View Full Version : What percentage of prison relationships survive?


pridenjoinlyfe
05-22-2010, 04:57 PM
How many success stories have you heard? What's your story? Only positive and constructive feedback please. :thumbsup:

brooks
05-23-2010, 08:19 AM
What percentage of ANY relationships survive ?
It takes communication , determination, work.. from both sides.

Personally, we're still together after 11 years together while he was in and 4 months out so far. It feels great. I love him tons, but yeah, occasionally I want to kick him to the moon :) ... not that different from other relationships in many ways. Yes, there are difficulties to overcome related to his past, but it is possible to succeed in life despite that.

Is it common ? I doubt it.
Should you hope ? Yes.

Work together. Pay attention. Communicate.

patchouli
05-23-2010, 08:28 AM
My Mr & I are still together.....almost 5 years now. He was 3 1/2 years into a 5 year bid when we "met." We've had 1 1/2 years in, 2 out, now back in, unfortunately. But we are still together and going strong!

PTO-110524
05-23-2010, 08:31 AM
How many success stories have you heard? What's your story? Only positive and constructive feedback please. :thumbsup:

I'm sure the stats are different in MWI and MBI relationships. MWI have a higher rate of failure, but as with ANY relationship - some make it and some don't.

Personally - my marriage is a 'success' at least to our thinking. We MWI in 1993, married inside in 1994, he paroled in 1995 and we had a good life on the streets for 8 years. In 2003 he caught a case for receiving stolen property and they used it to strike him out (25-life).

We celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this past February and are still deeply in love.

A committed relationship, of any kind, takes work. You need to be able to communicate in an open and honest fashion, be patient and learn to LISTEN to each other, and be willing to compromise on issues where you may have differing opinions.

BlueEyedEllie
05-23-2010, 11:35 AM
What percentage of ANY relationships survive ?
It takes communication , determination, work.. from both sides.

Personally, we're still together after 11 years together while he was in and 4 months out so far. It feels great. I love him tons, but yeah, occasionally I want to kick him to the moon :) ... not that different from other relationships in many ways. Yes, there are difficulties to overcome related to his past, but it is possible to succeed in life despite that.

Is it common ? I doubt it.
Should you hope ? Yes.

Work together. Pay attention. Communicate.

very well written and wise post.:)Regardless of how one's relationship may have started,that's not the important thing.The important thing is to put in work.Some days,hard work.Be committed to each other,even on the days you don't feel very loving.Choose to overlook minor things he says or does wrong because after all he puts up with you,doesn't he??:)Don't let statistics discourage you.My faith is in God,not statistics.:)We are mwi.Been together 4 and a half years.He was released 12 days ago.We are going strong and will continue to be strong as we are BOTH deeply committed to each other.!!:)It's taken MUCH hard work on both our parts,though.Nothing good comes easy.Best of luck to you!!:thumbsup:

KeithsWifeyxOx
05-23-2010, 11:56 AM
I haven't heard of an exact percentage, but on Lock Up they mentioned that the divorce rate of prison marriages are MUCH less than the divorce rate of regular marriages on the outs. Which is pretty enlightening..;)

esteli
05-23-2010, 12:21 PM
I'm not into paying attention to stats either. I really couldn't care less if all the odds are against me. I just go by my relationship and how it feels to me, if I'm getting what I need and if I'm able to give him what he needs. The man I'm with now is determined to make us work as he has fallen deeply in love with me. I've tried to run and he shows me what a beautiful heart he has and I can't. Also I put my trust in God.

Wobabi
05-23-2010, 03:50 PM
,,,you ask only for positive but want to know the facts? That might not be possible.:)
No matter what people try to say Stats are facts,,,they are numbers that speak the truth.
So based on the numbers I have seen, read and gathered, prison relationships have an 85% failure rate if not higher.
There is just no hiding or sugarcaoting that when you can look around right here on PTO and see the THOUSANDS of women who come here but can only read the onesy twosey success stories.
Too many of those success stories are being told right after relase,,they get even less when you talk about after the first year-which is really the tranisition period.
To me, the even more important number to think about is the stats on those that re-offend. Altho some might not think re-offending means a failed relationship,,many MWI's do not stick around for a second ride.
Now the positive side:).
Because these relationships are so hard to maintain for the long haul, it motivates me to look in to every single aspect of what will make it successful. Such as the best way to do a bid if he has got a long time to do. The best way for inmates to re-acclimate back into society and NOT re-offend. It even has me asking those that work with them(on other message boards) what is their take. As negative as some may come off you will find the truth on what THEY see and feel every day and they will tell you what they saw that WORKED.
I am saying all this to say- Do your own homework and study hard!:thumbsup:

