When my son was 19 he assaulted a man. He went to prison, was released after four years. At first he was doing well on parole. He was going to college, had a job, an apartment, a car. I don't know what changed, but I think he got depressed. After 16 months on parole, he packed his car, stopped over to say good bye (I didn't know that at the time), and took off across country to see a girl he used to know in high school. He ran out of money, tried to get a job but was unable to. He attempted to hold up a store. He didn't get any money, so now besides being broke, nearly out of gas and a long, long way from home, he was also a fugitive. He told me that he almost killed himself. In a matter of a day or so, he was arrested. He is now serving up to 15 years and is a 3 day drive from where we live. I think that rather than prison "reforming" or "rehabilitating" him, he is feeding on the negative. He is in a max prison, serving time with murderers, rapists. Unlike many inmates, he is educated and well read. Between learning from his fellow inmates, reading leftist materials, and other extremist ideas, I am afraid that he is developing into someone who will make national news with some horrible, horrible crime when he is released. While his step father treats him like a son, his own father is so tangled with his new wife and is not any support to the "boy". Any so called counseling that has been offered in prison is a joke. I am afraid to talk to someone at the prison - it seems like it would only result in trouble, not any valid help. I can't talk about this with friends or family, they have no experience to fall back on. Same with my pastor. When it comes to couseling, my son will tell them what they want to hear so he doesn't have to keep going back. My fear is that at some future time the people in the system will be looking around at one another wondering why someone didn't "do something", why no one saw this coming. I don't know where to turn. Ideas?

What a situation! Maybe a lot of prayer and meditation to ease your mind in all this because the rest of the problem rests on him. He is an adult now and aside from love and support, there seems to be nothing else you can do but wait and see.

Donna

This is a tough one. here you are trying to do what the system is SUPPOSED to be doing but cannot and will not. True he's a grownup, but we all know some of the most important "growing up" can still take place. I would just try to keep making him aware of how wide the world really is, and of how our life choices really do create our realities- I guess via good books, and maybe reaching out to groups that offer different flavors of spiritual education by correspondence. There is a magazine called Cell Door, and I found a lot of good links at their website for such resources. It sounds like he is a bright young man who needs to get perspective. Good luck, and take good care of YOU meanwhile.

The thing is that he knows to do right. He's caught up in reading about the illuminati, how persons of power are misrepresenting themselves as good people but are actually working toward a one world government, etc. He is not and hasn't ever been involved with chemical use - drugs or alcohol, so this is not a factor. I can't even describe him accurately, but suffice it to say, he sees things through the "dark side". I don't have a criminal mind set - I see good every where and in every one until they prove me wrong. He is becoming anti-government and I am really afraid that he will get out without having had any beneficial help and will be the next guy to plant a bomb in some federal building or something else equally horrifying. You hear on the news, after a crime, how the perpetrator's friends, family, neighbors will say the guy was a nice guy, he was good to the old people in the neighborhood, he took in strays, he was a good family man and the neighbors all liked him and no one could imagine him doing something like this. Well, that's my son. He's clean cut, polite, considerate of others. I suspect that he fights with depression and that's when things flip. <sigh>

If he can get out of his cell he could volunteer to teach other inmates how to read and write and use his education to benefit others.

The funny thing about prison is that there will always be people who'll fall in. They aren't really bad, they just look for shortcuts, and many times aren't patient with the endeavors of life. They may often see others succeed at a life of crime and often the rewards that follow are a temptation to them. I've seen that same fork in the road myself and know how difficult those choices can be.

I never found my way to prison so I'm unaware of the changes someone may go thru, but imagine survival is a big factor, and know family and friend support is a big part of that survival. I know how difficult this all must be on you, I have a loved one inside too, but always remember he needs you now more than ever.

SRG

He is actually working in teaching a group. Yes, survival is a major factor. He studies people, sees through games and acts. He doesn't reveal his hand - who or what he really is, since having people guessing is to his benefit. I am here for him, we speak weekly, write often, I visit as often as I can afford to (24 hours of drive time each way) and send him packages on a regular basis. I work to keep him in touch with his other family members. I feel helpless that there is nothing that I can do for him, to help him "fit" in society. He's in my prayers always.

So part of his survival skills are his people skills and that's great. The fact that you know these things is a testament to your level of love and support. I'm sure its great for his self image to be teaching. And believe me we all feel that same helplessness. I do for sure, if we didn't we wouldn't really care.