View Full Version : Why would you marry an Inmate?


malosgrrl17
12-04-2009, 01:53 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?


When Malo was an inmate he asked me to marry him. And I happy/sad just mix emotions going through my head. I had to answer myself the questions above why now:confused:Was this his way of making sure I would wait for him... so many thing happening and in less then a second.

However, I gave him a YES but it would after he was release and being able to maintain his freedom and a job. The last thing I needed was to continue supporting him after his release. I need a lifetime partner/ to listen, help me, hold me, and to grow old together... I did not know if we were doing it for the same reason.
He is a free and we never married. After his release something happen dont know what but our lifestyles changed and we broke up.... we are now friends and we are both happy because we waited

Lorraine
12-04-2009, 02:06 PM
I married him cuz I love him and because there's no time like the present IMO :thumbsup:

Ravenslove
12-04-2009, 02:12 PM
Couple of reasons here. First and foremost is I love him and he loves me.
My husband is old law in Ohio so he has to see the parole board. We were going to get married anyways we just moved it up because it looks good to the board. Also because of our circumstances the only way we would ever be given visits is to be married. Even then is was another 7 month fight.

niffer19
12-04-2009, 03:13 PM
My boyfriend proposed to me about a week ago and I said yes. We will not be getting married until he is out, just because he has such a short time...only about 9 more months. I would have said yes whether he was locked up or not. I don't see anything wrong with people getting married while their better half is locked up...why put off the inevitable? I just know that I want to wait because I want a romantic wedding, not big but intimate with our personal touches. And WE have to be in good financial standings before marriage happens.

BlueEyedEllie
12-04-2009, 03:26 PM
marriage did not happen before he went to prison because i didn't know him then. he has asked me many times to marry him but my answer is always the same. I tell him not till he's out,working etc etc. I don't think words in a letter are a good enough foundation for a lifetime marriage. this is just my opinion,though. whatever makes others happy i wish them all the best!!!

rodeointx
12-04-2009, 05:44 PM
marriage did not happen before he went to prison because i didn't know him then. he has asked me many times to marry him but my answer is always the same. I tell him not till he's out,working etc etc. I don't think words in a letter are a good enough foundation for a lifetime marriage. this is just my opinion,though. whatever makes others happy i wish them all the best!!!
beth that was very well said. along time ago when i first met my husband he was in prison back in the days of our mwi. we had already fell in love and openly admitted it. we did not want to get married behind bars because to us there was no purpose we would spend our wedding night alone and we had never experienced life with each other in the free world. there just was not enough foundation on the papers we had written for many years to warrant spending our life together. we married when he came home and this new years eve we will have been married 7 yrs.

Lovelasts
12-04-2009, 09:42 PM
Man here! First, I didn't know her until she wrote me from prison. She accepts me for just me, which to this day still blows me away! We have many things in common and we got to know each other through letters, phone calls, cards. There is no financial gain at all in marrying her, she's a Lifer and I'll be one proud, happy Lifer's Husband! Everything I've wanted, I found in her and she's all my heart desires and I made a promise to myself, I would never remarry!

When I fell in love with her and realized it is "true love" it feels so good it hurts and still does!

And every morning when I wake up, I fall in love with her all over again and I never want that to end. We make each other happy and I'm smiling every single day and alive because of her!

Nothing in life is easy, we'll never have a conjugal visit unless NV allows them, we have more than that though, the connection we have through letters and phone calls is deep, passionate and intense and we have our Sunday dates and I can't wait!

Love happens everywhere, even in prison, I thought we would just be penpals, we both said, "I love you!" at the same time and we both could hear each other's smiles through the phones.

Now that is love!

elite girl
12-04-2009, 10:41 PM
My boyfriend proposed to me about a week ago and I said yes. We will not be getting married until he is out, just because he has such a short time...only about 9 more months. I would have said yes whether he was locked up or not. I don't see anything wrong with people getting married while their better half is locked up...why put off the inevitable? I just know that I want to wait because I want a romantic wedding, not big but intimate with our personal touches. And WE have to be in good financial standings before marriage happens.

My man will be home in 5 months and he asked me to marry him and I said yes, but I am so sad because I wish he was home to plan this stuff with me!!!! I know 5 months is not long and I dont want to sound selfish, but I really miss him and he has already been gone 4 months. I just want to know, is it hard for you??? Do you still cry???? Do you think that 5 months is such a short time that I shouldnt really complain????

chelseagreg1427
12-04-2009, 10:44 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?




im just going to make this simple and answer your questions.

1. because although we know we want to be married, it had not happened yet(we had been together 1.5 years before) because it just hadn't lol. we aren't in any rush and he needs to prove himself.

