EXCITING!?! What's one thing that we all can relate on here? The long sentence, life sentence, and the the life without-right? So lets think so other ways that we can relate besides that . . . . . could be anything?

:hmm: I'm thinking and thinking but I can only come up with silly stuff!

I hear ya! I will try to think of some things, too. Of course talking about sex always gets 'em all going...

Sex or lack there of . . . of course we have sex but come on we can think of something more. :yes: I was hoping to post that before work and come back with a bunch of answers . . . how disappointing. Qwerty ~ know we have more Lifers around here some place. :D

Know what? I would like to hear about the "special" things your loved one/friend does for you ..... does he make silly stuff to send-is it all straight out? Does he decorate his envelopes? How about poems? We all know we go the extra mile to try to make their day- what has made yours? Is there one thing that will stick with you for life?

How bout it-since Im new here- anyone gotten warm fuzzies lately?

Well, Spyda, I can tell you in California we got lots o lifers -- unfortunately... but in response to the last thread, well here's one. I just laid off and I got the sweetest letter cause he's so worried about me. I don't WANT him to worry, but still, I have to admit it felt good that someone cares so much.

But I think the biggest thing I get from him is that he teaches me to be grateful for very small things every day. This is new to me, and it is something I would have never learned before hooking up with a lifer. I have truly gained a whole new outlook on life and what really matters.

Hi...Spyda

I refer you to the mission statement for this forum
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25264

This forum is not supposed to be exciting.
It's supposed to be useful and provide a voice for the people who ARE lifers, and be a place for people involved with them to network and be supportive under those particular circumstances.

Taking a leap off the curb into the gutter of the tacky is not where this forum is going.
In truth, a lifer, or anyone who's done enough time has heard more lies about sex than anyone should have to be treated to. There is more to life and Lifers and people who support them.

This is the place for them.

The Sex Forum was closed at PTO. It's not going to be given a satellite location here.

I was not suggesting we get tacky, and I hope no one takes it that way... I think some of us just want it to get REAL, and those of us close to lifers have a lot of differences form other members. Sex just happens to be one of those things that's a little different, ( and it IS part of life, you know) because a lot of people involved with lifers don't plan on "when he/she comes home." I don't think anyone here was trying to get tacky.

On another note, I think Spyda's suggestions (in my opinion) were meant to get a little more ACTIVITY going in this forum -- ideas, inspiration, etc. I would like to see more posts here too because my pal is a lifer!!

Hi...Spyda

I refer you to the mission statement for this forum
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25264

This forum is not supposed to be exciting.
It's supposed to be useful and provide a voice for the people who ARE lifers, and be a place for people involved with them to network and be supportive under those particular circumstances.

Taking a leap off the curb into the gutter of the tacky is not where this forum is going. In truth, a lifer, or anyone who's done enough time has heard more lies about sex than anyone should have to be treated to. There is more to life and Lifers and people who support them.

This is the place for them.

The Sex Forum was closed at PTO. It's not going to be given a satellite location here.

Thanks anyway for the link but I have already read all that. The only reason I post here in the "Lifers" forum is for the reasons you listed in the Mission Statement alone. I don't know what you are refering to as far as tacky . . .

I am NOT sure that you read the thread correctly.

The first being that the tenor of it remain just as other specified forums. A general understanding that people who are involved with someone serving a life sentence will find that this is the forum where their particular interests and concerns and questions and needs be addressed.

Here you are saying that poeple involved with someone serving a life sentence-correct? I feel that I would find more understanding and relate to someone differently at PTO of their loved one was serving a life sentence. My reason for posting this thread and other threads in this forum.

The second thing I'd like to see in this Forum is a participation from Lifers. I know that they are a tremendous resource and the most educated consumers of the system. The third thing I'd like to see here is that this Forum become known more for the positive contributions that Lifers can make and have made within their institutions and their lives inside, than for some grievous navel contemplation or lament du jour.

I honestly didn't know I was stepping out of these guide "rules" or "lines"?

I didn't know that my thread was going to greatly bother or distrub anyone? My idea was to post something that we "lifers" could relate to outside of the sentence our loved ones were serving. I think I said "So lets think so other ways that we can relate besides that . . . . . could be anything?"

I guess I shouldn't post here . . .

I was thinking the other night when in the wives and boyfriends forum, someone posted something they felt really belonged in the lifers forum, but they said, and I agree, the lifers forum is a boring. Just looking at the dates of posts you can see there's not much activity going on in this forum. Yet I'm sure we "lifers" have issues that no one else can really relate to because they have loved ones who will get out one day and they know it. With us we can only hope, and some of us don't really even have that hope. So I commend you Spyda for trying to light a fire under us. I don't really have any ideas myself, but I'll think about it. Well I do. I'll start a thread if I don't find it here already. Thanks for revving things up, or at least trying to.

