We have a couple of funny guards!

I just found out that I can bring into each visit a pack of playing cards. So I went out and got a set of Harley Davidson cards (My bf is a Harley nut). I handed them to the guard and said "Here, I was told you needed to approve these." He is a short, skinny guy from Argentina and has a thick accent. He looks at the cards and says "Oh, see, we do not like Harley Davidsons here. We prefer Japanese motorcycles." I’m giving him a "Quit pulling my leg already" look and he just grins and gives them back to me. Then he’s handing me my belt and said "Here. Please don’t whip me with it." I said "No, that’s ok, I’m not into that kind of thing!"

Another guard came over to us and started talking to us. He is a heavy-set old guy with a bad limp. He sstarts telling old man jokes (you know, totally clean kind of joke) Here isone of his jokes:

Did you hear that Santa’s having problems up at the North Pole? Yeah, apparently the elves aren’t getting much work done. Low elf-esteem!

I’m glad there is a few nice guards at this place! After the last place he was, we certainly earned it!

How wonderful! I'll take corny good-natured jokes over surly condescension any day... wish there were more like your two around!! :)

the visits always goes so much better when the guards don't put you in a bad mood.

What prison is this???? Lucky you. I am glad when we run accross guards who treat us like we are not the one who has done something wrong. Some of these guards need to find a new job .......

We have a couple of funny guards!

I just found out that I can bring into each visit a pack of playing cards. So I went out and got a set of Harley Davidson cards (My bf is a Harley nut). I handed them to the guard and said "Here, I was told you needed to approve these." He is a short, skinny guy from Argentina and has a thick accent. He looks at the cards and says "Oh, see, we do not like Harley Davidsons here. We prefer Japanese motorcycles." I’m giving him a "Quit pulling my leg already" look and he just grins and gives them back to me. Then he’s handing me my belt and said "Here. Please don’t whip me with it." I said "No, that’s ok, I’m not into that kind of thing!"

Another guard came over to us and started talking to us. He is a heavy-set old guy with a bad limp. He sstarts telling old man jokes (you know, totally clean kind of joke) Here isone of his jokes:

Did you hear that Santa’s having problems up at the North Pole? Yeah, apparently the elves aren’t getting much work done. Low elf-esteem!

I’m glad there is a few nice guards at this place! After the last place he was, we certainly earned it!


He sounds very friendly. I wish all of the guards were like that, but hey what can be done about it? Some of the guards where my cousin is seem to love being rude, you're tempted to deck them but you refrain because of the trouble it would cause.

I am glad that you guys have had nice experiences with the CO's. See...we aren't all bad.

There's one guard where I go that's always busting my chops. I'm always in a great mood before I even get in to see my man just because of this one guys personality. It's funny, when I went Friday, he gave me a big smile and said "Hey, you colored your hair...looks nice".

We know most of the guards are just there to do their jobs. Someone's gotta do it.

One time, I visited my ex in the state penitentiary... I brought in 8 photos for visiting and the male guard who I knew that reminds me of my brother. Tall and chubby with a goatee. I went there 6-12 times a month so he knew me pretty well on a casual basis.. But that day, he motioned his hand for me to go through the metal detector... he didn't have to call out the name anymore. He knows my face. He skimped through my photos.... when he was on the 4th photo, he said I can only bring in 5 photos. Then the fifth photo is of me in a french maid costume with a bit of my butt showing, the guard's hands jumped a bit almost dropping the pictures! His face looked like he yelped but quickly covered up his surprise! I tried to cover my smirk looking all innocent. Then he said, "Well, well, well..... (scuffling photos in a ziploc bag) Ahem.... Okay." and motioned me into the prison! :D

Im an officer,and I like to play jokes on my inmates. On halloween night,I told this imate that if he didn't put his hair in a pony tail that I would give him a ticket for disobaying an order. Alittle later,I went up to him and said."ok" thats it,give me your ID,because your on report. He got real mad at me calling me names and all that. I waited about a minute and then told one of his friends to give him his ID back,and tell him trick or treat happy halloween.

Wow, most of the visitors I deal with would report me if I tried to even joke with them. :(

Im an officer,and I like to play jokes on my inmates. On halloween night,I told this imate that if he didn't put his hair in a pony tail that I would give him a ticket for disobaying an order. Alittle later,I went up to him and said."ok" thats it,give me your ID,because your on report. He got real mad at me calling me names and all that. I waited about a minute and then told one of his friends to give him his ID back,and tell him trick or treat happy halloween.
Very very funny TommyT LOL.

