I am very new here and my son is in a county jail awaiting sentencing. He was drinking and driving and had a accident his girlfriend was killed. He also was driving on a previous dui and was out of state so therefore the charges were upped to manslauter. Sooooo I was wondering if there is a member out there who has had to deal with this. My son is devestated that he is responsible for such a horrible thing and right now they are telling us to expect 10 plus yrs. He really does not care right now he is just grieving thats another very long story. But I was wondering if theres another who could help me with some advice to help him cope with the terrible guilt he feels.

WSF

Wow- I hope others come along to give you some of their thoughts on this.
What a horrible situation to be in.
At this point I am not sure what advice I could give, but please know that you, your son, your son's girlfriend and her parents are in my thoughts.

I can't give any advice but i just wanted to say how sorry i am. Please keep coming to PTO for understanding and friendship. Most of all, know that your not alone. Again,i'm so sorry.

I had to deal with it. I was convicted of Aggravated Vehicle Homicide in the State of Ohio and did a 4 year prison term. I learned so much while in Prison about Victims Impact and the ripple effect it has on them as well as your son. It is a very hard pill to swallow that an individual has taken someones life, something that cannot be replaced. Then there is Amends: where to start, just the guilt I had to deal with was overwhelming.

I know that God forgave me and my behavior in the future is the only way that I can make my amends, to stay sober just for today.

If you would like to pm me I will help in any way. Your son needs support for the road ahead. I wish him the best in his legal trouble. The State will now pick the charges up even though the family don't want to press charges, I don't know the situation.

My prayers and thought are going to the throne for all of those involved. Be strong for him.

Utmost L&R please pm me if you have any questions, I will do all that I can

WSF my condolances to you, your son and all that are involved. I have not been in your shoes and God Willing I never am. One day at a time. Many times over I could have been in your sons shoes all the times I drove drunk. This is just one more wake up call as to why I stay sober..You will find lots of support here, I hope you keep coming here.

Thank you soooo much I have spent months trying to find someone who has been in this situation. I heard that every 40 min of every day someone is killed by a drunk driver but yet I could not find anyone or nywhere that has the drivers support. Just a little background I have a lot of anger right now not only with my son but the girlfriend she was NOT drinking but was fully aware he was she sat right there while he drove and drank in the car. A 17 hr drive to boot now I am not saying it was her fault but it to me was both their fault unfortanally she paid the ultimate price. The other victum in this was the guy in the truck that hit them it was not his fault at all and now he has to live with this. It is a very long story many years of my son AND his girlfriend spiralling out of control . One more thing he was driving on a previous DUI and was not supposed to leave the state ect he did and she insisted they go knowing full well he would go to jail if he even made a wrong turn. well again Thanks and Vanforsteenis I will pm you Thank you my new friend.

WSF

Hi I know all to well what you are dealing with. My fiance and five of his friends were out drinking one night and they had and accident 2 of his friends died and everyone else was injured. My fiance received an 11 1/2 to 16 year sentence for the deaths.
Its really hard on him to know he killed two of his friends and that the families now hate him for what took place. Hope things go better for you and your family.

Oh Whitney I came here looking fo others who have had to deal with this for some help. I have found so far two of you and I feel really bad. I guess we read about it but the usual it will never come to our doorstep. Thank you for your well whishes and PLEASE tell your fiance my thoughts are with him and you and his family. I hope he is doing well it's all so sad lets all hope for better things to come.

WSF

This sounds like a difficult time for you. It is something that anyone of us could be facing with kids in trouble with dwis. My son is in prison for dwis, has had several accidents, and I have been living one day at a time for a long time. These kids are good kids, most have an alcohol problem. Most have had accidents..... You are in my prayers.... If you need to talk I am here....

WSF

my pen pal is serving time in arizona for this. He's calling me tomorrow and I will ask him how he coped with everything and PM you tomorrow night, for now just stick by him and let him know he's loved. My pen pals mother is an amazing woman and she has helped him so much through this time

Thank you

I'm trying to writ here and it's so hard. This kind of a charge well..... Yes they are responsible don't get me wrog but they did not set out to cause harm. Not that that makes it better but the guilt and heartbreak thats involved. Right now his length of sentence seems unimportant to me that may be a wrong thing to think, My concern is his copeing with this. It's been about 3 months and he still cries on the phione as soon as he hears my voice. Of course hes grieving but it's more than that he cannot believe he took anothers life. He keeps saying mom I'm so sorry I cannot believe what I have done. Maybe because he loved and knew her she is a real person to him so it make the reality of this very hard. Not that I'm saying if it was someone he did'nt know it would be eaiser but this is the way it is.

I am worried for his saftey meaning his depression he might attempt to hurt himself. Now he has never said that to me it just is a moms feeling. His letters are so sad and about every other sentence is I'm so sorry mom. We left money in the jail for him to get stuff and he did well he never said anything and I said do you still have money he said no. I asked why did'nt you let me know? he said I don't want to bother anyone or have you spend money for me. Sometimes I have to call the jail and ask them to have him call cause he does not want to run up the phone bill. Before this incident he would have not cared. He is in a county jail now and the have kept him in whatis considered a max cell this is a one person cell not where they have to share. He told me he asked them why he was there for so long they said because they understand he needs his time to be alone under the circumstances. But I worry the truth is he might be on a suicide watch. He has a tv and phone right outside his cell they keep the door open all day for him I guess there is a hallway where the tv is so it is better than the general area I guess. He tells me they are good to him and he has kept a journal over 200 pages and says sometime at night late they leave the lights on so he can write in it. I did request he see a minister or something they have a priest come in but that is not working to good this priest told him his girlfriend would not go to heaven because they lived in sin can you imangine!!!!!!!!!! But he says he's able to look beyond that and take some of what he says that helps. Well again thanks for letting me ramble on and Jeffs princess thank you for asking Jeff questions for me. Thank God I found you guys.

WSF