Yes! Now that I think about it, what's wrong with trying to make this forum more exciting?

I did locate a thread on the subject in the lounge. http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=48129

I found it when searching for the posts some of you had started. My thought was, interesting that it's worth a handful of posts to lament the lack of or quality of posts here but not worth starting threads apparently. Not worth starting them in this forum it seems.

I was going to mention that any forum here takes participation by the members who'd be concerned with it. I'd also like to mention that I don't understand what is to be gained by launching off into a different forum to accomplish what this forum is here for. I am more concerned that it's happened and that having given up on this forum you just come by to knock it.

Forums grow because of what is posted and where it's posted, and how other members relate to it. If this forum doesn't suit you, pass it by. If this forum doesn't have enough posts to amuse you, post in it or pass it by.

I don't think anyone's knocking it. We're all hoping to make it livlier and more of a home.

I am a lifer right along with my man and I would also like to make this home. ;} I read over this a few times and Spyda's intention was just that. To start some posts and threads here, she didnt knock anything.....

This may not be my place and I am not in any position to say but I think these things were taken out of context and that was wrong. ahhhhh :) this thread might have been a good idea but now it's something that someone else wants to control and make it known that they have the control...

Thanks anyway Spyda, I have read other posts by you and I know that your heart is in the right place. KUDOS! :} :)

Thanks madcowgirl for joining in!

Hmmmm....Well I have been with my lifer for 6 years now. I also do NOT feel comfortable in the wives/boyfriends forum and dont post there a life2 suggested. Yes the sex issues are a part of the dificulties, as with all wives/girlfriends of inmates, but i dont feel its OK to post discussions on the subject. My sex life is private, as it was with my marriages, and i feel if one needs support in that area, it should be done in a PM or privately. I am also noting in post #3 that spyda was attempting to continue the thread on a non-sexual discussion.
With that said...
I would like to see more activity in this forum, and would like to become more active here myself. We all share certain circumstances that differ form other inmates. I feel Spyda's efforts in livening up the forum does not in anyway deter from the seriousness and pains of our situations, however is a wonderful way to help us cope. For instance, I am very active in the PTO chat room, however we dont always speak of the harsh realities of our situations. If the need arises, we support each other, but we also enjoy ourselves and get to know each other, and have fun, its a nice balance between joy and pain.
"This forum is not supposed to be exciting."
I just fail to see how some excitement would not be benificial to this forum. As long as we remain tactful, respectful, and also continue to address the seriousness as well.

Dawn

Hello
Being part of the lifer forum since it started.. and i am very grateful for this forum.. due to fact. things for us.. doing life with our loved one is very diffrent.. there is no "count down" , there is no contact visits (for most lifers) , there is a lot of roller coaster rides.. up / down.. and you don't know if you are going crazy in this relationship.. or staying going..etc.. i came here . to this particular forum.. to see how others lived their life. outside. How they overcame the depressions, the let downs, the frustrations.. sex does become a topic of conversation in certain posts when sharing our sadness on "intimacy" . WE can talk around the issue without offending anyone.. or going off in That direction. IT is a very lonely and sad, happy, joyous, full of love and yes HOPE.. being in love with a lifer this is for me.. this is how i feel. I have often thought .. ya this forum we really don't have much to "get happy" about.. but i think just having this post was a good way to communicate.. and it is positive.. all groups have learning curves.
I can only share my experience with my love in the prison system that he is in for LWOP.
The only happy time i can share about us, is the hour spent visiting (non contact) my letters from him, and to see that handsome face. and my memories of us.. out there .

Lets stay strong for one another.. this is a very emotional lifestyle we have choosen to be in..

Donna

When I first joined PTO, I went straight to the Lifers Forum thinking that there would be so many people who have similar situations, ideas, comments...things that can make us (people who are doing a life term with our loved ones) a little more at ease. There wasnt any activity. So I ventured out and found a forum that was relatively similar...Husbands/Boyfriends...(even though it changed now). But since being there, I realized that the H&B Forum is completely different. The majority there do not know what its like having a relationship with someone who is a Lifer. Also, many of us...and our loved ones who are lifers, are judged by others who believe that by being a violent offender, a life sentence is justice. So its hard feeling more at home in a place like that. You would think that by California being the most harsh on Lifers, that there would be more activity here...Everyone has more in common here than sex...heck we can get that in the H&B Forum!

I guess I'm a little surprised that there's not more activity here...from all States..Also, Its so hard for Lifers (in Cali) to get a parole date. My fiancee is so stressed right now because he cant find any job thats Felon Friendly. I hope someone who is reading this has heard of some program, have phone numbers, something...anything..which may help him and others who come here seeking information like this. I have spent so many hours on here and on the internet trying to find something but so far...nothing...There might not be anything..but I just thought I'd try...