2. we are not getting married in prison and we wouldnt. not for security reasons, not for him, not for me.. not until he gets home, gets back to helping support us and proves himself.

3. exactly.. what is the rush?(a LONG LONG sentence i would think twice about). there is no way i want to get married in a prison and neither does he.

there we go, my opinion and answers :shrug:

jeffsbaby
12-04-2009, 10:48 PM
Very simple for me he has life!!!!!!

cblueiis
12-04-2009, 10:54 PM
I believe on this subject we each may have differing views......I am not married to my inmate although we were together almost a year before he went in.....I would want to wait until he is out just because I don't wanna go through all the bs involved in getting married to an inmate but I can see reasons people do and not everyone breaks up once they are out........it depends on the 2 people involved...he and I have both been married twice but if someone wanted to go for it then they should......

akaptrosa
12-05-2009, 01:37 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

He got locked up 3 weeks before our wedding date. It just wasn't GOD's plan for us to marry that day.

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

I guess both, if you want to put it that way. We aren't doing it for a security purpose. We are doing it to show our love to each other, GOD and the world.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

Why wait? Tomorrow is NEVER promised. There is no rush, if there was it would have been done already.

I can only speak for myself, but honestly I'm THRILLED I'm having a prison wedding, instead of my planned beach wedding for several reasons.

1. We are getting a lot more counseling before we marry.

2. He's in a different state and the regualtions are easier.

3. I don't have to worry about rain now. lol.

4. I don't have to have a witness. It's just going to be the minister, him and I. I know most people want guests, but I do not. I do not want any distractions. I believe a wedding is a time of two heart/souls joining together by GOD. Fixing outfits, people coughing, comments people make are distractions when the couple needs to be focusing on the union of their souls. I want to be in prayer and meditation before my wedding, not distracted by others, so us alone in a room is my ideal wedding.

I don't know if this is straying away from the topic, but I think most people view prison marriages more as civil unions than a religous ceremony, which is not always the case. I know we are having a religous ceremony. They won't even do the civil thing where he's located... they tell you...wait til you can go to the courthouse if that's why you want to do.

To sum it all up, I could never put it into words all the reasons why I want to marry my inmate. People may see him as an inmate, but I see him as my soulmate. :love2:

MikesWifey
12-05-2009, 02:12 PM
To sum it all up, I could never put it into words all the reasons why I want to marry my inmate. People may see him as an inmate, but I see him as my soulmate. :love2:


this statement right here sums it up for me period. We cant right now cause there are no ceremonies performed at his prison anymore but we have intentions to do it before he comes home, when his security level is dropped at some point and he is sent to another prison ( hopefully one that performs the ceremony) I have told him how important it is for me for us to start his homecoming off right and to me getting married first is the right step and one that we have wanted for a long time now.

That man is my soulmate and best friend and there is nothing I want more that to marry him (except his release of course ), I'd marry him butt naked in a pig pen if I had to so a prison marriage means absolutely NOTHING to me. the wedding doesnt mean as much to me as the fact that I will be his "wife":p **** Sighs**** I love that man

Daywalker
12-05-2009, 02:36 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?


When Malo was an inmate he asked me to marry him. And I happy/sad just mix emotions going through my head. I had to answer myself the questions above why now:confused:Was this his way of making sure I would wait for him... so many thing happening and in less then a second.

However, I gave him a YES but it would after he was release and being able to maintain his freedom and a job. The last thing I needed was to continue supporting him after his release. I need a lifetime partner/ to listen, help me, hold me, and to grow old together... I did not know if we were doing it for the same reason.
He is a free and we never married. After his release something happen dont know what but our lifestyles changed and we broke up.... we are now friends and we are both happy because we waited

In our case, we were planning a wedding, but the state of TX had other plans for him. Since we were already planning it, he asked if I would go ahead and marry him while he was in, and I said yes. I've never been fond of TX and saw no reason to let that state interfere with us marrying each other. And actually, they made it quite easy, because they allow proxy marriage.

We married for love, and no other reason. We had our own security, we didn't need each other for that. In fact, we didn't need each other for anything, we wanted to be together, and we are in love with each other, so it made sense for us to marry.

We didn't wait, because we didn't want to. At our ages, having been married before, we weren't in that whole romantic nonsense stage of what marriage is. We saw marriage the same way, a celebration and union of two souls in love, and we didn't want to wait. Whether he was in or out, that man wasn't going to love me any more or less, and I wasn't going to love him any more or less, so we married.

