Florida, work in a business office, and love my job? :D I may have had a very crappy childhood, but that doesn't mean I have to live my life like that. I'm happy for the most part and have a good sense of self worth. I try to live my life in a positive way. And do volunteer work as well.:)

Just because she wrecked the first part of my life doesn't mean it had to continue that way.

She did other things and things after I was an adult as 'revenge' for getting my brothers taken away from her...:blah:


My brothers wanted me to care for her before she died. Both were out of state and I live in Florida.
<secretly thinking...:rolleyes: SHE'S still some place WARM now>
I did for about 4 months while she was in her own home. But when she needed to be in someone else's home or a nursing home.

I told them they had better pony up with the cash to put her in a nursing home or that they should take her themselves.... Because she wasn't living in my home. PERIOD. And that they were lucky I did ANYTHING at all. Not trying to sound like a B**** but she wasn't going be living with MY children. NOPE.

(She didn't abuse my brothers as much as she did me, but she did.... she molested my younger brother when he was 13 or 14, and my youngest brother she neglected. I took care of him from the time I was 8-9 years old. She wouldn't even change or feed him.)

My youngest brother took her to Wisconsin and she stayed there until she died. He had mainly been raised by our grandparents.

I have never been to her grave and didn't go to her funeral.

yes my father was a very abusive man....but he did it with more verbal than physical........but either way its all bad...and one day he will pay for it....

angela

I didn't even realize that I lived in an abusive home, until I read an article about the signs of abuse. Mental and emotional and my mother was verbally and physically abusive. To this day I have no feeling one way or another about my mother. She didn't exist for the most part. Now, I realize she was mentally ill. She grew up in an abusive, alcoholic family. My father was your typical controlling father. The worst thing I remember is, when my father was in the bedroom dying, 911 dispatcher was trying to get me to do CPR, I refused, because my brother and I had agreed my father was not going to live like a vegable for the rest of his life, and I am walking through the living room to go outside, so the EMS can find us, and I had this "lightbulb" go off in my head, "I'm free"! I stopped dead in my tracks. I realized everything I had done in my life was either to please my father or piss him off and get his attention. His family were farmers and his father was a district justice and a state trooper, back when they rode horses. I remember he would never let my mom work, or drive a car, etc....but they never fought. The only fight I remember(and this is the telling one), my dad wasn't going to let me get my drivers license and my mom said, "SHE is going to get her drivers license because she is never going to be trapped anywhere she can't get out". So my mom had an idea. I lost a lot of respect for my father and I still haven't dealt with that. I still haven't dealt with any of it really. I just kinda float around in my little world and try to make sense of it all.

My father abandoned me when I was three. My mom married my step-father before mine left me. But my step-father was very physically and emotionally abusive. He almost strangled my mother to death in front of me when I was around 7. He did not finish it because I got to the phone and the police got there before he could. That was before they had all of these domestic violence laws. They used to just take him and release him the next morning when he sobered up. He left my mother for another woman and I am so glad that he did. I don't know why my mother stayed with him as long as she did. But I think we did better without him in our lives. I DO NOT want my children to endure this. The one relationship I had that seemed to be heading toward that type of behavior, I ended when I realized he was abusing me. My hubby had a horrible childhood too. MUCH worse than mine. So we have made a pledge to each other to make sure that our children will never know the pain that we did. We keep our children FAR away from anyone we think might do any damage to them. My hubby thinks its weird that I cannot remember most of my childhood. But I believe that I blocked out most of it. Most of the things I remember are the bad things. It sucks. It is horrible what some parents will do to their children. So, so sad.

Kate

You do block it. I have blocked a good deal of my childhood. I just don't remember any type of emotional or physical interaction with my parents. The biggest mistake I made was staying in an abusive marriage, because I was raised "you get married, stay married and deal with it". I was raised old school. When he finally did something totally out of the question, I told him to get the hell out. I may be struggling but it was the best thing I ever did.

I don't remember a lot of my childhood. I remember things from before 8 years old and after 13. I do remember things like my friends or where I lived.

But what went on inside those houses... I'd just as soon forget.

