View Full Version : Will marrying a felon ruin things for my future?

03-28-2010, 08:20 PM
Ever since my bf has been arrested, I have been open with my Mom about how I feel about him being in jail. I tell her how I still wish to be with him throughout his incareration. I also, have intentions of wanting to get married when he gets out. My Mom does not want us to get married. She doesn't object to us being together. She supports the notion of us living our lives together, but she really emphasizes her wishes of us not marrying. I don't know if this is a fact, maybe she doesn't know, and its her assumption... but she feels if I marry him it will affect my credit score and ability get a job in the medical field. I have no history of a record. So I have to ask would marrying a felon affect my credit or capability of getting a job? Does your husband's background affect your background check when it comes to securing employment in the medical field? Are there any actual direct consquences related to marrying a felon?

By no means am I mad at my Mom for saying she doesn't want us to marry. I think she is just worried that my bf's mistakes might hold me back, or make it difficult to stand on my own 2 feet. I can understand her concern. However, if her concerns aren't actucal valid concerns then I feel I have no reason to miss out on marriage with my bf. If I can assure her of this, she will have no objections. ;)

03-28-2010, 08:36 PM
I know that it can affect (once he is home) where you live, like any kinda of governemnt housing, atleast in VA they won't rent to anyone with a violent felony or drug offense..I"m screwed once he gets home, I'll have to move.

I think your husbnad credit score can affect yours, mine was so bad by itself, that wasn't even a concern of mine.

About jobs I'm really not sure that it can affect it. I'll be keeping an eye on this post to see. I'm going to schoool to be a pyschologist/counsler so its deinately something I"m wondering too.

03-28-2010, 08:36 PM
:) Love Mom's...she's being realistic

Okay....Ur credit score will not fall because of him directly....if u stop paying bills to visit or to pay for phone calls...then YES, ur credit will be effects

As for the medical field....I doubt they ask about spousal information. I wouldnt be telling everyone that ur dude is in prison though...bad for ur reputation and promotional opportunities. IF ur thinking about working for a corrections, sheriff or some kind of law enforcement job (in their medical unit) i can his record being a problem. Law Enforcement agencies to VERY EXTENSIVE background checks...even psychological evaluations..they want to know family histories and EVERYTHING!

again, it's really cool to have your Mom to talk about these things to. YAY FOR MOM! :D

03-28-2010, 11:25 PM
What about paralegal field or Computer field??

03-28-2010, 11:56 PM
In the medical field it depends what you want to do, if you are a physician it is rough because of access to drugs, both at home and work. If you have a husband that is in prison for drug use, and maybe only for home use people are suspect you may have supplied him, or at least "looked the other way" to his continued drug use. If you move away to "start over" it is expensive, so I would think it over carefully and perhaps talk to another person in that field, or a school counselor about the prospect of being married to a felon.

Texas is especially unforgiving to the impaired physician or other professional, the sentences are severe and cause a complete loss of former position. Oh this is a good subject, even though you are a innocent spouse the "stink" of impropriety follows you. I wish you well in your endeavors.

03-29-2010, 01:19 AM
Being married to a felon will impact your lives as long as he is a felon. And from what I understand, getting that label expunged in TX is next to impossible. He won't impact your credit score just because he's a felon, but almost all apartment complexes restrict felons from living there, and if you lie on the application, and they find out, they can evict you and that will further impact your ability to find housing, as well as impact your credit.
As far as a job goes, unless you have some sort of security clearance his background won't impact you either. However, the last job I held, I had a governmental security clearance and because my son in law was Guatemalan, I had to declare him as contact with a foreigner, even though I only saw him briefly on occasion when I picked up the kids.

Your mom is just looking out for you, and it could be worse. She could be opposed to your entire relationship, where it sounds like she's just more concerned about you marrying this guy.

03-29-2010, 08:46 AM
Don't forget if he doesn't pay his fines or if they have unpaid back child support the gov't can put a warrant to intercept your state tax return unless you file a form that keeps them from taking your return on your income only and not his (makes it separate). Oklahoma is good for this one.

