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hi everyone,

this is what goes on... what do you think?

I am thinking of a positive future for the next 11 years without my husband. I just did 10 years with him, married 9 years, known him 15 years...
He and I were good friends when I met him out here and loved him always. My mom never says how was your visit, she just says sometimes when are you going on your private visit.lol. I can talk about him here and there but with Paul and I wanting to have a baby within the next few years and I have to have either surgury or another way i found out about conceiving and i emailed her a whole thing on it she won't write back or talk about it. I had 2 abortions when i was 17 and 18 and a miscarriage at 20- all with that the doctor told me in 1990 i cant conceive anymore from scarring in my tubes.. now with two settlements coming in, going to college, working i think i might be able to start having a family. paul has 3 kids already 2 from a prior marriage and one from his ex-girlfriend who died... his kids never visit they are 19, 17 and 11 ... the 11 year old lives in florida...
i have heartache about my family being unsupportive. friends listen and understand. my mom and sister live in florida, my dad and brothers live here in new york. would it be fair to have a child with everyone all over the place?
why do i feel guilty or jinxed in a way not to have a baby because my mom is always negative about this... Everyone sees how my husband and i are in love and she sees the bad. like i feel she is like one of the bad guys at the trial that convicted my husband. the district attorney called her in 1996 and said my daughter got rings from Paul in 1990 and she sold them and he must of stole them and all this crap... and everything to put down our character.
should i just go and ignore her but it really kills me. she said to me a few months ago, i am not going to accept your marriage and blah, blah blah...

It could just be this is not the life your mother envisioned for you-and she will not accept the facts as they are.They say no man(woman)is an island-but you may just have to be.Don't worry about what is"fair"to those who do not support you-listen to your heart.You know what will make you happy.It is YOUR life-strive to be happy.You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars
You have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to you
No doubt,the universe is unfolding
as it should.
(from DESIDERATA)
J

My advice to you is to do what makes you happy. Like you said you are 36 yrs old! Its your life, I wouldnt worry if your mom dosnt support what you are doing. I am in the same boat. My mom has never liked the men that I date, so I simply dont talk to her about my personal life! Good luck.

I am sorry to hear about your mom...I know it feels good when your family supports your relationship. I feel blessed that my mom supports my relationship with my soon to be husband. Even if she didn't support it...I feel like we all have to live our lives. Our parents have grown up and made their choices. So we have ot do the same thing......regardless of right or wrong. As long as you are at peace with your choice...no one can take away that peace of mind from you. I hope your mom comes around!