My mom was a prescription drug addict (oops, still is) any meds. we got, she scarfed down, she was mean all the time, my dad just catered to her every whim--she was perfect in his eyes...at 11 my bro-in-law used me for his entertainment...this made me feel dirty and by having sex with everything that moved--I could be "loved"--when I babysat at houses, the dad would come home early to visit with me (did I have a sign on my forehead that said "use me"??)...my 1st husband kicked me, hit me, yelled at me, raped me, kept me under control by not allowing me to have a car & moving us 2000 miles from home....he neglected our son (now in prison) & beat me whenever I tried to hold him, so we learned to go out to play just to hide in the bushes to be together. I stupidly enough took this for 12 long years. Life got him back--bit him in his tail--he now is a head injured useless & worthless human being. I on the other hand, now have a husband who treats me as if I am a gift from above (I am!) and loves me sooo very dearly. He is the Dad to all my sons, stands behind our badboy encouraging him that he is GOOD & can make it when he gets out, treats my birthson(15-another long story-he was placed in an Open Adoption at birth)the same as the one we had together. It took me years to be able to look in the mirror and to see myself as others see me--not as what I was told I was.....ugly, stupid, smelly, useless and a whore. I now am a cherished wife and mother who never will feel the pain of yesterday. I am loved as ME...warts and all. What could be more perfect?

There was never any abuse in my house growing up. Hell, I don't even recall ever being spanked. The problem with my environment was no attention and no affection - none between my parents, or towards my brother and I from my parents that I can really speak of. Then my father moved out of the state when I was 11 years old, my mother all but disappeared with her new found social life, and my brother enlisted in the Army. Basically I was alone and I think I developed abandonment issues. I think that's why when I met my abusive ex-husband, I put up with a lot of the things he did because, in some sick way, it was a form of attention and I was afraid to be alone.

I dont recall a time that I wasnt embarrassed my parents fighting we grew up in a very nice neighborhood where things just werent like that and everyone in the neighborhood knew that my parents fights wer violent but they never did anything they never even so much as called the police they always turned a blind eye to everything! My father beat my mother almost everyday that I can remember for 17 years and here they are together 35 years this year and he still gets angry and there is still some limited violence but nothing like it use to be!
I sometimes wonder if that is the reason that I allowed myself to be beat on
but at the same time I feel like my mother did what she had to do back then things were different they wouldnt even take your husband to jail for beating on you!
They asked the woman to leave the house!

KarrieMI

I too grew up in a situation like that...and for awhile I thought that was how it was suppose to be---beat on to show they loved you. It bothers me that you wrote ' I wonder sometimes if that is the reason I allow myself to be beat on'. No person deserves that.:( I joke alot about things in chat and in post but I take domestic violence very serious, sometimes wondering how different life would have been with my family if we never saw that stuff. I for one never again want to hear the 'thunk' or see the 'colors' a tight fist or whatever they can pick up will will give you. My thoughts and prayers are with you because you deserve so much more then fear and pain. samantha

I didnt grow up in a physically abusive enviroment. More emotionally/verbally/mentally abusive... My house was always chaotic and severely dysfunctional...

My older sister has kids now and I see the cycle continuing on with her two young sons (both under 4). I try to give them as much love as possible (sometimes to sugar coat the s**t that they go through). I don't want them to grow up hitting women and thinking its "normal" and okay: :( But some of you know how it is when you tell someone -- something about their parenting skills...

did any of you grow up neglected also. Like never having any school clothes and having to wear jeans too short for you all the time and that sort of thing.

when I was growing up it was the normal thing to see the parents in our neighborhood fighting,
but the one time I really remember to this day is when Mr M took a knife to to Mrs M neck and cut it open and she was right there in the front yard with all of us neighborhood kids playing and riding our bikes while she held on to her neck waiting for the medical help I had to call my mom to help her, Blood was just pouring out and guess what in the good old days that was what a wife deserved for what ever reason she made her husband mad at her!
he did not get into any trouble for it and went to work the next day like nothing ever happened, and that is how things pretty much went in those days, I could go on but it better that we live in a better place now. I try every day to not be abusive to anyone

My dad was verbally abusive to my mom and still is. He also was verbally abusive once my brother and I got older. I still don't know how my mom put up with it for so many years.