However, marrying someone because you think that is going to keep them faithful, or because they are your "security" blanket, or back up plan or place to release to, are some really crappy reasons for getting married. That piece of paper is not going to stop a cheating heart from being adulterous, it's not going to grant you security, or a roof over your head. There are alot of people who marry for all the wrong reasons and none of the right ones. I don't happen to think that being an inmate will or should influence one's commitment to their partner or commitment to their vows.

kybluebird
12-05-2009, 06:05 PM
this statement right here sums it up for me period. We cant right now cause there are no ceremonies performed at his prison anymore but we have intentions to do it before he comes home, when his security level is dropped at some point and he is sent to another prison ( hopefully one that performs the ceremony) I have told him how important it is for me for us to start his homecoming off right and to me getting married first is the right step and one that we have wanted for a long time now.

That man is my soulmate and best friend and there is nothing I want more that to marry him (except his release of course ), I'd marry him butt naked in a pig pen if I had to so a prison marriage means absolutely NOTHING to me. the wedding doesnt mean as much to me as the fact that I will be his "wife":p **** Sighs**** I love that man
That pretty much sums it up for me, too.....I would marry the love of my life on the streets or anywhere...being his wife and him being my husband for life is all that matters...the sooner the better.

only1love
12-05-2009, 09:31 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

This was round # 2 for us and I took my time. Then I moved to his ocean once I agreed for the 2nd time to marry him. I arrived in May of 2007.
The wedding was scheduled for October 7, 2007. He got arrested September 22, 2007! So that is why we did not get married before he was arrested.
Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

Neither one. We are not getting married in prison.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

There is no rush. After all that has happened, and how it all happened, there is no hurry whatsoever! We will need to see what life is like once he gets out.


When Malo was an inmate he asked me to marry him. And I happy/sad just mix emotions going through my head. I had to answer myself the questions above why now:confused:Was this his way of making sure I would wait for him... so many thing happening and in less then a second.

However, I gave him a YES but it would after he was release and being able to maintain his freedom and a job. The last thing I needed was to continue supporting him after his release. I need a lifetime partner/ to listen, help me, hold me, and to grow old together... I did not know if we were doing it for the same reason.
He is a free and we never married. After his release something happen dont know what but our lifestyles changed and we broke up.... we are now friends and we are both happy because we waited

We are not MWI, however, I can't imagine that he will be the same person I knew before this nightmare. I expect that it will take some time to repair himself and the enormous collateral damage that this has caused.

DustysGirl
12-06-2009, 12:31 AM
What Daywalker said, ditto!

Cx2
12-06-2009, 02:12 AM
Wow what a great question that at one time i asked myself of people who get married whom met over the internet and live in other states to me it is the same.

i guess when you finally feel that once in a life time true love there is so many other things that you no longer need.. What i mean is with my Husband with him we connect so much on EVERY level that i am cool with just having him. when you finally get your soulmate your content, happy at peace and that seems to be all that you need.. with love from a distance to a degree you appreciate eachother more than if they were home all the time, every moment is precious and i think that must add to the fact that incarcerated marriages last longer than convential marriages, that is true, they did a study on it, prison marriages have a significantly lower amount of divorces.

i wanna say we communicate more intimatly,you actually listen to your partner you feed off there needs emotionally and vise versa and it seems to work well..You can wait but for what? marriage is uniting two people together that love one another that is supposed to be the core reason for marriage "love" not all the rest. Some people need more than other do so this would not work for them. But it is all about love, love is not selfish, love is not needy at least IMO.

ohsweetmaryjane
12-06-2009, 08:26 AM
I am new to this site and have learned sooooo much since coming here! I never even heard the term "met while incarcerated" and I don't think I ever even thought about someone CHOOSING to get married in jail or CHOOSING to be in a relationship with a lifer or someone on death row. I guess I used to think that that when someone got that kind of a sentence, their partner most likely "moved on" eventually....

Anyway, since coming to this site I have wondered the answers to the same exact questions. I personally cannot imagine marrying someone while they were locked up and for me could only imagine doing it if they were in for a LONG time and we were doing it for some reason like getting conjugal visits or getting a home plan approved.

But after coming to this site, I think I understand a lot more why people get married while their loved one is incarcerated....because a lot of people on this site seem like they truly feel that they have found their soulmate and that nothing will ever change the fact that they are meant to be together forever. Its actually really inspiring to me.

