View Full Version : Am I the other woman?


blondie333
01-08-2010, 07:59 AM
My boyfriend just got sentenced and is in Lyndsay Jail in Ontario. To add to this pain, I think I am a woman he used to keep him company while he waited to be sentenced for 2 yrs. I need to know how to contact him if I am not on a list that he can create. Is there a way to get to see him or write him if he has not put me on a list? The fact he is gone is painful, but to think I was lied to.. I need to confront him. Please help.

Rejoice. . .
01-08-2010, 08:07 AM
My boyfriend just got sentenced and is in Lyndsay Jail in Ontario. To add to this pain, I think I am a woman he used to keep him company while he waited to be sentenced for 2 yrs. I need to know how to contact him if I am not on a list that he can create. Is there a way to get to see him or write him if he has not put me on a list? The fact he is gone is painful, but to think I was lied to.. I need to confront him. Please help.

I'm just curious, why do you think he used you?

rodeointx
01-08-2010, 08:10 AM
if he used you why would you want to see him? if you know that you are the other woman why bring further pain toward his family by furthering the contact?

thatgirl_78
01-08-2010, 08:18 AM
You should be able to find out the information from the Department of Corrections.

blondie333
01-08-2010, 08:24 AM
I'm just curious, why do you think he used you?

he promised me the world and then didnt put me on the list to contact or visit him. and months of investigation on my part

OneOfMany
01-08-2010, 08:25 AM
I'm sure you can find the address for Lyndsay Jail on internet. Try writing to him.

blondie333
01-08-2010, 08:26 AM
if he used you why would you want to see him? if you know that you are the other woman why bring further pain toward his family by furthering the contact?

His family doesnt know I know. They are trying to keep my happy so that I dont find out where she is. I am hurting and part of me just wants the entire truth. Its not fair to tell someone that you are the love of his life and then hope I get over him while he is gone.

blondie333
01-08-2010, 08:29 AM
I'm sure you can find the address for Lyndsay Jail on internet. Try writing to him.

can I write to him and will they pass it to him? Or just keep it from him?
He claimed he will be in a cell till he gets sent to the pen he is going to. I know his parents went to see him yesterday, so I think that is a lie also.

Rejoice. . .
01-08-2010, 08:45 AM
can I write to him and will they pass it to him? Or just keep it from him?
He claimed he will be in a cell till he gets sent to the pen he is going to. I know his parents went to see him yesterday, so I think that is a lie also.

I know that in my state, Michigan, you can write whomever you choose and they will give the mail to the inmate. Visits do have to be approved. Girl, if I were you, I'd just let it go and move on. He's obviously lying and doesn't need you anymore. I can't even begin to imagine how hurt you are. Hurt him even more. Don't give him the opportunity to speak with you OR use you ever. I'm sure eventually he'll have no one because of his selfish ways. Best of luck!

rodeointx
01-08-2010, 08:52 AM
His family doesn't know I know. They are trying to keep my happy so that I dont find out where she is. I am hurting and part of me just wants the entire truth. Its not fair to tell someone that you are the love of his life and then hope I get over him while he is gone.
seriously i do understand that you are in pain. but i have to wonder, were there no signs that you were the other woman prior to his going to jail? did you really have no idea that he was married or had another life with another woman? i think i would just leave well enough alone cut your losses and be more careful going into the next relationship. further communication will only result in more pain be it yours or hers. she does have a right to know about you. further pursuit of him will only cause more problems. you already know he is committed to another woman now its you that is knowing he belongs to another and making contact with him. be the bigger person and walk off.

five*chic
01-08-2010, 09:05 AM
WOW.....she's serious yall.

Honey...if he aint wrote you a million times telling you ur on a list to visit...when you coming etc....give it up.
Jumpin the gun here...but Honey plz...if he has kids, move on if yall dont. Seriously baby gurl.....i hope you see it soon.

NoOne1994
01-08-2010, 09:34 AM
Just write to him and ask him to be honest with you.

OneOfMany
01-08-2010, 09:37 AM
He will receive any letter you write to him...now, whether he will read it or respond to it is up to him.