esteli
05-23-2010, 04:02 PM
,,,you ask only for positive but want to know the facts? That might not be possible.:)
No matter what people try to say Stats are facts,,,they are numbers that speak the truth.
So based on the numbers I have seen, read and gathered, prison relationships have an 85% failure rate if not higher.
There is just no hiding or sugarcaoting that when you can look around right here on PTO and see the THOUSANDS of women who come here but can only read the onesy twosey success stories.
Too many of those success stories are being told right after relase,,they get even less when you talk about after the first year-which is really the tranisition period.
To me, the even more important number to think about is the stats on those that re-offend. Altho some might not think re-offending means a failed relationship,,many MWI's do not stick around for a second ride.
Now the positive side:).
Because these relationships are so hard to maintain for the long haul, it motivates me to look in to every single aspect of what will make it successful. Such as the best way to do a bid if he has got a long time to do. The best way for inmates to re-acclimate back into society and NOT re-offend. It even has me asking those that work with them(on other message boards) what is their take. As negative as some may come off you will find the truth on what THEY see and feel every day and they will tell you what they saw that WORKED.
I am saying all this to say- Do your own homework and study hard!:thumbsup:


true and babi you know your stats, I'll give you that. but there are also other factors I take into account, age, background, etc. I'd like to think this time all of those are in my favor.

pinay19
05-24-2010, 02:58 PM
We both believe that we can get through this and we will continue to keep working on to make our relationship even stronger. Our love and determination will lead us to a successful relationship. The motto is never give up!:thumbsup:

LBoogie0810
05-24-2010, 04:09 PM
I have heard of very few successes, however, the failure of another relationship doesn't dictate mine... nor yours...nor anyone elses. Hold on. What God has in store for YOU is for YOU. Every relationship has their snags but that's to be expected. Personally, after many years, we are still going strong. Crazy in love and deeply committed. I saw him yesterday and I was so excited that you would never know it's been years and years since we first began.

NY-Done
05-25-2010, 05:40 AM
I haven't heard of an exact percentage, but on Lock Up they mentioned that the divorce rate of prison marriages are MUCH less than the divorce rate of regular marriages on the outs. Which is pretty enlightening..;)

I can relate to that because you can marry a convict today and 10, 15, 20 years if he's still in there, you'll still be together. Or, if you married him in there maybe 10 years ago and he's still in there, there's a likelihood that as long as he's in there, they could go another 20 years.

Marriages out here don't last like that any more. Back in the olden days they did, which is why alot of people have stories to tell of their grandmothers and great grandmothers who've been married some 50+ years. But in TODAY'S marriages out in society, if they see 6 years, they're doing good.

Prison does a marriage good, even though the man is in there and you are out here. Had my ex not got out, we'd be still married and going on super strong, this year would be our 14th marriage anniversary.

NY-Done
05-25-2010, 05:51 AM
I have a friend who met her man in prison ions of years ago. He was an in and out addict and she did those bids with him. Then because of the persistent thing his next in got him one of those extended sentences, 20 years. They let him go at 19 years, he came home and that stretch straightened him out real good because during that stretch he educated himself and then when he got out he began working. Then, he started working 2 jobs.

They love like lovers and after he came home they'd fight, and I mean physically throw down because Leos will not take your mess so when he got stupid they got to fighting. However, at the end of the day, they love each other, they have each other's number and, they are still together with no sign of parting.

His first few years out were good and rough but because they are a couple, they worked it all out. They have one child who was conceived at visit, when he got out she was in college and she's still in college.

This is her story though and your story could be different. Mine was because for starters, I'll leave you before I fight you but because she wasn't leaving her husband, they just duked it out and then went to bed and loved it down!! :D

NY-Done
05-25-2010, 05:55 AM
I'm sure the stats are different in MWI and MBI relationships. MWI have a higher rate of failure, but as with ANY relationship - some make it and some don't.

Personally - my marriage is a 'success' at least to our thinking. We MWI in 1993, married inside in 1994, he paroled in 1995 and we had a good life on the streets for 8 years. In 2003 he caught a case for receiving stolen property and they used it to strike him out (25-life).

We celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this past February and are still deeply in love.

A committed relationship, of any kind, takes work. You need to be able to communicate in an open and honest fashion, be patient and learn to LISTEN to each other, and be willing to compromise on issues where you may have differing opinions.