$Mrs.Chavez$
12-06-2009, 08:32 AM
Okay just cause hes an inmate doesnt mean he isnt a NO BODY!!! yeah hes an inmate but hes also human! the reason me and my man didn't decided to get married sooner cause we were only dating for a while and wasn't in-love until we fell in-love...than the trouble came i was going to leave him until i saw if he wasn't in jail...i wouldn't have let him we would still be happy...so i stayed!!! now were planning our wedding...once he gets out in sept! i'll be there still by his side than around April will plan our sweet weeding

reidsbaby
12-06-2009, 11:23 AM
That man is my soulmate and best friend and there is nothing I want more that to marry him (except his release of course ), I'd marry him butt naked in a pig pen if I had to so a prison marriage means absolutely NOTHING to me. the wedding doesnt mean as much to me as the fact that I will be his "wife":p **** Sighs**** I love that man


I agree COMPLETELY !!!! We got married in 2004 in prison, and I wouldn't change it for the world. We actually had a "double" wedding and had some time to visit afterwards. Then the other "bride" and I went out for lunch together and celebrated. The JOP made the ceremony "personal" she really did a beautiful job (we could have had 2 guests but didn't find that out until afterwards) so our witnesses were 2 of the guards ( one was a really nice female guard~guess she ASKED if she could be there ~ she joked later that was to make sure we BOTH said "I do" and didn't back out..lol like that would have happened) granted we're doing round 2 but I still wouldn't change it one bit.

Frankie'sBrat
12-06-2009, 04:27 PM
Lovelasts; very nicely put. My fiance is in prison and we started out as pen pals. On our first phone call it just felt so natural to say I love you. This man has made me happier in the past few months than my ex husband did in four years. So hell yeah I would marry him wether it be in jail, in a cardboard box or on the corner. He is my life as well as I am his. He runs my household from jail and I'm perfectly ok with that, he helps me with the budget for the house and if the kids want permission to go somewhere they know they can't only ask mommy they have to ask him also. That's the way of life and we each have our own opinions about everything. I'm happy and yes its hard not having him here and we have a little bit less than 20 years left to go. Another thing is I don't need a piece of paper saying he is my husband because that's how we feel already MARRIED.

june5
12-06-2009, 04:29 PM
I married him in prison because they won't let him out yet and wouldn't give him a day pass to get married on the beach, so that pretty much sealed up my choice of locale.

Why I chose to marry him--the same reason (hopefully) anyone would choose to get married--we love each other more than anything and want to spend the rest of our lives together.

Why not wait--because I love him *now* how he is--I wouldn't be dating someone *anywhere* on a 'he's gotta prove himself' or what have you, *especially* on a prison sentence...that's a lot years to mess around on a 'wait and see.' If that were the case, I wouldn't be with him at all, let alone married.

I was very lucky to find the love of my life, someone I can accept and love exactly how they are; I married him exactly how he is and where he is currently. I can't wait till he's out, but it has no bearing on how I feel about him now. I would have married that man under a rock, let alone a prison.

BonnieandClyde*
12-06-2009, 06:05 PM
Why should I wait to be called his wife? Why should I wait to deny my love for him and his love for me? Am I going to love him any different cause he's out than when he was in? Though DOC got his body, I have his heart and soul! We were going to get married next year anyways, so why not? Some people try to look down on prison marriage, but why? Your church wedding is no more better than my prison wedding, as long as God is hearing the vows I am vowing, I don't care if I am in a shack out across the field in the middle of no where. I been stop caring what people think about him, me, or our prison wedding. If you love that person, I mean without a doubt, I see no reason of waiting.:thumbsup:

Hold your head up ladies, there is nothing to be ashamed of!

Good topic though!!!:)

MrsCetina
12-07-2009, 12:42 AM
We were planning to have a big wedding next year, but one day I just thought to myself "f*** all of this, i want to marry him now". So we got married in county.

Mitch67
12-08-2009, 10:44 AM
I would marry him because I love him - no more no less.

Life isn't as black and white as your original thread suggests and I for one am happy about that because if everything was so cut and dry God wouldn't life be boring?

Miss Superwoman
12-08-2009, 11:23 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate? Because life just did not work out that way.

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his? There is no security when your mate is a inmate.Hell SCDC would not even allow him to come home for his mother's funeral.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?There was no rush we had been together for year planning the BIG wedding and all but life had other plans.Life is short and I love him now and being his wife is all that matters not a cake or a dress. This does not work for everyone and each person has to do what works for them and this works for us. We are happy and our relationship is stronger and better for it.

PTO-79211
12-08-2009, 11:23 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

The marriage didnt happen before he was locked up because we are MWI...so I didnt know him. If I had...I probably wouldnt have married him...he was not the same person he is now. He has grown a lot.

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?
Neither, we love one another and want to spend our lives together. I am secure with him as he is with me...it has nothing to do with security


Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?
For us...since he was arrested in another county, we need to have him do a parole transfer to my county and it makes it much easier to have that approved if we are married. Its a long process. Also...my grandmother wanted to see us be married before she passed away. Her health is not the best and it was very important to us and to her.