I did grow up in a abusive environment. My mom would hit us all the time for the slightest thing. My father was an alcoholic, and my mom was just crazy.

I suppose you could say I grew up in one. I wasn't abused but I say it happen to my mother from time to time but a stepdad who was an alcoholic.

Yes. My father(a minister) was physically and emotionally abusive to my mother and us kids. They divorced because of it and my mother married an even bigger jerk who had a direct impact on her death.

Hi all new here so hey!! I'm 54 yrs old and was abused as a child by my stepfather as well as his friends. Thank god he died in 1977 but doesnt' deserve to be with Elvis which i doubt anyways lol. My stepdad beat my mom all the time as well as me and my 3 sisters. My mom has since remarried again to a man who is 86 and she is 77. dont' sound like m uch of a difference but it is to me. Now her life is over cause she has to look after an old man and he is dragging her down. I hate her for not leaving my Stepfather when she knew all the abuse was going on. But i love her at the same time if that makes sence.

I to came from a abusive home. But it was just to me by my stepdad, my sisters were all his daughters. I can actually say I hate my mother for what she let go on and never even tried to stop. I no longer talk to my mom, stepdad and my 2 younger sisters. I do however have a very good relationship with my older step sister. We do stuff all the time together now that my family has dis-owned her to. I guess that is just what happens. I feel like a orphan alot of times, even though I am 21. I dont ever see or talk to my mom and my dad has been in prison since I was 18 months old and will never get out. I am very grateful though to have a VERY loving husband now and two beautiful boys, and I thank God everyday for the life I have now.

so i have already written on here once before.

my relationship with my father has gotten worser.. we fight every day .. over stupid stuff. i do believe he enjoys to make me cry each and everyday.. since i have still lived with my parents.. since my husband has been away. its been hard for myself.. due to not having my husband there/with my depression and being a single parent to my son. i have been stressful and the fact that i dont get along with my father.. i dont even call him my father in my book he isnt a father.. i mean granted he has been there for me thru this whole situation with my husband and helped us out majorly.. and yes he is a great grandfather to my son.. im grateful.. BUT.. as a father.. he is a "deadbeat"

you may be siiting there and asking why is she callin her father a "deadbeat" when he is still around blah blah.. yes my father is still around but he is verbally abusive to me.. and also physically abusive towards me.. i mean okay.. im 23 years old , not 10 or younger.. i dont think its right for a 46 year old man .. to abusive his grown daughter.. i mean this has gone for for about a year or so .. of him abusing me..

and its like everyday gets worser... him threating me.. hitting me, screamin at me infront of my child.. its awful. all i do is try and not talk to him .. and he just saids stuff that gets underneathe my skin and i have to react.. anyone would.. but

when my father.. saids how "he wants to beat the living crap out of me , that puts me into the hospital" how can i look @ him as a father ?? and how he said going to jail would be fine with him .. just because that he would love to put me in the hospital.. i mean i think thats sick.. to think about it ..

so that was like two days ago.. when i just found out my grandma is about to die..

but then today.. he comes home.. starts yelling at me .. *(oh yeah .. my father is a drug addicted.. well was .. he is still in rehab and its been 3 years and is now addicted to methdome or whatever the stuff they give youu to get off the drugs) and calls me every name in the book.. like usual. i try and not talk to him .. and then he saids

" i really hope a bomb goes off between your legs and kills you" then finally you will be out of my life for good..."

oh yeah he swears up and down that he has never ever said that he would kill me, hurt me , oh yeah.. nor ever layed a hand on me.. but then again .. maybe he has multipal personalities or something!!

i broke down in tears.. and personally all i wanted was my husband.. and how he cant do anything .. to protect me of this horrible man .. who forever i called my father.

as i sit here in tears.. and wonder whats so wrong with me,. that everyday of my life i get abused and hurt and beated inside and out .. by someone who im supposed to love and care for and have my son look up to as a role model..

right now i dont have money to go live on my own.. and i have tried to leave but the threats get worser because he thinks im trying to keep him away from my son.

im so scared to death that one day he will physically kill me.. or something horrible will happen to me..

i dont know what else to do.. i mean this is going to sound horrible.. but i have sat there and thought about hurting my father.. so he would never hurt me ever again .. i pray that he dies.. i really do..

im sick of gettin hit in the face.. gettin my hair pulled almost out of my head.. having brusies and tellin my husband that i ran into something..

im sick of living this horrible NIGHTMARE.. i just want it to all go away..

so if anyone has any info .. on what i should do ...