There's some funny CO's and some cool ones where my husband is, as well. At the end of the week the pay is the same so I don't understand why some feel they have to bust balls, but my husband said for the most part "back in the house" the officers are pretty cool, and, some are very funny.

Last time I looked which is on a daily basis the inmate is a ward of the state. He/She does NOT belong to any C.O. I see nothing funny about CO's crossing the line. Keep it business and keep it professional then there is no need to be caught in a so called bad mood when an inmate comes up joking with a C.O. I see why some of the inmates have the attitude they do toward CO's from reading this post. It's percieved as a serious thing when an inmate is told he is getting written a case. Any case in Texas can be judged as major leading the inmate to loose good time, status and his/her privledges.

Im an officer,and I like to play jokes on my inmates. On halloween night,I told this imate that if he didn't put his hair in a pony tail that I would give him a ticket for disobaying an order. Alittle later,I went up to him and said."ok" thats it,give me your ID,because your on report. He got real mad at me calling me names and all that. I waited about a minute and then told one of his friends to give him his ID back,and tell him trick or treat happy halloween.

God I wish we had nicer guards!! It's bad enough we have to go there to see our loved ones, but when we're treated worse then the prisoners grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Suzanne

I have know many different C.O's in several different Prisons over the last several years. Most of them are really nice. You do have a few who are just
plain idiots. But you have to remember what we don't see behind those
fences. Alot of CO's have to put up with grown children so to speak.
Most of the time. If you treat them with respect. They will treat you that way.

I fail to see anything funny about telling an inmate you're going to write him up. Sorry, but they have enough problems and don't need a C.O. 'teasing' them in that manner. If you enjoy sharing humor, do it using common sense please and don't scare some guy half to death with such a threat. Thanks.

It's a fine line sometimes between funny and not, but I much prefer the ones who aren't afraid to kid around. But with all due respect TomT, I have to agree that threatening somebody with a write up seems to me to be a bit past it...I love kidding around with the COs, but if somebody said, "Your visits are suspended" as a joke, I'd have a hard time laughing after they fessed up. Because they have the power, and I don't, I'd probably have to pretend it was funny- but the sensation it would cause in my gut would not be funny AT ALL.

My man was in ad/seg in Rahway for quite some time and I have to say that the guards there are the best! He is back in GP now and I really miss them. I think that all of the CO's in NJ should have to be trained by them. The are the most respectful and funniest CO's I have met.

Im an officer,and I like to play jokes on my inmates. On halloween night,I told this imate that if he didn't put his hair in a pony tail that I would give him a ticket for disobaying an order. Alittle later,I went up to him and said."ok" thats it,give me your ID,because your on report. He got real mad at me calling me names and all that. I waited about a minute and then told one of his friends to give him his ID back,and tell him trick or treat happy halloween.

Yeah some of you guards are O.K. people. You are just trying to make your 8 hours and make a living. When I was in Shelby County Jail for 4 months, we had a triple wide mobile home, air conditioned, reral showers and toilets, a colored TV,, no cable, and the modular home was about 36 X 80. It has 50 bunks, double stacked. It was the dorm for misdemeanors and possession felonies. At any given one time there was only about 35 people in the place, because of the kitchen workers, garage and paper crew. The guards had a desk and a chair up front, that he/she would sit and read, they didnt mess with anyone. Hell they even came back and played cards with us and watched tv. They treated you like people. No one acted up because we knew how good we had it there and everyone just wanted to do their little time and get it over with.

Then you have your guards that are nothing but key turners, that are smartasses. These type of guards I like to refer to as acopwannabe, translated, a cop want to be. For some reason they didnt make it as a cop, but they still have that ego maniac side that is inherit in all cops. The guards that act like that would do well to remember that the inmate they are messing with is going to get out someday, and for some of those guys, picking up a gun isn't a far strech for why they are there in the first place. I know this local cop here in town that is hated so much by the younger people that they would put sugar in his gas tank of his personal car, they would catch him gone in walmart in the cop car and open a can of sardines and put it in the grill work. Then you have those women CO's. You give a woman a little bit of power over a man, and she will start strutting around like a bantam rooster. Some of them can get pretty smartass.


Thanks,

Jeff

. Then you have those women CO's. You give a woman a little bit of power over a man, and she will start strutting around like a bantam rooster. Some of them can get pretty smartass.
Thanks,
Jeff

Sad enough where my man is now there is a female Sgt. that is horrible. I could only wish that one day it will all catch up with her and she will be in a position with a superior that treats her just like she treats the inmates. :angry:

I just wish the co's I'm dealing with would follow policy and maybe even their gut instinct sometimes.