For me personally...the "ideal" thing would have been to wait until he came home and have our wedding...but if we are talking about "ideal" things...than "ideally" I would want him home now...but God put us on a different path...and that is just fine with me :o

malosgrrl17
12-08-2009, 11:29 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

The marriage didnt happen before he was locked up because we are MWI...so I didnt know him. If I had...I probably wouldnt have married him...he was not the same person he is now. He has grown a lot.

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?
Neither, we love one another and want to spend our lives together. I am secure with him as he is with me...it has nothing to do with security


Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?
For us...since he was arrested in another county, we need to have him do a parole transfer to my county and it makes it much easier to have that approved if we are married. Its a long process. Also...my grandmother wanted to see us be married before she passed away. Her health is not the best and it was very important to us and to her.

For me personally...the "ideal" thing would have been to wait until he came home and have our wedding...but if we are talking about "ideal" things...than "ideally" I would want him home now...but God put us on a different path...and that is just fine with me :o

Sorry, to hear about your grandma.. I will have her in my prayers..

PTO-79211
12-08-2009, 11:30 AM
Thank you so much sweetie. :grouphug:



Sorry, to hear about your grandma.. I will have her in my prayers..

MOEZ GIRL
12-12-2009, 01:45 PM
i would marry him .because i love him with all my heart. and i know he is my soulmate. i have been by his side the whole time. and i said i would never wait on any1. but he is the 1 i have been lookin 4 my whole life.

Manuela
01-05-2010, 07:15 PM
Well I'm a 17 years old gurl turning 18 in April with a baby boy.. My baby father got locked up right when the baby was only 4 weeks old now he about to turn 2 years old. The Love of my life is in prison for 18 to life and be4 he got locked up he ask me to marry him but i said no cause i don't believe in marriage.. The day he got arrest we had a booth visit at night time so that day he ask me again and i said yes because he the love of my life and i will always have his back no matter what.. I'm asking any1 that have an inmates in ATTICA CORRECTIONAL HOW IS THE MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY TRAILER THERE BECAUSE I WANT TO GET MARRY THERE? I GO UP THERE FOR A VISIT AND IM GOING THE END OF THIS MONTH BECAUSE HE BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP... LOVE MARGIE

pisces317
01-05-2010, 08:23 PM
why not? there some good guys behind those walls worthy of being good husbands as well as providers,i would've married my xx in a hearts beat ,but unfortunely he was'nt worthy and so i left the whole prison thingy,as i see it falling in love with a inmate is no different from falling for one out here if he's worthy he is and if he's not then you have to keep a open mind that one day soon you will,but men in prison are the same guys that are out here and went to prison

LovedByAnInmate
01-06-2010, 09:45 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

First marriage didn't happen before he got locked up because him getting locked up was the last thing on our mind. & we planned on doing it our 3rd anniversary!

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

I married him cause he's the love of my life as I am his. & I can't ever imagine myself with anybody but him. I made up my mind along time ago & we just finalized it when he got locked up. We already plan on spending the rest of our life together & doing it by proxy wasn't something I ever imagined, but hey i'm married to the love of my life & i'm perfectly happy where we are in life this is just a bump in our road it aint forever it's for the mean time!

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

Why wait if you already have your mind set that you wanna spend the rest of the life with that person. I mean if you have any doubt in your mind in any way that you don't wanna marry that person & your questioning yourself about it. Why even wanna marry that person?! I have no doubts ever in my mind he's the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with. & it doesn't matter if we waited or didn't wait (which we did'nt wait) We wanna be together cause we love each other.

DianeDavis
01-06-2010, 09:54 PM
However, I gave him a YES but it would after he was release and being able to maintain his freedom and a job. The last thing I needed was to continue supporting him after his release. I need a lifetime partner/ to listen, help me, hold me, and to grow old together...

I've been with my man 4.5 years & he has been locked up 4 months now. He has been asking me to marry him for the last 2 years before he got in trouble, but I told him not till he got his act together & look where he's at now.

I still have not given up on him though, but he knows that there is no way I will marry him till he:
#1. Gets out & stays out of trouble.
#2. Gets a job & maintains it.
#3. Learns to make better choices other than the ones that got him in trouble to begin with.

In my opinoin, if you weren't married before he went in, you must of had a reason for it.

kspag
01-06-2010, 10:15 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate? 'Cause we are both still legally married to our exes unfortunately divorces are expensive in FL

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?
Umm I would have to say neither. I will marry him because I love him.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?
My man may not get out until 2039. We met in 2000, had an affair, broke it off because of his child with his wife even though we were in love, then we reconnected two years ago after he separated and i separated from my husband. Besides the crap we've been through just in the last year. I love him and want his last name and all the good things that come along with marrying the one you love. :)

Great Questions!

dewayneswife
01-06-2010, 10:41 PM
I married my husband in prison and I wouldn't change it any other way he is my soulmate and my life and I love him with my whole heart. He is Bibb County Corrections and he has 3 years left and he is worth the wait

DianeDavis
01-07-2010, 12:40 AM
i would marry him .because i love him with all my heart. and i know he is my soulmate. i have been by his side the whole time. and i said i would never wait on any1. but he is the 1 i have been lookin 4 my whole life.