I grew up with 2 wonderful parents who were married just over 50 years and together 55 when they diied. I did not grow up in an abusive home at all. I grew up never needing or wanting for anything!

I grew up in a very abusive violent home, alot of alcohol abuse and mental abuse, not a happy time for me.

Those days are gone now, but still yet to leave the home it happined in, soon hopefuly!!

I myself was brought up in a good home. My parents are still together after 50 years. Yes, they have had their ups and downs but my siblings and myself saw the love. Abusive relationship, once and that was when I was real young. I would never go through that again. I always tell my husband if you never were taught love when you were growing up, HOW do you know what it is when you are grown? His parents never showed loved and his father drank quite a bit. I at least saw love between my parents, the hugs the kisses. Yes, they argued but that is normal. I don't understand why someone would stay with someone abusive. There are loving people out there.

My parents were never abusive but they also weren't around much and left my older brother and neighbors and myself to raise me. I was mostly on my own. By time I was 5 I had to learn how to fight because my brother who is 7 yrs older we would get into fights and the neighborhood boys anywhere form 3-7 years older then me would jump me once in awhile. By time I was a teen my brother was heavy into drugs and beat me for a solid week until I thought he was going to kill me along with a couple neighborhood boys would beat me. I have learned how to be strong and defend myself unfortunately that means carrying a baseball bat and always a knife I fear I may end up in jail in because of self defense but I hope these last 2 beatings I've taken will be the last.

I was mentally and verbally abused as a child. My father wasn't around and my mother is "confused" so I, being a child, was in her way too much. She embarrassed me in front of my friends and their parents about my weight. She even told some of my chubby friends about their weight. Everyone hated my moms and didn't want me around if she had to be. I don't think I was really physically abused but I was defintely emotionally abused and verbally abused and because of her constant harassment about my weight I go up and down like a roller coaster.

I grew up in an upper middle class home, an only child. Both parents worked and my childhood was very normal.

no i didnt grow up in an abusive environment, my parents always got al ong and they still do til this day

:cool: Hey lovinkiah; sorry to hear about that. Hope everything is alot better for you now aday's. ;)

Things are better, for me, thank you. Unfortunately my mother is still in an abusive situation. Although our relationship in general is much better.

As far as I can remember, my parents fought a lot. When I was 7, they finally divorced, after my dad threw my mom into the stove in our kitchen and broke her hip. Since then, I've been through a few domestic violence situations myself ... was even kidnapped for 2 years at the age of 17 by a virtual stranger and tortured on a daily basis during that time.

I won't go into the rest of it, but it gets even worse - MUCH worse. The way I look at it now is that what happened to me in my past made me a much stronger person. So, although my numerous extremely bad experiences did occur, it made me who I am today ... and it gives me the strength to keep moving forward and try to make a difference in the world, even if it's just slight difference. My own personal goal is to help as many other people as I possibly can, and if I can also boost their self-esteem and courage in the meantime so that they can live happier lives, that'll make me even happier. :)

Yes, unfourtunately I did. My sisters father was very abusive towards my mother, more than likely due to him being an alcoholic, but that is no excuse. He abused her while she was pregnant with his child as well! It started off as verbal abuse and then steadily grew to being physical. The second night of my freshman yr in HS he had a gun pointed to her head and almost killed her. That was the breaking point when she decided that she had to do what was best for her children and its been 5 years but I still get chills when he comes to get my sister and I do not feel comfortable around him.

My parents were fine people--to other people. To me, their firstborn, they were relentless in their determination to prevent me from ever amounting to anything. This included years of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, all of which they later claimed (and my mother still maintains) never happened.