03-29-2010, 08:52 AM
So I have to ask would marrying a felon affect my credit or capability of getting a job? Does your husband's background affect your background check when it comes to securing employment in the medical field? Are there any actual direct consquences related to marrying a felon?

Marrying a felon does NOT affect your credit nor does getting a job unless it's governmental.

No, there aren't any actual direct consequences related to marrying a felon.

I speak from my experience.

Peace and blessings...

03-29-2010, 09:52 AM
I can speak to the credit score issue if you have joint credit with someone who has bad credit (if you are married or not) it will impact your score, any loans or credit cards you try to obtain together will have a higher interest rate and most likely higher fees.

03-29-2010, 10:57 AM
I wonder the same thing as I also am going into the medical field (pediatrics) I am starting college this summer so I cant wait to get a concrete yes or no on this ? Anyways, I know it affects where you live cuz I want to marry him and move out of my parents but we cant move into a rental assisted place because of his background. We'd have to get a regular apt. for about 5 or 600 dollars a month. My son and I can move in but not him so for now I'm gonna stay at good and when he gets out he's going back home. (Unless I can convince my parents to let him move in with us) As far as the credit score Im not sure but since we are still young (20 and 21) we really dont have any credit so....

03-29-2010, 11:36 AM
Good for you for actually putting some thought into your future. Anything is possible and alot can be overcome. Take it slow!

03-29-2010, 12:01 PM
Hi , well since you were nice to me on my thread about the triplets i have something to tell you . Listen your mom loves you but this is your decision . YOU are not the felon and do you know that this world is stuck with so much negativity thats why men get locked up. Wow come on do you know its time we stop with the negative and turn it into something everyone will appreciate. U can help him better himself and be the most happiest married couple . I wish you luck and hope that ur wedding is a blast . And when he get out do this have him work from home . Then he wont have to be in anyones face. Or be judged for his recrd. Just a suggestion. My bro did it and he was fine . He did insurance . Do research . U would be suprised how much this is a better option . He would be home and staying out of trouble.

03-30-2010, 12:46 AM
I work in the medical field, and have for the past 15 years, in direct patient contact in allied health. I am just now finishing up with Nursing school. None of my jobs (and Ive had many all over the US) have ever asked about a criminal arrest or charge against anyone except myself.
I started working at my current job a month before my fiance was arrested, and though it was hard to mask my emotions in the beginning because I had never been with anyone going through anything this serious, I just keep my personal life to myself. I am friendly and talk to my co-workers, but just dont share alot, I listen. I am, however, concerned with his federal student loans that he had for the school he was attending, they paid out over $9,000, and since he didnt finish his program, he has been receiving letters stating that he has an obligation to pay back that money. I am unsure if I will incure that debt when we get married?
You and I are both lucky that we have the support and love of our families, and they want the best for us.
If your love is real, it will stand the time and trials, and you will be together if it is meant to be. Do what you need to further your education and achieve your goals, the rest will work itself out.
Good luck to you and if you want to PM me and talk more about this I would be happy to.

03-30-2010, 09:20 AM
im an ex felon, been in and out of the system from 18 - 22, i was married to my co-defender and in jail while (being taken to court for sentencing) when i met my now term lifer husband and im in the medical field as well as financial / business. my credit, career and or identity is not built on my marriage, i work my a$$ off at "everything" i do, if i dont know how to do something - you wouldn’t know it, i'd fake it to make it or something! sure i had some heat over my criminal history, but keeping it real placed me in light and peace - i have it together.

thats great that your close to your mom, but affairs of the heart are lead by the beholder. my dad is still disappointed with my decision, but he knows me well enough to trust my heart so as difficult as it is for him to support me, he does it because he loves me.

my husband has no credit so thats bad credit, i just dont use his name, it's on all me until his credit can do us better ~ no biggy.