Congratulations on your guy coming home next month!!!!:clap:....must be pretty exciting I'm sure.

Ky901
10-07-2010, 11:25 PM
beth that was very well said. along time ago when i first met my husband he was in prison back in the days of our mwi. we had already fell in love and openly admitted it. we did not want to get married behind bars because to us there was no purpose we would spend our wedding night alone and we had never experienced life with each other in the free world. there just was not enough foundation on the papers we had written for many years to warrant spending our life together. we married when he came home and this new years eve we will have been married 7 yrs.

Very beautiful! story.

Lost2/25/10
10-08-2010, 10:16 AM
I will not marry my inmate why he is in prison... he tryed before he went but I have to make sure I'm ready and even know I know this is my soulmate, I'm scared of marriage. He said something on our visit about it again and I told him who needs apiece of paper I already swear to god that I love him and always will isn't that enough. He said no so I tryed how about I just get your name tatoo on me. That was a no too.He knows with me marriage is forever and a tatoo can alway be covered up or removed and he wants forever. So when he gets out I told him I would try to do the whole marriage thing but done get mad if I freak out and run. LOL I wouldn't but I just need to know when we say til death do us part it is til death do us part and I will kill him if he ever trys to leave..... Just saying

ebfisherculp60
10-08-2010, 10:27 AM
Although we are not married yet, I cant wait until the day I become his wife. He will still be in prison and there is no telling if he will be home soon or not, but regardless I asked God to send me someone with only one specific aspect that they had to meet. God sent me him and I cant take time question how or why. We meet under these circumctances for a reason, a reason that nor him or I know at this moment. But, I dont care...I love him unconditionally and he loves me just the same..maybe more than I love myself and I couldnt see my life being spent with anyone else. I have tried, but no other guy is like my guy!!

~If it's Gods will, it will be His way~

TyronesWife
10-08-2010, 01:19 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

I didn't know him then

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

I want to marry him because I love him. Security is the last thing on my mind.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

Because he's serving 25 - life. If we waited for his release, there's a possibility it would never happen.

Inhishands
10-08-2010, 01:48 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

We were both married to other people then

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

I would marry him because I love HIM; his location, his crime or his time will never change that.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

My Man is not getting out he is LWOP, and why wait People wait all the time til they think the timing is perfect sometimes you can wait to long and what if something happened to that one you love while you were waiting for the perfect moment. Life is too short, we must enjoy every hapiness we can people are taken too quickly from our lives anyway. Make the most of it.

cjSweetwater
10-08-2010, 07:27 PM
I didn't marry an inmate, I married a man. I knew him from before he got involved with what brought him to his current situation. We got married after the trial. I knew what I was getting into. He may not ever come home, but we love each other very much. I think that love is an act of courage and when you find that certain special person you should grab that brass ring and hold on for the ride of your life!

Temeron0926
10-09-2010, 12:13 AM
First, I am not marrying an "inmate" I am marrying the man I love.

I am marrying him because I love him, he loves me, and we want to start our life together NOW, not 3 years from now.

We don't want to wait until he is out, we don't care WHERE we get married, we just care THAT we get married. There is no 'rush' we have been together for over 16 years. He was out of state for 9 years or we would have been married sooner.

esteli
10-09-2010, 12:45 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

We were both married to other people then

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

I would marry him because I love HIM; his location, his crime or his time will never change that.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

My Man is not getting out he is LWOP, and why wait People wait all the time til they think the timing is perfect sometimes you can wait to long and what if something happened to that one you love while you were waiting for the perfect moment. Life is too short, we must enjoy every hapiness we can people are taken too quickly from our lives anyway. Make the most of it.

I completely agree that many people in the act of being "safe" wait too long and ruin the moment. I've seen it happen with some people.

There is something beautiful marriage does to you, when you know you've exchanged vows not just in front of a minister or a justice of the peace but also in your heart.

It goes into you, inside of you and you become the wife to someone you love and adore, someone you respect and cherish. Why would them getting out be better unless their is a lack of trust and you need to be reaffirmed when they get out and stay with you and/or act right. Some of us don't need those reassurances, we just know.

And last but not least because I love him enough to be his wife right now while he is still incarcerated.