Sounds like you are dealing with some like we are. I don't vent to my man about it because he is the one that has to "try" and deal with this particular one and also her "homegirl" as he put it. That still cracks me up thinking about some girl "wanting to be" just like the Sgt. Maybe when she grows up she can be just like her.....and I pray to God my man won't be having to deal with her too.

Yeah some of you guards are O.K. people. You are just trying to make your 8 hours and make a living. When I was in Shelby County Jail for 4 months, we had a triple wide mobile home, air conditioned, reral showers and toilets, a colored TV,, no cable, and the modular home was about 36 X 80. It has 50 bunks, double stacked. It was the dorm for misdemeanors and possession felonies. At any given one time there was only about 35 people in the place, because of the kitchen workers, garage and paper crew. The guards had a desk and a chair up front, that he/she would sit and read, they didnt mess with anyone. Hell they even came back and played cards with us and watched tv. They treated you like people. No one acted up because we knew how good we had it there and everyone just wanted to do their little time and get it over with.

Then you have your guards that are nothing but key turners, that are smartasses. These type of guards I like to refer to as acopwannabe, translated, a cop want to be. For some reason they didnt make it as a cop, but they still have that ego maniac side that is inherit in all cops. The guards that act like that would do well to remember that the inmate they are messing with is going to get out someday, and for some of those guys, picking up a gun isn't a far strech for why they are there in the first place. I know this local cop here in town that is hated so much by the younger people that they would put sugar in his gas tank of his personal car, they would catch him gone in walmart in the cop car and open a can of sardines and put it in the grill work. Then you have those women CO's. You give a woman a little bit of power over a man, and she will start strutting around like a bantam rooster. Some of them can get pretty smartass.


Thanks,

Jeff
Females sometimes have to be tough to survive and succeed in what is basically a man's job. They care more about their fellow male officers opinion than anyone else. And females as a rule DO get treated worse many times more than an inmate. I.e., I had called my count in. The MALE officer in the clinic told the Captain he had one of my inmates. Was he told to check...no, but they sure called ME to say I was off. Then this male officer has the audacity to radio me for all to hear and say this one inmate was there. I took extreme pleasure is responding with *be advised... I am standing in front of that inmate is his cell.*

And those who were or want to be cops do not like Corrections and rarely will work in a prison.

Yeah some of you guards are O.K. people. You are just trying to make your 8 hours and make a living. When I was in Shelby County Jail for 4 months, we had a triple wide mobile home, air conditioned, reral showers and toilets, a colored TV,, no cable, and the modular home was about 36 X 80. It has 50 bunks, double stacked. It was the dorm for misdemeanors and possession felonies. At any given one time there was only about 35 people in the place, because of the kitchen workers, garage and paper crew. The guards had a desk and a chair up front, that he/she would sit and read, they didnt mess with anyone. Hell they even came back and played cards with us and watched tv. They treated you like people. No one acted up because we knew how good we had it there and everyone just wanted to do their little time and get it over with.

Then you have your guards that are nothing but key turners, that are smartasses. These type of guards I like to refer to as acopwannabe, translated, a cop want to be. For some reason they didnt make it as a cop, but they still have that ego maniac side that is inherit in all cops. The guards that act like that would do well to remember that the inmate they are messing with is going to get out someday, and for some of those guys, picking up a gun isn't a far strech for why they are there in the first place. I know this local cop here in town that is hated so much by the younger people that they would put sugar in his gas tank of his personal car, they would catch him gone in walmart in the cop car and open a can of sardines and put it in the grill work. Then you have those women CO's. You give a woman a little bit of power over a man, and she will start strutting around like a bantam rooster. Some of them can get pretty smartass.


Thanks,

Jeff
Females sometimes have to be tough to survive and succeed in what is basically a man's job. They care more about their fellow male officers opinion than anyone else. And females as a rule DO get treated worse many times more than an inmate. I.e., I had called my count in. The MALE officer in the clinic told the Captain he had one of my inmates. Was he told to check...no, but they sure called ME to say I was off. Then this male officer has the audacity to radio me for all to hear and say this one inmate was there. I took extreme pleasure is responding with *be advised... I am standing in front of that inmate is his cell.*

And those who were or want to be cops do not like Corrections and rarely will work in a prison.

