Do you tell your friends your brother is locked up? I used to keep it a secret, say he was in the Army or what not. But now I tell. I was shamed before because he in and out but this time he gone away for more than 10 or 15 years. But now I talk. And I find out that so many of my friends have kin in prison too. What you do?

It depends on who I'm talking to. If it's someone who hasn't seen my sister in a while, I usually just give vague answers, like she's fine, she lives out of town or something. But if they are my friends who don't know her, I give them the basics, since they don't tend to grill me about details. It's not that I am ashamed, I just figure she should make the decision on who knows what, since it is her business afterall.

You know I trulu understand how you feel I felt the same way
for a long time. I have 2 brothers 2 cousins my 15 year old son
and my husband so I really was trying to hide my life because
I felt if people realized how much of my family was in trouble that
I also was but with time and with finding other people who were
going through the same thing as me I realized how important it is
for us to stand by our family members and to show them how much we
love them and no matter what they do or how others see them we
will love them unconditionally, but I would have to agree that this is
not something you just share with anyone only with close people that you
know would not judge you or your family You are in my prayers and I
hope you will soon get through all of those confusing feelings

I say go right on ahead and share the fact that your bro is doing time. You are obviously going through a Lil stress right now and friends are always excellent people to just let it all out 2. If not we here on PTO are always good listeners:)

I tell people my brother is locked up.. I don't necessarily tell them why he is locked up.. some of them judge him and don't know him.. it's none of their business anyways.. I haven't really talked about him here on PTO.. I got alot of animoscity towards him right now!!! but hopefully it will pass..

I tell everyone who wants too know.. and those whom really dont need to know too! I am not and will never again be ashamed of my brother. I am so proud of the man he is today, and all that he has become. In the beginning I would dodge the questions and "lie and deny" about where he was-that was probably the worst thing I ever did for both of us. When I got totally honest with myself, and started getting honest with everyone around me..the anger and pain I had for many years diminished- and we had acceptance!

Be honest..for you and them its the only way ! :cool:

at first i use to give simple answers when people ask also, like how's james, and i'll say he's ok he's doing fine, and i leave it as that. i never say "oh well he's locked up again!! i guess i just didn't want people judging him. i have no problem saying it here, because people don't know him, and everybody has the same situation.

I have ten brothers and sisters whose jobs include doctor, UAW union offical, executive assistant, nurse, teacher, occupational therapist, etc.

Of all my siblings, I am most proud of my brother who is incarcerated. Yes, he broke the law. He made a serious mistake. But I am impressed at the dignity that he has shown throughout this entire ordeal.

I tell people about my brother. If they pass judgement upon me or my brother then they are not a part of my circle of friends.

peace,
doe

Im really not ashamed.. i think the only one who doesnt know is the Pres. of my work.. Everyone else knows

Hi,

I just have to share with you that I can feel your pain. I have a brother who has been locked up for almost 11 yrs and it is so hard to talk about with anyone or just in general. At first I was really mad and hurt by my brother's situation and over the yrs I did let alot of it go. Now he is at the point that he is trying to run my life and thinks it is all about him. I also had my mom pass away last yr and he was not there for me to deal with that. I have so much anger in me bc of that and other things. If you ever want to talk pls don't hesitate to contact me. Take care
In the struggle on the outside
Colleen in Boston, MA

Hi, I am new to this--I posted a private message awhile ago and no one responded so I thought I'd try and write something here. I have told only one person about my brother being incarcerated in ISCI in Boise. Anyone else who knows find it out on the net because of some suspicions. Whatever is what I say. Judge not....... I have not openly shared with people about my brother simply because my Mom requested it. She is terminal with breast cancer and because of her pride she doesn't want anyone to know. Little does she know that some have found out. I say nothing to her; she doesn't need that right now. She has been hurt by my brother's offense but when we were talking the other day she said to me "he's my son; I gave birth to him". That says it all. She loves him no matter what and that is what a mother's love is for a child. I'm rambling now but does anyone out there have family member in a prison out in Idaho? If so, I would really appreciate it if someone could respond to me. I am my brother's POA and I deal with my Mom's sickness everyday and sometimes I have MENTAL MELTDOWNS. I could use some encouragement. I will support my brother no matter what. He is eligible for parole in June of 2006. If he gets flopped, it will be another 10 years.
Blessings to all!
Patti

I never about my mans whereabouts. This is reality sweetie. Whats the point in lying???