PreciousLyrics
10-09-2010, 08:09 AM
yyyyyeeeeessssssss! humph! except..hes a convict..sweetie..to much luv to call him n "inmate"

crissk
10-09-2010, 10:30 AM
Easy answer....LOVE =)

*HUGS*

paradise soul
10-09-2010, 10:53 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

First: We got to know through a penpal ad.
Second: Because we love each other and we want it to be official, we want to be married and I want to bear his name. we want to show the world that we are together. I love him and I am willing to take the bad times before the good ones.
Third: We want to be married, be offficial. And when he comes home we will marry again on the first weddingday that comes along. I love him and I am willing to take the bad times before the good ones.

Jamies_Angel
10-11-2010, 12:12 AM
1. we didn't get married because the day we were going to get our marriage license he went out with friend and that night he got arrested :(

2. i would marry him in there just because i love him plain and simple and no not for him or security reasons.

3. i would rather wait until hes out but like i said we were going to do it before this shit happened so why wait. whether its day or a year from now my love wont change and thats not rushing it. hes the love of my life and will always be. i cant see myself with anyone else

dreamingofJB
10-12-2010, 11:07 AM
If he asked me to marry him. I would. I am so in love with him. I will probably wait till he is getting closer to getting out thou.

charlotte98
10-12-2010, 11:11 AM
I married David cos he is the most amazing man in the whole entire galaxy, and I love him sooooo much.
And he has tons of time left on his sentence, if we waited till he got out, I'd be 60 by the time we got married. I'm not waiting that long.
I love him now... why would I want to wait?

lil peep
10-12-2010, 11:37 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?
We didn't get married before he went to prison because we didn't know each other before then. Even if we had, we probably wouldn't have been together.
Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?
Security purposes? Uh no. I'm going to marry him because I love him and want to marry him. He could maybe get an interstate transfer because of it, but it's not a guarantee and I would never marry him simply for that reason.
Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?
Well we are waiting til he comes home for a couple of reasons. The main one is that I'd rather wait so we could be together after our wedding rather than leaving and him going back to his cell. But I would marry him while he was in if he had a longer sentence. For him to come home, it's a little over two years. I can wait for him:)

cracker&crash
10-20-2010, 11:45 PM
well weve been planning on getting married once i get out of school and all ... but like that one girl said the world my see him as an inmate but to me he is my soulmate i will love him till i die i will wait for ever and so on .... if anything good has come from this its that we see that we are strong and we can get thru anything together and we are emotionally not only physically connected to each other .. normally we text but now it poems letters calls ... short visits and jsut him knowing im here for him helps him stay strong .. he wants to change and ill stand by him thru thick and thin like he has me .... if u love him ... inmate or not it shouldnt change shit and u will marry him with no question ....

bcziluvm
10-25-2010, 02:32 AM
Couple of reasons here. First and foremost is I love him and he loves me.
My husband is old law in Ohio so he has to see the parole board. We were going to get married anyways we just moved it up because it looks good to the board. Also because of our circumstances the only way we would ever be given visits is to be married. Even then is was another 7 month fight.


Did getting married really help him with the parole board?

crazigirl
11-01-2010, 09:19 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?
Well we lived in the same town, I knew him, but we werent in LOVE then :) thats why

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his? No R U Kiddin?....nothing is ever 100%

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?
He has 7 in a half left. and I adore him!! and want to be his wife now we are best friends :)

inlovewithj
11-03-2010, 09:29 AM
First, why didn't we get married before he became an inmate? Because we hadn't each other yet and even if we had, he was 15 and I was 13 so it wouldn't have been legal. Lol

Second, are we doing it for security reasons? Partially, I guess. We were planning on waiting until he got out but now we can't have any visits unless we get married.

Third, why not wait? Because he has 4 years left and I don't want to wait 4 more years before seeing him again. Plus, I love him and I just want to be married to him. I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him, so why wait?

down4itstrue
01-16-2011, 11:38 AM
I married my husband over 6 years ago while he was incarcerated at Clinton CF... We had already known and been with eachother for 2 years before he got locked up. I had some reservations about marrying him while he was incarcerated... Mainly, it wasn't the "dream" wedding I had imagined my whole life... But few things in life are... The reason we married eachother was that we truly love eachother and are best friends. We didn't get married for any security reasons but in NY once you are married you can get FRP visits(conjugal)... That was a bonus, I won't lie! :) But that was just a fringe benefit and not our primary reason... The vows say for better or worse, richer or poorer and sickness and in health... If you have to question whether or not the person you love is worth marrying while in prison or if you can remain faithful to them while they are incarcerated then I think you should NOT marry them.. If there are CONDITIONS on your love then your love in NOT unconditional... Ours just happens to be... Thru thick and thin!!!

delapenakl
01-16-2011, 12:12 PM
I thought long and hard about marrying my husband. He was an MWI...well, is! I knew that I was never going to be with anyone else. He is my soul mate and I love him so very much! I know, he wanted to wait because he didn't want to be cheap, but I persisted. I wanted to marry him for several reasons but that is the main one. We are desperately in love and always will stick up for each other. I think that reason is the biggest one. I understand what you're saying, but as stated above, the fact that he is married and has a stable life outside looks awesome to the parole board. In our case, he just knows that he has someone waiting for him. He has always told me that he would've just gone back to the same old thing if it wasn't for me. He tells me that I changed his life.