Im an officer,and I like to play jokes on my inmates. On halloween night,I told this imate that if he didn't put his hair in a pony tail that I would give him a ticket for disobaying an order. Alittle later,I went up to him and said."ok" thats it,give me your ID,because your on report. He got real mad at me calling me names and all that. I waited about a minute and then told one of his friends to give him his ID back,and tell him trick or treat happy halloween.

Sorry, Tom. I have to agree with the others here on that. Where I work, they can go to the Disciplinary Segregation Unit for disrespecting an officer by calling him or her names. The rationale is that others may start up a sitution that turns into a riot. It is good that you did not do that part of it.

I made an inmate a butt of a joke once. He was seething. He went to his cell. He came back when I was alone. He said,"If I did that to you, I would have gone to the hole." I apologized to him then and again when the others were around. I felt like a "rapo." I forgot where I was and who I was talking to. Inmates forget that also. Because of my experience, I choose not to react to being the butt of a joke, unless it crosses a line. Even then, I will react by warning the inmate in private. The warning, then, is meant to protect, not punish the inmate. And, another thing, if you seem TOO friendly, it gives that inmate a "snitch jacket."

Please don't take this as a reprimand, but, rather, as a suggestion.

Females sometimes have to be tough to survive and succeed in what is basically a man's job. They care more about their fellow male officers opinion than anyone else. And females as a rule DO get treated worse many times more than an inmate. I.e., I had called my count in. The MALE officer in the clinic told the Captain he had one of my inmates. Was he told to check...no, but they sure called ME to say I was off. Then this male officer has the audacity to radio me for all to hear and say this one inmate was there. I took extreme pleasure is responding with *be advised... I am standing in front of that inmate is his cell.*

And those who were or want to be cops do not like Corrections and rarely will work in a prison.

Ex-cops make the worst correctional officers. Give me a woman that worked as a waitress or a bartender. They can not only listen, they can listen to two conversations at the same time while writing. I saw one at work and she could tell a guy to go to hell and make him look forward to the trip. I saw her bounce a customer without missing a beat. I told her she should put in an application. She was about five foot tall and 100 pounds soaking wet. Too bad she did not write well. I would have rather had her backing me than a 6'3, 220 pound man.

To hear of a CO apologizing to an inmate when it's called for- what a wonderful thing!

you know what i think that it should be okay for co's to play jokes on the inmates. i mean why the hell not help them pass their time a little bit. just goes to show that you have a built a trust with the inmates and i am sure this inmates probably have more of a chance at succeeding then those who are unable to build a trust with the co's. i think maybe it has alot to do with the authority and being able to see them as a person and not a person in power. so way to go for you for being able to build that bond with the inmates keep it up. and hey why don't you move to utah!

Last Christmas eve night inmates thought I was playing a joke on them. It was about 90 minutes before lockdown and I suggested decorating a small tree outside the housing unit. I said, "come on guys, let's decorate this tree." They all hung back so I picked up a BB cap, that had been sitting on a wall all shift, and I put it on top of the tree. A few minutes later someone brought some TP and started to drape it then, slowly another brought a chip bag turned inside out and hung it and it glittered. Then it snowballed and guys were bringing some home made stuff to hang and there were groups just standing enjoying our tree. As the call went out for lock down, these guys who thought they would get a write up for littering, were hollering across the yard, " did you see our tree?" Staff left it alone and it was still decorated the next day, Christmas.

awww...sniffle...that's sweet

I had the pleasure of working the female facility and decorating for Christmas was a big deal. They even had a contest on who decorated their unit the best! The ladies were feeling rather low on mine as to how to decorate. I called the kitchen and got rolls of butcher paper. We covered every locker with a piece and then drew or taped Christmassy things to the paper. The lockers could be personalized as well. It was fun, and since I love to draw as well, enjoyed by all. And...we won first place!

We also won the next year. I worked a minimum unit this time. We covered the entrance with hundreds of pine branches. Then made a path to our living room area which we decorated and called it *To Grandma's house we go*. The women were allowed such fun things. What a shame when they transferred them and we had all men. Things like that came to a screeching halt.

I agree, Majority of the guards are power tripping pieces of crap. Because one person acts up on them they go around and treat everyone like kids.....they create hate and discontent and waste our tax $$$$$$$$

What kind of person would take joy out of making other miserable. The guys are already incarcerated, why make it worse. That is some weird entertainment for them. They are like Barney Fife with one bullet in his pocket. (remember the Andy Griffith show??)