If you must write a letter (and I can understand why) by all means write it. Do not expect a response and move on. Close the door, so to speak.

Mrs.Garcia04
01-08-2010, 09:40 AM
This girl is asking HOW to contact the boy not if she should contact him.

blondie333
01-08-2010, 09:44 AM
This girl is asking HOW to contact the boy not if she should contact him.

Well all this feedback is great.. Its also true if he didnt ask me when are you coming to visit, then I guess he doesnt want me to!

blondie333
01-08-2010, 09:45 AM
Just write to him and ask him to be honest with you.

He is such a smooth talker, i have to try and read between the lines. ( I know, another bad sign)..

NoOne1994
01-08-2010, 10:05 AM
Then I suggest following your gut instinct on this one.

Do you believe that he's treating you the way you deserve to be treated? Do you want to share a man?

I suggest not writing, don't send money and/or don't accept calls for 2 weeks. Take yourself away from him. At the end of those two weeks I believe you'll truly see where you stand in his life. But I believe you already know where you stand and I think you haven't accepted it yet.

Don't make someone a priority who considers you to be an option.

rodeointx
01-08-2010, 10:09 AM
Then I suggest following your gut instinct on this one.

Do you believe that he's treating you the way you deserve to be treated? Do you want to share a man?

I suggest not writing, don't send money and/or don't accept calls for 2 weeks. Take yourself away from him. At the end of those two weeks I believe you'll truly see where you stand in his life. But I believe you already know where you stand and I think you haven't accepted it yet.

Don't make someone a priority who considers you to be an option.
very well said! i have to ask why you would want to keep further communications with a man that knowingly made you the other woman. the respect he has shown you should warrent no further communication with him. the fact that he has not written or called should show you that he has chosen another path. show your self some respect and walk away

BlueEyedEllie
01-08-2010, 10:15 AM
My favorite saying lately is,"If your horse has been dead for 10 years it's time to dismount..." girl,you should have dismounted long ago!!!If you know he's conning and deceiving you,what's the point of knowing details??? :hmm: move on with your life.NEVER settle for someone treating you as second best.I truly wish you the best!!!

Hisoneandonly
01-08-2010, 10:25 AM
My favorite saying lately is,"If your horse has been dead for 10 years it's time to dismount..." girl,you should have dismounted long ago!!!If you know he's conning and deceiving you,what's the point of knowing details??? :hmm: move on with your life.NEVER settle for someone treating you as second best.I truly wish you the best!!!

Couldn't agree more.
But if you have to contact him then you can find the address to the jail, and usually thier inmate numbers (atelast in VA) on line, just write it and send it, he will get it.
And think next time before you get involved with someone has the other woman.

Shine730
01-08-2010, 12:48 PM
wait.... if you KNOW you're the other woman then why would u want a man like that? does that mean he has a wife or something?? (if u said it i must have missed it) but if this is a guy who has another chick on the side, aka you, then what makes u think hes a good guy? and even if he does want to be with you, wouldnt u think he'd get another chick to be the ''other woman''? i understand u wanting to write if u want an explanation and closure.. closure is healthy but u dont even seem too upset. u can write him they give him any mail that comes for him but at least try to see that being the ''other woman'' isnt a respectable title for u! good luck tho hope you walk away from this stronger and happier

and if hes in a county jail still then they usually dont have ID numbers..they get those once they get sent to prison. at least in ny thats how it is sorry if im wrong for other places.

Ginger R
01-08-2010, 10:18 PM
have you called the Lindsay Jail to see if he is available for visits? (if you ask that way you're just inquiring if he's been transferred, really they are not even supposed to tell you that he's even there) You don't need to be on a list as far as i know to visit people on remand for trial. But most are very limited in the visits... for example...Maplehurst only allows those on remand two 20min visits a week behind glass. I say if you want to see him while he is in Lindsay... call the jail and ask how you go about visiting him. Once he gets to the pen...its a whole other ball of wax
-g

blondie333
01-21-2010, 12:05 PM
[quote=Ginger R;5157524]have you called the Lindsay Jail to see if he is available for visits? (if you ask that way you're just inquiring if he's been transferred, really they are not even supposed to tell you that he's even there) You don't need to be on a list as far as i know to visit people on remand for trial. But most are very limited in the visits... for example...Maplehurst only allows those on remand two 20min visits a week behind glass. I say if you want to see him while he is in Lindsay... call the jail and ask how you go about visiting him. Once he gets to the pen...its a whole other ball of wax