I have two siblings--sometimes I think I took the lumps for them as they were not treated in the same manner. I'm just glad it's behind me and that the situation is no longer a part of my life. Can't say that I let it get to me much, and I certainly would never make it someone else's problem. We are more than what happens to us, and being treated badly is no excuse to treat another badly.

my father wasnt around when i was growing up.
so me & my brothers had to put up with my mother
who was insecure and looked for love in all the wrong places.
my stepdad was an alcoholic & would beat my mom.
lieterally kick the shit out of her black eyes & everything.

i remember once he pulled a knife on her & stabbed her in the stomach.
she lived. & had him locked away for 1 year. but hes out.
& they are still together 8 years later.

my mother would beat us from time to time but once we became of age and stood up she backed down. i find myself turning into her.

ive been in an abusive relationship, got pregnant at 17 & had an abortion, because of that i recieved death threats from the babys father etc. I GOT THE BALLS TO SAY FUCK YOU, and i left. unfortunetly the next gf gotbeat & he is now in prison.

My home was not physically abusive, but my mother was a massive narcissist. When we were children we never knew what to name her, but we knew she was crazy but not a kind of crazy that you could put her away for. Only at age 52, talking to a counselor, did I learn that "narcissism" was the name for the danger.
When I was 10 my parents divorced, and later my dad remarried, to a woman who has been a godsend. But the damage was done - I still tend to give in to or try to fix other narcissists, as if it will finally prove something to a woman who has been dead for many years.

My father was an alcoholic who was physically & verbally abusive. I recall one incident where I walked in on him beating up my mom. (I was 4). She was yelling for me to call 911, and he said if I did, he'd kill her. Another time, he backhanded my younger sister (who would have been 2-3 at the time) for saying "no" to him and knocked her unconscious for a few minutes. There were other incidents through the years of course. Luckily for me (or maybe not?) most of his abuse towards me was verbal. Stuff like calling me "thunder thighs" and backhanded comments such as "what are you, stupid?".

As an adult I've had 2 bad marriages, which I see as direct results of my dysfunctional childhood. My 1st husband was primarily mentally/emotionally abusive, though he did give me a black eye once when he chucked his eyeglass case at me during a fight. His main tactics of control however were to throw away clothes he thought were too sexy, hide my makeup, delete friends #'s from my cell, break into my email, listen in on phone conversations, and tell me what a "slut" I was.

My 2nd hubby (who I'm currently in the process of divorcing), is an alcoholic. I don't recall him ever being abusive to me. But our relationship was stressful due to his heavy drinking, staying out late, taking the car-even though his license was revoked (I tried to hide the car keys but didn't always remember), taking my debit card w/o asking-and causing nsf fees, getting into drunken brawls, and his frequent trouble w/ the law.
Our daughter is 2 years old and I hope that I have broken the cycle early enough for her to not end up in bad relationships when she grows up!

My father was an alcoholic who was physically & verbally abusive. I recall one incident where I walked in on him beating up my mom. (I was 4). She was yelling for me to call 911, and he said if I did, he'd kill her. Another time, he backhanded my younger sister (who would have been 2-3 at the time) for saying "no" to him and knocked her unconscious for a few minutes. There were other incidents through the years of course. Luckily for me (or maybe not?) most of his abuse towards me was verbal. Stuff like calling me "thunder thighs" and backhanded comments such as "what are you, stupid?".

As an adult I've had 2 bad marriages, which I see as direct results of my dysfunctional childhood. My 1st husband was primarily mentally/emotionally abusive, though he did give me a black eye once when he chucked his eyeglass case at me during a fight. His main tactics of control however were to throw away clothes he thought were too sexy, hide my makeup, delete friends #'s from my cell, break into my email, listen in on phone conversations, and tell me what a "slut" I was. It took me 3 attempts to leave him. The last straw was on our 1 year wedding anniversary. At the time I was working full time and going to college full time. He was unemployed and sat at home all day playing video games or playing on the computer. On our anniversary, I came home from school to find the house a mess. Also, he had not started dinner and did not even have the decency to make me a card out of crayons and paper (which is the only "gift" I would have expected anyway since we were broke). It finally clicked in my head at that moment that he did not truly care for me, and probably saw me more as a meal ticket. Hey, who wouldn't want free food & shelter, and regular nookie, without having to put forth any effort for it?