Yas, you are right about the H/B forum, things are just very different when you don't have a "when" to talk about... i like it there, but i also skip a lot of posts. For example I do think lifer's sex issues are different (like when everyone says they never get frisky in the visiting room cause they can wait till he gets out, etc...), and there should be room here to discuss everything (tastefully of course)...

Also, our friends and family can be a lot harder on us with the "where is this going?" questions and all. Arrgh... even my best friends seem to be happy when things aren't going well.

DonnaC thanks for your comments. I feel lucky to have contact visits (even though they haven't gone so good lately! ;) ) You are so right about the roller coaster! Even when lifers do have a shot at parole, as many in california supposedly do, it can a very cruel tease when the parole board and the governor never let ANY lifers out... thanks goodness that's starting to change a little.

I just read that 20% of inmates in Cali are now lifers! You'd think there'd be more of us in here...

I am glad that this thread was brought back to the top. I wonder how so many of "us" lifers can be here and not be heard. We have just 2 many topics that we can relate with each other on, I find it had to communicate when I feel that I am not being understood. That is the main reason I posted this thread, for some type of a beginning.

Best of luck to you all. Take care.

Since, i have been back .. (from my little vacation) depression:) i have not seen toi amo on the lifers.. forum.. or others.. am i just missing her??? she has always been so wonderful to hear from in this forum.. Does anyone know where she may be..
There was a link someone put out earlier.. I think Lifers really should be given more opportunity 's to prove themselves to be released from prison.. I THINK it is even cruler when there is no contact visits.. for lifers.. i mean not just because i am with someone who is.. but it just makes no sense.. LETS REALLY MAKE THEIR LIFE MISERABLE ! is the mentality here in Mass .. what about elderly parents.. children.. etc. who would like to touch their son/daughter .. i hate it..
qwerty. sorry to hear your visits are going bad.. for now.. it comes and goes..

Donna

Donna, are you saying that in your state, Lifers cant have contact visits?

I have a real good friend, we are becoming real close, that is a lifer. A lot of times he draws on the envelopes of the letters he sent. he is a real good artist!! of flowers or hearts, horses etc. he is such a good artist. I my self am not an artist but sometimes i put on lip stick and kiss on the inside of the card. He loves that! Makes it real for him you know. and plus sence they have so much time on there hands they read a lot. so what we do is that we both get the same book to read and read it together and make coments on the novel, story and talk about it. I feel it brings us close not so much physically but mentally. We really look forward to each others letters and never run out of things to to talk about this way.Some times I outline my hand on the inside of the card, even outlined my breast! now that was hard to do and afterwards they didn't even look like breast. He enjoyed that thought it was funny. at one time I sent some of my hair. I thought they might take it but they didn't. so now he has a lock of my hair so it makes it real for him, like I am right there with him. I send a lot of pictures to,a copy on paper from my printer.Pictures of where I work, my town, my jewelry that I make etc.

First of all....Spyda...THANK YOU!! that's all I can say...

And it seems to me Life2...we are trying to get this forum more activity, the life sentence isn't the ONLY thing we should have in common, just like spyda said. I can understand where you are coming from with the statement in the intro mission that says....

"The second thing I'd like to see in this Forum is a participation from Lifers. I know that they are a tremendous resource and the most educated consumers of the system. The third thing I'd like to see here is that this Forum become known more for the positive contributions that Lifers can make and have made within their institutions and their lives inside, than for some grievous navel contemplation or lament du jour."

It's almost like you only want the participation from the inmates themselves, not from us...those that are serving the sentence with them.

I hope that this little "disagreement" in subject context doesn't discourage people from posting here. I have been posting here since I joined PTO, and I'll admit I have posted in H&B but, only because of the lack of activity here.

but on the flip side of this thread...Ronnie draws a heart on all of his envelops and writes I love you on each one where they seal together...sometimes I can tell when he's in a silly mood cuz he'll write on it. sealed with a lick cuz a kiss wouldn't stick!

He's soo funny. And I can tell you one poem he wrote me brought me to my knees crying, they all make me cry, but that one literally brought me to my knees. I miss him terribly...I just thought of another question guys....here goes another thread!!!

LOVE TO ALL
~Amber

Part of the problem might be that we know what life means exactly and to visit those feeling again and again gets depressing after a while. I know that 20 years from now I'll still be waiting for the letters and time for the visits. All I have is time to wait, right along with him.

Thanks every1 for continuing to partake in this thread, I was only attempting to get the ball in motion. With that being said, I completely understand that Life2 was just looking out for the content of the Lifer Forum.