THank you to all of you and yes I agree with all your saying. I have seen him twice and he has called me 5 times. most of the time its just to do damage control cause he knows I want answers. He has his family trying to keep me happy so I dont cause trouble to his 'other' woman. Or at least thats how I have figured it. I just want someone to tell me the truth. He has been (or I have noticed) the lies since July and have put it all together. He is trying to make me look crazy to think these things but there is soooo many things to prove he is lying. I want out, however the final 'bye' has not made it to my lips. I also think that the other woman(women) have a right to know as he has lied to her (them) also. I dont like feeling like a fool, as this makes one of many times I have met the wrong man. He denies everything and I need (or think I need) to confront him with proof so that I can rest. Im hoping that need diminishes as time goes by. I even consulted a psychic who confirms my thoughts of other woman(women). He is in Lyndsay Jail but will be going to Kingston this week, and may have left today. Its hard when you gave up all of yourself for him for two years with promises of forever and then really really REALLY letting it go. THanks again to you all and your helpful words!!!!

blondie333
01-22-2010, 10:13 AM
Does anyone know if I send a letter to Lyndsay and then he gets moved to Kingston, will the letter be forwarded to him in Kingston or returned to sender?
THanks

Ginger R
01-22-2010, 08:38 PM
yes the letter will follow him, but it will take some time till he gets it
also, his transfer will take some time...so don't get to stressed out if you don't hear from him for a month:)

blondie333
01-22-2010, 10:25 PM
Thank you again Ginger... I was going to send it to him but he is not sure when he gets moved. They wont tell him cause he is a flight risk so he said. He has been there now 17 days. I will write him then.

poni'swoman
01-22-2010, 11:35 PM
Why would you even want to contact him? He has treated you terribly. The part about his family not wanting you to find out where the wife/girlfriend is located. She is probably a victim in this, as you are. Don't make her miserable. She'll find out on her own. You got used, learn from the experience and move on.

blondie333
01-23-2010, 07:34 AM
Why would you even want to contact him? He has treated you terribly. The part about his family not wanting you to find out where the wife/girlfriend is located. She is probably a victim in this, as you are. Don't make her miserable. She'll find out on her own. You got used, learn from the experience and move on.

FOR me its all about truth. I hate that they all lie and I need to prove the truth so that they know I know they lied. I will end it once I can prove I was right. I am not from that lifestyle at all and am a very honest person also. If they had of just told me the truth I would have left well enough alone, so the truth is all I am searching for, then I will move on! Its the closure I need!! I know I should walk away, but I am stubborn and need the answers first.
Thank you though

BlueEyedEllie
01-23-2010, 02:36 PM
FOR me its all about truth. I hate that they all lie and I need to prove the truth so that they know I know they lied. I will end it once I can prove I was right. I am not from that lifestyle at all and am a very honest person also. If they had of just told me the truth I would have left well enough alone, so the truth is all I am searching for, then I will move on! Its the closure I need!! I know I should walk away, but I am stubborn and need the answers first.
Thank you though
coming from someone who was married to a con artist you can "prove" the truth all you want.won't change anything other than the continuos contact will just continue stressing you out!!these types don't have consciences and the truth means nothing to them:no:.wisest thing to do is walk away and never ever look back!! anything less you will only cause yourself further pain!!:nono:

chuckwifey
01-23-2010, 02:45 PM
It's really no need to contect him if needed you on the outside he going to need you behind the walls so pack your tear away for a better brighter day....