My 2nd hubby (who I'm currently in the process of divorcing), is an alcoholic. I don't recall him ever being abusive to me. But our relationship was stressful due to his heavy drinking, staying out late, taking the car-even though his license was revoked (I tried to hide the car keys but didn't always remember), taking my debit card w/o asking-and causing nsf fees, getting into drunken brawls, and his frequent trouble w/ the law. I still care for him alot, but I feel that he would have to overcome his alcohol addiction and underlying emotional problems before we could ever have a chance at a successful relationship. Our daughter is 2 years old and I hope that I have broken the cycle early enough for her to not end up in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship when she grows up!

i grew up in an abusive drug filled home. dad died at an early age (2) and my moms boyfriends beat the crap out of all of us. (mom, brother, myself), ive also encountered other types of abuse...

guess some go through this,....question is, does it make u stronger or break u down as u get older?

i think how we process it is how it either wipes us out or makes us stronger. really, i laugh at some of the stuff that happene3d between my ex and i. when i read the second to last post about hercoming home on their anniversary, to a messy house, and not even a card for her, on one of my birthdays he forgot as usual and about 8:30 that night i started to cry and he got me in the car, drove to sav-on, went in, came out with a card, grabbed a pen, wrote,"love, max", and tossed it at me. as a child, my brother still laughs to this day about mom having me by the wrist, and a belt in the other hand, and id be going in circles around her as she whipped me. he would sit in his highchair and laugh. mom was alcoholic, very funny, but just a real bitchy mouthy drunk, and she was always on our cases about not appreciating anything. she drove home drunk and knocked the carport down and we covered her ass for when dad got home. he was alcholic, but very passive. whenever they went to a cocktail party i always knew she'd come home snarling at him. when i saw "who's afraid of virginia wolf" it was just like watching my parents. i used to feel real angry about the whole mess, but over time and with therapy, i accept what happened. and i need to say "time" because it took "time" to get thru it. im still a mess, but a little less of a mess.

Yes i did. My father abused my mother and us, but for some strange reason he did it most to me. Up to this date i can't figure out why. My aunt told me that when my mother was pregnant with me he wanted a baby boy, in the latin culture having a boy as a firstborn is like hitting the bat at the first try, u know a macho thing, and when i was born he was dissapointed. I guess that was it, i don't know. All i know is that it took me almost 45 yrs. to forgive him but i did it thru God. Somedays when he mentions that all his kids grew up to be good citizens because of him getting us straight, i can feel the anger and resentment coming back but i don't allow myself to go back to those days bcause then i'll be trapped in a vicious cycle of hate that i don't desire being a new woman. My mom is still with him although he doesn't beat her anymore. He knows that i am not going to let him u know why? because of his abuse i got stronger.

ever since this thread was put out i have avoided it,why i am in here right now i don't know.abusive childhood,yea i remember my dad holding his rifle to my moms head because she was putting us 6 kids in the car to leave and then i heard gun shots 4 to be exact i was crying and turned to look for my mom and he had shot out all 4 tires so we couldn't go nowhere.i seen him on top of my mom they were actually kicking eachothers asses lol,its the indian in her.my mom used to drag me to the garage and yell at me to take a good look at my drunken father because she was so angry at me for loving him.i don't have alot of memories of my childhood,the ones i do have are extremely bad,but i love my parents my dad is dead and there was alot of untouched things that needed to be said with us before he died but i went 2 years ago to say them at his grave for i didn't think it was the best thing to do when he was dying of lung cancer.my mom has more than made up for our childhood,she did the best that she could at the time,there wasn't the help then for abused people that there is now..and thankgod for the help we all have now!

kalibabe64 - I am glad you are no longer avoiding us. That shows that you have the strength and courage to face all those deamons.

I think it is fantastic that you were able to go to the grave and say all that you wanted and didnt get a chance to while your Dad was living.

My Mother was 95 when she died and I was fortunate to have the time with her to talk to her about most everything. Of course at that age I am sure she did not comprehend alot of it, but I did give it a try.

With Father it was different, because he died unexpectently and I never had the chance. So, I wrote him a letter and sent it to an older gentleman, who I idetified with as father. That helped.

Know that we are all here for you. Take good care of yourself and be well.