Ytisgirl
01-16-2011, 12:55 PM
Becareful what you ask for. After my last marriage i said i wanted to be engaged for at least a year. Not really being too serious. God took me serious.lol This has been a subject heavy on my heart. My mwi has asked me to marry him. I did not answer him right away. After i finally did and told him yes, i picked up small comments about, if he could marry me 'today' he would. No second thoughts. I felt the same but he was just a few months from possibly paroling. Well he was denied parole, this past november. This november he gets to go up infront of the board again. We are crossing our fingers and praying hard already. Recently he has decided to marry me the day after he is released. So kind of him.lol If he is released this year then we will see how soon it actually happens. Do not get me wrong i am madly in love with him. I just have been thinking of different things for our wedding day. Simple small and us. Now what weighs on my heart is that if he is...

Ytisgirl
01-16-2011, 01:03 PM
Oops. Dang phone continue from previous post if he is denied parole is if i want to wait the next year out for his discharge. I will forever and a day more support and love him. I am going to marry him but if this year falls through, i battle my mix feelings about waiting or doing it while he still in. I have no shame at all about the possibility of a prison wedding. I love you forever and a day more YTi

Temeron0926
01-16-2011, 01:32 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

I didn't know him before he was an inmate, we are MWI


Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

We are getting married because we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together.


Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

There is no rush, but we are both going to be 49 this year and we are not getting any younger. We have both been married before, this wedding is for US, not for anyone else. We have been together for going on 17 years (in March) and see no reason to wait.

kindergirl
01-18-2011, 11:40 AM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate?

We are MWI

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his?

We are getting married because we love each other. There is no security so to speak in love. There is never a garantee that this person will stay with you. Look at the divorce rate on the streets.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now?

This has been in the making for almost 8 years. We are not rushing. He has more time to do and I will not let him do it alone. I will be by his side in every way I can.

Bella Is Famuz
02-03-2011, 05:29 PM
First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate? I unfortunately didnt know him on tha streets.

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his? Eh I dont look at it like a security purpose. We done it because not only are we in love but we want to spend the rest of our life together. We are one =)

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now? Didnt rush. We didnt get married til last year and I been with him for 7.5 years.

Hes been down lil over 9 years on a 18 to life sentence. There is no guarantees other than the fact that I will never regret marrying my best friend. I aint waiting on him....im just LIVING.

canthelpbutwait
02-03-2011, 05:57 PM
Yes, I would marry an inmate.

First of all why didn't marriage happen before he/she became an inmate? The timing wasn't right.

Second are you doing through the marriage for security purpose or for his? No, it has nothing to do with it.

Third why not wait until he/she is out? Whats the rush now? Sometimes things just need to be done when it feels like the right time, whether they out or in..

nycgal
02-06-2011, 10:54 AM
Never say never but "at this time" I would not. Everyones situation is different and there are many things to consider. First are there congical (did I spell that right?) visits allowed :) that would be a HUGE plus!!

Age also is a reason, I am in my 50's now and back in my 20's I was married to someone who was in and out. My life became obsessed with letters, visits, packages all to fill the void that I felt missing him just waiting for the day he came home. What did I learn, I loved him very much but we had both changed in those yrs it was never the same. He died so now I correspond with his brother who is doing life. We are very close from writing and sharing so much over the yrs. Funny my former father in law said why don't you marry him :confused: I care about him deeply and I am lonely and so is he but he can't provide me with anything financially. I will continue to support him emotionally, and if one day by the grace of God he gets out (unlikely) I would be here for him but truthfully I have no clue how he is going to adjust. He has been incarcerated for so many yrs I don't know if he could adjust. Now if I was in my 20's and he only had a few yrs and knew him in the st BEFORE he went away maybe but to commit to a lifer because they are needy and lonely (ok I am a bit too) doesn't make and sense. Who knows what we have if anything in common.

It's easy when you know where he is at all times but most of these guys, gals are pretty out of control when they get out and I can't live like that at my age. Just my op again each person is an individual also I don't have children, that would or could change my reasoning. I still say why rush, give time time and see what they are like and how they adjust when they come home.