Keepin6
01-23-2010, 03:03 PM
I am in Canada so I know how it works, the Canadian prison system isnt remotely close to the Americans. We dont have DOC numbers that need to be put on mail and whatnot. Anyway, if you write him in the Lyndsey bucket now he will get it. He wont get shipped to Millhaven for a few weeks after sentancing. Once he gets there it is federal and any mail will follow him to what institute he ends up at, Collins Bay, Workworth, KP... If I were you I wouldnt bother writing him but thats your beef. I got the Lyndsey address if you need it, you need anything PM me

Kairey

lilmama28
01-23-2010, 03:13 PM
maybe i missed something but i am wonderin how you learned of this other woman? Sorry if i missed that part.

anywayz i kno if i was you i would do the same thing.when my husband was in it wasnt easy we had a lot of problems he wrote girls and lied.i could feel it in my heart when he did.so i would ask.and he would lie.i think he thought i was crazy because its like everytime he did wrong i felt it.and so i always got to the bottom.i talked to every girl.and then once i found everything out.i knew i had you know how because it felt like the weight was lifted from my heart.i knew then the truth was out.and all of it.my husband calls me a detective.so i know why you want the truth.i would do.i did.

as for the other female.if it was me i would want someone to tell me.she may not believe it but trust deep down inside it will make her think.and then she will eventually find out the truth.

so i say write dont beg him back.dont even express how he made you feel.dont let him know he got to you.simply state the facts you have what you know and ask him to explain how he could do such a thing.

i wish you the best.if he cant be the man you want/need i do believe you should let it go.

i left my husband for awhile but he proved himself to me.i didnt write.didnt send money nothin for a very long time.he worked and found his own way to call..he wrote everyday and never once did i write back.he showed me he cared and wanted things to work.that i was #1.so if you cant be #1 in this mans life he dont deserve you.or anyone else for that matter.

as i alwayz say the truth comes out regardless..whats done in the dark comes to light eventually no matter how long it takes.

blondie333
01-23-2010, 10:40 PM
coming from someone who was married to a con artist you can "prove" the truth all you want.won't change anything other than the continuos contact will just continue stressing you out!!these types don't have consciences and the truth means nothing to them:no:.wisest thing to do is walk away and never ever look back!! anything less you will only cause yourself further pain!!:nono:

YOU are so right. THank you... I have just found out who the women is.. she is not a wife.. just a gold digger and he thrives on helping women. Something tells me he has been like that and always will be. He didnt know he would find someone like me who will find the truth.
I am trying to get to the point to tell him good bye... getting closer every day!!!

Thanks again everyone...

deuce23
02-04-2010, 09:52 AM
Drop him, and move on. He has another Family. Let him sit and rot. He hasnt called you., dont waist your time hun. your better than being the second chick in his life.

blondie333
02-04-2010, 08:07 PM
Drop him, and move on. He has another Family. Let him sit and rot. He hasnt called you., dont waist your time hun. your better than being the second chick in his life.


He is just doing damage control, as he still swears he wants to be together forever and that we will get married one day too. He did call me a lot and I visited him 3times. I know he will go back to her, and I have accepted my stupidity in this also. I realize there wont be any truth or confessions coming my way. He had more girls than me, and that hurts more than him going back to his wife. I feel better now that I have accepted that there is no he and I in the future and that I wont get the truth. I tried to get out of the relationship 5 times in the s ummer and he wouldnt let me go.. I will be fine now that he is being transferred and can not contact me for a while. I will be my old self, strong and still independent. He loves me, that is all I know to be true. Maybe one day, but not for a while. I am sure I will find a better man before then.

THanks

Feeling good now I am! lol

blondie333
02-05-2010, 10:06 AM
He is just doing damage control, as he still swears he wants to be together forever and that we will get married one day too. He did call me a lot and I visited him 3times. I know he will go back to her, and I have accepted my stupidity in this also. I realize there wont be any truth or confessions coming my way. He had more girls than me, and that hurts more than him going back to his wife. I feel better now that I have accepted that there is no he and I in the future and that I wont get the truth. I tried to get out of the relationship 5 times in the s ummer and he wouldnt let me go.. I will be fine now that he is being transferred and can not contact me for a while. I will be my old self, strong and still independent. He loves me, that is all I know to be true. Maybe one day, but not for a while. I am sure I will find a better man before then.