God bless

03-30-2010, 09:34 AM
Unless you are going for joint loans, etc, he will have no impact whatsoever on your credit.

It could effect housing arrangements, but I'm sure you can find a place.

As far as it messing with your career. No. See, that would be called discrimination if they base hiring you on someone elses situation. Ya dig? Due to my job, I have to have security clearance at a pharmaceutical plant as well as one of the military bases in my state...AND I AM A FELON. Now, getting those clearances weren't easy for me, since I do have a prior record, but I still got them and nothing at all was ever mentioned about my husband.

I do believe most of your mom's concerns are unfounded. Just remember...when there's a will, there's a way.

03-30-2010, 09:34 AM
I would say that apartment living, and getting a goverment job would be the two areas that could possibly "hold you back". Most applications for employment only ask about your own personal criminal background. We're not guilty just be association ;)
Some states do, I believe, have community debt/liability... meaning that once married, the spouse takes on the others debts and obligations as well. I think in most states though, this only refers to debts for necessities that take place after the marriage. But it would be something I would look into before getting married. :)
Your mom's just looking out for you, but it's best to research everything before making a decision yes or no. :)

03-30-2010, 10:38 AM
I was married to an in and out convict for 13 years and it did not affect any of my stuff. But that's just me, I don't live in housing nor would I ever, I met him after I had this job and have been here ever since and, there's no way I'd joint money with him or put him on my credit cards because what you need to do before going there is LOOK AT HIS MONEY SITUATION -- how has he handled his own money. If he messed his up then jointing with him will only give him more money and credit to mess up. I know ladies marrying these cons can't wait to start jointing moneys and putting these men on their credit cards and even having babies right after they get out but honestly, that's something I think the woman should consider AFTER she's observed his out of prison spending habits. Some men can't hold onto money, if that's him, what makes a woman think he'll magically hold on to hers -- surely not *because she loves him*.

Just be smart because the smarter you are during the process, the better you'll feel should things not work out. We hear far too many stories of women who lost money, cars, etc., because they prematurely moved her man into her purse after he got out. I was smart which is why I'm not bitter and, I wasn't left holding any bags after we divorced when he got out.

03-30-2010, 07:16 PM
Thank you so much everyone for your input! I learned a lot from each one of your posts! And as I said before I am happy I have a mother who just wants me to be educated and look at all angles before I make decisions.

03-31-2010, 07:31 AM
I work in the medical field. And when i married my husband he was already a convicted felon. It didnt affect my credit score whatsoever!! It didnt affect my background history either. Unfortunately i do have a misdeminor possesion of drug paraphenilia case pending,because of a traffic stop and i was the driver and although he did take responsibility the police officer charged us both. But it is a class C which carries a fine, but my lawyer said that since my husband took full responsibility it will not be on my record. I know alot of people tell you that it will mess up your record and all that, but it doesnt unless you start getting charged with crimes, his record stays his record his credit score stays his credit score unless you two start applying for credit or financing things in both your names and you default. In dallas they mostly check credit scores not background checks when renting appartments and if you do have a low credit score most likely you just pay a higher deposit or a month in advance to secure your financial stability. I know if depending on the conviction he has depends the area he can live in because of the sex registration laws, but if it wasnt anything like that you can practically rent anywhere in the city. I was able to get our house on my name alone with no problems and I just got a new job and my background was clear. Although my new employer doesnt know that my husband is currently in federal custody and it might affect how i am treated that is my business and i choose to keep that private in my carreer life. I hope this can help you.

04-02-2010, 04:14 PM
Don't forget if he doesn't pay his fines or if they have unpaid back child support the gov't can put a warrant to intercept your state tax return unless you file a form that keeps them from taking your return on your income only and not his (makes it separate). Oklahoma is good for this one.

Thanks for the info! I live in Oklahoma and would like to know the exact form to get. Thanks again:thumbsup:

04-04-2010, 08:15 PM
I am so glad that these assumptions can be put to rest..... BIG SMILES!