Yes, I did also. My father was a drug addict and beat my mother on a regular basis. The police were at our house alot but my father would leave me alone when he heard the police coming so he wouldn't get caught. He was also sexually abusive to my mother (rape, etc). He molested me off and on for years from 3yrs.-10 yrs. My father even told my mother when I turned 5 he was going to have sex w/ me. They divorced when I was 4yrs. old but too late. The courts finally took his parental rights away. I am the only female my father has ever been afraid of. When I turned 16-I confronted him face-face. I am the only female that has had a confrontation w/ him w/o been beating severly. My father saying was "a woman asks for a beating when she back talks her man". He just never met a strong woman before. I forgave him but never let my daughters later in my life near him due to sexual abuse history. I know he also molested his 4 other children (3 boys and 1 girl) w/ his 2nd wife. They left state and went into hiding. I can't say I blame them. My maternal grandfather was also physically and sexually abusive when my mother was young girl. Once he quit drinking alcohol he was a good man ( in my eyes). My grandfather was my everything. I tell people you have to move on and try not to dwell on the past cause it will only hold you back. I try to avoid abusive relationship at all cost (only 1 and left after the public attack) and not be abusive myself w/ my upraising background. And definitely no drugs allowed; my father went into his final rehab for millionth time4 years ago and is supposedly clean for the first time. I' ll quit jabbering on and on. Good luck to everyone on your healing processes!

I didn't see violence growing up. My parents have now been married 32 years, and the only fights they have gotten into have been over me. My dad doesn't know how to leave me alone when i'm upset, angry, pissed off or anything like that. They fought because dad & I would fight & then mom & him would fight because "it just isn't worth it david" as she says. Its alot better now. I just leave when I don't want to be bothered. Or don't come home untill they are in bed. Yes I'm married, 27 and live at home. But it's easier than moving out by myself while Tony is locked up. And this way I can have money saved so we can get a nice place.
I think that is why my family had such a hard time when I was with my ex. They didn't know what to do or how to help cuz abuse wasn't the "norm" in my family.

My Father was an abusive alcoholic and most of my relationships have been as well. I've tried to change that pattern, but have been mostly unsuccessful. If anyone has any ideas, I am open to them.

Yes and yes. Unfortunately my father was physically and verbally abusive, and I found myself treating people in my life that way when I became an adult because it was all I knew. I've had to sit down and cry my way through the pain, and pray and make the effort to change the cycle. Now, instead of being like daddy, I live my life to be the opposite of him. Sometimes you have to know how to be, from knowing how not to be.

I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional, I was both verbally and physically abused. But I have determined that the cycle of violence will end with me and not be passed on to my daughter.


WELL DONE !!! I vowed the same and my kids (son 14 daughter 12) know NOTHING of it all !!!