I had the same question when my brother went to prison. Is his track record with the law a refelction on me?? No. But I do wonder what strangers would think. I told my good friends and then ended up telling people when the subject came up. Lying is just not worth the hassel. My brain is too small to keep up track of the lies. So I stoped lying years ago. Now that he is getting out soon, I am more careful. If they don't know him then I sorry they will people pre-judge when he finally does get out. In the meantime I have posted his stories of life in prison on a blog for him. Here is his address http://www.marcolmsted.com/blog/ . Check it out if you want a look at what is really going on. Best of luck to you!

sistertoMark- I have read your brother's experiences on the site you posted- really found them so interesting. He sounds like such an intelligent, funny, kind person. I am so glad you were able to do this for him and for us- makes it a lot less scary when you read about the day to day life of an inmate (esp. when you are so worried about how your own loved one is coping)

hey i don't think you should have to lie to your friends, if they truly are your friends they will not pass judgement on your or your brother. I love my brother and i am not ashamed to say that he is incarcerated!

bren

I worked with the same people for 20 years, I had to tell them my sister was in prison or I would have exploded. She had also lost her 2 kids, her house, everything. All drug related. I think it was good therapy to get it out to people I trusted but not just them, I never hid the truth from anyone. I couldn't, I'm not that good and it hurt too bad!

I have ten brothers and sisters whose jobs include doctor, UAW union offical, executive assistant, nurse, teacher, occupational therapist, etc.

Of all my siblings, I am most proud of my brother who is incarcerated. Yes, he broke the law. He made a serious mistake. But I am impressed at the dignity that he has shown throughout this entire ordeal.

I tell people about my brother. If they pass judgement upon me or my brother then they are not a part of my circle of friends.

peace,
doe


:thumbsup:

I have a little brother who recently got into trouble and hasn't been to court yet but the family has a feeling he might do some time due to it. He was already on probation for drug prosession with intent to sell and got caught and ticketed for the same thing. My brother just turned 19 years old not even a week ago. I worry about him like crazy and if he goes down for this, I will do the big Sister thing and stand by him thru thick and thin and I wouldn't be ashamed of him going down. I have already told a few of my close friends that Aaron might be looking at some time for this case that he picked up. I love my brother and always will and if anyone looks down on me because of him being in prison then they don't need to be around me. "Blood is thicker than water"

Hi, I am new to this--I posted a private message awhile ago and no one responded so I thought I'd try and write something here. I have told only one person about my brother being incarcerated in ISCI in Boise. Anyone else who knows find it out on the net because of some suspicions. Whatever is what I say. Judge not....... I have not openly shared with people about my brother simply because my Mom requested it. She is terminal with breast cancer and because of her pride she doesn't want anyone to know. Little does she know that some have found out. I say nothing to her; she doesn't need that right now. She has been hurt by my brother's offense but when we were talking the other day she said to me "he's my son; I gave birth to him". That says it all. She loves him no matter what and that is what a mother's love is for a child. I'm rambling now but does anyone out there have family member in a prison out in Idaho? If so, I would really appreciate it if someone could respond to me. I am my brother's POA and I deal with my Mom's sickness everyday and sometimes I have MENTAL MELTDOWNS. I could use some encouragement. I will support my brother no matter what. He is eligible for parole in June of 2006. If he gets flopped, it will be another 10 years.
Blessings to all!
Patti
Dear Patti,

My heart goes out to you. You seem to have a heavy burden.

My advice is hang-in and just keep loving him. After all, when "Blood is involved" is there any other way?

I have a brother in North Central Regional Jail in West Virginia. I swear he is his own worst enemy. But Patti, when I think of him, I remember that sweet little boy that I loved so much and I remember our childhood that by present standards was so happpy and carefree, I could just cry. There are times when it would be so much easier to just walk away, but HOW????

Just keep loving him and pray. That helps a great deal.

Thank-you for the warm feedback about Mark's site. I spend hours every day, typing, editing and trying to figure out his chicken scratch. But it has been worth it. Those inmates desperately need to know that someone cares about them. We have been able to heal a lot of old childhood wounds and imagine future filled with possibility. Good luck with your situation! ( www.marcolmsted.com/blog (http://www.marcolmsted.com/blog) )

Sandra - the sister

sistertoMark- I have read your brother's experiences on the site you posted- really found them so interesting. He sounds like such an intelligent, funny, kind person. I am so glad you were able to do this for him and for us- makes it a lot less scary when you read about the day to day life of an inmate (esp. when you are so worried about how your own loved one is coping)

In my experience of telling people I have noticed that when I tell my close friends they may not directly understand what I am going through but they are always there when I am having a rough day. I am glad I told my friends. now that I know when my brother is coming home I think they are just as excited as I am. They have never met him and I think it will be a nice thing. I have written to my big bro about my friends as well. I know he is looking forward to meeting them all. My brother is a good person he just made a few mistakes and landed himself a few years. It is nice to have people around that can help you through the hard times. i know its the best and worst time but i only talk to him about once every couple months. its so hard to hear his voice that i almost don't want to talk to him becasue it makes me miss him so much more. Its so hard for me because he has been my best friends since the day i was born and i know he still is but it is really hard to listen to the sadness and joy in his voice when we talk. on those days my friends really are there to support me. they give me another shoulder to cry on for as long as i need it. so i don't think it is always a bad thing to be honest about where they are at. I don't go around telling everyone just the people closest to my heart.