THanks

Feeling good now I am! lol

OK,,, not I have to vent.. and ladies,,, I just need to get it out.. its nice I can do it here..
I also know he was sleeping with a friend of his commonlaw wife jane, and diverting attention to john, his brother had a few girls on the side, and the one ROSE, well she had a friend that mine also was seeing for over a year. He had a girl that lives 5 blocks away and all the time he had his wife which I am guessing has no idea about any of it. I feel sick to my stomach and the hate is brewing. Your right Deuce, let him rot. However he has a way of talking and will be running the area he is incarcerated in in no time. He met his match with me cause I figured him out. I want no part of him and he is lucky that I keep my mouth shut. He has everyone thinking im nuts and insecure. The problem is Im not either. His brothers g/f has no idea and covers for mine. They all do. They lie that everyone fights and doesnt speak, but its all for my benefit. I cant believe I got messed up in all that crap. I cant believe no one has a conscience and morals and they all let it go on and must have got a good laugh at my expense. Now I hear a friend I have known for 34yrs is bad talking me to them, and that again makes no sense. Lies,, 90% of what I am told and have been told is lies. Ladies, how do I do it. I get myself in messes all the time cause I am honest and trusting and trustworthy.. I am done with it. I think I will tell him to F-himself when and if he calls. I wont tell his wife, but damn she should know really. I wont tell her cause I could put myself in danger. I am so done... and anger feels good. Just a few more stages to go and I will be totally free of the mess he made of me for over two years.
I have never known people like the ones that surround him.
You could give me a million dollars and I would still prefer the truth... which I will never get.
Im done.. thanks for listening..

:)

blondie333
02-05-2010, 10:19 AM
OK,,, not I have to vent.. and ladies,,, I just need to get it out.. its nice I can do it here..
I also know he was sleeping with a friend of his commonlaw wife jane, and diverting attention to john, his brother had a few girls on the side, and the one ROSE, well she had a friend that mine also was seeing for over a year. He had a girl that lives 5 blocks away and all the time he had his wife which I am guessing has no idea about any of it. I feel sick to my stomach and the hate is brewing. Your right Deuce, let him rot. However he has a way of talking and will be running the area he is incarcerated in in no time. He met his match with me cause I figured him out. I want no part of him and he is lucky that I keep my mouth shut. He has everyone thinking im nuts and insecure. The problem is Im not either. His brothers g/f has no idea and covers for mine. They all do. They lie that everyone fights and doesnt speak, but its all for my benefit. I cant believe I got messed up in all that crap. I cant believe no one has a conscience and morals and they all let it go on and must have got a good laugh at my expense. Now I hear a friend I have known for 34yrs is bad talking me to them, and that again makes no sense. Lies,, 90% of what I am told and have been told is lies. Ladies, how do I do it. I get myself in messes all the time cause I am honest and trusting and trustworthy.. I am done with it. I think I will tell him to F-himself when and if he calls. I wont tell his wife, but damn she should know really. I wont tell her cause I could put myself in danger. I am so done... and anger feels good. Just a few more stages to go and I will be totally free of the mess he made of me for over two years.
I have never known people like the ones that surround him.
You could give me a million dollars and I would still prefer the truth... which I will never get.
Im done.. thanks for listening..

:)

OH and they are reading my stuff too.... and saving it for him...