I agree, Majority of the guards are power tripping pieces of crap. Because one person acts up on them they go around and treat everyone like kids.....they create hate and discontent and waste our tax $$$$$$$$

I am surprised. I worked for NE for a short time and found the majority to be timid, lawsuitphobic, and not well trained. I had their trainers asking my husband and I to help with classes when we had to attend, I thought the idea of this thread was more fun stories not C O bashing.

I have to say that the guards where my sweet patootie is are pretty darn ok and appear to be human and have a sense of humor as well. BUT..if you break the rules, you can believe they are on you in a heart beat. I suppose your attitude and how you act and follow the rules during visits has a lot to do with how you might be treated....When we visit, we laugh a lot and smile and have a great time...it has to make the guards feel it too don't ya think ????

Oh leave Tom alone. As long as the inmate gets to curse him without getting wrote up--let em play. If we had COs like that my fiance would breeze through this last 18 months. As long as they know that they can screw with each other wouldnt it be like the outside world?? :) Simple things like picking and playing around with each other would make their time go by smoother than being scared to death of the COs who would drowned if it rained!!!!!

we're not all that bad...

I totally agree with Tears in Texas! My wife hates when one of the CO's in her unit comes over to our visitation table during our weekly two hour visit and acts like they are a part of the family. My wife is tiny! 4'11" weighs barley 100 LBS. A couple of weeks ago I came with my daughter, her step-daughter and the good ole boy CO wandered over to our table making jokes about our daughter being taller than her step-mom. She said, "Why is she taller than you?" I was thinking, "Go away, please!" First of all we are so limited on time that we cherish every second we have coming to us during our visits. Secondly, there is a level of professionalism expected from these people. I am not there to make friends with CO's or to make small talk with them either. I am there to see my wife and would much prefer them keeping their conversations with me on a professional level. "How's your Mom & them?" It just doesn't work for me!

Haha thats awesome!! I'm glad there are nice ones out there, unfortunately I've heard more bad then good.. =(

THE GURADS IN NORCO ARE ALSO VERY NICE... MY FIRST TIME THE OFFICER GAVE ME A TOUR OF THE VISITING ROO. HE ALSO GOT ME THE RULES OOF VISTATION FOR THE PRISON AND EVERTIME WE GO WE HAVE A LITTLE CONVERSATON... AND THE GUARDS INSIDE TOO.. THERES ONLY ONE THAT IS MEAN... HE PICKS ON HIM.... BUT OTHER THAN THAT ONE THEY ARE VERY NICE...

I have only managed to get two visits with my hubby. He is currently in san quentin ca (reception)
The second visit I got I was able to bring my son (16)
One of the guards was sorta making a joke to him, (son) about his state id card. He was about 9 or so when it was issued, and his photo looks not alot like he looks now. He, the guard, was nice enough to explain to son, that about a yr from that day, he should get an approval form for adult visits so he would be able to visit as soon as he turned 18.
I thought that bit of info was nice. they were very kind to us on that visit.

I totally agree with Tears in Texas! My wife hates when one of the CO's in her unit comes over to our visitation table during our weekly two hour visit and acts like they are a part of the family. My wife is tiny! 4'11" weighs barley 100 LBS. A couple of weeks ago I came with my daughter, her step-daughter and the good ole boy CO wandered over to our table making jokes about our daughter being taller than her step-mom. She said, "Why is she taller than you?" I was thinking, "Go away, please!" First of all we are so limited on time that we cherish every second we have coming to us during our visits. Secondly, there is a level of professionalism expected from these people. I am not there to make friends with CO's or to make small talk with them either. I am there to see my wife and would much prefer them keeping their conversations with me on a professional level. "How's your Mom & them?" It just doesn't work for me!

This is why a lot of us C/Os tend to have a frosty attitude towards the public. We do our jobs without much small talk or pleasantries because next we know, we are in the supervisors office explaining why a visitor is complaining about how we are all up in their business. That is why I generally don't initiate small talk. If a visitor says hi, I say hi back. If a child wants me to give him a high five, I give him one, but I let the visitors initiate the rapport.

I think people forget CO's are humans too. They have families, feelings and problems just like everyone else. They have a job to do and you are seeing them at their job. Not in 100 % cases, but we get the respect back we give out.Sroloff, people complain because they don't talk, People complain when they do. I look at people as individuals not the uniform they wear. We all have a job to do. Any prison I have visited, I have never had a problem, I follow the rules to the letter and I speak to everyone.

I meant to add this about visits. While I think it would be tolerable for a C/O to pass by your table and say "Hi. How are you doing?", I don't think a C/O should grab a chair and join in either.