I think the handful of people that replied to this thread can understand, sympathize, and give wonderful advice to one another. To be honest, the advice and encouragement that I may give in other forums is not as helpful to them cuz I am coming from a different place. The outlook that I have is completely different due to my current situation. As many of you here might agree.

Yasmeen.. in response to your question.. no not all lifers can not have contact visits.. in my case my love is in a max.. that has no contact visits.. and he has been there awhile. We are hoping to have a move to another prison (that has contact) in the near future.
HOwever.. you need to be good!!!!

Donna

Donna, we have never had a contact visit either. Been working on a transfer to a different facility for nearly 2 years now. I have my third letter in the works now. the frustratingthis for us is the fact taht he deserves it. He has gotten 2 major tickets in 6 years, yet still sits in MAX. We have a point system of behavior here as well. And thier levels of placement are determined with points. He has been at (-) points for a year. Just makes me insane.

Dawn

I think having non-contact visits is just UNHUMANE!!! It would be a different situation if you (as the visitor) felt the need to be separated.
Dealing with a "life" sentence is sooooo much more serious and deeper than wondering what pillow talk letter to write, what to wear, determining if two years is too long to put your life on hold, etc.
However, I thank PTO for all forums, because sometimes I know I need something to lift up my spirits) not that God has ever let me down), but at other times I just need someone who can really, really relate. Glad to see some new posts this week!

Yeah, the lifers are coming to life!!! I agree it's inhumane, in fact I think all inmates should be eligible for family visits as well. But now I realize I should be very grateful for our contact visits.

Spyda,
Im in total agreement with you. Im new to the forum, and although I really like the forum, I didnt really feel like I could be a part of it...because the man in ADORE is a lifer w/o possibility :(:(:(
Im very very happy for the guys and girls here, who will get to be with their loved ones again -OUTSIDE of a prison, but I cant lie and say it doesnt make me sad.

Id love to be a part of this...sometimes just talking to other people who are in my situation would be the thing to get me through the day.

How do ya'll deal with loving a man who is in for life?
i cant imagine loving anyone the way I love him, but damn its SO HARD!!

My situation is this...
I actually grew up with Billy -my love :)
We have the same first cousin, but on different sides of the family ... NO BLOOD RELATION!! HAHA!!
Hes been in for 10 years now, and I recently saw him at his momma's funeral, after not seeing him for about 7 years.
I stopped going because of my feelings for him. I felt like it was the LAST thing he needed, so I pulled away.
But when I saw him at the funeral, I couldnt hide it anymore.
He felt it and asked me about it and we've now been "together" for 3 wonderful months.
We both know that nothing in our situation will be super easy, but we are willing to risk the hurt and the pain for the love that we share.

That sounds so sappy...sorry!

I just needed to share...
Thanks for listening and I will definately post more.

Thanks a bunch,
Kerri

Awwww. It's not sappy at all, it's sweet. Welcome! I am so glad that more of us who care for lifers are coming out!

Spyder, I like the idea of a lifer forum,is it for mum's also as it is hard to relate to those who are coming home. Our system is always changing, but I tell my son it has to get worse to get better,where there is life there is hope.
Keeping him with a positive attitude and to live each day as if it was his last
I have become future mother inlaw to quite a few and grandma to many, its hard work courting these girls to make my son happy. can anyone else relate.
Thanks for listening to me

well i was just reading some of your guys comments and what i am really intrested in bringing the lifer family visits back but question if they do come back will it only be for the lifers that were busted before 1995 because my honey doesnt make that cut there need s to be a change i always look and sign every petition i see we just cant give up

oh another thing i was going back and reading more expecially the comment about where is he going and at home i know every holiday when i get the most cutest stuff i always get a comment from family something like well what else does he have to do this really bothered me at first but now i could care less what anyone thinks or says he's my love my everything

I agree with what was said about contact visits, but I am of the belief in "conjugal" visits. I guess that would be asking too much...afterall they are suppossed to be punished, right??? WHATEVER! My feeling is that dang, you already said that they can't ever get out (in some cases). Can't people change? Don't they deserve [/I]some[I] human contact and chance at a bit of normalcy? Where is the petition for that???

Ya ya and DIvita .. thank you for your comments my thoughts exactly.. If my man is facing LWOP. I feel he and others who are facing this type of sentence should after a time, work towards, family visits and a better LIFE.. in the prison.. i know this sounds obscene .... maybe not i am in a supportive forumm.. however .. most "people" out there want these guys/girls to really be punished!!!!! I was visiting yesterday.. and there was a guard that knows my man, (for many years) and had stated he thinks he should be moved to the so called "lifers" unit.. but you have to earn good time.. no write ups.. to get moved to this medium.. so again we are facing TIME.. things i must earn.. literally.:)

Have a great day everyone..
Donna