Not according to the polls I've seen around here because by a long shot, the MWI relationships dusted the MBI relationships. Folk would think MWI last shorter but that may not be the actual case.

p.s. the parts I underline supports what I posted in my post #12, particularly the part I underlined in purple.

leftmyluvinOH
05-25-2010, 06:52 AM
I haven't heard of an exact percentage, but on Lock Up they mentioned that the divorce rate of prison marriages are MUCH less than the divorce rate of regular marriages on the outs. Which is pretty enlightening..;)


Ha! Good to hear...I love and live for that show on Saturday nites! Have a great day!:)

LeStrange
05-25-2010, 08:29 AM
My story is I'm not worried about other prison relationships or stats. I'm only focused on mine and making mine work and be successful. Tha's my story and I'm sticking to it

GoodBI_girl
05-31-2010, 03:37 AM
I can relate to that because you can marry a convict today and 10, 15, 20 years if he's still in there, you'll still be together. Or, if you married him in there maybe 10 years ago and he's still in there, there's a likelihood that as long as he's in there, they could go another 20 years.



Prison does a marriage good, even though the man is in there and you are out here. Had my ex not got out, we'd be still married and going on super strong, this year would be our 14th marriage anniversary.



That is very interesting, I have heard the same thing about the military or marriages were one party travels a lot. The marriage is fine as long as they stay apart, once they live together day to day it's in jeopardy.

I do believe some people "work" better in that type of relationship.. a good deployment wife or a good prison wife. Very supportive but honey give me my space.

NY-Done
06-01-2010, 08:16 AM
^ ^ ^ Well, in terms of prison relationships it's not about space at all because after he get out, you'll still have your space because he will be taking his space. After your man get out you'll see what I mean because until he does and then more particularly after you're living together, you'll know what I mean. Women who are on a second or more bid know what I mean and, anyone who's man has come home know what I mean. Your turn will come when your man gets out and then when he does, you will be able to see what I mean too.

BJ'sWife0718
06-02-2010, 12:32 PM
Yes, Stats are facts, based on avarages, however I pay no attention to them what so ever. Marriages on the outside ony have a 50% sucess rate, I don't look at that as there's a 50/50 chance of our marriage failing, i look at it as we are in the 50% that will make it. I have faith in God first and foremost and he is at the center of our marriage. He brought us together and he will continue to keep us together, thru the good AND the bad. I have faith in myself that I can act like a mature adult and handle whatever conflict we come across as such. I have faith that my husband made the commitment to me to do the same, to love me unconditionally, suport me in my endevors and enjoy life with me. I said "till death do we part" and I meant it. My husband is a wonderfull loving man who works his booty off, I see no reason to pay attention to stats that say we won't make it.
I wish everyone the best of luck in their relationships! Don't pay attention to Stats, Do whats right for YOU wheather it stayin or leavin. :thumbsup:

NY-Done
06-03-2010, 11:13 AM
^ ^ ^ I hear you girl, because I don't pay attention to *stats* (figures) either, because those figures can be twisted. I mean with everything they've got stats on, over time those figures have risen. Yet the stat for prison marriages has remained at 85% for how long now? No thank you -- I don't believe the hype.

What I go by is actual things that happen in the game, meaning the things that women in this lifestyle go through in terms of when her man is in prison and then when he gets released. It's the experiences of others that I learn from and I take and make note of. But to just look at some numbers on a page -- no, I just can't do that because if they've been kicking 85% break up rate for how long now, then that means the divorce I got last year is NOT included in that figure. It can't be, because that figure came about before my divorce did. When that number came about, I was married.

Patty
06-03-2010, 11:25 AM
I don't trust stats because I am well informed about how they can and are manipulated and even if I felt they were reliable I wouldn't base my existance upon them. Common statistics tell us that we may die in an automobile crash but only if we drive, ride in cars, or attempt to cross the street, right? :shrug:

gapeachwifey
06-08-2010, 09:55 PM
I never paid any attention to statistics.

My husband has been out for a year. Does he get on my nerves sometimes? Yes. Does he make me mad? Of course. Do I love him? More than ever.

I can't speak about anyone else's marriage or relationship but for us I know that without God I would have been out when we he 1st got into trouble. We have been married 11yrs, 12 in Oct. He was in for 23months.

What do we do? We pray and take every day 1 day at a time. For me one minute at a time, lol.

My advice, pray together, don't listen to anyone, and stay true to yourself. You'll know once he's home and you're getting in a groove whether or not the relationship is worth fighting for.

Good luck ladies!

Peach