deuce23
02-06-2010, 08:55 PM
OK,,, not I have to vent.. and ladies,,, I just need to get it out.. its nice I can do it here..
I also know he was sleeping with a friend of his commonlaw wife jane, and diverting attention to john, his brother had a few girls on the side, and the one ROSE, well she had a friend that mine also was seeing for over a year. He had a girl that lives 5 blocks away and all the time he had his wife which I am guessing has no idea about any of it. I feel sick to my stomach and the hate is brewing. Your right Deuce, let him rot. However he has a way of talking and will be running the area he is incarcerated in in no time. He met his match with me cause I figured him out. I want no part of him and he is lucky that I keep my mouth shut. He has everyone thinking im nuts and insecure. The problem is Im not either. His brothers g/f has no idea and covers for mine. They all do. They lie that everyone fights and doesnt speak, but its all for my benefit. I cant believe I got messed up in all that crap. I cant believe no one has a conscience and morals and they all let it go on and must have got a good laugh at my expense. Now I hear a friend I have known for 34yrs is bad talking me to them, and that again makes no sense. Lies,, 90% of what I am told and have been told is lies. Ladies, how do I do it. I get myself in messes all the time cause I am honest and trusting and trustworthy.. I am done with it. I think I will tell him to F-himself when and if he calls. I wont tell his wife, but damn she should know really. I wont tell her cause I could put myself in danger. I am so done... and anger feels good. Just a few more stages to go and I will be totally free of the mess he made of me for over two years.
I have never known people like the ones that surround him.
You could give me a million dollars and I would still prefer the truth... which I will never get.
Im done.. thanks for listening..

:)

Oh, Blondie333. i can't tell you how much I am proud of you to muster up the confidence to tell me to go F-himself. GOOD. You really gav e your heart to this guy and he was Playinn with not only you but His Wife and others. Now you know how he is, and now you know to just let it go. PM me anytime you wanna talk. I have never really been the other woman, But the father of my child had kept things from me when i had just given birth and I know in my gut that was not just paranoia/ my brain over thinking and making up shit, When all he says he was doing was chopping and bringing home chedda $$$ for Me and new born child. Still to this day I believe my gut. Believe Yours. it Always tells you the truth when you cant get it out of the Bullshit Lier On the other line. Talk is cheep till it pays off.

Keep your Head Up Girl.

Deucie Doo!

lacey0001
02-17-2010, 11:12 PM
I am in Canada so I know how it works, the Canadian prison system isnt remotely close to the Americans. We dont have DOC numbers that need to be put on mail and whatnot. Anyway, if you write him in the Lyndsey bucket now he will get it. He wont get shipped to Millhaven for a few weeks after sentancing. Once he gets there it is federal and any mail will follow him to what institute he ends up at, Collins Bay, Workworth, KP... If I were you I wouldnt bother writing him but thats your beef. I got the Lyndsey address if you need it, you need anything PM me

Kairey
new to this. just read sum of ur lines. my b/f got sent to lindsey jail. all i knew he was goin to court for sumthin. find out after thru others, he went to get sentenced. (didn't no nuthin about being sentenced). tried to get to bottom of it b4 he went to court but ended up fightin. feel bad but wurse cause i didn't hav clue about it. how duz this place work? aint heard from him couple of wks. jail tells me no visit. all lockedup.

blondie333
03-19-2010, 01:02 PM
new to this. just read sum of ur lines. my b/f got sent to lindsey jail. all i knew he was goin to court for sumthin. find out after thru others, he went to get sentenced. (didn't no nuthin about being sentenced). tried to get to bottom of it b4 he went to court but ended up fightin. feel bad but wurse cause i didn't hav clue about it. how duz this place work? aint heard from him couple of wks. jail tells me no visit. all lockedup.


DId anyone answer this and are you still looking for answers?

cweaver
12-18-2010, 10:59 PM
dont know why someone wouldnt tell you but at the same time if hes got a family us girls dont mess with the other girl so i see everyones point they are gettin to..however he cant put you on the visitor list sweety u have to download the forms for that jail hes in..which is most likely gona be kp because they dont keep 2 yr bits in that jail..sometimes but not usually, anyways its a walk in basis in lindsay no visiter list..as for the rest download the forms for say kp fill em out..plop in two good pics of you, full face no hair bands shades etc and wait for approval..u will have to phone for approval..takes what girls 6 to 8 wks..you must be down as his live in or wife etc if someone else is down as his wife u aint gettin in..if its lindsay or provincial u are in..but federal u must be family or have kids with the guy or married period..n btw he cant contact you without u being approved on his list for phone calls which means you need to contact him first via letter or visit..he adds your number, they call u to make sure its ok..n then he either adds time to his pin card n calls straight thru or calls u collect..but he cant get to u if he has no contact info to tell u..they sit there waiting for u hun..lol go get him..lol