I feel ya - i really do xxxxxxxxxx

My early childhood was good, "normal"...at least what I could remember. Either that or my parents did a good job at making an acceptable outward appearance??? We moved alot with my fathers work. Mother was NEVER happy. Nothing was ever enough for her. She grew up an only child....around a huge family of cousins that were extremely wealthy. She was so envious of their lifestyle...& always wanted more. I can remember the fighting really beginning when I was around 10 yrs. old. My father begin to drink more & more...to deal with my mom's BS. I can't say I blame the man...she was so intolerable. Her excuse for wanting out of the marriage was he's an alcoholic. Ok, he completed rehab (in which she didn't go, or even bring us kids, to his graduation ceremony for succesfully completing the program). That really hurt him. She divorced him immediately after. Within a month, she remarried...out of nowhere! She said she thought she had a lump in her breast (which she never had) & married this guy for insurance purposes. BS. She had known this man since she was in college. He was very wealthy. He came looking for her several yrs. earlier...ugh, right about the time the fighting with my dad began. Hmmm, go figure. Being the middle child...I was the hard headed, outspoken one. He felt children were to be seen, not heard. Boy did we butt heads! Within a month of their marriage....he beat me unmercifully! I was 14 yrs. old...& had NEVER been through anything like that...as my father was very loving & supportive...never had to discipline us. Yes, we had got spankings...but NEVER beat! My mother stood by & never said a word. Not until I almost jumped out a second story window to escape him. I never shed not one tear! I wouldn't let that bastard have the satisfaction. The next thing I know, I'm being literally dumped out in the middle of the night...5 hrs. from home...at a group home for troubled teens. He didn't want me around...so there ya go. I ended up in a foster home within a year where I was sexually abused by my foster brother & father...exploited through child pornography. My mother was made aware...but chose to leave me in the home. Real nice, huh? I eventually went to live with my father. My foster father & brother were arrested & tried (got off with a slap on the wrist) for what they had done to me (as well as MANY other girls that lived in the home yrs. prior). I went through my teenage yrs. hurt, angry, & rebelious...ended up being in & out of juvenile detention centers, girls homes, etc...but made it through. I am the person I am today...because of my experiences...stronger & wiser! I have two wonderful children, a successful business, & the love of my life! My father has been sober for 17 yrs. now...remarried to a wonderful lady...life is good (great) for him. My mother is still with asshole (who is a raging alcoholic)...who ended up not only losing everything he had...but went through all of my grandmothers estate as well (through my mother). They're flat ass broke & miserable! I hate to say they're getting what they deserve...but I'm a firm believer in what comes around goes around! And boy oh boy are thet getting theirs! Yes, I have forgiven my mother & moved on. I had to. I won't be consumed by things I can't change. The way I look at it...how can we expect to be forgiven...if we can't forgive of others? Just because you forgive someone...doesn't mean you have to trust them...or even like them...it just releases you from harboring resentful emotions. What doesn't kill us...makes us stronger.

yes i grew up in an abusive environment my father was on drugs and abused my mother until she left him i was 6 at the time my mother became verbally and physically abusive towards me and the other children i was kicked out when i was 13 i got on drugs started a life of crime i was in and out of jail until i went to prison i was the victim of domestic violence then i became the abuser because i didnt want to be like my mother i was always told that i was like my father i was but not anymore i have been clean for 16 months no more powder cocaine marijuana ecstacy of alcohol i was always a functioning addict self employed for many years i just got tired of hurting i knew i had to change

Sutherndreamgirl,
Wow, your life story is so powerful. Thank you for being so strong and taking the time out to share it with us. Many of us go through sorrowful times in our life and we don't know why. You are right, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Thank God you survived all of that and are here to share your experiences with us, and possibly with someone who is experiencing the same things. I hope you may give someone the courage to hang on a little while longer in hopes of seeing the light at the end of a very dark domestic violence tunnel.

I truly believe it's not so much "what" happen's in our life, but "how" we choose to deal with it. Hopefully with our life experiences...we in turn can offer something back...help someone else....because we do truly understand. At least it wouldn't have all been in vane. No matter how bad things are (or have been)...we have to count our blessings...because there is always others that go through so much more.

My mother was mentally ill and could be extremely violent. I was raised by my aunt and uncle and they were nice calm people. My mother was always in a marriage that was violent. She would get beaten and then her last husband she would attack him. Several times she beat my brother, myself and seldom my younger sister but she did punch her in the stomach when she was barely 8 months.. I was visiting her for the summer and had never seen anyone hit a child,my aunt and uncle never hit me or cussed me so it was a shock.
I grew up to be violent and a screamer . My first husband was abusive and my second husband very abusive, I had a broken nose on several occasions and I don't know how many black eyes, broken fingers etc. He would beat me with the end of a rifle and then demand sex, that was while I was 6 months pregnant. My current husband has never hit me but he is extremely argumentive,especially when he does not get his way. He has threatend to "knock my teeth out" I have had him bust down the bathroom door when we were fighting and things were getting out of control before he went to prison this last time.. He has grabbed me by the hair, shoved me down , held my face to the ground, stating that he could kill me, he has choked me and fractured my foot by crushing it with his own. We were both under alot of stress, he drank from as early as 5 am on and when we fought we fought. He grew up under a very cruel father, who beat them from the age of 4 on up. It has been a violent lifetime, but I have become a stronger person and compassionate and have brought up 3 very compassionate and loving children.. I am actually filled with peace now .

I was raised in a abusive home. My dad is still crazy. Glad I am out of there.